Reaching Enlightenment

"Enlightenment" is not becoming some kind of Guru or Advanced Spiritual Being.
It's the realization that we are not nearly as awful, stupid, or terrible as we think we are, nor are we as perfect, tough, innocent, smart, experienced or wise as we think we are.

It's realizing that the path we've been walking on, and the things we believed to be absolute, aren't necessarily all there is.
It's realizing that what we think we see and what we think we know is not necessarily correct, true, or the whole picture.
That we humans are filled with biases, prejudices, and beliefs that cloud our perception, the way we see the world, other people, and ourselves, every single day.

That we tend to follow and believe only certain kinds of people who we "look up to", based on our own internal biases, and that we ignore and dismiss other people also based on our own internal biases, not based in logical or scientific assessment.

That we tend to try to make other people smaller when we feel intimidated or envious of them.
That we do not own, possess, or have any right to have control over other adult human beings in our life, or over their possessions, their other relationships, or their movements, decisions, or feelings, regardless of the body they were born in, or the body that we were born in, or our own feelings.

That we have habits of thought, feeling, behavior, and belief that we don't double-check, that we don't question, that we keep doing because they're comfortable, and because they fit in with others.

It's realizing that our ego often holds us back from living a better life and having  better relationships.

It's realizing that we humans often fight, argue with, disrespect, and diminish other human beings who we really should be supporting, treating with care, and listening to what they have to say.
That dramatic human interaction is created by humans, always, and usually by the most aggressive or arrogant person in a group; usually by the one who is adamantly denying blame, or the one who wants to be right, or the one who wants to be in charge.

It's realizing that we don't actually already know who is smarter, more experienced, or wiser.
That our emotions and opinions are not facts, and do not represent objective reality, regardless of who or what we are, or who we think we are.

That no one human being knows everything, or can teach you everything.
That even the greatest human teacher will be wrong sometimes, if not often, and that it should be expected when it happens, with grace.


That improvement, growth, and change always begins with ourselves, not with trying to change others.

That we really know and understand very little, both as individuals, and as a species.

That believing one's self to have reached Enlightenment and become superior to other human beings means that one has only just begun on their journey. 

"Enlightenment" is not found at the top of the mountain, nor does it  end there, nor does anyone graduate. 
It's found all along the climbing path, from the bottom and going up to the top, coming back down, and going up again, and coming back down again, and so on, and so on. It's found in the villages at the bottom of the mountain, and it's found at the peak. It's found in the lands far beyond the mountain. It's found in the trees and the rocks and the streams that are on the sides of the mountain, and in the animals and the birds, and their song. It's in the rain that falls on those who are on the climbing path, and in the sun that warms their faces. It's in the cold nights, in the bright stars, and in the grey clouds. It's inside of one's own heart, mind, and soul, and in every single person we ever meet. It's everywhere, all around us, all the time.

Leaders Vs. Control Freaks

Being a "good leader" or a "leader type" is not the same thing as having control issues or being a Narcissist.
Most people like it when someone is around who's a good leader type. They have a knack for helping others achieve their potential, for organizing projects and goals with the talents and abilities of other people, for getting different kinds of personalities to work together, and for leading others in going places and getting things done.

A lot of people have skills, abilities, and talent, but really appreciate someone else who's talent and abilities happen to include dealing with difficult people, getting others to work together (or work at all), getting others to behave respectfully and cooperate in a work group or project, getting everyone involved to focus on the goal, and simply helping to figure out what the best next step or direction is.

A Good Leader is a person who has these abilities and is also respectful toward other people, respectful of who others really are and is appreciative of their abilities, who does not try to diminish others, and who knows the difference between "leadership" and "superiority".

If the person is getting a "high" from bossing others and being in control, then it's likely their "leadership skills" are not very good, because they're actually just "leading" in order to get a fix, not to accomplish anything. They will likely sabotage anyone who seems like a threat to their leadership position or image, because that would be a threat to getting their fix.


If a good Leader picks up social signals from another person that they're not a "leader type", they may approach the person and want to know about them, want to hear their point of view, and want to assist them in whatever their doing, or help them, or recruit them for a project. But they will NOT condescend to the person, judge the person as an "inferior", give the person unsolicited 'advice" or criticism, or try to "prove" to the person that they are stronger or smarter.

If a good Leader picks up social signals from another person that they ARE another "leader type", they may approach the person and perhaps want to talk to them, work with them, hear their point of view, and learn about their projects and goals. But they will NOT feel "challenged" by the person, feel envious, or try to diminish the person or "prove" that they are the "top dog". They will also NOT try to take over the person's projects or groups, or sabotage them.

A Controller, on the other hand, will likely do the opposite of what a "good Leader" would do in response to the social cues from others. For example if they pick up "shy" or even "polite" social signals, they are likely to see the person as either a "nothing", or as a potential Target (prey, mark, servant, sidekick).
If they pick up social signals that indicate a "Leader type" person, they are likely to either kiss up to the person in order to be associated with them and get in their good graces, or they will try to diminish the person and "knock them down".

The behavior of a "Controller" can be compared to many social animals who have a group leader, when less mature animals try to challenge the leader all the time, and try to prove dominance toward other members of the group with aggressive displays..If an individual goes too far with these behaviors, or displays them too often, they can be driven away and "exiled" from the group because their behaviors are destructive to the  group's safety and well-being.

A good Leader, human or non-human, can be a boon to individuals and to larger groups.
A "Controller" can be something of a headache instead, or worse, all the way to being a nightmare of destruction for other individuals, to projects, businesses, groups and communities, and even nations.

