Respect My Authority! Control Issues, Authority and Status

Taking on an air of "authority" is common in controllers. They desire control, so they imagine themselves as an "authority person". They will seem to take on the behavior, intonation, language and body language of some kind of authority figure, such as a stern, controlling parent, or a stern Headmaster, or a stern Boss, or the way they imagine an "official" acts, a coach, or all of the above. If they knew a such a person in their youth, they may just mimic that person, sometimes right down to specific words and phrases.
 

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Because they have taken on this "authoritative role", they imagine that they deserve the extra "respect" that they think such an authority person is entitled to. They don't really understand CONTEXT. In other words, they don't realize that the Headmaster was acting in the Headmaster position, and the authority and "power" he or she seemed to wield was not INNATE, but was only relevant within the position of Headmaster. When the Headmaster was not performing the job, the "authority" was set down, and not present. The Headmaster was not a "Headmaster" in the rest of life, and did not have innate authority and power just because of WHO HE WAS, or WHO SHE WAS, as if their very being gave them automatic Entitlement.

A person with control issues may see the whole world in the context of "STATUS". They may believe that their sex or their race gives them an automatic "authority" or "status" position. They may believe that becoming a Wife means status and authority; becoming a Husband means status and authority; becoming a Mother is a "status position", or becoming a Father is a "status position". They often transfer this to the world, as well, not just in the home. So they believe that "Father" is a status title, or "Mother", or "Husband", or "Wife". They may see it only a little, or not see it at all, as a relationship, or a partnership, or caring for, loving, and raising children. 
This is one reason why some people will hold on to a relationship or marriage that is obviously terrible, even if they have told their spouse that they hate them, or are regularly betraying them. They aren't holding on to the PERSON, they are holding on to what they believe is a status position.
 
There is a gap in understanding authority and hierarchy. They may see their own mother or father's actions and tone as their entire personality, and the authority he or she seems to possess as all-encompassing. A child may mimic a parent's intonations and body language because they think they will "become" one of the ADULTS, and thereby have authority OVER their siblings. This mimicry can be seen in all kinds of situations where there is a leader in a group; a youth will mimic a coach, a scout leader, a clergy person, a teacher, or an employer, and expect to "become" an authority figure because they have taken on the traits or character of such a person.
Just like a youth will mimic a famous musician because they aspire to become a famous musician, a controller will mimic an authority figure because they want to "become" an authority figure. In their minds, authority figures are "natural" authority figures, and if they "become" one, they will automatically be entitled to superior respect and special treatment.

This is where ego-injury can often be seen ~ when a controller is not actually IN such an authority position, he or she will probably NOT get treated with extra respect. This can feel like DISRESPECT to them, so they can become very offended or angry, and some may become abusive. Also, when a controller over-uses his or her "authority" when they are actually in an authority position, those "under" them (employees, children, students) will eventually become tired of their control issues and rebel.

Those who do not desire control can find it hard to imagine that a person would actually WANT to be "in charge", just to be in charge. A controller will actually take a job that will let them be in control over others, regardless of what the job actually is.

This can be seen in all fields and areas of human-care, including teaching, coaching, medical, psychology, and caregiving. Those who take jobs for this reason are not taking the job for reasons of caregiving, and serious problems usually occur.

Controllers may want to get married or have children so they can have (in their minds) family members to be "in charge of". They are not getting married for actual partnership, and they are not having children to actually raise human beings into happy, well-rounded adults. They are simply trying to procure a position of "status" that THEY believe will entitle them to authority over others.

Controllers will actually go through the work to acquire a college degree, even a law or medical degree, just to procure a position of authority and entitlement. They can become depressed when they actually start working and realize that they did not procure the authority they had assumed they would. They can often become tyrannical toward employees, and arrogant toward clients.

Controllers even often make "friends" with those they think they can play "authority" over, who won't protest very much, or who they believe is less intelligent, capable, or physically strong. When their target "friend" doesn't appreciate their attempts at "authority" over them, they can become very offended and angry, as if the target "friend" is the one who is "out of line".

