If you have been worrying about what others say or think about you, remember the peace of mind you seek is not to be found in other's approval, but simply inside yourself.  Take time to watch the flowers grow and hear the birds sing.
Jyoti McKie

http://www.mydivination.com/ViewReading.mdv?Spread=f93b9b34d822ec60fe7e7edfe830890f&Deck=e407b7d3cf2f70cc2fc00e5476663703&Question=Will%20my%20brother%20come%20back%20to%20New%20England%3F&Seed=5508809

I don't know, seems like the whole "I'm right you're wrong" thing isn't working real well... how about let's try intelligence?
"Hi, I like Christianity, because of A,B, and C. It has helped me to learn about myself and the world and life in this way. I don't really know much about other religions though, there is so much to each one of them."
"Oh hi! That's interesting! I like Judaism because of ...A,B, and C. It has help ed me to learn about myself, the world, and life in this way. I don't really know about other religions either, I have been focused on learning about Judaism. Let's exchange information!"
"Hello, I'm a Muslim, I like it because of A,B, and C. It has helped me to learn about myself, the world, and life in this way. I don't know about other religions either, I was born and raised into a Muslim family and we didn't really explore any other religion or belief in depth. Let's exchange information!"
"Hi, I like Buddhism because of A, B and C. It has helped me to learn about myself, the world and life in this way. I have been surrounded by Buddhists mostly in my community so I don't know much about other philosophies or religions either. Let's exchange information!"
"Hi, I don't like religion at all, it makes me feel like someone is trying to tell me to believe something that's not real, or that I don't understand, or that people are trying to control me. But I would like to hear what you all get out of it, why you don't dislike it, and what you have learned from it. And I will be glad to share my thoughts as well."
(Doesn't seem very hard... just takes a little civility and self respect. Pretty sure that's what we're supposed to be doing in a free world anyway~)

Boy Girl Boy Girl Boy Girl

When you have similar interests with someone of the opposite sex, you are more like that person than those of the same sex as you who don't share those interests. Gender does not dictate interests or talents, and it certainly should not dictate who your friends are. The adults may have separated the girls and boys when you were growing up to make it easier for THEM, they may have even tried to make you believe that girls and boys are two different species, and as dissimilar as birds and rabbits~ just like they tried to make you believe that a cold is not a virus but is caused by cold air~ but we are adults now, free to choose who we spend our time with for ourselves.

Crazy making

There is a cluster of behaviors that many people have, and the number of people with these behaviors seems to be growing. The reason for the growing number may be as simple as cause and effect, being around people who behave a certain way "rubs off" for a number of reasons, human mimicry being one, and reaction to adverse behavior toward us being another.

A short list of some of these behaviors:

He or she is consistently late, which is not the issue; the behavior is their insistence on having an "important reason" every single time, and a firm expectation of forgiveness, every single time. However, when you are late, your reason may or may not be "good enough", and you may or may not receive "forgiveness".

He or she wants to know where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with, more often than seems comfortable. However, he or she withholds the same information about themselves from you, even going places they know you like, with mutual friends, and not telling you about it.

He or she uses your things, sometimes asking first, sometimes not, but always with a "valid reason". And they often do not return your things, or even try to pretend that they are now the owner of your things by way of simply possessing them.

He or she has all kinds of "serious" problems that they need to air and talk about frequently, and they expect your full attention and sympathy for every one of these problems. However, your problems do not ever receive the same attention and sympathy, or even acknowledgment, no matter how severe.


He or she tries to diminish or dismiss your abilities, your talent, your observations, your intuition, your judgment, your ideas, or your future prospects. They seem to have a need to show that they are more capable than you, or that you are less capable than someone else.

He or she talks about themselves a lot; scheduled tasks, unscheduled tasks, plans for the near future, plans for the far future, events from the past and present, who they have seen and spoken to recently. He or she also avoids conversation about you or your life, and has a habit of diverting any topic you bring up back to either themselves or how the topic relates to themselves. He or she may not like to stay on topic for very long at all, unless it is about themselves.