A really good Leader will recognize Controllers in their midst, and not only stand up to them, but help protect others from them as well.

Projecting "Weakness" Onto Others

Both men and women who have Narcissism tend to project weakness onto females and smaller males.

They may project physical weakness, emotional weakness, mental weakness, character weakness, or lack of worldly "power", depending on what they think will "work" on an individual, and what their own ego-identity issues are.

So they might keep implying that a woman they know is physically fragile, weak, or delicate, or that she is fearful and insecure.
They'll do this especially if they're worried that she's NONE of these things. They will often imply it to other people when the woman is absent, or they might imply it about her in her presence, or even right to her face.

If they want her to be physically weak or incapable, they'll just keep SAYING and doing things that imply it, apparently hoping it will come true eventually. So for example when she goes to lift something, they might run over and make a big deal out of helping her, or they might take it right out of her hands. Or if there is something that needs to be done, they might make a big show about getting someone else to do it because it's "So hard" or "too heavy" or "too difficult" for her.

A Narcissist will do similar things when they wish another to have other kinds of weaknesses as well, such as always giving them "constructive criticism" about something they do, especially something they're good at, or about their appearance.
(Counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists who have Narcissism can be especially dangerous with this kind of behavior, because they'll keep implying that a patient's judgment is "off", or that their emotional reactions are not really quite normal, or that they don't UNDERSTAND much about their own mental health, or that of others around them, or of human mental health and behavior in general.
Teachers with Narcissism will also often give skewed feedback to a good student, trying to make the student believe that he or she has not made much progress, or that they're not grasping the material, or that they're not very capable of learning the material.)

The stronger a Target actually is, in any way, shape or form, the more the Narcissist will probably try to diminish them.

On the flip side of this same coin, both male and female Narcissists often project OAFISHNESS onto physically larger people; both adults and children. The implication is that they aren't very bright, that they're clutzy, or that they're ignorant or naive. One can observe that young people who are bullies tend to target either SMALLER children OR LARGER children, and if they don't mature past their envy and domination issues, they'll carry it with them into adulthood.

Obviously this is ALSO an attempt to DIMINISH the person, because their very size alone intimidates the Narcissist and likely causes envy, since humans in general tend to automatically treat taller people with more respect than smaller people.

Those who have Narcissism and who are average height seem to display this sort of behavior (height and size envy, diminishing, and projection) more than taller or shorter people who have Narcissism.

Frustrating Relationships

One of the most frustrating things about relationships with people who have narcissism issues, especially those who don't have severe "NPD" (severe NPD is a little easier to see once you notice it), is that no matter what, they actually seem to believe that any and all of the problems in the relationship are caused by YOU.

This is can also be seen in people who have PTSD, Bipolar, ADD, and "Borderline Personality" issues, none of which are actually "Narcissism", but can manifest N. behaviors and perceptions because of extreme defensiveness, self-protection, recurring paranoia (often from being manipulated, betrayed, or gaslighted), and attention deficit.

People who have ADD, for example, who manifest N. issues can believe they know all the information there is regarding an event, an interaction with another person, or something they heard, or something they read, because they don't realize they missed half of it.
Like falling asleep during class but not knowing it.
They think they perceived everything that happened, that they know what you're going to say, that they know what you're thinking and feeling, that they know your motive, or that you have an "agenda", but they have NO INTEREST in actually finding anything out, or reviewing any facts, or reviewing what actually happened, or what was actually said. Because it's too much work and it's annoying... in their mind, they already KNOW, so why go back over it again?! They can actually perceive a person who wants to review an event or an interaction as being "hostile" or "chastising" them, because that's probably what it FEELS like to them. They may also perceive an attempt to go back over something as the other person trying to "get out of responsibility for their actions", which may be from another relationship, or it may be a projection of their own motives.
So there's no way to go back over something that happened, even to show them that you did not do what they think you did to hurt or betray them, because they will become defensive and emotionally reactive, and cause a NEW "negative" event.
.

ALSO~ people who actually do have Narcissism will often avoid reviewing an event at all costs, because they can NOT TOLERATE even a small hint that they did something "wrong". EVEN IF another person takes responsibility for 9 out of 10 "wrong" things that were said or done, a person with Narcissism will STILL defend themselves about the 10th thing that the N. was definitely responsible for, and will ACCUSE the other person of "never" taking responsibility for anything, and "always" having to be right.
.
Why that is depends on the individual, sometimes they can't "afford" to admit a mistake because it will mess up what they're trying to accomplish, and sometimes they "can't" admit a mistake because the emotions that come with it are too uncomfortable, even painful, for them.

Who It's Okay To Hate

Don't HATE me because I'm beautiful... OR because you DON'T GET THE JOKE.

It's only okay to hate people who belong to a different Political Party than you do, or who don't agree with everything you say, or who have different beliefs than you do, or who "make" you feel guilty for acting like a jerk.

It's NOT OKAY to disagree with people who think they're right, because, after all, they're RIGHT!
So if you don't have the exact same point of view, and you SAY that out loud (politely, without ad hominem) you must be INSULTING them, or is it "rebelling against their authority"?
(I can't keep that one straight, it's too confusing for me.)
The rule is basically that when a person feels insulted for any reason, any reason at all, real or imagined, it's now okay for them to HATE the other person.

