Opposite Feedback, Automatic Countering

Giving opposite feedback to others.
Dissonance instead of resonance.
Automatic countering.
Doing the opposite of what a "natural reaction" to another would be.
Automatic invalidation.
Compulsion to hurt or provoke, as opposed to help or soothe.
Compulsion to control or betray as opposed to cooperate or support.

During their youths, Controllers (mostly Narcissists, but some others as well) learned a TRICK.



(So as adults, they would be seen treating a mentally stable person as if they're crazy; or an honest, upstanding person as if they're a liar and a cheat; or a talented or skilled person as a novice or a wanna-be, etc.)

For example:
If they think a girl or boy is good-looking and they RESENT them for it, simply treat them AS IF he or she is ugly, unwanted, even disgusting.

If they RESENT (envy) a girl or boy for being "funny", simply treat them AS IF they're stupid, annoying, or unwanted.

If they RESENT (fear) a girl or boy because they seem physically strong or skilled, simply treat them AS IF they're weak, incapable, clumsy, or unwanted.

If they RESENT (envy, fear) a girl or boy because they're apparently "smart", simply treat them AS IF they're "slow", foolish, crazy, or forgetful.

SAY the opposite of what a natural response would be:

If a targeted child says it's raining outside, say the OPPOSITE of what a natural response would be (like "oh yeah, it is, look at the dark clouds") and say INSTEAD something like "It's JUST sprinkling. It's going to stop soon."

If a targeted child says that another kid picked on them at school, don't give the child support, don't ask who the kid is, don't ask what happened, and don't console the child, stand up for the child, or help empower the child.
Do the OPPOSITE of all those natural responses:
Tell the child to stop whining, tell them that it was their fault, and then get away from the child.

If a targeted child accomplishes something they're proud of (especially if it's something "important" to the child, or in school or community), the natural response would be expressing joy and pride, or making a gesture of celebration and recognition, big or small.
So do the OPPOSITE of those things: act uninterested, belittle the accomplishment, talk about one's OWN accomplishment instead, talk about something completely irrelevant, brag about someone ELSE'S accomplishment, make fun of the child, or walk away.

Some will often also physically threaten or attack a child whom they envy, resent, or fear.

~If they're afraid that the child they've bullied or tricked is going to "tell", or if the child stands up to them, they will treat the child with MORE bullying, trying to instill FEAR, in order to stop them from either "telling", OR standing up for themselves.

If another child is being bullied or attacked, DON'T stand up for them, protect them, or console them; do the opposite of that. Either go along with the attack, or do nothing except watch or walk away.

If another child appears sad, anxious, scared, shy, or physically injured, do the OPPOSITE of the natural reaction (which would be to act like a friend or help them), and treat them WORSE than usual. Purposely ignore them, put them down, or leave.

If they RESENT another child because they are expected to take care of them, they may continually bully the child with all kinds of tactics, from threats used to provoke a FEAR reaction, to actual assault, to insulting and humiliating the child, to making the child feel unwanted, even hated, by the bully and/or their friends.
Eventually, the target child will avoid the bullying (or abusive) child, making the "babysitting" much easier...
(it's a piece of cake to "care for" someone else if you're not really caring for them or giving them any attention - because they avoid you and stay quiet, even hide - and therefore don't ask for anything or even do something, such as play outside, that you might need to pay attention to.)


They discover that doing or saying the OPPOSITE of what a healthy, natural, neutral or positive reaction would be does a few things:

~It causes immediate confusion in other people

~It can cause fear or anxiety in others

~It can give the Controller a facade of strength and confidence, because the opposite reactions appear to be "independence", "autonomy", "leadership" and "intelligence", simply because they are different from the expected.

~Because of the aforementioned effects of OPPOSITE reacting, speaking, and behaving, the Controller is often able to manipulate other people and situations to their advantage.

~It gets them out of responsibility and accountability

~Since people often misinterpret their behavior as a display of being "confident", "strong" or "knowledgeable", they find it easy to take a leadership role in many groups that they're in. People will follow them and believe them (due to the confusion and misinterpretation.)

~People will often stand up for them because they've misinterpreted them to be a "strong", "good", "innocent", or "wise Leader type" or a "go getter", or a "fatherly" or "motherly" type.

To demonstrate the way the human mind tends to emotionally and mentally react to the OPPOSITE of natural expectations, play some natural chords on a piano or a guitar, and notice the way the harmony and resonance is kind of soothing and nice. Then play a dissonant chord, like hitting a bunch of random keys or strings together, and notice how that feels, and how the mind PAYS MORE ATTENTION to it and remembers it.

Control Tactic: Opposite Response Behavior

The tactic of doing or saying the OPPOSITE of what a natural or healthy human reaction would be toward another, especially a Target, is used by controllers and bullies in order to gain leverage and control, and also to appear authoritative and powerful. It helps them gain control and stay in control.
(Unless one sees through the tactic.)
*The most common example of this is making noises or demanding attention when a Target is resting or sleeping. It's seemingly trivial, but it's actually VERY important, and directly affects the Target's health and well-being, and is actually an abusive behavior when done purposely.
Sleep deprivation is also a brainwashing and submission tactic.
This Opposite behavior often becomes an automatic habit with those who have control or narcissism issues; they may not even realize they're doing it, because they've done it for so long.
The behavior is often used as a domination tactic or a status display.

