"Blond or Red Haired Person" "Rich Person" "Dark Skinned Person" "Light Skinned Person" "Female Person" "Male Person" "Dumb Person" "Smart Person" "Mentally Ill Person" "Homosexual Person" "Heterosexual Person" "Ugly Person" "Beautiful Person" "Large Chested Woman" "Small Chested Woman" etc, etc, etc, reflects what is inside of US, not them.
It is all the same behavior, and it all comes from US, not THEM.
No matter what we have JUDGED the other person to be, in order to make
ourselves feel better, the fact remains that we choose how we treat
others. The labels we put on others are not what drives our behavior
toward them. WE are choosing our behavior, attempting to control others
with the way we treat them.
The important part of the sentence is not "disabled person" or "beautiful woman". It is "Being unkind, rude, dismissive, hostile, mean to the"...
Replace it with "Being kind, courteous, respectful, honestly fair and polite to the"...
When we practice this all the time, to everyone we interact with, then
we can finally get to know others as the real human beings they are.
Both
men and women have emotions and express them. However I learned that
there have been studies that show that a woman's voice affects the
emotional part of a man's brain. This causes men to think that women
are so emotional when they speak. If this is the case, how would men
even know how to discern communication with a woman about an issue
without feeling emotional triggers? Whether you are a man or a woman,
do you find this to be true for you or not?
Harry KruegerSorry
to say, communication, especially of feelings, is a vanishing skill
among men. Parents feel more threatened by each other, don't know how to
both honestly give and receive emotions,
and all too often tend to focus on the "excesses" of their partners,
not because of the uniqueness of their brain function, but because of
their own insecurity. Sorry to say, this gets passed on to young men and
women by example... and becomes a strengthened norm of behavior when
they enter into relationships.
Lisa ConcidineInsecurity
does get thrown into the mix. Having a healthy relationship by being
able to nurture it is an important skill most people have not seen in
practice.
To answer your question, I find it to be true for women as well. I noticed this in myself when I was about 12; in middle school I became aware that the teachers were being seen and treated more according to gender stereotypes than their actual personality traits, by almost all of the kids, not just the boys, and pretty equally among the kids; and then I looked around to see that this was pretty common, and no one was teaching the kids anything about it at all. I had to learn by myself to hear and see closer to reality than what my conditioning wanted me to hear and see, but I was lucky to have had the influence of some relatives who were good examples of objectivity and less bias, that might be why I caught it at all. I also noticed that the ADULT male teachers were by FAR the most gender biased, as a group. The male exceptions stood out like sore thumbs, but seemed to have given up railing against this crappy paradigm. (They treated everyone with respect, but seemed very leary of standing up for those who were disrespected due to gender bias, as if they had been bitten before.)
Three female teachers come to mind, all very high intelligence, and one in particular had a very objective personality. Most of the male teachers were highly emotional in their manner, and seemed completely unaware of it. The really fascinating and disturbing thing was how most of the kids and adults as well had it backwards; they rated the female teachers as MORE emotional, and the male teachers as LESS emotional, and it was very clearly quite the opposite. Most of the emotional displays from the female teachers were limited to happiness and frustration with being treated with blatant disrespect, however the emotional displays from the male teachers ran the entire spectrum on a daily basis. It illustrated that the female teachers were much more aware of their behavior and vocalizations reflecting their emotional states, and controlled this much more, and that the male teachers were unaware of their emotional states being reflected in their behavior and vocalizations, and didn't seem to bother trying to control it. Which illustrated, on a cultural level, that the female teachers were EXPECTED by others to behave non emotionally, and tried harder to control their behavior, obviously due to consequences if they did not, and the male teachers were NOT under scrutiny for this, but apparently felt so comfortable with their emotional displays that they were not even aware of them.
Both males and females tend to "hear" a male voice as informative, and a female voice as emotional. Varying from person to person of course; it's still mostly socialized from birth, and passed on, like Harry said. Mother does most of the caretaking of an infant, and the child is listening to her voice all day long, and the voices of other women as well when they go to daycare or when female relatives and friends are there;
From the baby's POV, Women surround me, care for me, clean me, feed me, hold me, clean me, are constantly responding to my emotional displays, constantly making noises and gestures that signal emotion from themselves, and are continually controlling my movements. They are also the ones who make me do things I do not want to do, and they often try to manipulate my emotions with all kinds of words, tones, and gestures.