It's now okay to HATE a person who stands up to you when you have acted or spoken rudely, hostilely, or inconsiderately to them.  This might feel "insulting" to you, and so you might opt to HATE them, perhaps attack them verbally to their face, or try to punish them somehow with social games. Some may want to try their hand at some slander, gossip, sabotage, or smearing.

Oops, almost forgot... it's also now okay to hate people who don't do the same drugs as you do, or who don't do drugs at all, or who DO use drugs.

It's also okay to hate people who have a different amount of MONEY than you do, whether they're richer or poorer, it doesn't matter, as long as it's different than you.

It's still okay to hate people of certain races, if YOU are a certain race, but I can't keep track of which is which, sorry, you'll have to google it.

It's still okay to hate people in your OWN race if they have some kind of physical difference, like the color of their hair or eyes.

It's okay to hate people who are better at something than you are
~who have some kind of talent, either different than yours OR the same as yours

It's now okay to hate people who are genuinely nice and kind to other people (they might stick up for someone who's being disrespected, bullied, or manipulated, wouldn't want that)
and also who look like they might have self-confidence, especially if you don't like them, or don't think they deserve to feel confident (because you don't like them).

(They made those last ones up a couple of decades ago, I keep forgetting about them.)

Codependency Or Healthy Supportiveness

~A feeling of "shame" or "guilt" when you haven't actually done anything wrong
~when what you did was very trivial but the feeling you have is more like DREAD
~when you keep finding yourself dealing with serious anxiety over "normal life" things

These are flags that you are connected to one or more persons who have Control issues, and possibly personality disorder or other mental illness that manifests with Control toward other people.
What their 'issue' actually is would be for further observation, hopefully by a professional. But for a person who is connected with them, understanding that they are dealing with a person who has some kind of emotional or mental issue can be very helpful in understanding the situation in a more objective manner.
For instance, if one's brother had Bipolar disorder, but no one knew or understood what was going on, then other people in the family would likely either feel controlled by him, angry at him, or a more Narcissistic family might Scapegoat him or reject him completely.
A family (healthy family) who makes the effort to find out what his underlying issues really are, and who actually care about him, will be much better able to comprehend what's going on with him, and how to deal with it in a much better way for everyone. A competent professional counselor, therapist, or psychologist can be a key piece for a person who is dealing with a mental health issue, even if it's a temporary issue, but they can also be key for OTHERS* around a person who has a mental illness, whether it's severe or mild.
(Key word "competent")

*Narcissistic family members will not make this kind of effort to understand or help another family member, nor will a Narcissistic healthcare or mental healthcare provider; in both cases, they will try to place the entire "blame" and "burden" on the individual. So if this is the case (like if your brother seems to be bipolar, but no one else cares besides you), then you can find a decent counselor for yourself first, and if that person is competent, they can point you in the right direction as your brother's sibling and advocate.
Again, "competent" being the keyword. A Narcissistic counselor won't want to help you help your brother, and will probably treat you like you're being "codependent" or "Borderline" for doing the HEALTHY act of being supportive of a person you care about. They might even accuse you of "wanting to FIX people" (talk about projection!) Anyway if that turns out to be the case, they're not a good counselor anyway, so no loss when you stop going.

"How To Make A Male Narcissist Loathe You"

Post by Sanctuary For Awareness And Recovery.

Trying To Control The Internet

This is the very first time in Human History that people who are not in "Power" can publish their own point of view and their own real experiences. This is the first time in Human History that people who are not being controlled or edited by someone in "Power" can speak freely, sharing their ideas and observations to a group that's larger than their own personal family and friends. This is the first time in Human History that any kind of artist, writer, or scientist can publish his or her own work without having it stopped, controlled, edited, or changed by someone with a "Power" position.

People who desire Power are usually the ones who ARE IN those positions, mostly because they're the ones who do whatever it takes to GET those positions. It's too much effort, stress, and often too much corruption for most people to "do what it takes" to get into those spots, so only those who REALLY WANT IT usually get those positions.

It's always been that way, it will always be that way. Humans who seek POWER often seek ABSOLUTE POWER, or at least as much power and control as they can possibly get. It's what they're "INTO". 

So we have a situation, now, where there are still lots of people who sit in "Power Positions", who want to control what other people say and do just like Power-mongers always have, but they CAN'T, because of the internet. Their frustration levels must be THROUGH THE ROOF!

It's like their little brother and sister running away with the remote to the TV! AHHHHH!!!!
"I'm the bigger kid, I should be the one who has control over the remote!"

So yeah, there are DEFINITELY people out there trying to find a way to CONTROL the Internet.
If they can find a way to make it all taxable, they will.
If they could shut it down, they would.  

Live To Put You Down: Men Controlled By Narcissists

Narcissists, whether they're male or female, can not be happy unless they feel superior to someone else. So if there is no one around who's actually "inferior", they'll pick someone to be a "Target" for their put downs, condescension, control, insults, and other various dominance and superiority displays.

Since they need their Target to stick around, and not beat the crap out of them when they realize what's going on, they try to pick people who are more easy-going, who appear kind, or who are naive or who appear to be naive, or who appear to be physically smaller or weaker than the Narcissist.

A "bonus" for a Narcissist would be to find a rather large male Target whom they can manipulate to do their bidding and be their sidekick-bodyguard; a person who others might be intimidated by. But they're harder to come by, because they're harder for a Narcissist to control with threats and fear.

Believe it or not, more men than women are personally targeted for control and manipulation by Narcissist men. "How can that be?!" he shouts. "And, why???"

Well, who do other humans respect more, men or women?