He or she gives unsolicited advice, opinions, and judgments a lot. If you make a statement, or express an observation, the subject will be immediately diverted to a subject they feel comfortable with. If you express an opinion, if their opinion on the subject is not in alignment with yours, you are simply "wrong"; he or she does not understand the difference between objective facts and subjective opinions. He or she believes apparently that whatever they like is "Good", and whatever they don't like is "Bad". Whatever they agree with is "Right", and whatever they don't agree with is "Wrong". They will not listen to your point of view, because they already believe that your point of view is "Wrong" and that theirs is "Right".

He or she does not value the opinion, observation, knowledge or point of view of anyone they see as not being "Above" themselves; he or she creates hierarchy in their imagination, and then lives by this hierarchy, only listening to those they have placed "Above" themselves. If you have a master's degree, a doctorate, a PhD and 25 years experience in physics, he or she will dismiss your opinion completely if they have not placed you in an "Above" position in their imaginary hierarchy, but WILL listen with all ears to a random person who they have placed in an "Above" position. Many people do this with tradespeople; they will listen to a male auto mechanic who just graduated trade school over an expert female auto mechanic, or they will listen to a taller carpenter over a smaller one, regardless of which is the actual lead carpenter, or they will listen to an older plumber over a younger one regardless of which one is actually highly skilled. He or she will assume the nurse with the largest stature is the head nurse, and will assume the tallest man at the bank is the manager. This is an arrested maturity development and is for some reason very common in modern culture, not just within this cluster of behaviors.


He or she does not want you to be friends with certain people; you find that you are often left out of different social gatherings, even ones that involve people you are already acquainted with. This is because the person can not A). talk about you if you're there  B). has already talked about you and doesn't want you to find out  C) has hidden agendas with these people that he or she wants to keep secret from you  D) acts differently around different people in order to fit in with them, and doesn't want anyone to catch on  E) is afraid other people will like you better.


He or she goes around to lots of  people who know you when you have an altercation, even friends of yours who they don't know well, even people who they know have caused you harm, and try to create bonds of friendship with them, and/or make subtle innuendos about you in order to covertly paint you in a negative light. Sometimes there will simply be blatant gossip and backstabbing. This is to paint themselves in an innocent and glorified light, and create a false picture of who is the "victim" and who is the "bad person". This is not the same as asking a friend to intercede or to help with a difficult situation, but it can be done under the guise of that. The difference is clear if one pays attention; one is actually asking for help, the other is simply talking trash.

He or she PROJECTS his or her own "faults" onto others, even onto you, right to your face. It is as if the faults can be transferred from themselves and put onto another person. So the cheater will accuse you of cheating, the thief will accuse you of stealing, the liar will accuse you of lying, the self-centered prince or princess will accuse you of being self-centered, the abuser will accuse you of being abusive, the flirt will accuse you of flirting, the promiscuous one will tell people that you are promiscuous, the know-it-all will accuse you of being a know-it-all. Etc. The confusing part of this one is that a person who does sincere self-examination will be blindsided by this, since they already have found some of these traits in themselves, so at first the accusations feel like they hit some deep and hidden mark. However. After a few too many of these projection bouts, one realizes that some of the accusations are WAY off the mark, and then realization begins to dawn.


He or she creates hostile environments, making enemies out of different groups, spreading propaganda from one group to another, making an atmosphere of drama and side-taking.

He or she may display aggression, hostility, controlling behavior, or abusive language, and then firmly expects full forgiveness for these displays, no matter how much damage they caused to you or your life. They seem to feel entitled to be forgiven for any transgressions, they seem to believe that the burden of "being a good person" falls SOLELY on your shoulders; they apparently feel exempt from having to live up to their own parameters of being a "good person". In addition, any transgression you make will be magnified and held against you over and over, in order to demonstrate that you are "not a good person".
You can apply these behavior traits to lots and lots of people, friends, family, coworkers, professionals, and those in the media, and politics. Most of us have at one time or another done one of two of these, but some do many of these on a regular basis. The reasons behind the behavior are often simply an abusive or dysfunctional childhood; it doesn't have to be parents who created the dysfunction, it can be people and society around us. Coping with dysfunctional people often leads to dysfunctional coping skills, especially if there is a scarcity of actual healthy role models. Coaches and teachers who display disrespect toward their team members and students, or who use disrespectful language to motivate (you throw/run/whine like a girl, or other disparaging comments about others, for example) are not healthy role models, they help to cause these dysfunctional coping mechanisms, and to create a hostile atmosphere.

