The Gatekeeper Narcissist

A hallmark of a Narcissist is being the self-appointed "gatekeeper" of a group, club, community or workplace, but not in a good way. While the "gatekeeper" position is often a normal part of many groups, an integral function is to welcome new people genuinely and openly; rejecting new people or current members is rare and only done when a person is found to be actually dangerous.
The Gatekeeper Narcissist does not welcome one and all to join, even if the group is supposed to be open and public. Only those who do not threaten the ego or personal agenda of this person are welcomed into the group. For example, anyone who the gatekeeper narcissist believes is more talented, smarter, better looking, nicer, or more charismatic than he or she is will be kept out of the group with any means possible, or made to look bad to everyone else if they do get past them. Anyone who has seen through their agenda will definitely be kept out, even if they have no ill intent. This rejection will be fictionalized to anyone who asks; it will be said that the person is undesirable in some way; they are too weird, slutty, stuck-up, untalented, prima dona, unworthy in some way; the nastier the better; it has nothing to do with reality. This person could be as kind and humble as Mother Theresa, but will be painted by the Gatekeeper Narcissist as a "rotten apple" somehow.
The preferred method is directly discouraging a person by treating them with disdain and arrogance, sending a "message" directly to the person that they are "unwanted". This is often done by only one or two people, but to the target it can be daunting, and there is no way to know if the whole group is similarly arrogant and cold. (Of course, half the time the rest of the members have no idea why this person stays away from the group, and to the Gatekeeper's delight, they often assume that the person either was not interested, or didn't like it.)
It is a rare person that ever stands up to a Gatekeeper Narcissist, because doing so often results in major drama, and whoever the Narcissists sycophants are will turn on the whistleblower. People seem to know instinctively that standing up to a Narcissist who has the smallest amount of influence will enrage them, and he or she will trash them to kingdom come. Only the bravest of us will risk the drama that is sure to follow. Unfortunately, most of the time the Narcissist Gatekeeper is left in his or her "position" because those who are aware of them don't want to deal with the fallout.

On Suicide

You can bet you have a purpose.

Dont let these people have another beautiful casualty!

Just remember even if it's just you and God in this lifetime - you STILL have enough to SHINE!!!


Can Men Or Women Detect Manipulators

Open Question for my own research, but also personal curiosity, all observations and opinions would be appreciated:

Do you think that people are aware of manipulations coming from the opposite sex?
Do you think that most men can SEE when a woman is trying to socially hurt or sabotage another woman? Or do you think they fall for it, or are blind to it?
And vice versa, do you think that most women can see it when a man is manipulative toward another man?
 Answer from author, support counselor and site administrator of
 After Narcissistic Abuse There Is Light And Love
"Im going to answer from personal experience.

1. When I was first good narc bait 5 years ago to the narcissist that abused me, I was NOT AWARE that what he was doing to me was manipulation. Why? I had blind spots. At the time, I was vulnerable to the
ways he worked me, probably because I needed / wanted to hear that I was beautiful, smart, funny and lovable. I had my own "ego issues" that allowed me to be stroked and exploited.

Now that I have plugged my "worth holes" and died to my own ego - Im not vulnerable to being puffed up. When you don't need it, you aren't manipulated by it.

Generalizing, I see others who have the same issues to be manipulatable without being aware that it's happening. I see women and men who feel bad about themselves, or doubt their self worth or have ego problems (thinking they're all that) who ARE manipulated by others without realizing it.

2. I dealt with this experience first hand - Men NOT being able to SEE when a woman is is sabotaging another woman. Here's why I believe this is difficult. The woman I knew that did this to me, is a narcissistic individual. She is overly flirtacious, inappropriately sexual and constantly pandering to men's egos with her sexuality. We worked together. She felt jealous whenever I'd get any attention. Once when a man she was interested in told me I looked like a dark haired Cameron Diaz, she not only ran me down to him - trying to make it look like there was some reason not to find me attractive, but then she came to me and gave me a rant about how she couldnt trust women, how I wasn't a good friend to her if I didnt text him immediately and tell him what a piece of s*it he was for "hitting on me".

Ultimately - he apologized to her profusely for ever finding me attractive as he was worried that she'd not sleep with him if he didnt do so. (that was my thought anyway)

A second instance was at a New Years Eve party last year. She and I went to my friend's party. I had a date there. I had another friend, a male, who was also friends with the host of the party who I was trying to get to stop by so that we could all share in a New Years toast together. The narc girl knew that I went to the bathroom to have a conversation with my guy friend where it was a little quieter. While in the bathroom, I overheard my date go up to the narc girl and inquire where I was. I heard her say, "Ohhh she's primping in the bathroom." He said, "Boy she's been in there a long time." To which she replied..."I know! She does this ALL THE TIME". Trying to portray me as someone who's so worried about my looks that I was in the bathroom for an inordinate amount of time- when that wasn't even the case and she knew it.

Bottom line, in both cases - an awkward social encounter involved men manipulated by her "baby talking voice" and over exposed fake breasts and sex talk that they had ZERO clue they were being drawn into. I would have ended up looking like the one with the problem had I addressed it - so I cut her off socially. I stopped being her friend. It just wasn't worth any enjoyment I got from having a "fun girlfriend" to pal around with.

3. Regarding men edging out other men with manipulation - I have witnessed the narcissist in my case- cutting other men down, telling me that the other man only wanted me for sex, emasculating him or putting down his education, upbringing, intelligence etc. undermining friendships, etc. The way he did it was effective in the sense that he was able to make me doubt others and then isolate myself from them. He did this out of his own insecurity but because I was afraid of his reactions and didnt want to hurt his feelings, I responded to his words by moving away from those men.