Would a Narc. Business Owner hire a male or female manager if their REAL goal was to have someone who would be a "hammer" to the other employees? (So they don't have to be seen as that "hammer"?)

Would a Narc. illegal black market dealer recruit young MEN, or young WOMEN, to distribute their "product" in the "street"?

Which one, a young man or a young woman, is more likely to want to look "cool" or "tough" to Narcissistic men in their town, and would therefore do what those men told them to do?

Which one, a man or a woman, is easier to reward with compliments about their toughness and their physical strength, or their skill and knowledge, so they don't think so much about how they're really being treated, or how much they're really getting paid?

Which one is easier for a boss, dealer, or other kind of "leader" to SEND to do something thuggish, corrupt, or illegal for them?

Which one is actually more afraid of being seen as a "weakling" and getting made fun of for not following along with a male "leader's" personal agenda?

Sure, Narcissists will often condescend to women, treat them like they're stupid, and refuse to hire them. But they WANT to employ MEN for a REASON.
Not because they RESPECT THEM, but because they KNOW HOW TO MANIPULATE THEM, and they know they can get away with it.
 

Sexism In 2014

In your observation, which sex (males or females) are WOMEN more supportive of, and more respectful toward, in general?


In your observation, which sex (males or females) are MEN more supportive of, and more respectful toward, in general?


In your observation, which sex (males or females) are you and most of your friends more supportive of and more respectful toward, in general?

On Narcissism

Post by Paul Middlaton.

Are You Arrogant? Probably...

Humans, ALL Humans, are as vulnerable to complacency, arrogance, and self-righteousness as a fish is to getting wet.
They're glitches in the whole "self-confidence" thing that we need to survive and live a relatively normal life.
So, do you have arrogance issues? Almost certainly.
Do you ever think you're more deserving of something than someone else? Do you feel like you're better than others sometimes, or often? How do you treat other races? How do you treat the opposite sex? How do you treat people who are younger than you? Shorter than you? Older than you? Why are you treating people differently according to such superficial things?

Do you ever think about the way you treat the different members of your own family? Of your own community? Where you work?

Do you ever really believe that you're wrong? Do you go by your feelings, or do you actually (honestly) make decisions based on careful planning rooted in values?

How often do you make excuses for your actions?

Yeah, you probably have arrogance, over-confidence, control, and resentment issues, just because you're a human. Does that make it "okay"? Of course not. Does that mean you should jump off a cliff? Of course not.

How To Destroy The World In Thirty Easy Steps

How To Destroy The World In A Few Easy Steps

1.) Continuously traumatize an entire generation throughout their youths by telling them they could be blown up at any minute by people who hate them (this makes them very open to suggestion), and by frequent dramatic, violent, and disastrous "news".

2.) Keep telling said generation that all of their elders are stupid, completely ignorant, and that respecting any of their elders at all, or anything they say or believe, means that they're weak and stupid.

3.) Tell said generation that "civility" and "manners" are the same as "conformity" and "being uppity" (teach them the opposite of what civility and manners are for).

4.) Keep exposing them, for years, to shows that depict skewed values and behaviors such as dramatically aggressive and hostile emotional displays, "vengeance" for anything and everything, dramatic displays of self-righteousness, gossiping, infidelity, disloyalty, blatant superiority, blatant bigotry, condescension, rebellion with no real reason, drama and more drama, and more "vengeance".

5.) Get them to believe that they are intellectually superior to everyone older than they are, and also everyone younger than they are.

6.) When they question unfairness, or stand up for someone else who is being treated unfairly (like their own classmate or their own sister, for example) PUNISH them, either directly, or with social rejection and humiliation.

7.) Teach them that they are "smart" for being tolerant of bully behavior, bigotry, and corruption in their community. Teach them to live in fear of social rejection.

8.) Teach them that "tolerance" means accepting, and even protecting, those who display bully behavior (instead of what it really means: dealing with the fact that other people have other points of view and different customs, within a framework of civility and mutual respect).  

9.) Tell them they have the "right" to treat others according to their FEELINGS.
Teach them that it's OKAY to sabotage, bully, or backstab others in order to get what they want.

10.) Tell them that their feelings represent reality.
11.) Tell them that it's "okay" to retaliate against other people, and that it's always justified.

12.) Convince them to believe that "Justice" and "Retaliation" are the SAME THING.

13.) Teach them to use "I couldn't help it" as an excuse for their behaviors.

14.) Get them to believe that one sex is intellectually superior to the other so they'll follow members of one sex, even if it's right off a cliff, but reject and ignore anything that members of the other sex says or does (including, and especially, when they are trying to stop them from following someone off the edge of a cliff, to their own demise).
Trick them into believing that it's "okay" or even funny to treat members of one sex with disrespect, so they won't be able to form healthy relationships or friendships, and they'll keep blaming that entire sex for their failed relationships, but will not even think to look at their own behavior or beliefs.

15.) Convince said generation that they're already "enlightened" by virtue of their innate superiorness, and at the SAME TIME, teach them WRONG about what "Humility" means (tell them that it means self-deprecation, submission, or weakness), so it will be very difficult for them to actually become "enlightened" or to self-examine AT ALL. They will then remain in a state of immaturity and unawareness, so they will remain easy to manipulate.

16.) Teach them to believe that the use of name-calling with popularized words such as "loser", "skank", "bitch", or "wuss" means you're "cool".

17.) Convince them that it's PERFECTLY OKAY to behave extremely dramatically and disrespectfully toward others when "standing up for a cause", "arguing a point", or "defending your political party".