If you want to learn more about these behaviors in yourself or someone else, search "Crazy making", and read the various articles you find. But don't let what you find on the internet be your end-all source of information, pay attention yourself to the dynamics around you.

What is Sexism?

It's not sexism if you don't go to a woman's baseball game. It is sexism if you don't want them to play.

It's not sexism if a woman tries out for a team and does not make it based on her performance. It is sexism if she is not given an opportunity to try out in the first place because of her gender. It is sexism when she meets the same criteria that men have met in order to pass the try out, but is rejected anyway due to some made-up reason, like children do before they learn about fairness and integrity.

It's not sexism if a man is not hired as a grade school teacher because someone more qualified is hired for the position. It is sexism if a man is not hired as a grade school teacher because someone is "uncomfortable" with a man being around young children.

Blame Culture = Blame Avoidance Culture

Avoiding blame is something children outgrow in a healthy environment. They learn not to blame brother of sister for taking the cookie, and they learn why it's important. They learn that when they were caught taking the cookie without asking, that the action was their own, they chose to do it, and that when Mom sent them to their room, it was not Mom doing something "mean" to them, or being unfair; they learn that their action had a consequence. They learn why it's wrong to cheat, and they learn the rewards of self-respect and respecting others. However in modern culture, there is a growing trend of blame avoidance in adults, who apparently never learned to take responsibility for their actions. This points to a culture where children who avoided blame were rewarded more than for being accountable for their actions. In a bully culture where bullying goes unchecked, children will receive negative attention for positive, forward thinking, respectful behavior. The only rewards in a bully culture a child receives is from pleasing the bullies around them, whether they be other children, adults, or both. Since bullies are intrinsically immature, a mature response by a child will be met with derision, ridicule, and often verbal or even physical abuse. Taking responsibility for one's actions will be rewarded or punished based on the bully's MOOD AT THE TIME, and also on the bully's personal perception of how the situation affects him or herself. Bullies do not think objectively, their concern is only how something or someone affects themselves for good or ill. Not about how something affects another, in a personal way or in a big picture way. Bullies make a habit of blame-shifting, putting the blame for something they did to cause pain or difficulty on others; their goal is to always be without blame, and they magnify blame on others, whether the blame was shifted onto a person or whether they took responsibility themselves. In this way, a Bully Culture inevitably creates a Blame Culture, where more people avoid blame, and shift it onto someone or something else. Nothing gets resolved, nothing gets fixed, quality control and quality of life goes down the tubes. This leads to the breakdown of the society.

"Victim blaming is holding the victims of a crime, an accident, or any type of abusive maltreatment to be entirely or partially responsible for the unfortunate incident that has occurred in their life.

"Blame shifting

"Blaming others can lead to a "kick-the-dog effect" where individuals in a hierarchy [or who think they are in a hierarchy] blame their immediate subordinate,[or who they fantasize to be their subordinate],  and this propagates down the [real or imagined] hierarchy until the lowest rung (the "dog"). A 2009 experimental study has shown that blaming can be contagious even for uninvolved onlookers.

"We constantly consciously and unconsciously make judgments about other people. Our basis for judging others may be partly ingrained, negative and rigid indicating some degree of grandiosity.
Blaming is also a way of devaluing others. The end result is that the blamer feels superior. Others are seen as less worthwhile making the blamer "perfect". Off-loading blame means putting the other person down by emphasizing his or her flaws.[1] ...


