Shouldn't Be Surprised About Female Stereotypes

"We can’t be surprised by unconscious stereotypes about women when we still embrace a culture suffused with highly sexualized, frivolous and demeaning portrayals of women in everything from popular movies to recent congressional debates."

Erika Christakis

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/10/04/womens-inhumanity-to-women/#ixzz2fIQHK9mn

I totally agree~

Really, it doesn't freak me out that men are so frequently male-biased, it's not some kind of long-shot for a human to be all gung-ho for people who are "Just Like Me", and stick out their 10-year-old tongue at the "other guys". What freaks me out, BAD, is that humans with DAUGHTERS, (that would be children of their own who happened to be born with an X chromosome), behave this way. EWW!!! Seriously?
How do they not care about treating their own kids as second-rate humans? How do they not care that their friends, other family members, SCHOOLS, and communities are doing it to their OWN KID?

Scientifically, yes~ humans get conditioned in childhood to believe in whatever the adults were doing when they grew up. So WHEN exactly do they start thinking for themselves? What are they getting personally out of their prejudices and biases, and what are they getting personally out of teaching their kids (or other people's kids) these prejudices and biases?

Freaks me out, yes it does. Happy Human Condition. Uckk.

(For those humans who are going "Oh come on there's no sexism anymore, not in Western Culture!)
Um... right.. okay, so when's the last time you asked a woman about fixing something, and not a man?
When's the last time you thought of your daughter, or your friend's daughter, when there was a job opening in your friend's remodeling, painting, car, or hardware business?  Or insurance sales for that matter?
When's the last time you reviewed the local High School budget?
Have you ever, EVER, hired a local female kid to mow your lawn, or shovel your driveway? Do you honestly believe that NO female kids wanted to make that extra money, or that they didn't need it, or that they couldn't do it?
When's the last time you saw the sports page covered with female sports, and one little story about a male sporting event?
When's the last time you watched a comedy with an all-female cast, save one or two supporting males? I can think of one, that would make the ratio about 1:100000
How many all-male rock bands, country bands, or rap groups can you think of off the top of your head?
How many all female ones? You seriously think it's because girls aren't interested, or can't do it?
When's the last time you expected your friend's son to help serve coffee and dessert, while their daughter sat at the table "deep in discussion"?
Who do you ask when you want advice about purchasing anything bigger than a toaster? 
When's the last time you assumed a woman, and not a man, was driving the semi next to you on the highway, or working at the construction site down the street, or driving the full-size pick-up truck that just went by your house, or is the President of a corporation or a bank?
Have you ever hired an all-male crew to do something around your house? Have you ever hired an all-female crew to do anything besides clean?
Do you know what "hostile work environment" really means?
Have you ever experienced a hostile work environment because of your sex, race, body size, or ancestry?
When's the last movie you saw with a female Hero as the Main Character, and the little sidekick secretary who she kept having to SAVE was a guy? Oh you saw one? Congratulations.
Give me a break, monkey-see, monkey-do. Maybe in another 100 years, if we survive that long. 

I love the men in my family, and my male best friends, and respect them very much. There is zero need for me to see them as "above" me, and they would probably throw up if they saw me do it. Know why? Because they actually respect me, for real, as a human being, and I actually respect them, for real, as human beings. When there is genuine respect, made-up supremacies and "gender expectations" are unnecessary, and frankly look pretty silly.

Worried That You Are The Narcissist?

If you're worried that "they're right", that you are the Narc., then don't wait, do some actual scientific observation. It's good for your head, it's important to know what's really going on in our own lives.

Literally, time them when they start talking about themselves, their escapades, and their friends. Then, time how long they can tolerate listening to you talk about yourself or your friends (in a positive way). What's the time difference? It helps to do it several times. 

Sometimes we can be very "chatty" because we're anxious, excited, worried, angry, sad, enthusiastic, or very happy. Are they chatty because of one of these things? Or do they seem to think that they are the only one who should have "the floor" at all times? Do they speak to you as if they are much wiser, much more knowledgeable, and much more experienced than you on a pretty regular basis? Do they often explain things to you that they should know you are quite aware of ? Do they seem to have no recognition of "who you are" and what your experiences are, and keep talking down to you about things you're well-versed in? Do you ever do any of these things?