18.) Make them believe that belonging to a Political Party, a club, or a "movement" means they're an adult.

19.) Tell them it's perfectly okay and "natural" to HATE, DESPISE, REJECT, or EMOTIONALLY REACT TO anyone who doesn't agree with them, and anyone who does not tolerate and allow their disrespectful behavior toward them.

20.) Again, tell them there is no distinction between their FEELINGS and OBJECTIVE REALITY; teach them that their own COMFORT is more important than anything else, and that they are justified in anything they can do to make themselves more comfortable, even if it's destructive toward others or toward society.

21.) Let them believe that it's an indication of INTELLIGENCE or adulthood to judge others, to condescend to others, to make assumptions about others, and to judge others based on extremely superficial information (such as the way a person looks, or their job, or their schooling, or lack thereof).
DO NOT teach them about respect and civility toward other people.

22.) Teach said generation to believe their own sex is superior to the other sex (for various made-up reasons), and that they are entitled to control and dominate those of the opposite sex due to their own apparent superiority.
At the same time, let them believe that it's okay to control, bully, and condescend to members of their own sex as well, but to call it "constructive criticism".

23.) Get them to value material success, career success, and recognition more than anything else in life, and tell them that they have "the right" to feel this way.

24.) Get them to believe that all the values of anyone outside of their generation, or outside of who they follow and look up to, are "stupid".

25.) Convince them that whatever they THINK is true IS ACTUALLY true, with or without evidence, and that it means they're SMART.
So if they think that Sasquatch does NOT exist, it must be true, and it means they're "smarter" than those who think it might exist.  If they think that Sasquatch DOES exist, then that must be true, and it means they're "smarter" than the skeptics.

26.) Get them to believe that "mental illness" only happens to OTHER people, weak people, and stupid people. This way they will not only believe it can't happen to them, but they will FEAR stigmatization when they do need help.

27.) Get them to "teach" their children that the sexes are two different species, and are very, very different from one another in all areas, including emotions.
Get them to believe that whatever the members of one sex FEEL, the other does NOT feel.
Also, that whatever one sex can do, the other one CAN'T.
Tell them that opposite sex people "can't be friends", so they will feel self-conscious and weirdly ashamed when they make a friend of the opposite sex (thereby destroying a huge portion of the fabric that creates a healthy society).
Get them to believe that one sex should always "lead" the other.

28.) Get them to believe that everything is "EITHER/OR", that there's only two choices to everything: either "GOOD" or "BAD", "SMART" or "DUMB", "STRONG or WEAK", "BEAUTIFUL or UGLY", "RIGHT or WRONG", "WINNER or LOSER", "LEADER or FOLLOWER", "LEFT or RIGHT", "BLACK or WHITE".

29.) Tell them that everything is a huge conspiracy so that they will either BELIEVE it completely, OR they will REJECT it completely. (They'll either believe that everything is a conspiracy, or that NOTHING is. Then, either way, anyone who disagrees with them they'll call "crazy".)

30.) Tell them that rejecting and devaluing other people who don't agree with them, who don't cater to their agendas and beliefs, or who they don't completely get along with is "self-preservation" and "self-care", and is perfect justifiable. Even if those "other people" are children.



The final step is to model all of this for the subsequent generations, so they believe that it's the "way things have always been". They will become NORMALIZED to these skewed "values", and will simply perpetuate them with no awareness that there has ever been any other way. They will likely wonder how, exactly, previous generations were able to accomplish so much with such destructive behaviors and "values", since they will believe that people have always been the way they are now.

Always Watching, Always Planning

Being connected to people who have Narcissism, whether they're in family, school, work, community, or interest groups, means that while you are focused on what you're doing, they are focused on you, and on other people as well. Their focus is on PEOPLE, and they always have some kind of AGENDA that's under the surface. They may be able to do a certain task or job pretty well, but they are never in a "neutral" state of mind; they always have in mind what other people are doing, what they're not doing, or what they might do, and how what other people are doing might AFFECT THEM and their image and agenda.

In other words, when a target is focused on their work, the Narcissist is thinking about the target doing their work. Not in an analytical way, or a supportive way, but in order to find a way to criticize, or to find a flaw or a chink in the target's armor, or to see how they can suppress or sabotage their progress, or to figure out how they can use the target in some way, or manipulate them, or who to keep away from them.

~If you are a member of any kind of group (family, work, school, community, interest) they are likely to try to control who is connected to who, who is friends with who, and how other people in the group are interacting with one another. If they feel that they need to, they will intercept communication between people, twist or lie about what others said or did (many N.s do this so often that it becomes automatic and pathological), and will often manipulate who is invited and who knows about certain events, and who is not.

~How well you do any kind of task is a CONCERN for them, because if you do something very well, you might "outshine" them, and others might NOTICE and respect, recognize, or admire you for it. Which means you might get more attention or praise than the Narcissist, or even just a little positive attention, and they can't have that. So unless you are already an accepted and established "leader" of a group, the Narcissist is likely to try to diminish you and your talent or ability any way they can.
(A common tactic is to treat you like you're NOT capable, knowledgeable, talented or skilled by simply ignoring and dismissing whatever you do and say. It's an attempt to convince others around you, AND YOU, that you don't really know what you're doing, and that you aren't really capable or competent.)