Read further about blame:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame

MIMULUS

Mimulus ( /ˈmɪmjuːləs/)^[1] is a diverse plant genus, the monkey-flowers and musk-flowers. The about 150 species are currently placed in the family Phrymaceae. The genus has traditionally been placed in Scrophulariaceae. The removal of Mimulus from that family has been supported by studies of chloroplast DNA first published in the mid-1990s^{[citation needed]}. Multiple studies of chloroplast DNA and two regions of nuclear rDNA^[2] suggest that the genera Phryma, Berendtiella, Hemichaena, Leucocarpus, Microcarpeae, Peplidium, Glossostigma, and Elacholoma are all derived from within Mimulus and would need to be rearranged.
It is recognized that there are two large groups of Mimulus species, with the largest group of species in western North America, and a second group with center of diversity in Australia. A few species also extend into eastern North America, eastern Asia and southern Africa. This enlarged group is a part of the newly redefined Phrymaceae.


Mimulus is the remedy for known fears. Whenever you are frightened or anxious about something, and you can say what that 'something' is, then Mimulus is the remedy to take.
Mimulus fears are those of every day: fear of public speaking, of the dark, of aggressive dogs, of illness and pain. Phobias can also be Mimulus fears if the cause of the fear - whether spiders, birds or open spaces - can be named. Rock Rose might be preferred where the phobia causes real terror. Where the fear is vague and there is general anxiety and apprehension without a specific named cause, there Aspen might be a better choice.
Mimulus is used as a type or personality remedy for those of us who tend generally to be nervous, timid and shy. We might blush easily or stammer, and will usually avoid social occasions and any event where we will be in the limelight.
Mimulus brings out the quiet courage and strength that lies hidden in all of us, so that we can face the everyday trials of life without fear.

Dr Bach's description

Fear of worldly things, illness, pain, accidents, poverty, of dark, of being alone, of misfortune. The fears of everyday life. These people quietly and secretly bear their dread, they do not freely speak of it to others.
- The Twelve Healers and Other Remedies

Spiritual Warfare

Prayers to dispel evil spirits. This a collection of prayers to protect one's self from evil, to eradicate and cleanse one's own person and one's environment.
footnote for trolls: If you are seeking some reason to "discredit" and attack these prayers, you will find it.  Learning to understand the phrase "one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole barrel" is essential to reaching mental adulthood. In other words, you can always find something that is "wrong" in absolutely anything, just like something "wrong" can be found in anything about you, or that you like. That is an obvious fact of life, no matter what you are doing, no matter what you are looking at. Dirt on a camera lens doesn't make the camera lens rotten. You need to learn to know the difference so you don't throw out something valuable because there is dirt on it.

