One Sided Friendship, Relationship

When another person is upset about something, and the person they're upset with refuses to listen to or acknowledge the reason, and then turns it around on them and accuses them of causing THEM to be upset, that's a Narcissistic behavior.
Why? Because the person who is originally upset is being treated as if their feelings, concerns, and point of view is NOT VALID. They are being treated as if they are a less important being, and therefore their point of view is silly, unimportant, trivial, or wrong.
John tells Mark that he's really dedicated to making their band work. John says whatever it takes, this time he's really going to give 100% because it's just as important to him as it is to Mark. For three weekends in a row, Mark and John practice in a practice spot between their houses, and everything is great. The fourth week, John says he can't practice unless Mark comes to his house, so Mark does. The same thing the following week, Mark drives to John's house again. Next week the same thing. The week after that, Mark has something he needs to do, so he asks John to come to his house instead to practice. John says "sure", but when the weekend comes he says he's too busy. The following week, Mark goes back to John's house. The week after that, Mark says again "I have something I need to do, can you come to my house instead". John says "I don't know", and then doesn't show up.
The following weekend Mark starts to really feel taken advantage of and fooled; John obviously is NOT "into" making the band work, or giving even 50%, never mind 100%.
Mark calls John and expresses his concern and his disappointment.
John's reaction is to accuse MARK of not caring enough about HIS needs and life, and that Mark is being "unreasonable" and "out of line". John absolutely not only refuses to acknowledge what's really going on or take any responsibility, but he also refuses to listen respectfully to Mark's concerns or feelings, and has zero care about how Mark feels. (which is not "normal" friendship or coworker-relationship.)
As far as John's concerned, he is doing NOTHING AT ALL that could be considered wrong, or even a LITTLE BIT unfair, or even slightly disconcerting.
As far as John's concerned, ALL of the problems are because MARK ISN'T COOPERATING WITH HIM, and accommodating HIS schedule, HIS wants, HIS comfort, HIS desires, HIS moods, and HIS feelings. He honestly does not see Mark as an equal person to himself with equally important and valid ANYTHING. If Mark wants to do this band, he should come to HIM, and if he doesn't, then Mark is the one who's making everything "difficult" and being "emotional".
John literally does not have the ability to be half of a cooperative, fair, or equal partnership. Any human who he partners up with, who gets close enough to be a part of his "inner circle", is taken off off of his "High Shelf" of important people and things, and put into his "used and old stuff" box that no longer seems worth making an effort for. When he wants to use them for something, he wants them available and ready, but when he's not interested in using them, he expects them to just sit in the box, and not go and do anything else on their own, without him, while he's off doing HIS own thing.
If anyone in that "used/old stuff" box complains, however, John will threaten them, or throw them into the trash heap.
(Possessions don't have the right to complain to their owner, they're just possessions, it's annoying and stressful).

Are You More Important Than Your Partner?

If you adamantly don't want your lover to leave you, but don't actually take them as seriously as you take yourself, or care THAT much about their feelings, needs, life, children, or the future of the relationship (you just want it to stay the way you want it, you don't want to make any more effort, and only make changes if they're beneficial for you) then you make be caught in a pattern of survival. This pattern could be construed as Narcissistic behavior because it's centered around yourself as the "important" person in the relationship, and makes your partner an "unimportant" person. If your desire for a relationship is with a loving, caring individual, then your equal effort is actually required. A loving, caring person will not stay in a relationship with a person who does not respect, care for, and love them in return. The only kind of person who would stay in such a relationship where the OTHER person (you) is "More Important", is someone who is not in recovery from a dysfunctional childhood, and therefore may not have healthy enough boundaries or behavior habits to co-create a solid, loving, caring relationship. If we want a healthy partner for love, care, support and friendship, then we need to find a partner who is aware and willing to make the effort, and WE have to BE a partner who is aware and willing to make the effort.
A Partnership is like a pair of support beams; if they're not both actively supporting equally and willingly, then the structure will collapse. If one of them has little or no interest in being an equal support, then the other one has to support both the structure AND the other beam all by itself; it will not be able to keep it up for very long at all, and if it doesn't get out from under, it may get crushed under the weight.

Grooming Others To Be Supportive

The smaller details in the patterns reveal the bigger picture: Wondering why people seem so supportive of some people, no matter how trivial their complaint or accomplishment? And others get so little support it's ridiculous, no matter how severe the problem?
The individuals in a group actually get "groomed" to be supportive of the person who complains the MOST, and who is constantly making announcements about themselves. They are being conditioned with little social signal rewards, over and over.
At the same time, the same people are getting "groomed" to be UNsupportive toward people who DON'T complain, who don't boast, and who don't make continuous announcements.
They don't realize it, it's not on purpose, they're just being subconsciously trained that when they are supportive toward one person, they will receive a small reward. When they are unsupportive of that person, they will receive a small "punishment" (like those psych. experiments with the small electric shock). When they show support or respect toward a person who they are "supposed to ignore", who's been designated as a scapegoat or target, low person on the totem pole, they ALSO receive a small "punishment".
If they diverge from the expected behavior, they receive an ABSENCE of reward, and an increase in "punishment".
Let's say there's a pair of office "buddies" who pal around together, but one of them (Jules) is decidedly the dominant one, the "star" of the pair, and the other (Sal) is the "sidekick" (in the dominant one's mind.) When Jules talks, it's usually either about hs ailments, his boat, his kids' sports teams, or his adamant, absolute views. This doesn't really "make him a bad guy"~ but notice when SAL starts to speak, JULES talks over him. Whatever Sal is talking about, Jules pipes in and over. Jules wants ALL EYES ON HIM, all the time. If Sal is limping because of the bike accident he got in this morning, and you ask him if he's alright, when he starts to tell you the story Jules will be standing there filling in the details. If you stand there any longer, Jules will be telling you about the bike accident he was in last summer.
If Jules is talking about something and Sal pipes in, and you say "What did you say, Sal?" Jules might wait for him to say a couple of words, but soon enough he'll be interrupting and diverting your attention back on himself.
You get USED to this, it becomes "normal". The built-in adaptation to the environment we have in our human brains takes over and tells us "this is the way it is; Jules is the one to pay attention to, Sal is the one to ignore, and it's okay, everyone does it." If Jules is speaking and Sal starts to talk, everyone ignores Sal and keeps listening to Jules. If Sal is talking and Jules starts to talk, everyone AGAIN ignores Sal, and turns their attention to Jules.
Jules has groomed the group to be USED TO supporting and listening to him. Jules has also groomed the group to be USED TO dismissing, ignoring, and disrespecting Sal.
This is how it's done.
Jules cuts his finger on a piece of paper and the world stops; Sal gets hit by a car and everyone says "poor Sal" but goes back to what they were doing.
Jules doesn't go to the hospital to visit Sal more than once, but when Sal gets out, he drives Jules around for a week because he can't drive his stick shift with the paper cut. No one notices the disparity.
Jules is upset because the electric company messed up and now he has a late payment on his bill, everyone is sympathetic and up in arms!
Sal is upset because he was mugged on his way to work, they punched him and took his whole wallet; everyone says "oh that's too bad" and then "But you need to look on the bright side and quit complaining, at least you're alive!" and go back to what they were doing.
The entertainment, advertisement, and political science fields know all about it, and do it on purpose, every day.