Belief Overrides Logic; Sex Bias

An underlying main cause of gender bias in modern culture is from a false belief: That males are resource providers, and females are resource takers.

      The human brain learns what to believe from surrounding humans first and foremost, not from objective reality. If Dad believes that cutting the grass every Thursday is the "right way" to do it, then the child will believe that too, until he or she realizes otherwise, if he or she ever does. If Mom says there are rabid wolves in the woods at the end of the street, the child will believe that too, until he or she figures out otherwise, but may always remain fearful of those woods, and of wolves. The beliefs of those around us about things great and small are internalized in the child as "the way things are". Also, a child who refutes the beliefs of those around him or her will often receive consequences, as if the child is misbehaving; the child can then become confused between reality and belief, and begins to doubt his or her own perception. The child is taught that no matter what they really see, they should dismiss it and go by whatever those around him or her says is "real".
       So when the perception of a child's family is "Men bring home what we need to survive,", and "Women use the resources that the Men bring home", that is what the child will internalize as "The way things are". Even if Mom or Grandmom has a full time job or career, and even if Mom or Grandmom actually makes more money, the beliefs of  surrounding family members and of local society usually overrides the objective reality. Therefore no matter what is REALLY going on, the underlying belief is that "Men provide resources and therefore are more valuable, and therefore require first access to all resources, and preferential treatment, and extra support", and "Women need the resources that men provide, and they do not gather the resources for themselves, and they do not provide resources for anyone else, so they do not contribute anything from outside; they do not go out into the world and bring home resources. They only use them up." Also, within this same belief pattern is "Men are providers of resources, and therefore have knowledge and skill about procuring and maintaining what we need to survive", and "Women are receivers of these resources, and do not possess knowledge or skill about resource gaining and survival". Of course this belief pattern is far from reality, and lumps all female persons into one group and all male persons into another, but the human brain does that.
      The human brain catalogues, categorizes and generalizes what it perceives in an effort to simplify and streamline perception, i.e. make it easier to understand the world and survive in it. Unfortunately the downside of this process is stereotyping, conditioning, assuming, and prejudice. It is in fact difficult for us to think in a truly conscious manner, as a species, and we frequently see others through our subconscious conditioned beliefs, not as individual persons. We like to see others as part of a group instead of as individuals, even though we want others to see us as an individual. We have a difficult time watching our own behavior, so we tend to see and treat others unfairly, according to the category and group our brain has put them in.
     For example, a woman who has received a certified education as an auto mechanic will be regarded as an "anomaly" by most people, even a "freak" by some, even by members of her own family (regardless of how cruel and malicious toward her this is). She is, in fact, an anomaly, not because she was able to learn to be an auto mechanic, but because she did something outside of the belief pattern of those around her.  Her brother who received the same certification is seen as just another male who chose automechanics as a profession, and no one doubts his ability to carry out his job. At home, family members treat Sister as a typical female who happens to know a little bit about automechanics, who may or may not have a future in the field, and Brother as an Expert AutoTechnician and provider. Sister is still expected to have clean hands and face and perform all tasks that women are expected to perform in the home, even after a long day of work, and Brother, who has the same job, is given respect for his dirty hands (shows he worked) and is frequently consulted for his expertise. He is not expected to do domestic tasks for the family, and the reason is because he has worked long hours. When he does contribute by performing extra tasks around the house, he is rewarded with praise for going above and beyond, while Sister is punished for NOT performing extra tasks on a regular basis, regardless of how much she worked. Her work is literally seen as "extra curricular", like a hobby, an unnecessary elective that does not really benefit anyone. She is only treated as a contributing member of the household when she performs "woman tasks", and only if her performance of those tasks meets the standards of the rest of the family. His work is seen as important for the family's survival, and for the future survival of his future wife and children, and as contributing to the community at large. 
     It is important to understand that neither brother nor sister set this belief system up; they didn't invent it. Neither did Dad or Mom. They are simply living inside the walls of a belief system that has been passed down, passed over, and absorbed during the childhoods of all the people in the family and/or society. If no one teaches their children any differently, then the belief system conditioning will remain, generation after generation.
     It is also important to understand that children of both sexes are taught the same belief patterns; if a group's belief is that men can't cook, then both the girl children and the boy children are taught that men can't cook. Then, the girls may or may not be taught to cook as they grow up, but the boys will be shown that even if they want to learn, they will be refused instruction, and that they would not be able to learn how anyway. The denial of instruction makes the stereotype come true. And the girls in that system are being fed the same belief, that there is no reason to think a boy would be able to cook, or learn how to cook; it is a woman's "natural" ability, and boys don't inherit it.
     The point of the above example is that no matter what people are ACTUALLY doing, the subconscious belief pattern is how they are seen, and how they are treated.
     The stereotype that Men are providers of resources and Women are users of men's provided resources is obviously false. But the subconscious stamp of that belief, learned as children, can remain stubbornly throughout our lives, just like any other false belief about the world around us.
     On an author's note of observation, if one wants to find out what beliefs are internalized within their family system, just asking questions can reveal quite a lot. For example, "Aunt Maggie, what do you think of woman truck drivers?" Or "Dad, what do you think of stay-at-home fathers?" When a person has internalized beliefs about gender roles and value, they will have stronger opinions about who should be doing what, and they will have a list of reasons "why". It's a fascinating experiment if one can stay calm and nondefensive when listening to others talk about gender roles, expectations, and values. If you are a female asking the questions, it may be very difficult to remain non-defensive when a family member or friend reveals that they think less of women than of men, or that they have been judging you all along on how much you conform to their expectations of gender roles. And of course vice versa if you are a man asking the questions. But in order to get their real answers, you have to remain "unsurprised", and non-defensive, just listen. Difficult, but very revealing. You can of course find out a lot about why a person has been treating your opposite-sex sibling or other family members with prejudice and criticism for years, if that's the case, by listening objectively. (Then you will be in a position to help them deal with it better, you can more effectively have their back.)
Thanks for reading,
Marianne Black

