Getting A "Fix" From Sexism

People who treat members of the opposite sex with disrespect are most likely doing the same thing to members of their own sex.

It may not look the same because they typically use different words, behaviors and methods.

They'll do it to people of other races as well, or the same race.

They'll often do it to anyone who they see as having differences from others, even if THEY HAVE the SAME "different" trait.

They do it to whomever they think they'll get away with doing it to.

It's not a "belief system", no matter what they say, no matter how they try to rationalize their behavior.

It's nothing more than a "fix" they're getting, same as any other drug fix, so they'll get it wherever they can.

There are many mammals who get a charge and a rush out of domination, but Humans are the only ones who make up elaborate excuses to rationalize and justify their behavior.

Humans are the only ones who try to get away with causing harm to others by creating stories and myths. 
but the only ones they're fooling are themselves (ourselves).

There is no other species who has authority or control over Humans.

The stories and excuses that have been spun to rationalize and justify our domination behavior toward one another are intended to fool none other than our own species.

Narcissism, Hierarchy, Scammers: Inability To Accept And Process Information

Not being able to take in, process, and remember new information that does not line up with what's already in their head is one of the cognitive issues that can be seen in humans in general, but is markedly apparent in certain disorders and illnesses, especially with Narcissism.

If their "story" has Stella cast in character as being a person who has little or no experience in something, then they will just keep "writing" her that way, no matter what they see or hear that indicates differently.

If they've cast Stella as (if they think of her as) physically weak and fragile, then when they SEE her landscaping her property, or building a porch onto her house, they CAN'T accept the new information and "rewrite" their character of Stella, because they can't handle the contradictory information.

They can't think "Oh, I was quite wrong in my assumptions about Stella, I should not have judged her like that, I was not right or correct." Because the REASON they thought of Stella as weak and fragile was about THEIR OWN identity and insecurity issues. It had nothing to do with Stella, or with reality.
Making Stella weak allowed them to feel STRONG in comparison to her: "I might not be the Hulk, or even the strongest person in my family, but there's a person that I'm stronger than."

Instead, they will try to delete the new information, or try to rationalize HOW "weak, fragile Stella" is able to do this "difficult" work. Their ensuing behaviors as a result of their attempts at deleting, denying, and rationalizing may include:

~ Avoid Stella, and avoid seeing her do these things
~ Treat Stella like she must be horribly exhausted and overtaxed, and "out of her depth"
~ Try to take over Stella's projects
~ Criticize and "critique" everything Stella is doing or has done
~ Keep trying to "advise" Stella, as if she knows much less about these things than they do
~ Talk about Stella behind her back, implying that she's grandiose or unstable (she's not following the "character" they wrote for her, so she must be crazy or bad)

Often they will find some "reason" that they don't LIKE HER anymore, so they'll have an excuse not to be around her very much. A person with Narcissism may have a tantrum and wildly reject Stella, creating a new story in their heads about Stella being a terrible person, so they can give themselves (and others) an excuse about tearing her down and rejecting her.

People with Narcissism issues feel emotional pain when someone in their cast of characters shows that they are not the person they were "written" as, because it's a blow to their already wounded and weakened ego identity (boundaries). A person who is "supposed to be" someone who is LESSER than the N. is supposed to ACT that way, or they're WRECKING the N's world, where the N. uses them to compare themselves to.

If they're not lesser, weaker, less capable, less intelligent, less "worthy" than the N., then they are ruining the N's SELF-IMAGE.

The average Narcissist's self-image, identity, and self-worth is based on how they COMPARE to OTHER PEOPLE.
Without other people to compare themselves to, they don't know who or what they ARE. They NEED others to be either someone who is greater than them so they can follow them, OR someone who is lesser than them so they can feel like they're MORE than that person. Narcissists DO NOT want these "characters" to change, because they are basing their identity and worth on who and what they are in comparison to others.

They NEED to have HEROES, "important people" with titles, power, and prestige to be in the world, so that they can keep their imagined "Hierarchy" alive. (Mostly people they don't know personally). They'll often refer to these "important people" as if they are above other human beings and therefore smarter, better,  more capable, more WORTHY, more everything, and especially "above" targets whom they're trying to diminish.

AND they NEED to have people in their lives whom they have cast as "inferiors" in whatever way they can come up with, because that's the only way they can feel like they have worth or value as a person.

It's all a construct of the imagination.

