It's common for people within a group to compete for the approval and attention of the "Leader" in that group. The more dysfunction and less maturity is present throughout the group, the more they tend to compete for the Leader's approval and acceptance.
In groups where Leaders are Controllers and Narcissists, the competition can turn from immature to very damaging, and often tears the groups so deeply that the group may simply dissolve and fall apart, even become bitter "enemies".
Narcissists, whether they are members of a group or a leader of a group, often create factions and play favorites, casting shame and blame on certain members in the group and giving extra credit and resources to others. They may play each member differently in private than in public, and often keep "secret connections" and give "secret favors". They may imply negative things about other members, planting seeds of competition and fear of rejection and disapproval.
Members of the group start to play into these manipulative games instead of recognizing them and shutting them down, and go right along with the faction and clique creating. Soon more members of the group are competing to be seen and known as "important", "good", and "above reproach", in order to maintain their membership within the group and not get cast into the group that's labeled "rejected" or "unwanted". They will start throwing other members "under the bus" in order to make themselves appear to "better", and therefore "accepted". This of course leads to more and more competition, self-righteousness, and defensiveness, which leads to hostility, which leads straight to aggression, both offensive and defensive.
(Any human group, from small to country-sized: family, friends, business, organization, religious group, political party group, community, tribe, nation, etc.)
Both male and female humans, in general, are very prone to domination displays, faction-making, clique behavior and aggressive "warmongering", in the absence of a large enough ratio of emotionally and mentally mature individuals. The "cure" is an infusion of mature, graceful, peaceful, and fair leadership, both in actual "Leadership" positions, AND throughout the rest of the group. A mature group is aware that ALL members are in "leadership" positions to other members, and all members treat one another with genuine respect and consideration. Immature behavior such as favoritism and unfair advantage and oppression against certain group members is not tolerated because it's simply not good for the group's health, nor for the health of all individuals in the group. (In other words, the school budget is the same for both girls and boys; cliques and factions are dispersed, not rewarded; coaches and instructors are actually adults and therefore don't use female labels as derogatory insults ("you throw like a girl" isn't in the vocabulary), racism and sexism are NOT taught, "gender roles" are not forced or shamed onto people, and "hostile environments" are not only not tolerated, they're not WANTED.
The majority of children who grow up in a healthy environment don't WANT to create hostile environments or exclusionary cliques; they want to follow and learn from their role models (which includes every person who's older than they are, but especially adults in "leadership" positions in their lives). Children become confused and anxious when they see adults disrespecting and belittling other adults, but they thrive when the adults around them are happily supportive and respectful toward one another. The adults around them GOT that way because of how THEY grew up, the way the adults were around them when they were children. It's cause and effect, and it's a well-known and very obvious and easy concept to understand.
In groups where Leaders are Controllers and Narcissists, the competition can turn from immature to very damaging, and often tears the groups so deeply that the group may simply dissolve and fall apart, even become bitter "enemies".
Narcissists, whether they are members of a group or a leader of a group, often create factions and play favorites, casting shame and blame on certain members in the group and giving extra credit and resources to others. They may play each member differently in private than in public, and often keep "secret connections" and give "secret favors". They may imply negative things about other members, planting seeds of competition and fear of rejection and disapproval.
Members of the group start to play into these manipulative games instead of recognizing them and shutting them down, and go right along with the faction and clique creating. Soon more members of the group are competing to be seen and known as "important", "good", and "above reproach", in order to maintain their membership within the group and not get cast into the group that's labeled "rejected" or "unwanted". They will start throwing other members "under the bus" in order to make themselves appear to "better", and therefore "accepted". This of course leads to more and more competition, self-righteousness, and defensiveness, which leads to hostility, which leads straight to aggression, both offensive and defensive.
(Any human group, from small to country-sized: family, friends, business, organization, religious group, political party group, community, tribe, nation, etc.)
Both male and female humans, in general, are very prone to domination displays, faction-making, clique behavior and aggressive "warmongering", in the absence of a large enough ratio of emotionally and mentally mature individuals. The "cure" is an infusion of mature, graceful, peaceful, and fair leadership, both in actual "Leadership" positions, AND throughout the rest of the group. A mature group is aware that ALL members are in "leadership" positions to other members, and all members treat one another with genuine respect and consideration. Immature behavior such as favoritism and unfair advantage and oppression against certain group members is not tolerated because it's simply not good for the group's health, nor for the health of all individuals in the group. (In other words, the school budget is the same for both girls and boys; cliques and factions are dispersed, not rewarded; coaches and instructors are actually adults and therefore don't use female labels as derogatory insults ("you throw like a girl" isn't in the vocabulary), racism and sexism are NOT taught, "gender roles" are not forced or shamed onto people, and "hostile environments" are not only not tolerated, they're not WANTED.
The majority of children who grow up in a healthy environment don't WANT to create hostile environments or exclusionary cliques; they want to follow and learn from their role models (which includes every person who's older than they are, but especially adults in "leadership" positions in their lives). Children become confused and anxious when they see adults disrespecting and belittling other adults, but they thrive when the adults around them are happily supportive and respectful toward one another. The adults around them GOT that way because of how THEY grew up, the way the adults were around them when they were children. It's cause and effect, and it's a well-known and very obvious and easy concept to understand.