Dear Love

Dear Love.
I am writing you this letter because people confuse me.
They are too busy for you, and they are scared of you.
They refuse to show you within themselves.
Thanks for listening to me love. I needed to vent.
Love.

Massimo.


~ Massimo Rossetti

(copyright M.Rossetti 2012) 
See without judgment the information another is pointing to,
be it regarding darkness or light.
All of the pieces of a puzzle are needed to
complete a picture.
Judging one piece as less important than
another is senseless;
if some pieces are discarded,
the puzzle is no longer complete,
and the remaining pieces will not fit.

Remember that some,
when constructing a difficult puzzle,
need to begin with the bright pieces
and build from there.
Some need to begin with the simplest place
in the picture, and work out from that spot.
Some must make sense of the dark places
in order to begin to find
where any other pieces go,
and still others must start at the corners
and the edges.

No puzzle piece is less essential than another;
some are harder to find,
and some are harder to look at.
Hold a new puzzle piece in your hand,
turn it this way and that,
see how it glints in the sunlight,
and glows or fades in the moon shadow.

The bearer of the information,
of the puzzle piece,
is simply a messenger,
like all other messengers,
no more or less important.
It is only the bias of one’s ego that accepts
or rejects a piece of information
based on the bearer of the message;
of the piece of the puzzle.


~M.Black

Friendship

You know how you're supposed to take the "bad" with the "good" when you have a friendship? That's about personality stuff. What someone likes or doesn't like, whether they're shy or outgoing, if they like sushi and you hate it, if they love snakes and spiders and you can't stand them. If they like all kinds of music and you only like rock, or you only like rap, or you only like classical. If they would rather hike than bike, and you would rather bike than hike. It's NOT about how they treat you, or how you treat them. It is NOT a part of being a "friend" to accept ill and callous or self-centered treatment, and it's especially not being a friend if you expect another person to accept it from you.