For example when a baby does not want a bath, or does not want to eat vegetables, but we make them anyway. Women often tend to try to manipulate the baby by trying to convince her to feel happy about the event or to "like" the food, even if they hate it. Men do not do this nearly as much, they often resort to force by making their voice sound threatening. They also give up trying to force the baby to do things the baby is protesting much more quickly.
Both men and women often feel personally offended when they cannot seem to "make" the baby do what they want, and often blame the baby for not responding to their personal methods. The baby doesn't get convinced that they want a bath; a woman may say "She is fussy" or "She doesn't like me" or even "She's not normal". And when the baby does not stop protesting when a man tries the "authority" voice, he may say "She doesn't listen" or "She is insolent" or "She's a spoiled brat".
If you break this down further, the gender of the BABY is just as important of a factor as the gender of the parent, as far as the parent's gender bias behavior~ MOST parents whether male of female, are much more tolerant of male babies' and children's behavior, and much more micro-managing of girl babies' and children's behavior, right from birth. They seem to view a boy who does not respond to control and discipline cues as feisty, independent, and strong, and do little to change it; and a girl with IDENTICAL behavior in a very negative light, and punish them for it. (Of course there are plenty of exceptions, but that is the most common reaction.)
So, girls end up being hyper vigilant and self conscious of their behavior and emotional displays; there are only a couple of emotional expressions that they are "allowed", and so they often channel all their emotional expressions to these. It is why women often express anger with tears, that doesn't seem to bother people nearly as much as a little girl expressing anger with a confident vocalization. Boys tend to be very self conscious ONLY of emotional displays that could be labeled feminine, and therefore channel any of these into a masculine display, or hide them. Both genders end up with various interpersonal problems because of this.
Then fast forward from babyhood through childhood and adolescence; by now kids have internalized all the facades being paraded around by adults, who internalized the same, or similar, facades when they were children. The plumber is a man, he comes to the house and TELLS Mom what is going on and how he is going to fix it. He does not display much emotion, because he is not being challenged. Mom, however, is doing the habit of submissive listening, which women often learn to do growing up in order to avoid being challenged and bullied. So the child sees: Plumber Man is confident and knowledgable, and Mom has no idea about anything having to do with plumbing, and is deferring all authority to the Plumber Man. The Plumber Man is only displaying skill and knowledge, while Mom is displaying zero skill or knowledge, and only displaying appeasement, which shows as emotional. If Dad comes home during this exchange, then Plumber Man will divert his attention to Dad, and blow Mom off. Dad and Plumber Man will then probably have a discussion that sounds like knowledge about the subject, and they will leave Mom out, as if she is not "one of them" (a real adult). Dad does not do anything to change this, he is probably enjoying the display of being spoken to as a "Man" by another "Man" who "Knows About Man Things", and enjoying feeling superior to his wife.
The child watches all of this.
Mom might show frustration, annoyance, chagrin, humiliation, even anger, but will try to cover it up, and the men will probably not notice at all. She was most likely punished or ridiculed for showing those emotions as a youth, and also knows that if the men notice, they will not say "Oh I'm sorry for treating you so disrespectfully! Please join in on the discussion with us! We want you to be a part of this!" They will do the childish/superiority complex thing and say "Calm down, what are you all upset for?! What do you want to talk about this stuff anyway, this is Man Talk". She will probably hide it from the men, but the child will see it, being extremely tuned in to Mom's social signals. Thus, the child again sees "Men are knowledgeable and informative and skilled, and Mom is not. Men speak with confident tones and pleasantries toward each other, and Mom is mysteriously emotional for no discernible reason." It can also look to the child, when Mom leaves the room, that the Men are being socially polite, and Mom is not, and therefore that is why she is not included in the conversation.
