Men Lead, Women Follow?

Google the phrase "Men Lead Women Follow" and you will get a quarter of a BILLION hits.

Which begs only one question:

Why the obsession?

Why are human beings apparently obsessed with who "follows" whom, and who "leads" whom?
What is this adamant, relentless obsession with who gets to wear the Crown?
Where does this come from, if humans are so, so, so intelligent and self-aware?

Now for the answer!
What part of the brain will a person use to "answer" these questions?
Where is their "logic" or "evidence" REALLY coming from?

How about let's ask a couple more questions. (If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice!)

If there's a community that is populated only by males, all of whom have the same IQ, the same skill set, and the same school/academic record, who gets to be in charge?
Who gets to decide who's in charge?
Why does anyone want to be in charge of anyone else?

And another one:

If there's a community that is populated only by females, all of whom have the same IQ, the same skill set, and the same school/academic record, which females get to be in charge?
How would it be decided, and who gets to decide?
Why does anyone want the job of being a boss over their equals?

How long would an all-male community stay peaceful, and make progress?
How long would an all-female community?

What would be the focus and goals of an all-female community that was populated by females of equal skill and intelligence?  What would they be planning? What would they be working on?

What would be the focus and goals of an all-male community that was populated by males of equal skill and intelligence?

Do you believe you could know the answers to these questions?
How do you perceive people?

Do you perceive males as all being similar to one another, or as diverse individuals with unique abilities and personalities?
Do you perceive females as all being similar to one another, or as diverse individuals with unique abilities and personalities?

Which group would you like to see all of the individuals genuinely free and happy?
Where does that come from inside of you?
Do you really know where it comes from, or do you just think you do?

The answers are within. Happy hunting (or is it gathering?)

Why Are People So Immature

People are only as mature as they can handle. They might not be grown-up enough to care about others, or know how to treat people, so the choice falls to you whether you want to put up with it or just leave them where they sit. The last thing you need to do is take them too seriously.

Controllers, Hamsters, and Narcissism

Controllers in relationships with other people (parent/child, 'partner', 'friend', etc) are like the kind of children with pet hamsters who think the hamster is just another toy,... that happens to be alive.

They leave it in the cage till they feel like holding it or playing with it.

It doesn't occur to them that the hamster might be lonely, bored, or scared, and if it does, they don't actually care, it's just another "burden" to care about the hamster's "feelings" or "well being".

If the hamster declines being handled, it's the HAMSTER'S "FAULT"

They expect it to be "happy" in the little cage, however small or stark it is. If they add toys or tubes, the hamster "better be happy" and "appreciate" their effort and expense. If the hamster doesn't seem content with its environment, then the HAMSTER is to blame, it can't be because the human didn't do something correctly, or didn't do enough.

The hamster's needs are last on their priority list, and are categorized as "chores". Clean my room, put out the yucky garbage, make my stupid bed, do my dumb homework, feed and give water to the hamster, clean the cage if absolutely necessary. It's just another annoying job; the fact that the kid WANTED the hamster (so bad) is simply "forgotten".

The hamster gets taken out of the cage when the child feels like playing with it or showing it off to his or her friends. When the hamster jumps or runs, it gets caught up and shoved back in the cage. When someone squeezes it too hard, it bites them, of course; but the human's reaction is to scream, throw it across the room, and call it "mean". The fact that they squeezed and hurt it gets conveniently "forgotten".

The kid doesn't really care when his or her friends chase it, scare it, squeeze it, or let the cat chase it, or the dog knock it around.

The kid is not at all interested in learning about hamsters, what they do in the wild, what they need, or what they like; he/she already thinks he/she knows everything there is to know; it's a little fuzzy animal that humans have as pets, and you have to feed it and give it water... (what else is there to know, and who cares, anyway? It's just a hamster, and just a pet, everyone has them, just do like everyone else does, no need to learn anything, either about hamsters, or about THIS hamster...)

The hamster is not allowed any hamster friends; the kid wants to be the hamster's only friend. So it makes the hamster be alone and dependent on him/her for any interaction and companionship.

The hamster is left behind for pretty much anything and everything that the kid is doing in the rest of his/her life. It isn't allowed its own friends, but it doesn't get included with the kids' friends or family either. It gets left in the cage and expected to still be there, "waiting", like an inanimate toy, no matter how long the kid leaves it in there.
If it was in its own natural environment, it would have lots of friends and activities, and would not be alone or isolated.

If the hamster doesn't get fed, watered, or kept clean, or taken out of its cage, this kid says who cares? It's just a hamster...

When the hamster gets older and loses its baby-look, the kid doesn't "like it" as much because it's not as "cute" as it used to be, and neglects it more and more.

When the hamster gets sickly from malnutrition or lack of care, the kid blames the hamster and wants a "better one" (zero comprehension of the kid's lack of care causing the hamster to be sick).

