"Regular"
people do things all the time that are narcky, (narcissistic), like making assumptions
about others, taking moods out on other people to a certain degree,
wanting more attention than we give, thinking ourselves better in some
way than others, or favoring someone because they have something we
want, or because they're like ourselves, or remind us of someone we
think is "cool" or "smart" or "strong".
These things are human things, and the less mature and aware we are the more we do them, but when we realize we've been behaving that way we feel chagrined, or guilty, or remorseful, and learn from it. We stop treating one sex better than the other, or certain people better because of their appearance or possessions, we realize we've had an age prejudice and grow out of it. We don't assume we know other people's limitations anymore, and we stop making other people into heroes and idols.
It crosses into Narcissism when we do it on purpose, when we do it regardless of how much it hurts or damages someone, when we do it because it serves US in some way, REGARDLESS of what it does to others.
For example a family has a daughter and a son, both of whom equally excel at sports, cooking, carpentry and landscaping.
But since the parents are Narcissists, they cheer dramatically at their son's games, support him 100%, and brag to all their friends about his athletic accomplishments. They barely can drag themselves to their daughter's games, and "sit through it"; sometimes one of them "can't" go because of something "more important"... They want to be SEEN AS the parents of a BOY who is an ATHLETE, but they don't want people to know their DAUGHTER is strong or competitive. They're not proud of their son, they're proud of themselves having a son who's an athlete, an they're trying to downplay their daughter being an athlete because they're embarrassed, and besides they don't get the praise and attention from other people about their daughter's athleticism.
Since the parents are Narcissists, they make a big deal out of their daughter's ability to COOK, they tell their friends and coworkers about how she "helped" in the kitchen or made a great dessert (but making sure they qualify her ability as not yet being on par with her mother...) However when their SON makes a beautiful meal, finished with gourmet pastry, they barely whisper about it. They make a small show of praising him in the four walls of the home while they eat, but they don't talk about it to their friends... they might think he's "light in the loafers..." or "wimpy", can't have that!!!
Since the parents are Narcissists, they DISMISS the fact that both son and daughter are equally quite skilled carpenters, especially for teens, and that both are equally pretty skilled at landscaping as well. They constantly try to REDIRECT each child to only do the tasks THEY want them to do, like they try to make their son do all the heavy work (by himself, without his sister's help, which he actually needs and wants) and they try to make their daughter do all the flower arrangement and cleaning (by herself, without her brother's help, which she actually needs and wants).
Since the parents are Narcissists, instead of guiding their children to work as a team, they try to separate them from one another. Instead of encouraging them and praising them for what they ACTUALLY DO, they try to EDIT their every step to fit what the parents want them to LOOK LIKE to their friends. Instead of teaching them to respect the opposite sex, they are trying to make each one feel like a different species from their own sibling, just to suit their own personal agendas.
They don't even think about what's good for the kids, because what's good for the kids is not what's important to them.
These things are human things, and the less mature and aware we are the more we do them, but when we realize we've been behaving that way we feel chagrined, or guilty, or remorseful, and learn from it. We stop treating one sex better than the other, or certain people better because of their appearance or possessions, we realize we've had an age prejudice and grow out of it. We don't assume we know other people's limitations anymore, and we stop making other people into heroes and idols.
It crosses into Narcissism when we do it on purpose, when we do it regardless of how much it hurts or damages someone, when we do it because it serves US in some way, REGARDLESS of what it does to others.
For example a family has a daughter and a son, both of whom equally excel at sports, cooking, carpentry and landscaping.
But since the parents are Narcissists, they cheer dramatically at their son's games, support him 100%, and brag to all their friends about his athletic accomplishments. They barely can drag themselves to their daughter's games, and "sit through it"; sometimes one of them "can't" go because of something "more important"... They want to be SEEN AS the parents of a BOY who is an ATHLETE, but they don't want people to know their DAUGHTER is strong or competitive. They're not proud of their son, they're proud of themselves having a son who's an athlete, an they're trying to downplay their daughter being an athlete because they're embarrassed, and besides they don't get the praise and attention from other people about their daughter's athleticism.
Since the parents are Narcissists, they make a big deal out of their daughter's ability to COOK, they tell their friends and coworkers about how she "helped" in the kitchen or made a great dessert (but making sure they qualify her ability as not yet being on par with her mother...) However when their SON makes a beautiful meal, finished with gourmet pastry, they barely whisper about it. They make a small show of praising him in the four walls of the home while they eat, but they don't talk about it to their friends... they might think he's "light in the loafers..." or "wimpy", can't have that!!!
Since the parents are Narcissists, they DISMISS the fact that both son and daughter are equally quite skilled carpenters, especially for teens, and that both are equally pretty skilled at landscaping as well. They constantly try to REDIRECT each child to only do the tasks THEY want them to do, like they try to make their son do all the heavy work (by himself, without his sister's help, which he actually needs and wants) and they try to make their daughter do all the flower arrangement and cleaning (by herself, without her brother's help, which she actually needs and wants).
Since the parents are Narcissists, instead of guiding their children to work as a team, they try to separate them from one another. Instead of encouraging them and praising them for what they ACTUALLY DO, they try to EDIT their every step to fit what the parents want them to LOOK LIKE to their friends. Instead of teaching them to respect the opposite sex, they are trying to make each one feel like a different species from their own sibling, just to suit their own personal agendas.
They don't even think about what's good for the kids, because what's good for the kids is not what's important to them.