They take on these control behaviors because they believe they will become a "natural authority person", and therefore will be ENTITLED to authority, in their imagination. That's how they may actually believe the "world" works. And it does, but only within circles of people with control issues and status obsession.

M.M.Black

Beauty and People Beliefs

We all reach adulthood in age and body whether we actually matured or not. Most of us bring many of our childhood assumptions and judgments about others with us, and forget to grow out of them for one reason or another. Sometimes, hopefully, we catch ourselves and have a V8 moment of "wow, I've been thinking that way and didn't even realize it!"

Some of these misperceptions and beliefs that some of us actually truly believe, and live lives by, include:

>The appearance and looks of a person reflects who and what they are inside.

>A person is easy to figure out after meeting them once or twice.

>Women who are "beautiful" think about sex, and must have sex.

(basic projection; when A finds B sexy, A imagines that B finds herself sexy too, and therefore believes that B thinks about sex like A does. A could be male or female.)

>Men who are "beautiful" are all players.

(envy and projection; C imagines that if he were as good looking as D, that's what he would be doing, and would be able to "get away with it".Also jealousy: E imagines that D would never be attracted to her and feels resentment, so she creates a negative profile of D in her mind.) )

>When a woman smiles at a man, or acts friendly, it's because she's sexually attracted to him.

>Ability and intelligence are based on height.

>Ability and intelligence are based on gender.

>Women have only a fraction of the body strength that men have.

>Men are natural leaders, women are natural followers.

>All women are very similar mentally.

>All men are very similar mentally.

>All men are physically stronger than all women, automatically, and are born with a natural ability to build and repair things, which women are not born with.

>All women are physically weaker but more graceful than all men, automatically, and are born with a natural ability to nurture and care for others, which men are not born with.

>All Caucasians are very similar to one another.

>All Africans are very similar to one another.

>All Asians are very similar to one another.

>(Etc.)

>Beauty and good looks are seen the same way by everyone. If I think a woman is beautiful, that means everyone else does, too. If I think a man is unattractive, that means everyone else does, too.

>Taller and bigger people are better leaders, and more grown-up.

 (This is a childhood imprint left-over; adults are taller and bigger, and are the leaders who make things happen and control the resources. That feeling of "whoever is tall or big is an adult" gets imprinted and remains into adulthood)

>Shorter and smaller people are more child-like, and it's okay to boss them around and invade their space.

(Also a childhood imprint left-over; anyone who is shorter than me is younger than me, and is therefore a child, and therefore has less experience, maturity, and authority than I do. And, it is okay to pick up a child, take things away from a child, condescend to a child, and invade their space.)

>Short men have "short man's complex".

>Tall men aren't as bright.

>Short women are like children, and not very strong, and don't have the same rights as other people, and it's okay to treat them with less respect.

>Tall women are stuck-up, bitchy, and like to boss men around.

>Tall women and tall men are automatically beautiful and more attractive, and everyone thinks so.

>All men are attracted to small women, and also women with large breasts.

>All women want men who are rich, or who are physically strong and "tough".

>All women like the same things, and don't like "man" stuff.

>All men like the same things, and don't like "woman" stuff.

>EVERYTHING is divided into "Man Stuff" and "Women Stuff".

>Marijuana is the devil.

>Marijuana is not a drug and has zero ill side effects.

>College degrees indicate intelligence, not having a college degree indicates lower intelligence and lack of capability.


There are of course many more, but all of them are based on a kind of black and white thinking, or "pink and blue" thinking. Young children will often rate an attractive teacher as "nicer" than an older or less attractive teacher on the first day of school, before they have had any interaction with either teacher. Adults will vote for the taller candidate and promote the taller applicant. You can probably find examples of this kind of perceptual immaturity right in your own home, maybe even in yourself and didn't realize it. These are basically snips of childhood that we didn't grow out of for one reason or another, and sometimes nothing big enough happens to shake our tree and make us realize we were thinking this way.
But, some people are INVESTED in these beliefs and perceptions; they came to see the world this way and felt SAFE at some point, so they KEPT these pocket beliefs, HELD ON to them, and simply decided to stay there. They may have even been taught these things by adults who were emotionally invested in this way. 



M.M.Black