http://www.catholicwarriors.com/pages/warfare_prayers.htm

Narcissistic Epidemic

Narcissistic behavior means a person is concerned with how everything affects them, not how anything affects you.  A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not just self-centered and immature, they have an actual disorder. A Narcissist will not read this, and if you try to get them to read it, they will belittle you, or criticize this article, or name-call me, the writer, or trash the entire study of human psychology. We all have narcissistic tendencies, but those without the disorder are able to self-examine, self-reflect, and look directly at themselves in a realistic light. They can admit and take responsibility for their behavior, and do not continually deny accountability. They desire, and carry out, positive change in their lives. Those with the disorder fight tooth and nail to deny any "flaws" or "wrongdoing", and they will not make amends toward anyone they have hurt. They don't make amends, because they don't think they have done anything wrong. There is ALWAYS a "reason" for anything and everything they have done, or not done. Anything, and everything. They will react to their own child crying in pain with annoyance and disgust. They will react to their own spouse's tears, frustration or illness also with annoyance, disgust, or defensiveness. (They don't want to have to DEAL with anything that they didn't want to deal with, period. The pain the other person feels is not "real" to them, so they don't care about resolving it. They will often deny that the other person is even really in distress at all. They just want the other person to STOP MAKING THEM FEEL BAD.) They are the ones who step over the man who has just had a heart attack on the sidewalk, UNLESS... they anticipate a reward for being a "hero"... or if they fear being seen failing to act. They are not interested in hearing your point of view, unless you are a "hero" figure, if they have deemed you "above". The narcissistic person always puts themselves before others, even if they seem like they don't. If you watch long enough, you will see it. They seem so interested in you and what you are doing, but that is just to get your trust. Your friendship feels like a mutual admiration society at first; then over time you realize that while you are still supporting their endeavors, being a friend, listening to their insight, admiring their skills and talent, they seem rather... absent. Absent from your life, your endeavors, your interests. Where before they thought your contribution to the world was important, now you are barely average. Where before they couldn't get enough of seeing  hearing, or reading your work, now they barely pay attention at all, and if they do, they tell you what THEY would do differently, or how you could improve it, even if they have no experience in what you do. Where before they would make time to hang out with you because they couldn't wait to see you, now they are "just too busy and too tired", even though nothing in their life has changed. If you point this out, you are "being too demanding." They include you less and less in things they do, even if it is with mutual friends. Even if it is with friends who they met through YOU. If you mention this, they will say you are "being paranoid", or "being childish", anything to make it seem like you are the one who is acting inconsiderately. Again, not caring about your feelings, or about how anything they do affects you. But if they decide to spend time with you, even at the last minute, even if they told you they wouldn't be around, you should be available, after all, don't you care? If they disagree with a statement you make, they will say that you are not respecting their opinion when you refuse to let them convince you that you are WRONG. (They can not see that it was THEY who refused to listen to YOUR point of view FIRST; they may not even know how to hear another's point of view if it differs from their own.) If they stand you up without calling, they expect you to "understand", no matter how much it messes up your plans or schedule. If you are upset about it, you are being "unreasonable, controlling, psycho... (insert name-calling here)", . It is YOU who is being "selfish" because you are not "forgiving and forgetting", or "putting it in the past", or "getting over it". If YOU show up late for something, even if you did call, even if you were in an accident or something, they will use this "transgression" to excuse their own, for time eternal. If you are upset, their concern is whether you are blaming them, or whether your "mood swing" will cost them time or money. They will not put aside anything to come to your aide. If you're lucky they might lend an ear IF they aren't busy... but it will probably end in their giving you unwanted and thoughtless, uninformed advice, and a quick escape. If they are upset, the world must stop, and no one has ever gone through such agony as they. If you approach them to talk about an issue, they might agree... to talk LATER, at another time, when they aren't too busy, but later will not come. There will always be a reason they just can't deal with that right now. If you start talking about it anyway, they will experience it as an ATTACK AGAINST THEM. Anything THEY did to upset you, if you dare bring it up in order to resolve it, will be experienced as a JUDGMENT AGAINST THEM. They can not have a discussion about your feelings for very long, even if they