We humans need connection with other people, it's really how we're made. That's what we are getting and seeking from relationships with those who are abusive toward us. Plants need sunlight (so do we), and social animals, which we are, need connection with their kind. In a real way, not a theoretical way. It's been proven in many studies over many years that we actually DO need it, we aren't just being "dependent" or "babyish", it's a "natural thing".
What happens with abusers, basically, is that they con a person into trusting them to connect with them. Then, when we make the connection and solidify it, when we believe and feel the connection, the Narcissist starts exacting a "price" for this connection.
As time goes by, while the connection grows more and more solid, like it would in a normal human connection, the "price" slowly grows steeper.
When the abuser feels confident that we are firmly connected to them, that we feel like they're plugged in together with us, they stop being cautious and become more and more demanding of their "price". The more they take, the less we have to give, and the less we have for ourselves. They tap into a target's energy and draw it out as if through a straw.
Abusers don't know how to have real connections that produce energy and growth. So they try to just TAKE what they want from a target. Some of them are fully aware of what they're doing, some aren't, so their reactions can vary widely when someone confronts them about it or tries to disconnect. Mostly they'll get upset and angry, even fly into a rage; sometimes they'll immediately just turn it around and accuse the target of being the one who was sucking their energy and resources dry, and act offended and "used and abused" to give themselves some kind of launch pad to run away (and feign innocence).
(If the target is a child, then conning is not necessary, they're a captive supply, and need the connection to survive so they'll gladly pay the price, they don't even know yet that it's not supposed to come with a price.)
What happens with abusers, basically, is that they con a person into trusting them to connect with them. Then, when we make the connection and solidify it, when we believe and feel the connection, the Narcissist starts exacting a "price" for this connection.
As time goes by, while the connection grows more and more solid, like it would in a normal human connection, the "price" slowly grows steeper.
When the abuser feels confident that we are firmly connected to them, that we feel like they're plugged in together with us, they stop being cautious and become more and more demanding of their "price". The more they take, the less we have to give, and the less we have for ourselves. They tap into a target's energy and draw it out as if through a straw.
Abusers don't know how to have real connections that produce energy and growth. So they try to just TAKE what they want from a target. Some of them are fully aware of what they're doing, some aren't, so their reactions can vary widely when someone confronts them about it or tries to disconnect. Mostly they'll get upset and angry, even fly into a rage; sometimes they'll immediately just turn it around and accuse the target of being the one who was sucking their energy and resources dry, and act offended and "used and abused" to give themselves some kind of launch pad to run away (and feign innocence).
(If the target is a child, then conning is not necessary, they're a captive supply, and need the connection to survive so they'll gladly pay the price, they don't even know yet that it's not supposed to come with a price.)