Listen for their language, do they want to hear about your life, your adventures, your opinions, or your problems? Or do they deftly switch the conversation AWAY from the subject of YOU, more often than not? (Every time?)
Do you ever do this?

Do they insult you, put you down, or imply that you're weaker, less capable, or less experienced, either when you're alone or in front of others? Do you do these things to them?

Ask them direct questions, politely, about random topics (not personal ones), how do they answer? With direct answers? Or do they side-skirt the question with distraction, or give a long, elaborate lecture that doesn't actually answer the question? Do they turn it back on you without answering at all?
Do you find yourself evading direct questions when you don't know the answer, or trying to re-direct the subject so it's about something you know more about?

When you make a statement of observation, like about the weather, or how people were behaving in the store you were just in, how do they respond? Are they interested in your point of view, or do they immediately counter you? Do they just wait for you to finish talking so they can talk about themselves again?
How do you respond when they make a statement of observation?

How do they act around others? Do they give certain KINDS of people huge amounts of respect, but treat other KINDS of people with much less respect?
Do you find that you do this?

Do they (or you) accept others the way they are, or do they/you judge anyone who's not enough like themselves as "losers", "weird", "stupid", "evil", or "crazy"?

Do they feel genuinely happy for others when they get recognition, when they have something to celebrate, or when they gain or accomplish something? Or do they tend to usually put them down?
What is your usual reaction about these things?

How do they handle plans and scheduling? Do they let you know what's going on, or do they spring things on you and expect you to comply? Do they invite you to do things, or do they demand? Do they stand you up, and expect you to just "deal with it"? Do they separate you from their other friends? Do you decide on plans together, or do they always get the last word? Do you always go to them? Do you always pay?           Do you do these things; are you the one who needs to always be"in control", and don't really think about their schedule, their money, or what they really want to do?

Do they seem to get a bigger charge out of correcting you, countering you, "assisting" you when you didn't ask for it, or criticizing you, than out of giving you credit, respect, positive attention, help when you ask for it, or recognition?
Is there a possibility that you've been doing that too?

Do they react with annoyance or even anger when you're upset about something? Are they annoyed with you when you're sick, when you're dealing with an obstacle, when you've had a mishap, or when you're helping someone else?  How do you respond to them when they're sick,  upset, or dealing with something difficult?

If you have children, how do they seem to view them? As a mentor would, or as a caring "Auntie", "Uncle", or grandparent-type? Or do they seem to look down on them, judge them, resent them, or envy them, like an immature peer or hostile Authoritarian? Do they keep judging you as a bad parent? Do they try to help at all, or are they trying to take over? Or do they just put you or the child down, but have no positive influence? Have they tried to influence your child to see you as a "loser", or "unstable"?      Do you do any of these things to them?

How do they deal with money? Do they borrow money from you and pay it back, or do they try to get out of paying back personal loans? Do they resent you for having more money than they do? Do they treat you like you're a "loser" for having less money than they do? Do they try to get out of bills, or blame the company they owe money to as if they were "forced" to do business with them or purchase something?     Do you do any of these things?

Do they group people into categories based on things like wealth or poverty, being employed or not, age, ancestry, gender, religion, occupation, residential area, education? Do they seem to think that stereotypes about others are real?  Do they talk in a demeaning, trashy way, or with exaggerated admiration, (either one) about certain "kinds" of people (such as local women or famous men)? Do you do any of these?   

How do they treat animals, and how do they speak of animals? How do they treat and talk about children? How about you?

Do they frequently use a "stern", "authoritative", sarcastic, mean, or condescending voice to you, or to other adults? Do you ever speak in that manner?

Do they seem to think they're always right, no matter what? Do you feel like you're always right, no matter what? Do you see yourself as above reproach, as always righteous, as never doing anything wrong?