So when another person appears to need support for any reason, the OPPOSITE of giving support would be to ignore them, criticize them, insult them, and WITHDRAW help, companionship, resources, or emotional support.

Targets of Controllers and Narcissists will receive this OPPOSITE reaction and behavior on a consistent basis.

When a Target needs ANYTHING, that will be the thing that's made HARD TO GET or UNAVAILABLE to them by the Controller.

"Needs" that are made hard to get or unavailable by Controllers and Narcissists toward Targets can include absolutely anything, from simple respect, courtesy, and neutral feedback, to professional conduct in a business relationship.
It can include guidance, mentoring, or respectful teaching or caregiving in an educational or healthcare setting.
It can include shelter, food, water, resources, SLEEP, protection, assistance, sanctuary, courtesy, respect, care, and emotional support in a family setting.
It can include any kind of support or assistance, honesty, companionship, integrity, respect, or cooperation in a friendship or a romantic relationship.

When a Target has EXTRA need for something specific, such as sleep, protection from another person, help, shelter, a ride, emotional support, or resources help, that is when a Controller or Narcissist will often not only WITHDRAW support, but DEMAND MORE from the Target.

OPPOSITE response. When a Target has an extra financial burden, that's when the Controller will not only refuse help, but request or demand money from the Target.

When a Target is obviously exhausted from an ordeal or from a physically or mentally demanding task, that's when the Controller will request or demand assistance from the Target, or make sure somehow that the Target CAN'T rest because of noise or interruption.

*(Narcissists often make noise when Targets are sleeping.)

Controllers/Narcissists pick and choose WHO to "grace" with NORMAL respect, courtesy, assistance, and (selective) ethical behavior.
And they choose WHO to WITHDRAW and DENY NORMAL respect, courtesy, assistance, and ethical behavior FROM.

If a Target is in the hospital for an illness, the Controller/Narcissist will likely NOT visit them or assist them, or only make a small gesture of a visit, because they "don't have time" or "can't get there".
But when someone whom the Controller wants to IMPRESS or wants APPROVAL FROM is in the same hospital, the Controller will suddenly find the time and resources to visit them, help them, probably even bring them gifts or offer them rides.

If a Target-student asks for help from a Controller teacher or school faculty, the Controller will be too busy, or their "hands are tied", or they'll tell the student that they need to do whatever it is on their own. But if a FAVORED student asks for help from the same Controller teacher or faculty member, they'll suddenly be available and capable of giving all kinds of help.

Targets will be given the OPPOSITE of whatever the natural, healthy human response would be by Controllers, and especially from Narcissists.

Natural response:
If a person is upset about something serious that happened to them, the natural, healthy human reaction to that would be basically to ask what happened, then listen to them tell about the event in a respectful, courteous manner, acknowledging that they're being heard, and giving verbal signals and body language that indicate that the listener is interested, understands what's being said, and cares.
After listening with interest and respect, if there is something the listener can do to help, and also depending on the relationship with the person and the listener's current realistic ability to help, then it would be done.
(Assuming healthy boundaries and no codependency or control.
Obviously, there would be more help if the healthy relationship is family, close friendship, or romantic, and still according to the realistic ability of the other person.)

So when another person appears to be upset, the natural human reaction is to find out what's wrong with interest, WITHOUT making assumptions, by actually LISTENING to what the person SAYS happened, without interrupting, "advising", or condescending;
keeping respect and the person's well-being as one's focus. 
Then to give help according to one's realistic ability at the time, and according to the relationship.
That does, of course, include "professionals" in mental and physical health caregiver positions.

What a Controller or Narcissist would likely do when they see that a person (Target person) is upset about something:

The OPPOSITE of a natural, healthy reaction, such as showing DISINTEREST in hearing what happened.

Displaying ANNOYANCE toward the upset person.

Showing COLDNESS toward the person.

Implying that the person is CRAZY or HISTRIONIC.

Showing meanness toward the person.

Interrupting the person when they're telling what happened.

Interrupting the person in order to give them "advice".

Defending anyone who the person says treated them poorly.

Instead of support, give the opposite: criticism, insults, and condescension.

Controllers in "professional" or business positions use this tactic all the time to appear authoritative and gain control; most people don't seem to be able to discern what they're really doing.
Even in the mental health fields.


Atmospheres where these OPPOSITE tactics can be observed very clearly if one is watching for it are groups where people are trying to gain power, gain authority, gain prestige, gain wealth, gain control over others, and/or look "tough", such as criminal circles like drug dealing, weapons dealing, 'organized crime', and human trafficking.
But ALSO in groups that involve Politics, government, organizations, law, and law enforcement. ALSO in "high finance" fields and businesses.
ALSO in many science fields.
Any groups or fields where many are seeking PRESTIGE, recognition, notoriety, and power, along with financial gain.

The behavior is commonly hidden and denied in other types of atmospheres, such as local community, local or smaller businesses and work atmospheres, mental or physiological health care, and families, "friendships", and "romantic relationships".