There are, however, sociopathic Narcissists who are quite aware that these "Hierarchies" that people create are not real, but they perpetuate them and encourage them purposely in order to USE them for manipulation purposes. A good example of that is the SCAMS on the internet, the "Catfish" who have been exposed on some talk shows, scamming people out of thousands of dollars. Also the SCAMS on Craigslist out of other countries, such as the fake ads for home rentals. These are sociopathic Narcissists using people's own beliefs in hierarchy to manipulate them. 
They're also common on dating sites, and on other social media. 

Crazy-Making Double-Standards

Little, subtle crazy-making behaviors keep others in the loop of those with control issues.
Double-standards are part of daily life with those who have control issues. "Social rules" are one way for them, but different for someone else, and different for each target.

So Scott, the Controller, doesn't call home when he's going to be late, and sometimes doesn't come home until after midnight. Everyone is supposed to be "understanding" about that, and assume that Scott is late because he had something IMPORTANT to do; a "legitimate reason" for being late. No one is allowed to question why he was late, or why he didn't call. Which is perfectly fine if he held up that same standard for everyone else, but he doesn't. Scott wants his autonomy respected, as well as his person and his intentions, he wants to be seen and treated as someone who deserves full respect. BUT, he does NOT treat OTHERS that way. Megan, his sister, and Julie, his wife, are apparently under DIFFERENT "RULES" than Scott, even though they are both adults.

Scott becomes angry and upset when Julie doesn't come home, or when she doesn't call. He tries to cast shame on Julie for this, as if being late or not calling home means she's a Bad Person, or means she's Doing Something Bad while she's out, and that she doesn't CARE about him.

Scott also lays blame and shame on his sister when she doesn't come home until late, and when she doesn't call.

Scott seems oblivious to his Double Standard about coming home late or calling.
Apparently in his mind, there are two separate worlds:
Scott World, where there's nothing wrong with staying out late and not calling; and Julie and Megan World, where if you stay out late or don't call, you're doing something wrong and bad, and hurting the people who "care about you".

Really though, Scott wants to be the Leader of the group, the Important One in the group, the Parental Figure (as if the others are children), and some kind of Authority Figure.
Scott thinks that people who are "Leaders" and "Authorities" are not beholden to rules, or to social consideration. He thinks that if he's being the "Leader", then he gets to MAKE "rules" for others, and "enforce" them, and "punish" others for not following them, but that those rules are not for HIM to follow.  

That's what Scott thinks "Leaders" and "Authority Figures" get to do; make and enforce rules, but they don't have to follow them.

Scott thinks that when Julie and Megan don't follow Scott World "rules", that they are DISRESPECTING him, and treating him badly. He honestly can not comprehend that they are all on EQUAL footing, that no one is "above" or "below", that there is no "Hierarchy". He really thinks he's the "Leader", and that therefore he's ENTITLED to privilege and being outside the rules, and that he has the RIGHT to boss them around and cast shame on them for doing exactly the same things that he does.

Self-Promotion, Worldly Success, Narcissists

One of the ways many Narcissists achieve apparent worldly success in various endeavors is with self-promotion. A lot of it.

Without a filter, and without humility, self-awareness, or a sense of genuine dignity, along with a rather grand view of one's self, many who are classically Narcissistic rather enjoy promoting themselves, frequently announcing their achievements: big, small, miniscule, or made-up, and talking at length about how they did this lovely thing today for whosit, and that sweet thing for someone else, and that self-sacrificing thing.
When they're doing business, whatever it is, they are always the first, second, fourth, and last to tell others how great, skilled, experienced, talented, and trustworthy they are. They have no problem plastering their name and face all over the place, no matter what their business, skill, experience, or talent actually is.

"I am the best, I am the most wonderful. You should like me, you should believe me, you should agree that I'm great, and that I deserve your recognition, money, friendship, and trust."

Since they do it so much, and since people are highly suggestible, they tend to achieve more success than not with their blatant self-promotion. Once they've got someone invested, that person will defend them to anyone who sees through them.

People are much more likely to DEFEND and SUPPORT a Narcissist/Controller than to defend or support a NON-Narcissist who is just trying to succeed, or even just trying to do something "good".

Because: Narcissists manipulate people to rally for them, and non-Narcissists don't.

If you're struggling to find your own success, Narcissists have a whole bag of "tricks" that are used to achieve success, both socially and in business. Not all of them are unethical, cruel, or immoral, so with healthy boundaries intact, one may find some useful snippets of self-presentation or advertising in that bag. Just be careful about getting your head stuck in it ~:)  .