Do they seem to use any illness or infirmity they can to get out of uncomfortable discussions, or to control others, or to make others serve them? Do you do that?

Would they rather talk about "dirt" that they've heard about other people than anything positive or neutral? Do they spread rumors about others? Do you believe what people say about others, or feel excited when someone is talking trash about someone else, even when you have no way to know for yourself if any of it is true? Do you believe that you are immune to getting your reputation ruined by slander?
 

Usually a person who would take the time and effort to actually observe "who's the Narcissist" is not one. We can, however, have Narc. traits that we didn't realize we had. We all pick them up from those around us sometimes, and we can develop some of them in reaction and defense to other people's Narc. behavior. The definitive difference between a "Narcissist" and a Non-Narcissist is having the ability to self-examine, admit and see "faults", feel remorse, make amends, see others as "real people", and act on changing.

Image Makers, Packaging, the Masks Of Narcissism

The image that many Narcissists work on is just like a "logo" or a "brand" on a product. It presents them as someone we would like, trust, believe, and want to be connected to, and it covers up all those "little flaws". A really well-done image can carry a pretty nasty person a very long way, leaving ugly pollution and destruction in their wake.

People who work in advertising get paid big bucks to come up with a way to package and present a product so customers will like it at first glance, want to buy it, and believe that it's good. Customers don't do all kinds of lab tests or road tests on products they're going to buy, and even those who believe they're very picky and aware still get sucked in by super slick packaging and very sneaky advertising.

The same thing is done with politicians and other humans in the public eye; a "brand" is created to make the person seem familiar, likeable, attractive, and magnetic. People take lessons to learn how to present themselves, and they keep their "signature look" much longer than they would in their personal lives. I personally enjoy watching the hand gestures that politicians adapt, and I find it kind of funny knowing that when they get anxious or distracted they have to consciously remember to keep doing their certain hand gestures, keep their facial expressions a certain way, their vocal tone and language a certain way, and keep standing with good posture, no matter how tired or stressed they are. They have to, because without that honed image packaging, citizens will see and realize that they're just "regular people" just like themselves, and they'll lose votes. Humans generally WANT their leaders to seem like they're above and beyond "regular people", believing that makes them feel more secure. Much like children like to think of their parents as super-smart and super-strong, it makes us feel safe.

So it's easy to see why a Narcissist would do this, especially if they're aware of their own propensity for betrayal and scamming. They wouldn't get two inches if they weren't wearing a facade, no one would trust them if they could really see them.

A Narcissist's image might appear as anything at all that seems to work for the particular individual's purposes.
One might create a package that shouts "Super Fun!", another might portray "Very Serious And Experienced", another might appear as "Just One Of The Gals!" or "Just One Of The Guys!" another might glow with "Extra Caring And Extra Sweet", and still another might appear as "Extremely Spiritual And Enlightened", etc, etc. A popular one in this modern culture is "Extremely Responsible With Extra Common Sense, And In Control".
Is the person I know really like that? Or is it a facade, what they want to be known as? Or is it a manipulation toward me, personally? The only way to find out for sure is to keep a courteous distance, and wait and see. (It seems that people in past eras used to be generally much better at getting to know others  before "letting them in", and keeping their own boundaries intact.)

Just like a product that's very bad for your health is often packaged as the next greatest thing, or a politician who's only real goal is money and power but they have everyone convinced they're innocent, brilliant, and wonderful, the Narcissist packages themselves as how they want to be seen, not what's really inside.
We humans will FREQUENTLY buy the slicker packaged product much more quickly than we'll try a product that's ACTUALLY better, if the packaging is less appealing. Most of us think we're slicker than that, but it's in our DNA, we're easily fooled by packaging. Not just some of us, all of us. Some more than others, but we're all afflicted, it's just how our human brain works. Therefore, it's not that difficult for Narcissists to fool lots of people for a very long time.
Hence the phrase "You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." If Narcissism wasn't a known part of our world for a very long time, there wouldn't be so many adages like that one. We have a hard time learning these lessons because that "packaging" blindness is written into our chromosomes.