~How attractive you are to other people is usually of great concern to a person with Narcissism. If others find you more attractive than them, then they feel like they're LOSING a competition for other people's attention and praise. "Envy" and "jealousy" are two different things; envy is about wanting what someone else has for one's self, and wanting the other person NOT to have it. So when a Narcissist ENVIES someone for their looks, it's not that they're "jealous" because someone is ACTUALLY giving that person more attention, or playing favorites. It's that they're ANGRY that the person is attractive at all, and that the person MIGHT GET SOME attention, which means the Narcissist won't get ALL OF THE ATTENTION.
It's the difference between being upset that one's partner keeps dancing with someone else at the party (healthy, normal jealousy), and wanting the person they keep dancing with to suddenly develop a severe facial skin rash and lose their hair. The latter is NOT healthy at all, and is indicative of emotional or mental illness.

~Generally, people with Narcissism want to have control over the other people in their life as much as possible so they can "make" things come out the way they want them to, for their OWN benefit. (For example, fixing a contest so their child will win is not about the child, nor is it beneficial for the child.) They want to be SEEN as "special" (MORE special than others), as THE expert, or as an authority figure, or some kind of "bad-ass", so they can be at "the top" of the group and "over" others in some capacity. Being in a "top position" means that their manipulation is easier to carry out, and they have much less chance of getting caught or getting consequences. So, being "OVER" other people is very important to their usual agenda of manipulation and control.
Again, without being "over" others in some capacity, they will have a much harder time getting away with manipulation or control.

What Causes Narcissism

Narcissism is not a result of being wealthy or being poor, or being very intelligent or having a low "IQ", or from being a certain sex or race or another, or where a person is from, or how they look. It's from weak, injured, or absent boundaries coupled with an attempt to replace healthy self-confidence with "superiority" and entitlement. This boundary weakness and lack of self-confidence can be caused by childhood neglect, abuse, and bullying, and an absence of mentoring and healthy guidance, and also a lack of neutral, accurate feedback during formative years. The superiority behaviors, image displays and self-perception are often picked up from certain adults that the child was exposed to.
People with Narcissism also tend to have less capability of the human brain function called "empathy". Possibly related to the lack of empathy, they also may have a lowered ability to process cause and effect, to do "deductive reasoning", to think critically, and to process abstract connections.

An example of the lowered cognitive ability:
I once had a dog that was a mix between a purebred male Rottweiler and a purebred female black Cocker Spaniel. Both parents were on the premises where the puppies were born, the Rottweiler belonged to the couple who lived there, and the Cocker belonged to their son.
A veterinarian I knew at the time (who had displayed other suspiciously narcissistic behaviors) countered adamantly, with blatant condescension and contempt, that the dog "COULD NOT be a Rottie-Cocker mix, because the two breeds would not and could not mate."
~The most glaring thing about this was that the person was a graduated, practicing Veterinarian. Not a person who doesn't know anything about animals who was just acting rudely, who might not realize that dogs are all the same species (Canis Lupus/ C. l. familiaris). Different breeds are not different species.
   
This display implied that this person did what they had to do to get through their academic program and obtain their Veterinary degree (VMD or DVM) using memorization, but not very much deductive reasoning, objective observation, or abstract processing. In other words, this "doctor" probably would not be able to diagnose or treat a patient properly unless the patient's ailment or injury FIT and MATCHED something the doctor already knew about and understood.
If a patient came in with something this doctor was unfamiliar with, he or she would likely either treat the patient wrongly, according to some other kind of ailment or injury that was familiar, or turn them away, or say there was nothing really wrong. An N. Human doctor might say that the patient's issues were "all in their head"; a Veterinarian who could not figure out a patient's issue might do far worse.

What's Mine Is Mine; What's Yours Is Mine

Picture a person with Narcissism standing in front of a storage tent. Their whole life is inside the tent, everything they do, everything they own. They're standing in front of the door, blocking it so no one else can come in. Everything in the tent is THEIRS, and THEIR BUSINESS ONLY, "for their eyes only". They are very protective of the contents of their tent, and rarely invite anyone in.
Those who do get invited in become one of the Narcissist's possessions (not in reality, just in the N's mind).
Those who get invited in are not allowed to "explore", or to ask questions about anything.
Those who are invited in are not allowed autonomy, nor their own thoughts, feelings, or opinions. Inside the N's tent, everyone has to cater completely and fully to the N. with no question about anything, no differing opinions, no talents, skills, or even knowledge that the N. doesn't have, and no expression of any discomfort, pain, annoyance, anger, or sadness.

When they've targeted a person, the Target's "storage tent" is expected to be wide open for the Narcissist to come and go whenever they please, invited or uninvited. The N. feels entitled to ownership of all contents inside the Target's tent, and feels entitled to know every detail about everything. The N. feels entitled to criticize, correct, or throw away anything at all inside the Target's tent.
In order to have easier access, the N. might demand that the Target take down the very walls of their tent.
The N. might have a yard sale with the Target's possessions.
The N. might simply give them away.
They might invite other people into the Target's tent.
The N. feels entitled to dictate what a Target can or can't bring into their own tent, or remove from their own tent, because the N. believes that he or she owns the Target, the Target's tent, and all of its contents.

The "rules" that the N. puts on his or her OWN tent for others to follow are completely different from the "rules" the N. imposes on the Target, and on the Target's tent.
The N. feels that he or she literally deserves and is entitled to complete control over the Target and everything about the Target, and the Target's entire tent, but that the Target has ZERO entitlement, authority, or control over the N, or the N's tent, or the contents therein, and not even over the Target's OWN tent, either.