What Are You Ashamed Of? Abuse And Control

One of the best weapons in the arsenal of a controlling person is anything they can use to hold over your head. If you tell them in confidence that you did something in your past that you feel guilty about, that can be turned into a weapon to use against you. "Having something on you", like blackmailers on TV, is a very easy way to exert control. Because you don't want your private things to be spread all over the place, even if you fear that only on a subconscious level, you can easily fall prey to walking on eggshells around them, making sure you don't upset them, because you are afraid of what they'll do. Those with high morals and good conscience are the easiest targets for a controller, because they truly feel remorse for past mistakes, AND because the controller is not afraid of retaliation; persons with high morals are loathe to hurt another person, even if they are abusive.
EVEN IF you didn't actually do anything that you feel seriously remorseful about, they will still try this with things they think you MIGHT feel bad about, or things they think you would not want exposed, or things they make up in their own imagination, pure fiction. If the controller is a habitual gossiper, they have probably already told all of your secrets, and made up some more, just to keep the attention of whoever is listening.
If you are not ashamed of anything you have done, or when you have LET GO of shame attached to things you have done, (guilt is not shame), then they will not be able to hold things over your head in order to make you do their bidding. Facing your guilt, remorse, and shame head on, and making amends to those you have hurt in an open and direct way. is the path to finding redemption and letting go of shame. Even if the recipient of your apology and amends does not accept, or is very angry, giving them the apology and attempting amends anyway is still the route to redemption. If that's not possible because the person is unavailable for any reason, or because they are dangerous, then the next best thing is to tell someone else what you did, and make amends in another way; but ONLY if the person is honestly unreachable or dangerous.
 Remember that every single human on the Earth makes all kinds of mistakes, and has all kind of "flaws" and "faults". If someone is holding something over your head, or trying to use something you have done or do to make you look bad, or treating you as if you are not as "good" or as "worthy" and therefore don't deserve the same normal courteous treatment as anyone else, they are a controller.

What Does A Narcissist Look Like?

The Narcissist is the "friend" who changes plans on you constantly in order to accommodate their schedule, regardless of yours, who desires the attention of anyone you are interested in, who invites you to a party and then treats you like you don't really belong, who's problems are always a crisis in need of your help, no matter how small, but who treats your problems as if they are due to your incompetence and are petty, no matter how large;
The coworker who constantly tries to take credit for your work and make you look bad;
The doctor who rushes through your exam to get out of there to go play squash;
The landlord who demands timely rent payments but won't fix anything;
The roommate who treats you as if you are in their way when you're home, and your stuff is a nuisance, even though you pay half, or more than half the rent;
The wife who acts as if her family is better and more important than her husband's, who acts as if the sun rises and sets on her side of the family, but that his are just low-class peasants and don't deserve the time of day;
The clergy who act like they are "Holy" and you are not;
The atheist who believes that anyone who does not believe the same as they do is "stupid", and doesn't hesitate to tell them so;
The teacher who only helps his favored students and treats the rest as if they aren't able to learn, a waste of time;
The husband who is judgmental, self-important, and bossy toward his wife,who honestly feels that he is superior to her, and makes a habit of criticizing her, judging her, and ordering her around, but can't stand to be bothered with anything she wants, needs, or wants to talk about;
The sibling who believes they are a better human being and deserve to be favored;
The adult child who only keeps in contact to get money and stuff;
The boss who thinks of himself as a superior being who should be catered to and served, and his employees as inferior creatures who should put him before anyone else;
The employee who thinks they are far superior to their boss, and believes they would run the company much better, and deserves the position without going through promotions or school that everyone else would go through, and without just starting their own company;
The musician or artist who accepts your accolades for his or her work with or without a show of gratitude, but lets you know that your musicianship or artwork is not deserving of attention or respect, or even encouragement. Either with passive aggressive behavior, or with direct insult.
The parent who can't be bothered with their child's needs, and denies the child's wants, as if the child's existence is a burden;
The significant other who expects their animal-loving partner to give up his or her interests in animals, and not have any pets, because they don't like them; 
The animal welfare worker who believes they have a gift with animals that you couldn't possibly have.
They aren't just politicians and cult leaders, they can be found anywhere there are humans.

What about this?

What happens if you are walking along with your metal detector, and you find a meteorite about the size of a football, and it's filled with gold and platinum?

:)

Meet Ron

Ron founded the Wisdom Journal, and is a wonderful author. His writing is clear and easy to read, without pontification. He clears the static away, something most of us can use some help with. Find him here:

/http://www.thewisdomjournal.com/Blog/having-too-many-goals-is-like-having-none/

Islam Christian Zion Sikh Hindu Rastafari Atheist Buddhism Wicca Druid Gaya Jainism Shinto Catholic Baptist Jehovah Scientology Zoroastrianism Voodoo Republican Democrat Marxism Creationism Darwinism Straight Gay Female Male Socialist

STOP judging behavior, yours, mine, or anyone else's, with the religious group, ethnic group, gender group, or political group you and they and I belong to in mind