This scenario happens all the time in this culture, over and over, reinforcing itself. The child might realize what was going on if Mom's SISTER was a Plumber, and it was known that she was very knowledgeable and skilled, and this was a normalized part of the child's life. If she came over and the men treated HER in this way as well, then the child might get a glimmer of something beinTo answer your question, I find it to be true for women as well. I noticed this in myself when I was about 12; in middle school I became aware that the teachers were being seen and treated more according to gender stereotypes than their actual personality traits, by almost all of the kids, not just the boys, and pretty equally among the kids; and then I looked around to see that this was pretty common, and no one was teaching the kids anything about it at all. I had to learn by myself to hear and see closer to reality than what my conditioning wanted me to hear and see, but I was lucky to have had the influence of some relatives who were good examples of objectivity and less bias, that might be why I caught it at all. I also noticed that the ADULT male teachers were by FAR the most gender biased, as a group. The male exceptions stood out like sore thumbs, but seemed to have given up railing against this crappy paradigm. (They treated everyone with respect, but seemed very leary of standing up for those who were disrespected due to gender bias, as if they had been bitten before.)
Three female teachers come to mind, all very high intelligence, and one in particular had a very objective personality. Most of the male teachers were highly emotional in their manner, and seemed completely unaware of it. The really fascinating and disturbing thing was how most of the kids and adults as well had it backwards; they rated the female teachers as MORE emotional, and the male teachers as LESS emotional, and it was very clearly quite the opposite. Most of the emotional displays from the female teachers were limited to happiness and frustration with being treated with blatant disrespect, however the emotional displays from the male teachers ran the entire spectrum on a daily basis. It illustrated that the female teachers were much more aware of their behavior and vocalizations reflecting their emotional states, and controlled this much more, and that the male teachers were unaware of their emotional states being reflected in their behavior and vocalizations, and didn't seem to bother trying to control it. Which illustrated, on a cultural level, that the female teachers were EXPECTED by others to behave non emotionally, and tried harder to control their behavior, obviously due to consequences if they did not, and the male teachers were NOT under scrutiny for this, but apparently felt so comfortable with their emotional displays that they were not even aware of them.
Both males and females tend to "hear" a male voice as informative, and a female voice as emotional. Varying from person to person of course; it's still mostly socialized from birth, and passed on, like Harry said. Mother does most of the caretaking of an infant, and the child is listening to her voice all day long, and the voices of other women as well when they go to daycare or when female relatives and friends are there;
From the baby's POV, Women surround me, care for me, clean me, feed me, hold me, clean me, are constantly responding to my emotional displays, constantly making noises and gestures that signal emotion from themselves, and are continually controlling my movements. They are also the ones who make me do things I do not want to do, and they often try to manipulate my emotions with all kinds of words, tones, and gestures.
For example when a baby does not want a bath, or does not want to eat vegetables, but we make them anyway. Women often tend to try to manipulate the baby by trying to convince her to feel happy about the event or to "like" the food, even if they hate it. Men do not do this nearly as much, they often resort to force by making their voice sound threatening. They also give up trying to force the baby to do things the baby is protesting much more quickly.
Both men and women often feel personally offended when they cannot seem to "make" the baby do what they want, and often blame the baby for not responding to their personal methods. The baby doesn't get convinced that they want a bath; a woman may say "She is fussy" or "She doesn't like me" or even "She's not normal". And when the baby does not stop protesting when a man tries the "authority" voice, he may say "She doesn't listen" or "She is insolent" or "She's a spoiled brat".
If you break this down further, the gender of the BABY is just as important of a factor as the gender of the parent, as far as the parent's gender bias behavior~ MOST parents whether male of female, are much more tolerant of male babies' and children's behavior, and much more micro-managing of girl babies' and children's behavior, right from birth. They seem to view a boy who does not respond to control and discipline cues as feisty, independent, and strong, and do little to change it; and a girl with IDENTICAL behavior in a very negative light, and punish them for it. (Of course there are plenty of exceptions, but that is the most common reaction.)
So, girls end up being hyper vigilant and self conscious of their behavior and emotional displays; there are only a couple of emotional expressions that they are "allowed", and so they often channel all their emotional expressions to these. It is why women often express anger with tears, that doesn't seem to bother people nearly as much as a little girl expressing anger with a confident vocalization. Boys tend to be very self conscious ONLY of emotional displays that could be labeled feminine, and therefore channel any of these into a masculine display, or hide them. Both genders end up with various interpersonal problems because of this.
