Ignoring and dismissing the Light and the Good because one is focused on the Darkness and the Bad is the same naivete as the other way around. They are two sides of the same coin. Some will try to pretend there is no Darkness, and some will try to pretend there is no Light. Some will refuse to listen to or look at anything that does not align with the way they want the world to be. When we are not in Ego, when we are in serenity, we are able to view all that is around us with calm objectivity, and simply learn about what is there, without embracing or rejecting anything.


"Why Are Women Biased Against Other Women?"

Excellent article by E. Christakis M.P.H., M.Ed., an early-childhood educator, public-health advocate and lecturer at Yale University. Her column for TIME Ideas usually appears on Tuesdays. You can read more of her work at

CLICK HERE for "Why Are Women Biased Against Other Women?"

Easy Red Flag For Spotting Narcissism Or Controllers

Treating you like you don't know something, or are inexperienced, physically weaker, less intelligent, or less aware than themselves. Talking "down" to you. Speaking to you as if they are an adult or a "master", and you are a child or a "beginner".

They will often mask this with smiles and sweetness, so it can be easy to miss with the more socially savvy Narcissists. But you'll catch it if you pay attention.

Basic protection 101: DO NOT TRUST ANYONE you have not truly gotten to know over a good period of time, and from many direct interactions between them and you. Lots of time and lots of interaction is how we build mutual trust, and find out what a person is really like, from a safe distance. If they are healthy mentally and emotionally, they will be doing the same thing, they won't be trying to invade your boundaries, tell you what to do, judge you, or control you (that would be a flag).
Hormones interfere with this process because we are biological creatures who's subconscious seeks to reproduce more human beings, and we actually SHUT DOWN our own processes of learning about other people, and getting to know who and what they really are (both male and female, and it happens regarding all relationships, not just romantic)

Pee Wee Herman Had It Right! Narcissists Don't Want To Hear Your Complaints (But Love Their Own)

Narcissists are all about how THEY get treated by others, but seem oblivious to the way others get treated.
They are very watchful and even hyper-sensitive to the way others treat them and interact with one another; if you had a conversation about it with one they might seem very empathetic and aware. However, start talking about how someone treated YOU, and you will see quite a different reactio...n.
They often interpret the behavior of others to be disrespectful, hostile, unfair or abusive toward them, often when it was quite the opposite, and they often project all kinds of negative connotations and intentions on what others say and do, especially if the person is someone they ENVY or FEAR.

However! Let someone they consider "below them" talk about unfairness, disrespect, injustice or crime toward them, and the reaction will be complete invalidation and rejection, no matter what the incident or situation was, or how severe the behavior. The Narcissist will metaphorically put his or her hands over their ears and go "Lalalalalaa!" like Paul Reubens used to do. 

No matter what the situation was, or what the events were, Narcissists will almost always blame the victim or target, unless they have something to gain by sympathizing with the victim.

So when your Narc. friend doesn't seem to care how his or her other friends or family members treat you, it's because he/she DOESN"T CARE.

To stand up for you would be too much work, and you're not worth that to a Narc. It wouldn't GAIN THEM anything, which is very important, and it might actually COST them something, like status, position, or admiration. They also might be afraid of those people, since it's not uncommon for Narcissists to have the same pattern as Narc. targets in choosing "friends" and partners; their associates might also be Narcs who are just waiting for an excuse to 'bite'. And further, the odds are that they are actually enjoying the fact that you are getting treated with disrespect.

The Narcissist can't do checks and balances.
He or she is not going to say "Hey all your friends and acquaintances treat me with respect and kindness, but many of mine treat you with total disdain or disrespect, that's not fair!"

They aren't going to say "Hey you are always polite and considerate to me, and keep your word to me, and help me when I ask. I respect you for that, and I will also treat you with the same consideration and respect."

They aren't going to say "Hey I noticed that waitress, clerk, salesperson, or other person treated me with respect, but treated you with DISRESPECT."

They don't CARE, and they probably LIKE IT anyway, because they see it as them getting elevated and you getting "kept in your place."
(Narcissists are usually obsessed with 'hierarchy' and feel GOOD when a person treats them better than someone else, even what the person being disrespected is their own child, friend, partner, or relative. It reaffirms their feeling of self-importance, which is what they substitute for their missing self-esteem.)

Categorizing Human Beings

Labeling, categorizing, and grouping is good for those with Narcissistic agendas.

Another product of growing up in a dysfunctional environment, whether it was family or community, is being 'taught' that people belong in CATEGORIES. This categorizing puts people in GROUPS, and FORGETS that they are individual human beings.

The "rich people", the "poor people", the "criminal people", the "churc...h people", the "politician people", etc, etc.

People also get categorized by race and sex.

Other CATEGORY groups can include "druggies", "yuppies", "working stiffs", "bikers", "preps", "gangbangers", "hippies", "ruling class", "losers", "winners", ~ the list goes on and on.

Entire generations get labels put on them, usually by someone who is NOT part of that generation; someone who has no way to know what the individuals in that age group experienced growing up. (Narcissists believe they can see completely from someone else's point of view, and also see everything there is to see about any given subject; it doesn't occur to them that they CAN'T.)

This habit of categorizing people is simply the brain's way to turn people into members of groups, and ignore their individuality, making it easier for the mind to deal with all the different people around us. The brain simply DELETES REAL information about other people, and wraps them in an easy-to-swallow story that feels good to the ego.

On the other side of this same coin, people often put THEMSELVES in groups in order to FIT IN, to be seen as a certain "KIND" of person, and to be accepted by their community AND/OR their peers. Often the goal includes being admired or respected above others. ("I am one of THESE people, so you should respect/admire/fear/accept me, and therefore automatically give me better treatment").

A large majority of people will automatically treat others differently if they think they're part of a GROUP, (any group, even as simple as sex or race), for GOOD or for ILL.
Also, members of any group will usually treat a member differently than a non-member.
The less secure individuals feel in a given community or group, the MORE they behave this way.

The more Narcissists there are in a given area, the more common it is for the people in the area to put group labels on other people. Also, the more likely people in that area will try to make themselves known as belonging to a certain group, because it affords some protection from Narcissist targeting (any kind of group at all, from the Masons to the Junior League, to the Tennis Club, to organized crime groups, to the local gang, to less organized cliques and groups where everyone dresses similarly, talks similarly, and does the same activities). Narcissists are less likely to target individuals who appear to have some kind of support network, and human beings LEARN THIS while they're growing up, even if they're not consciously aware of it.

Ironically... the increase in an area of people seeking to be seen as part of a group, and labeling other people, actually makes it EASIER for Narcissists to keep control in that area. Each group, large or small, has a leader, and that's what Narcissists do best, control other people. If there is a Narc. in the group, he or she WILL try to take the Leader position, regardless of their actual level (or lack thereof) of experience, knowledge, or ability.

To combat the ease of which Narcissists gain control, we can start with ourselves by becoming more vigilant about labeling and grouping others, and about labeling and grouping ourselves. When we aren't doing it anymore, when we start remembering that each person is an INDIVIDUAL, and not merely a member of a category or group, then we can teach and model this for others, especially children.

When Narcissists are around, the real abilities, behaviors, and character of all individuals get covered up and buried, so that Narcissists can end up looking like the most capable, the most noble, the most innocent, and the most intelligent. Those who the Narcissists are competing with get painted as incapable, weak, unstable, and untrustworthy. So, when EVERYONE is recognized as an individual person by the majority, and not some kind of clone that fits into a certain group, then the real abilities and capabilities can be seen by all, AS WELL AS the real agendas and behaviors.