are extremely narcissistic and are only pretending to care in order to get something from you. They can't keep it up, it's too difficult to focus on someone else other than themselves. You will try and try to have a normal, civil, give and take friendship with them. They will resist and resist, always trying to be in control, and most importantly BLAMELESS. FLAWLESS. They have an IMAGE of themselves they need the world to see them as, and that MUST remain intact, at any cost. (Don't laugh if they fall down, they will have a meltdown...unless being "one of the guys" or "one of the gals" is part of their facade). Their main focus is to REMAIN WITHOUT BLAME, because to them, blame is tantamount to destruction of their person. If you hold up a mirror and make them see that they are not perfect, if they actually SEE it, they may dive into a serious self-loathing depression. To actually take responsibility for their actions, to a narcissistic person, does not feel like finding a solution to a problem, like it does for a healthy adult. It feels (according to one specific narcissist Brian S.) "like eating poison, or like chewing those pink tablets that show how dirty your teeth are". For a healthy adult, self-examination and accountability feels GOOD, because it leads to RESOLUTION. For a narcissistic adult, taking responsibility apparently is like pinning a scarlet letter on your own chest and parading around town, shouting "I did it, I'm a failure, and there is no way to fix me!" This is why they feel ATTACKED when someone has an issue with something they did. The narcissistic person does not separate their DEEDS from their PERSON. Admitting to doing something that was "wrong" makes them feel "tainted", "stained", so they will not have it, it must be denied at all costs. And they won't separate YOUR deeds from your person either, nor will they give you any CREDIT for the GOOD things you do. You are either a SAINT or a PIECE OF GARBAGE to a narcissist, there is no in-between. A person is either BETTER THAN THEM, or WORSE THAN THEM, BRILLIANT OR STUPID, GOOD OR BAD. And this can change in one day. It does not matter what your relationship is supposed to be, if they are your wife, husband, parent, sibling, coworker, boss, employee, or "friend". They have specific NEEDS that you will supply, or you will be punished. And no, you will NOT be discussing their black and white view of the world with them, unless you are PRAISING it. You will NOT be collecting the money they owe you, even if it's 100,000.00, because it was YOUR FAULT that you gave it to them. (Can't you see they're strapped? They have to make payments on their GMC Sierra with duallies, credit cards, private school for the kids, and the newly built house! Geez what is WRONG with you...you selfish piece of garbage...expecting someone to make good on their promises.. come on, what are you, a hard-ass? You don't NEED the money they owe you anyway! You can just sell your car and live in a smaller apartment!) You will NOT be hearing a genuine apology, and they will NOT be going to counseling with YOU or anyone else, because THEY DON'T NEED IT... because they are flawless, and counseling is about getting blamed... right?... And they WILL be telling whoever will listen that everything is YOUR FAULT, and how you are CRAZY; they will also be telling THEMSELVES this, because guilt is something they can not bear, and they do not know the difference between feeling GUILT for something they did wrong, and being SHAMED BY someone else to punish them. When they feel guilty, they don't sit with it, they throw it on the person who "made them feel guilty". They DO NOT care about your kids, or anyone else you care about. They may fake it to gain trust, for a while, but they are not someone to trust your kids with. Oh and if they do drugs, or are promiscuous, lie, or con, (common narcissist activities) or do anything else they are ashamed of, there is a very good chance they will spread rumors that YOU ARE DOING THESE THINGS, if they get mad at you for any reason, especially if they feel guilty about doing something wrong TO YOU. Be careful if you know someone like this. They will also frequently say that "anyone who analyzes others is the one who has problems"... of course they will say that, they are hoping that it will stop you from analyzing THEM, and figuring out that they are manipulating you. If a person does not seek power over another, there is no reason for them to have an emotional reaction about anyone studying human behavior. It's just science, just like any other science. Nothing to hide, nothing to react about. Something to hide, all kinds of things to react about... To a narcissist, or any other manipulative person, the study of human behavior and psychology is just like a parent going through a teenager's room. The teen with nothing to hide might be annoyed at the invasion of privacy; the teen who is hiding something he or she is not supposed to have will be VERY UPSET, and will probably try to STOP the parent by throwing a tantrum...
If you want to know more about Narcissism, there is a wealth of information on the World Wide Web, and also at most libraries and bookstores. There are some who claim it can be cured, many more who say it cannot, and the only way to deal with a Narcissist is to put lots of distance between you and them. You can read more now, here:
/http://www.narcissismcured.com/
or here:
http://narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.org/