So, the Narcissist feels ownership and entitlement over BOTH TENTS, and feels entitlement to COMPLETE RESPECT AND PRIVACY for THEMSELVES, and will defend that privacy passionately, with righteousness, ...but does NOT AT ALL respect the privacy, personhood, possessions, or anything else about the Target or within the Target's tent.

Playing Games With Your Stuff: Narcissist Shenanigans

Those with Narcissism issues, whether they'd be "diagnosable" or not, may inadvertently "gaslight" a target by moving their possessions around, taking their possessions, throwing them out, or giving them away to other people.

This gaslighting with STUFF is not necessarily on purpose, so it's not really "gaslighting"; that's when it's INTENDED to make a target look crazy or think they're crazy, that's the GOAL.

People with N. issues tend to actually believe that any "stuff" that's within their grasp belongs to them, so they may do things that look like gaslighting, and WILL confuse a target or make them feel "crazy", but if that's not their actual GOAL, then it's not really "gaslighting". It's just self-centeredness, inconsideration, bad manners, and disrespect.

In other words there are reasons behind some of these behaviors that may or may not have anything to do with purposeful targeting of a person.

Those who have N. issues may treat their own possessions and personal space with the utmost respect, but will NOT treat another person's possessions and space with respect. They might throw a person's coat into a closet instead of hanging it up neatly, but their own coats will be hung neatly. They might be very, very careful about their own car's finish, but sit on, put stuff on, step on, even dent or scratch up another person's car. 
THEIR possessions are treated with very high regard, but other people's possessions are treated like scraps and junk.
It's not necessarily because they are trying to ruin the other person's things, it's that they honestly see their own things as "very valuable", and another person's things as "not valuable", AS IF the other person SHARES the SAME POINT OF VIEW. They believe that it's actually TRUE, objectively.

Taking things AWAY from a target without their knowledge, taking things away just so a target can't have or use them, is still not really gaslighting. It's possessiveness, and most N's have this issue.
~If the possession belongs to the Target, then it's technically "stealing", but N's usually have a hard time making that distinction; if they think something is rightfuly THEIRS, or even if it could KIND OF, MAYBE belong to them, or if it's "public property", or if it's left out, they don't think they're "stealing". "Possession is 9/10ths of the law" is a favorite Narcissist phrase, they often use it to justify keeping something that belongs to someone else (but of course they'll freak out if someone uses that on them).
They think that everything belongs to them (except for things they don't WANT), so if they see a Target using something or enjoying it, they might take it, or HIDE IT, so the Target can't use it anymore. Just like when a dog takes another dog's bone away, just because the dog wants to own and control BOTH bones, ALL the bones; he or she can't stand watching another dog enjoying a bone.

The behavior of Giving Things Away to others is about the N's image; they are being seen by others as a "Giver", as "generous", and as "kind". When they can give someone else's stuff away, that's an added benefit, because they aren't losing anything.
This is something that many children might do before they learn to respect other people's ownership of possessions, or understand that something they're giving away to a friend was very expensive or valuable. Like giving away a valuable antique bicycle that their parents "never use" to one of their friends; the child doesn't understand why it's wrong, he or she is just trying to do something "good", or be SEEN as doing something good. The loss that it causes the child's parents is not even in his or her mind; he or she simply hasn't learned about that yet. 
When an adult is still in this stage, they may do a lot of giving in order to maintain their "giving person" image, but they don't care WHO'S STUFF they give away, and if it's not THEIR STUFF, even better (for them).
~A person with serious "NPD" might do this behavior to an extreme degree, giving away anything that belongs to others, giving away other people's money, volunteering their children for service to others, (good service or BAD "service"), even giving away their own children in some cases. This is STILL not about their children, and that's part of the problem; nothing is, it's ALL about them.

Those with N. issues WITH "OCPD" (Obsessive Compulsive Pers. Disorder, not the same as "OCD") might move a person's stuff around, rearrange it, or throw it away.  Again, those with N. issues think that everything in their personal vicinity is under their ownership and jurisdiction, so they may go in another person's bedroom and rearrange everything, and feel entitled to throw things away.
Those who live with a person who has this kind of profile learn to never leave anything out that they want to keep, to hide things, to avoid drawing attention to themselves, and are not shocked (angry, but not shocked) when they notice something else missing.  (People with OCPD, esp. who have N. issues, are the ones who are constantly touching and rearranging other people's hair and clothing, trying to dictate and control their movements, criticizing them and their appearance, "correcting" everything they do, "advising" them about everything, and feeling entitled to know ALL of their personal business. ~ As if the person is one of their dolls or action figures.)
Their behavior is LIKE gaslighting, but if the intention is not to cause the target to feel like they're crazy, or make them look crazy to others, then it's not really gaslighting by definition.

PURPOSELY moving stuff around, removing things, or breaking things in order to sabotage a target's project, goal, or performance IS a form of "gaslighting", and it's usually done by those who do have the Narcissism disorder (if they're adults).
Purposely moving things, changing things, or taking them away in order to confuse a target IS DEFINITELY "gaslighting".
Lying about where things are in order to confuse a target is also "gaslighting".
"Gaslighting" is about doing things covertly with the INTENTION of confusing or humiliating the Target, and also with the INTENTION of making the Target LOOK "crazy" or "unstable" to others. 

Sabotage of any kind is commonly done by people who do have the Narcissism disorder, especially if they're adults.

Human Superiority Complex: Fascinating!