Then fast forward from babyhood through childhood and adolescence; by now kids have internalized all the facades being paraded around by adults, who internalized the same, or similar, facades when they were children. The plumber is a man, he comes to the house and TELLS Mom what is going on and how he is going to fix it. He does not display much emotion, because he is not being challenged. Mom, however, is doing the habit of submissive listening, which women often learn to do growing up in order to avoid being challenged and bullied. So the child sees: Plumber Man is confident and knowledgable, and Mom has no idea about anything having to do with plumbing, and is deferring all authority to the Plumber Man. The Plumber Man is only displaying skill and knowledge, while Mom is displaying zero skill or knowledge, and only displaying appeasement, which shows as emotional. If Dad comes home during this exchange, then Plumber Man will divert his attention to Dad, and blow Mom off. Dad and Plumber Man will then probably have a discussion that sounds like knowledge about the subject, and they will leave Mom out, as if she is not "one of them" (a real adult). Dad does not do anything to change this, he is probably enjoying the display of being spoken to as a "Man" by another "Man" who "Knows About Man Things", and enjoying feeling superior to his wife.
The child watches all of this.
Mom might show frustration, annoyance, chagrin, humiliation, even anger, but will try to cover it up, and the men will probably not notice at all. She was most likely punished or ridiculed for showing those emotions as a youth, and also knows that if the men notice, they will not say "Oh I'm sorry for treating you so disrespectfully! Please join in on the discussion with us! We want you to be a part of this!" They will do the childish/superiority complex thing and say "Calm down, what are you all upset for?! What do you want to talk about this stuff anyway, this is Man Talk". She will probably hide it from the men, but the child will see it, being extremely tuned in to Mom's social signals. Thus, the child again sees "Men are knowledgeable and informative and skilled, and Mom is not. Men speak with confident tones and pleasantries toward each other, and Mom is mysteriously emotional for no discernible reason." It can also look to the child, when Mom leaves the room, that the Men are being socially polite, and Mom is not, and therefore that is why she is not included in the conversation.
This scenario happens all the time in this culture, over and over, reinforcing itself. The child might realize what was going on if Mom's SISTER was a Plumber, and it was known that she was very knowledgeable and skilled, and this was a normalized part of the child's life. If she came over and the men treated HER in this way as well, then the child might get a glimmer of something being amiss. However, a male child might get less of a glimmer, because he may be fantasizing about the day he grows up and gets to be a member of the "MEN who are allowed to boss women around" club. A female child, however, may ALSO be fantasizing about the day she grows up and gets to be a member of the SAME CLUB, not realizing that she will be on the receiving end of the bossing because of her gender, and that she will NOT be "seen" as an individual who is "more worthy" than the rest of the women.
Because the children witness the males treating Mom with disrespect, they become confused over and over about Mom's actual authority, does she deserve to have the respect of an authority figure? (If the MEN don't think so, then why do I have to listen to her? She obviously doesn't know what she's talking about anyway half the time, at least that's how the men treat her, so it must be true, since they are skilled and knowledgeable. All she does is do trivial and emotional things, not Real and Serious things like the Men. And all women are similar to Mom, and all men are similar to Dad.)
This child is being conditioned to hear and see males as skilled, knowledgeable, and emotionally confident, and females as unskilled, less knowledgeable, inexperienced, submissive, dramatic, and UNDESERVING of the full array of Respect and Displays of Respect, Integrity, and Courtesy that are given to men.
(All it would take for this to change is for one single generation to wake up and raise their children without gender bias, but I personally don't think humans as a species are capable of it.)g amiss. However, a male child might get less of a glimmer, because he may be fantasizing about the day he grows up and gets to be a member of the "MEN who are allowed to boss women around" club.
This child is being conditioned to hear and see males as skilled, knowledgeable, and emotionally confident, and females as unskilled, less knowledgeable, inexperienced, submissive, dramatic, and undeserving of the full array of Respect and Displays of Respect and Courtesy that are given to men.
(All it would take for this to change is for one single generation to wake up and raise their children without gender bias, but I personally don't think humans as a species are capable of it.)
