Giving opposite feedback to others.
Dissonance instead of resonance.
Automatic countering.
Doing the opposite of what a "natural reaction" to another would be.
Automatic invalidation.
Compulsion to hurt or provoke, as opposed to help or soothe.
Compulsion to control or betray as opposed to cooperate or support.
During their youths, Controllers (mostly Narcissists, but some others as well) learned a TRICK.
DO OR SAY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE NATURAL RESPONSE WOULD BE.
GIVE THE OPPOSITE FEEDBACK OF WHAT THE NATURAL, ACCURATE FEEDBACK SHOULD BE.
(So as adults, they would be seen treating a mentally stable person as if they're crazy; or an honest, upstanding person as if they're a liar and a cheat; or a talented or skilled person as a novice or a wanna-be, etc.)
For example:
If they think a girl or boy is good-looking and they RESENT them for it, simply treat them AS IF he or she is ugly, unwanted, even disgusting.
If they RESENT (envy) a girl or boy for being "funny", simply treat them AS IF they're stupid, annoying, or unwanted.
If they RESENT (fear) a girl or boy because they seem physically strong or skilled, simply treat them AS IF they're weak, incapable, clumsy, or unwanted.
If they RESENT (envy, fear) a girl or boy because they're apparently "smart", simply treat them AS IF they're "slow", foolish, crazy, or forgetful.
SAY the opposite of what a natural response would be:
If a targeted child says it's raining outside, say the OPPOSITE of what a natural response would be (like "oh yeah, it is, look at the dark clouds") and say INSTEAD something like "It's JUST sprinkling. It's going to stop soon."
If a targeted child says that another kid picked on them at school, don't give the child support, don't ask who the kid is, don't ask what happened, and don't console the child, stand up for the child, or help empower the child.
Do the OPPOSITE of all those natural responses:
Tell the child to stop whining, tell them that it was their fault, and then get away from the child.
If a targeted child accomplishes something they're proud of (especially if it's something "important" to the child, or in school or community), the natural response would be expressing joy and pride, or making a gesture of celebration and recognition, big or small.
So do the OPPOSITE of those things: act uninterested, belittle the accomplishment, talk about one's OWN accomplishment instead, talk about something completely irrelevant, brag about someone ELSE'S accomplishment, make fun of the child, or walk away.
Some will often also physically threaten or attack a child whom they envy, resent, or fear.
~If they're afraid that the child they've bullied or tricked is going to "tell", or if the child stands up to them, they will treat the child with MORE bullying, trying to instill FEAR, in order to stop them from either "telling", OR standing up for themselves.
If another child is being bullied or attacked, DON'T stand up for them, protect them, or console them; do the opposite of that. Either go along with the attack, or do nothing except watch or walk away.
If another child appears sad, anxious, scared, shy, or physically injured, do the OPPOSITE of the natural reaction (which would be to act like a friend or help them), and treat them WORSE than usual. Purposely ignore them, put them down, or leave.
If they RESENT another child because they are expected to take care of them, they may continually bully the child with all kinds of tactics, from threats used to provoke a FEAR reaction, to actual assault, to insulting and humiliating the child, to making the child feel unwanted, even hated, by the bully and/or their friends.
Eventually, the target child will avoid the bullying (or abusive) child, making the "babysitting" much easier...
(it's a piece of cake to "care for" someone else if you're not really caring for them or giving them any attention - because they avoid you and stay quiet, even hide - and therefore don't ask for anything or even do something, such as play outside, that you might need to pay attention to.)
WHAT THEY LEARN
(AND KEEP, AND FINE-TUNE FOR USE IN ADULTHOOD):
They discover that doing or saying the OPPOSITE of what a healthy, natural, neutral or positive reaction would be does a few things:
~It causes immediate confusion in other people
~It can cause fear or anxiety in others
~It can give the Controller a facade of strength and confidence, because the opposite reactions appear to be "independence", "autonomy", "leadership" and "intelligence", simply because they are different from the expected.
~Because of the aforementioned effects of OPPOSITE reacting, speaking, and behaving, the Controller is often able to manipulate other people and situations to their advantage.
~It gets them out of responsibility and accountability
~Since people often misinterpret their behavior as a display of being "confident", "strong" or "knowledgeable", they find it easy to take a leadership role in many groups that they're in. People will follow them and believe them (due to the confusion and misinterpretation.)
~People will often stand up for them because they've misinterpreted them to be a "strong", "good", "innocent", or "wise Leader type" or a "go getter", or a "fatherly" or "motherly" type.
To demonstrate the way the human mind tends to emotionally and mentally react to the OPPOSITE of natural expectations, play some natural chords on a piano or a guitar, and notice the way the harmony and resonance is kind of soothing and nice. Then play a dissonant chord, like hitting a bunch of random keys or strings together, and notice how that feels, and how the mind PAYS MORE ATTENTION to it and remembers it.
