How Do I Stop Getting Sucked In By Narcissists?

Truly, the only real way to see through the tactics of Narcissists is to watch our own triggers and behaviors regarding other people.
Asking ourselves some questions about how we interact in the world, and being honest about our answers, is the road to real awareness.
Questions such as:

~When I find myself paying attention to one person, and listening to what they say, what are the real reasons? Is there any evidence, honestly, that I might be responding to their "charisma", OR because I saw that others are listening to them?

~What are my subtle, hidden prejudices? Do I tend to dismiss women, and listen to men? Do I dismiss blondes, but listen to brunettes? Or vice versa? Am I biased against one race or another and don't realize it, or against one sex or the other?

~What are my biases? Do I tend to believe, follow, and buy into what certain people say, and not others? Based on what, exactly?

~When I am excited to meet a new person, or find a new person to "follow" like a music star, a writer, or an actor, what exactly is it that makes me feel that excitement? What is it about them, really?

~How much do I rationalize WHY I listen, believe, and follow certain people but not others? What are the reasons I tell myself? What are the REAL reasons? What reasons are "stuck" from my childhood or adolescence?

~How much do I respond, honestly, to flattery, attention, approval, and flirtation?

~To WHOM do I let my guard down easily, and why?
Is it their air of "authority", their physical looks, their age, their height? Is it their body type?
Is it because they remind me of someone, like a parent, an uncle, an aunt, a teacher, a childhood buddy? Is it their voice?
Did they flatter me, agree with me, show concern for me?
Did they have an air of "power" or "wealth", or physical strength or dominance? Did they have an air of superiority?

~Do I "drop" those I was interested in or following, when they turn out to be just a "regular person"?

Why Do Some People Dwell On Things, Or Act Like Losers?

What makes the average person stop focusing on learning new things, doing fun activities, studying, working, and having "normal" fun?
What makes them step out of a regular "uptime" life where they were just thinking about what they wanted to do next, what's going on at Church, at school, or in the community, what they wanted to do for a career, or which bills to pay, or what fun stuff to do?

The answer is very simple, although very few can handle it:
abuse.
Bullying, domination, triangulation, manipulation, ostracism, slander, neglect, harassment, all these things that would put any NORMAL person's brain in defensive mode, and take them OUT of their regular, pleasant, day to day world with the usual ups and downs.

On the least volatile level, bullying, neglect, and being singled out make ANY "normal" human self-conscious; in other words they switch their awareness and focus from what they were doing to thinking about how others are seeing them do things. That's not "weak", that's what the healthy brain does.It wants to know WHY we are being targeted, so it makes us look at ourselves from other people's point of view. However there's a GLITCH. When we are only getting negative "feedback" from bullies and controllers, and NOT from someone who genuinely is "on our side" whom we trust, our brain can get caught in a LOOP. Instead of simply gathering info. while we look at ourselves from the outside, we get STUCK THERE, because we had no one to give us positive or neutral feedback.

As the severity of abuse and targeting increases, so do the effects on the targeted person. The more danger a person is in, the more the brain REDIRECTS its focus from daily regular work, play, and study to SURVIVAL coping strategies.

The ABNORMAL brain does not do this, because it's malfunctioning, or it may not have full function, but MOST life forms react to a stressful, dangerous, or bleak environment by changing their overall behavior; even plants do it. Survival of the physical body, the organism, is number one. Procreation is number two (reproducing). The brain cares about those two things above all other things, and there's not much we can do about it personally, it's just how we're made.



So, next time you think of someone being a "loser", ask yourself what really happened to them, where everyone was when that person needed help, and why you yourself would rather call them a "loser" then spend any time at all finding out anything real about them, or help them in any way.