The Catt Box

Love this site. 
Some of Catt's deep and wise insights on invalidation, click here:  Invalidation

Invalidation

If you have ever cared about another human being, for real, you might want to read this page at Eqi.org, click this link:
Invalidation And Defensiveness

Marc And Angel Hack Life

This blog is seriously excellently awesome:

THIRTY THINGS TO STOP DOING TO YOURSELF

Galatians 3:28

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

My father, Jim Bennett

I tell this story because my father loved to tell it.

         44 years ago a young couple fell in love in college, and created a new life together. Carol Siebert was the young woman, full of passion for life, incredible courage, a brilliant mind, gifted in art and music, according to everyone that knew her, especially the young man, Jim Bennett. They were well suited. I was the life they created together, their daughter. As times and fate would have it, I had the great and rare fortune of having not one but two sets of brilliant and wonderful parents. Bertille and Roy Black raised me and my two adoptive brothers in a rich, loving environment full of the same ideals, education, music and spirit that my birth parents had in mind for me. I was performing music with my adoptive father, Roy, at the age of 2 and 1/2, and my mother Bertille taught me to read at that age as well.  I have wondered often if there was more than chance at play, to have been taken in by a family so similar to the one that gave birth to me. Roy, I have been told, would often mention my father in his prayers when I was a child, because there was a Daddy somewhere out there who loved and missed me.

         25 years later, I learned from the adoption agency that my father Jim Bennett had indeed been trying to find me for 7 years. Papers that should have been used to put us in contact with one another had been buried in a file. So, at the age of 25, I opened my front door to the second person I had ever met who looked like me. My son Thomas, a good-hearted and very gifted young man, was the first. The shock of seeing my own face before me, albeit a man sporting a full red beard, is something I will never forget.
         He would say how happy he was that he found his daughter and became a grandfather all in one day.
         I remember my friends remarking about the resemblance after meeting him for the first time. They were fascinated by the similar features, but they were amazed at the gesticulations and facial expressions that before were unique to me, and apparently memorable to some. Who knew that such specific conversational expressions and intonations could have a genetic origin?
         The first song we wrote together was in 1993, "Smooth Running". I wrote the lyrics and melody, and sang it over the phone from North Carolina, into his answering machine in Rhode Island. From my voice on his machine he wrote and played the entire guitar accompaniment.
         The story continued as my father Jim Bennett met my adoptive mother Bertille, or Bertie as her friends call her. (My adoptive father Roy, one of the greatest men I have ever known, Rest In Peace, passed on Father's Day in 1976, when I was 8 years old.) Jim and Bertie hit if off right away, and became a couple a few years later, to my surprise. They have been devoted to one another ever since. My father often spoke of how happy and loved he felt being with Bertie, and that she helped make his heart feel at peace. They seemed to come together from opposite ends of a spectrum, meeting in the middle and sharing their unique gifts and life lessons with each other. There was great happiness in their togetherness; it filled the house with a sunshine that I will surely miss.
         My father and I found that we had a great deal in common. Neither of us had ever known blood relatives growing up, and our connection was quite comforting, to me anyway, having found another adult who shared nearly all of my passions, and the level of intensity for them as well. Music, writing, language, science, art, social science, academic studies of spirituality and cultures, and of course a deep affinity for science fiction. I have not known any other who could or would discuss the history, message, merits, or lack thereof, of a particular science fiction piece, for hours on end, (during and after watching or reading it), and only stop because we could no longer keep our eyes open.
         Thomas, Jim's only grandchild, also found a great connection with his grandfather, sharing much interest in common with my Dad, as well as his sharp and astute intellect, his generous, caring, grateful heart, his intense focus and love of learning. The gift of music was obvious before Tom could walk. He kept perfect time naturally with his small hands on the tray of his high chair, and was singing and playing tunes on his small piano and xylophone before he could talk. Tom's first time behind a drumset was at 16 months, and his first piano recital was at the age of five. He found a passion for rhythm and time and is now a gifted and accomplished drummer and songwriter. He and his grandfather found a deeper connection in the last few years, their long discussions about life, academics, politics, the future, history, and the big picture were profoundly important to both of them. 
         My father had a whole lifetime of adulthood before I met him, and mine had only just begun a few years before. We joked about how our musical careers were almost the same amount of years, because I had been onstage since I was 2. He had a great vault of stories about his life, adventures, friends and career, of which I never tired of hearing. My favorite, I think, is still the one about a gig in NY and some journalism, a van, and some Vipers ~
         His musical talent was, as anyone who knew him would agree, on a level that few have reached. He played "pretty much anything with strings" as he would humbly say, and he held himself above no one, although others would most assuredly argue the point of his station. His knowledge of anything that held his interest, especially music, was unparalleled. He was the one who knew whatever song you thought of, no matter how obscure, and probably the chords, changes, lyrics, composer, and history behind the song. His career spanned genres and many bands and projects. From what his close friends have told me, and my own experience working with him, he has been an invaluable asset to every project he has been a part of. And he sure knew how to play.
         Jim Bennett's talents spanned a very broad spectrum, from his obvious and well-known musical gifts, to composing, writing, computers and programming, anything to do with electronics, art, animals, and science. His interests were limitless. He had an incredible memory and knew more about literature than anyone I've ever met, and loved it intensely. He had an enormous mental library. When he was a child he had memorized and copied every poem of J.R.R. Tolkien. His gift for etymology was supported by his knowledge of Latin and other languages. If I mentioned a scrap of a line from a poem or classical literature, he would recite it often on the spot, and tell something about the author. He loved classical music and hymns, and of course Christmas music; when we attended church together, of course we would focus on the music. I was always amazed at how he would know all the verses whether there was a hymnal in front of him or not. One of our last discussions was regarding the words to A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, and how, as he intimated, that perhaps Martin Luther might have lightened up on his description of "our foe"; the conversation was memorable. We also shared a fascination with physics, especially quantum physics and mechanics, and I was grateful for his grasp on the subject, and his openness to hypotheses and speculation.
          Jim Bennett and I had many long discussions, especially in the last few years. I learned much about this brilliant and wonderful man who was my father. He came into my life as a stranger who looked like my son and I, but he became my Dad, and my son's Grandpapa. My family became his family; my brothers as sons, their children his grandchildren, my extended family, his.  He had great love and affection for his siblings and their spouses, for his nieces and nephews, and great love and admiration for his parents. He spoke of them often and with much esteem. (I do not post their names here in regard for their privacy, which was important to my Dad.) His childhood and his family was a source of fond memories, and he was very proud of all of them.  His regard for his friends was immense. His love for my son was endless. His devotion to my mother, like a fairytale. The compassion in his heart for others was unmatched, and quite possibly not known to many, he did not seem to wear his heart on his sleeve in front of most, but he was one of the kindest, most giving, forgiving, and open-hearted human beings I have ever known, and that I mean from the bottom of my heart.
         I will miss you greatly, Papa, thank you for being a part of our lives.