Dissonance instead of resonance.
Automatic countering.
Doing the opposite of what a "natural reaction" to another would be.
Automatic invalidation.
Compulsion to hurt or provoke, as opposed to help or soothe.
Compulsion to control or betray as opposed to cooperate or support.
During their youths, Controllers (mostly Narcissists, but some others as well) learned a TRICK.
DO OR SAY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE NATURAL RESPONSE WOULD BE.
GIVE THE OPPOSITE FEEDBACK OF WHAT THE NATURAL, ACCURATE FEEDBACK SHOULD BE.
(So as adults, they would be seen treating a mentally stable person as if they're crazy; or an honest, upstanding person as if they're a liar and a cheat; or a talented or skilled person as a novice or a wanna-be, etc.)
For example:
If they think a girl or boy is good-looking and they RESENT them for it, simply treat them AS IF he or she is ugly, unwanted, even disgusting.
If they RESENT (envy) a girl or boy for being "funny", simply treat them AS IF they're stupid, annoying, or unwanted.
If they RESENT (fear) a girl or boy because they seem physically strong or skilled, simply treat them AS IF they're weak, incapable, clumsy, or unwanted.
If they RESENT (envy, fear) a girl or boy because they're apparently "smart", simply treat them AS IF they're "slow", foolish, crazy, or forgetful.
SAY the opposite of what a natural response would be:
If a targeted child says it's raining outside, say the OPPOSITE of what a natural response would be (like "oh yeah, it is, look at the dark clouds") and say INSTEAD something like "It's JUST sprinkling. It's going to stop soon."
If a targeted child says that another kid picked on them at school, don't give the child support, don't ask who the kid is, don't ask what happened, and don't console the child, stand up for the child, or help empower the child.
Do the OPPOSITE of all those natural responses:
Tell the child to stop whining, tell them that it was their fault, and then get away from the child.
If a targeted child accomplishes something they're proud of (especially if it's something "important" to the child, or in school or community), the natural response would be expressing joy and pride, or making a gesture of celebration and recognition, big or small.
So do the OPPOSITE of those things: act uninterested, belittle the accomplishment, talk about one's OWN accomplishment instead, talk about something completely irrelevant, brag about someone ELSE'S accomplishment, make fun of the child, or walk away.
Some will often also physically threaten or attack a child whom they envy, resent, or fear.
~If they're afraid that the child they've bullied or tricked is going to "tell", or if the child stands up to them, they will treat the child with MORE bullying, trying to instill FEAR, in order to stop them from either "telling", OR standing up for themselves.
If another child is being bullied or attacked, DON'T stand up for them, protect them, or console them; do the opposite of that. Either go along with the attack, or do nothing except watch or walk away.
If another child appears sad, anxious, scared, shy, or physically injured, do the OPPOSITE of the natural reaction (which would be to act like a friend or help them), and treat them WORSE than usual. Purposely ignore them, put them down, or leave.
If they RESENT another child because they are expected to take care of them, they may continually bully the child with all kinds of tactics, from threats used to provoke a FEAR reaction, to actual assault, to insulting and humiliating the child, to making the child feel unwanted, even hated, by the bully and/or their friends.
Eventually, the target child will avoid the bullying (or abusive) child, making the "babysitting" much easier...
(it's a piece of cake to "care for" someone else if you're not really caring for them or giving them any attention - because they avoid you and stay quiet, even hide - and therefore don't ask for anything or even do something, such as play outside, that you might need to pay attention to.)
WHAT THEY LEARN
(AND KEEP, AND FINE-TUNE FOR USE IN ADULTHOOD):
They discover that doing or saying the OPPOSITE of what a healthy, natural, neutral or positive reaction would be does a few things:
~It causes immediate confusion in other people
~It can cause fear or anxiety in others
~It can give the Controller a facade of strength and confidence, because the opposite reactions appear to be "independence", "autonomy", "leadership" and "intelligence", simply because they are different from the expected.
~Because of the aforementioned effects of OPPOSITE reacting, speaking, and behaving, the Controller is often able to manipulate other people and situations to their advantage.
~It gets them out of responsibility and accountability
~Since people often misinterpret their behavior as a display of being "confident", "strong" or "knowledgeable", they find it easy to take a leadership role in many groups that they're in. People will follow them and believe them (due to the confusion and misinterpretation.)
~People will often stand up for them because they've misinterpreted them to be a "strong", "good", "innocent", or "wise Leader type" or a "go getter", or a "fatherly" or "motherly" type.
To demonstrate the way the human mind tends to emotionally and mentally react to the OPPOSITE of natural expectations, play some natural chords on a piano or a guitar, and notice the way the harmony and resonance is kind of soothing and nice. Then play a dissonant chord, like hitting a bunch of random keys or strings together, and notice how that feels, and how the mind PAYS MORE ATTENTION to it and remembers it.