When the hamster finally runs away or passes away, the kid does get a "new one", and treats the new hamster the same way.

Message To Young People; 20 things

If I could go back in time to my teenage self, I would tell myself a few things:

1) Trust yourself more

2) Believe in yourself more

3) Stay true to yourself and what you know is right

4) Find out what that all means

5) Older people are human beings like you, not some other "tribe"

6) Don't trust people just because you like them, because they're funny, attractive,"cool", or seem mature; look out for manipulation and control, listen to the messages from your feelings, watch for clique, faction, and gang behavior; gauge people's intentions and character by their actual behavior, not by their "apparent coolness" or apparent "lack of coolness". People aren't supposed to cater to your moods, or vice versa. (See number 13)

7) DO your dreams, don't NOT do your dreams.

8) People WILL TRY TO STOP YOU from doing your dreams, no matter what they are. Find one or two people who don't have this agenda, and if you can't find someone now, keep on your path, you'll find a genuine friend or mentor eventually. Those who try to steal your ideas, or who try to talk you into doing something or giving them something in order to help you achieve your dreams are not to be trusted. (Taking classes and lessons are okay). Find out about how successful people you know or admire walked past those dream-stoppers and kept going.

9) You might not actually know who IS trustworthy and has your back, and who IS NOT, but don't just ditch people who aren't perfect, and don't hang too tightly to people you trust; see number 13. Anything whatsoever that has to do with "business" or any kind of transaction should always be in writing, in writing, in writing, and legally documented, documented, documented.

10) You're right about peace, love, and understanding, they ARE the most important things. Along with dignity, civility, respect, empathy, fairness, integrity, and freedom, for one's self and for others.

11) Even though you're right, hardly anyone is going to agree with you or understand you completely, and you won't understand others completely either, even your closest friends and family. And that's okay.

12) Expect opposition, expect bullying, expect ridiculous prejudice against you, and DO NOT let any of it get inside your heart; if it does, do heal it.

13) "Healthy Boundaries" are among the most important things in your life, now and always; learn what they are and all about them. Along with this:  Learn. How. To. Survive. Off. The. Land. You will have much more confidence in caring for yourself and dealing with "life". You're a child of the Earth, you are supposed to learn about the Earth's resources for your own survival, just like every other creature of this world. 

14) Racism, sexism, ageism, and other "isms" are actually used as control tactics that manipulate ALL citizens, not just the obvious ones. There's much more to it than what it looks like.

15) If you want to learn about navigating the world you are living in NOW, the people around you, their agendas, issues, and motivations, ASK them about the way they grew up, what they did, and what was going on in the world during their youth and early adulthood. You'll learn way more about history and humans than from a book.

16) ALL THINGS in this world: governments, businesses, gangs, schools, police, musicians, actors, scientists, athletes, religions, any group you can think of, is populated by people, just like you and me. Human beings who decided to go to school in order to get the degree that got them that job. Human beings who worked as hard as they could to get what they have. Human beings who are doing the best they can, and others who are always trying to get away with something; some who are very kind, some who are very mean, some who are all of the above. Human beings who were raised in a very different family, or a very different community, some of them were protected and treated well, some of them were treated poorly, some of them had to grow up around adults who were always doing things to scare them, some of them were raised like princes or princesses, and some of them aren't cared about at all by their families, whether they're poor or very wealthy, or in the middle.

17) You are a bright, burning flame, you have one precious and beautiful life; learn to look and see your Life Light, feel your soul within your body, and know it's real; you fit and belong with all the other beautiful, shining, bright Life Light on this incredible planet. The Life Light in other human beings, and in all the rest of what is Alive, here on this Earth, spinning around our spectacular Sun.

18) Don't assume others are bad, and don't assume others are good; they are all Alive with that bright, burning Life Light, and that's truly precious and beautiful, but it tells you nothing about their behavior, intentions, or motives.

19) You are absolutely being influenced by the media, music, and the people around you, and so are other people, no matter how smart or cool a person is. READ THE LYRICS of the songs you listen to, see if they reflect the kind of life you really, truly want for yourself. Don't blindly follow other people's beliefs, conformity, OR rebellion; don't pollute your body or your mind. Find things out for yourself. Listen to others' points of view, their opinions and beliefs, but don't become indoctrinated by them. DO keep asking questions, all the days of your life.

20) Be yourself, you are who you're supposed to be. Follow your dreams, make yourself a lovely life, make money, follow your values, don't "step on" others, and don't let others step on you. Protect yourself, protect and nurture your genuine friendships, protect your loved ones. Self-discipline and improvement are about learning about ourselves and the world, and improving our behaviors, choice-making, skills, empathy, and interactions with other people, but our Spirits are already beautiful.

"Be what you is, because if you be what you ain't, you ain't what you is!"

Dedicated to the precious young ones in my life