Papa

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began,
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.

Monkeys

Great Ape dynamics are all about domination, hierarchy, and status, even within the smallest group. If you would like to understand the Great Apes around you better, and yourself as well, it's not difficult; simply do what an animal behavior researcher does: become an observer, as much as possible. To get started, here are some tips:

1) Listen for language domination. Who finishes a sentence, and... who gets interrupted before they are finished with their sentence? Who corrects whom? It's not about correct information, oh no, not in regular conversation. If you are not in a classroom setting with a designated teacher and students, respectful dynamics do not include interruption or talking over another person, or dismissing what another person is saying. Watch to see and listen to hear who interrupts, who corrects, who dismisses who, and how they do it.

2) Personal space! Watch who moves aside to make room in a hallway or sidewalk for others, and who doesn't budge even if they are taking up the whole hallway. If you are the one who always moves over, see what happens when you DON'T.

This is enough to get started. Don't tell anyone you're watching or they will probably change their behavior. Have fun!

The Teacher Is The Student

 Step Lightly is a web log by Australian writer and teacher Jenni Joy.

"...In my world I like to grow with the person. I like learning to be part of the connection I have with the person. I have found that I gain great satisfaction from others’ learning when I open my mind and my heart. It enables me to be a learner in the process as well and learning is my passion.  If I open my mind, they open theirs...."

http://steplightlynow.wordpress.com/2011/10/26/open-learning/

Yes, Virginia,

It really is all an illusion. Busted.

Clear

If your heart were sincere and upright, every creature would be unto you a looking-glass of life and a book of holy doctrine.~T.Kempis

What If Superficial Control Freaks Ran The World?

Oh yeah, that's right, they do~  Okay, what if Superficial Control Freak FEMALES Ran The World?

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2010/07/19/man-up.html