People who have superiority complexes, whether they were "taught" purposely during childhood, or whether they developed it from a lack of guidance, actually DO GET ANGRY when they are not being treated as a "superior" person.
Even enraged.
Even "outraged".
It's who they honestly think they are.
They will often attack those who don't treat them as if they really are Superior, who treat them with genuine respect as a normal equal, but not submissiveness like an "inferior" or "subordinate".

They will do this to their own boss and coworkers if they see the person as an "inferior" (usually sex, sometimes race, often size), to members of their own family (usually sex or size), and to members of their own community.
In many cases, "World Leaders", and more local government office holders will do this to other "Leaders", to other Politicians, and to citizens of any Party, even their own.

People who have superiority complexes will often openly display their issues online because they aren't afraid of consequences.

They will typically PROJECT their own superiority complex and motives onto those who are simply standing up for themselves against actual disrespect, because they tend to believe that EVERYONE sees people as either "inferior" or "superior", like they do.
So when a person stands up against actual disrespect, they see them as trying to dominate them and be superior (like they do on a regular basis).

Believing one's self to be ACTUALLY SUPERIOR to others means that one is emotionally invested in the belief, and that it's part of one's VERY IDENTITY. So when someone "fails to recognize" their "Natural Superiority", they feel PERSONALLY INSULTED, and they will even accuse the person of rebelling against the "natural order". .....For real.

It's such a severe identity issue that those who are afflicted will often try to use religious texts or even SCIENCE to back up their ardent wish for it to be true, and they will completely alter and twist actual religious teachings AND ALSO scientific discoveries in order to "back up" their claim to be "Naturally Superior".
It's truly amazing and fascinating to watch.

RAGES, and also THREATS OF PUNISHMENT AND RETALIATION TOWARD OTHER PEOPLE ARE COMMON SYMPTOMS OF SUPERIORITY COMPLEXES

Insecurity And Safety In Numbers

Insecure, immature people NEED "safety in numbers", so they will often turn against a person who does not completely go along with all of the dynamics of the group they're in. Especially a person of the same sex.
Expectations are usually very high toward those of the same sex (same sex as a controller person) to go along with 'the group', and to obey the leadership and hierarchy of the group, no matter how small or informal.

A person who refuses to conform to the group will first be talked about behind their back in a negative way, with one member pleading a case about how "bad" (selfish/stuck-up/uncaring/crazy, etc.) the other member is, trying to get others to agree with them.
(They will say that they were 'venting', or 'just talking', but 'venting' does not result in a person being targeted for ostracism by the group. If the original person WAS actually seeking support, then it's another member of the group who twists it into an opportunity to launch a "dislike campaign" against the person being talked about. A healthy group would be supportive of both the "venter" and the person they were "venting" about).

~The motive is rarely about something serious the person has done, this kind of behavior is nearly always about a person deflecting blame off of themselves and trying to put it onto the person who they did something to, even if the thing was trivial. The 'trigger' is usually a feeling of embarrassment, shame, or resentment on the part of the person who is launching the 'attack'.

Then, when enough members of the group have been recruited, the targeted person will be "ganged up on" with social signals and social "punishments" in order to make them FEAR rejection, and re-think their refusal to conform.
If that doesn't work, the person will then be talked about MORE, and others will be recruited to join the campaign against them.
When members of the group feel secure enough, because they are being "backed up" by other members, they will then carry out the "Rejection" and "Ostracism" process.

Women do tend to do this more than men because of the very different ways they are socially conditioned and raised during childhood. HOWEVER! Women tend to socially manipulate and attack other women for not conforming to their group, or for refusing to be controlled or bullied by an individual woman;  but men ALSO socially manipulate and attack individual women, just because they've learned that it WORKS. It doesn't work NEARLY as well against MEN, because of the biased culture.

Both immature men and women are more likely to go along with smearing a woman than a man, and both men and women are more likely to defend a man against gossip.
That's because they have learned about the different CONSEQUENCES that they WILL or WILL NOT receive for "speaking against" or smearing women vs. smearing men.
Men tend more to directly bully and reject other men they've targeted, without creating a large smear campaign; not because they're "more moral", but because there are often consequences from others for smearing a man.
So both men and women who "smear" will do it to a woman much more often than they'll do it to a man, because they know they'll get away with it.

Which brings the subject back to immaturity, insecurity, and Narcissism. Those who ONLY STOP THEMSELVES from doing certain destructive, immoral behaviors (such as ostracism, slander, and bullying) because they FEAR THE CONSEQUENCES that might result are often seen doing many other kinds of destructive, manipulative, illegal or deceptive things. They gauge how far they can go, and what they can "get away with" when they're making decisions.

http://refulgentcoleman.blogspot.com/2014/03/insecurity-and-safety-in-numbers.html

Going Along With The Crowd

Those with Narcissism, and also those who simply lack maturity, tend to judge people and things by how other people act, and what other people say.
So if they liked a new person at first, but later it looks like they person is not popular, they will usually reject the person.

It's about being accepted, liked, admired, or feared; most N's want to be associated with "popular" or powerful people, and so will reject and avoid "less popular" individuals in order to avoid being associated with them by the crowd.

One of the main reasons Narcissists will make up cruel rumors about a Target is to avoid being seen as a "popularity whore". They have to make up an excuse to COVER themselves for rejecting the person, so they try and spread it around that the person has 'bad character'.
(Of course, smear campaigns only work when there are other willing participants who eat the slander up like ice cream, who are too immature to stand up for the targeted person and have their back.)