Actions are not excusable because of one's religion, or lack thereof.
Behavior is a choice.
Attacking others because they don't belong to one's own group is simply Chimpanzee behavior, nothing more. It can not be rationalized or explained away as if it is somehow logical.
Enemies are created by one's own brain, one's own desire to have them.
If you do something, anything, aggressive, hurtful, or hostile toward another being, you own that behavior. You did it. Just you. It is a choice.
Paying attention to how we act toward another before we act, taking responsibility for our actions and speech, and understanding that we CHOOSE our behavior as INDIVIDUALS is an absolute requirement to be called a SENTIENT being. If we do what the others around us do without discernment, if we fail to weigh the actions and behaviors of our groups, if we just do what others do and think what others think, if we make enemies of those who belong to other groups, or who we are envious of, we DO NOT FIT the definition of Sentience.
 AWARENESS OF ONE'S OWN SELF, and of one's own actions, and the ability to separate one's self from others, and awareness of the consequences of one's own actions toward one's self and others.
The way a person behaves is that person's sole responsibility, REGARDLESS of the group he or she belongs to. You don't get a pass on the same behavior you would condemn in someone else, because you think your group is "entitled" to be "above" the other group. Your group is the exact same species as every other group.
If that person's actions cause harm and pain toward another human being, or if those actions restrict the freedom of another human being, or cause them emotional, financial, or spiritual harm, then no matter what group that acting person belongs to, they have CAUSED HARM and are completely responsible for their actions.

Would You Like Your Favorite Artist In Real Life?

     Most people, if they met their favorite musicians in real life, and didn't know who they are, would not judge them to be "cool" or "brilliant". Same with the philosophers they quote, the famous writers and artists they put on a pedestal, and the scientists they call "genius". They wouldn't approve them for a loan, they wouldn't hire them unless their references were flawless, and they certainly wouldn't welcome them to join the local PTO, city council, Junior League, or the local "watering hole". If Stevie Nicks showed up to try out for a cover band and no one knew who she was, the odds are that she would NOT get the job.
     Most humans don't judge others based on their actual abilities, they judge them (accept them or reject them) on how they FEEL when that person is around. If John Mayer showed up for a cover band audition, and no one knew who he was, there is an excellent chance he would be rejected because his skill and easy manner made the other members of the band feel intimidated and/or jealous~ "out-shined". If they thought it through, they would realize that having a band member who is that skilled would be a GOOD thing for their band, but the emotional reaction toward another person usually dictates behavior, not thought process.
    If Jennifer Hudson applied for a job at the mall, anonymously, unless her past references from employment were very, very steady; (and often artists' work history looks less than steady on paper because they need to make work adjustments due to the difficult scheduling of gigs and shows), she would only be hired if the person hiring her LIKED HER personally, and did NOT feel threatened by her looks.
    If Cindy Lauper walked into a bank to get a loan, if no one knew who she was and she didn't disclose her information, the likelihood of a flat denial, along with a lot of condescension, would be very high. If she dyed her hair brown, tied it into a tight knot, wore wire framed glasses, a business suit and black heels, with certain jewelry, and still didn't disclose her information, the odds would be a bit more in her favor.
     If she wanted to hang out in the local crowd and just be "one of the crowd", she could not do it; she would be the target of ridicule, envy, competition, and gossip by at least one clique, no matter what she did. (That same clique would probably be the ones who would act like her best friends if they found out who she was; people who live in cliques operate on 99% emotion, mostly fear and security seeking.)
     If Albert Einstein showed up at a neighborhood picnic, most people there would judge him as "the crazy old guy". They wouldn't say he was a genius unless someone told them he was; and then they would probably wait for him to "prove it". No one would treat him with any more respect than they would treat any other "crazy old guy". If he showed up as his younger self, he would be that "weird guy".
     If Marie Curie joined in on a conversation at the same picnic about random subjects, no one would take her opinion seriously, they would dismiss most of what she said as idle chatter. If she tried to join in on a conversation about car engines or anything of a scientific nature that the men were having, she would be challenged, opposed, or dismissed by most of them. If she tried to join the women, but could not make small talk about their common interests, they would turn a cold shoulder on her.
     When Jim Jones showed up at a gathering, several people were very taken with him, judged him to be beyond brilliant and wonderful, and hung on his every word, seeking his approval, following his every whim. Same with Charles Manson, David Koresh, Joseph Kony, Adolf Hitler, and Bonnie Nettles, to name a few.

     Most judgments about other people are so far off the mark they might as well be on Mars. That's a big reason why judging others is "wrong"; people who believe their own judgments about others without question or exploration frequently treat them as if they are someone much different than they really are.




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