Hard To Change

It's much easier to grow and change if we remove shame and blame from the places where they don't belong, and put them where they do belong. Learning the difference is half the battle.

Envy Is Based On Identity

Envy, resentment, and domination are all about identity, and desiring control over another person and things the person has or seems to have.
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The person who wants their identity to be "Look How Tough I Am" is not going to feel resentment, challenge, or envy toward a person who doesn't look "tough" to them. He or she WILL most likely envy and resent someone who appears confident or "tough", and who they think OTHER people might see as "tough". They will also often look for signs that someone else "thinks they're tough", and try to "knock them off their high horse" (whether the person actually "thinks they're tough" or NOT is irrelevant; it's not about the other person, it's about themselves.)
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It is the same with anything else one identifies one's self AS; for example the person who wants to be seen as "very good looking" is going to notice and focus on another person whom they think is good-looking, not because the other person is a "bad person", but because their "good looks" threatens the envious person's identity/ego.
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If a person does NOT identify themselves AS something such as "Tougher than...", "Stronger than...", "Better Looking than...", "Smarter than...", "More Experienced than...", "More Knowledgeable than...", "More Responsible than...", "More Accomplished than....", then they will not feel CHALLENGED, resentful, spiteful, or envious toward others for apparent personal attributes, and in fact may not even NOTICE such attributes about another person.
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The person who wants to be seen as "Tough" is the one who won't get counseling for past trauma or current problems because the identity of "Tough" has been used as a shield against further bullying and trauma, and they're afraid to put it down. And since they feel that they NEED this identity to protect themselves from attackers or from humiliation, and also to receive positive treatment from others, they will often feel threatened and challenged by a person who seems equally or more "Tough" naturally. This identity is a coping and survival tool in their minds, so there is a fear of being compared to another person and found to be LESS "tough". They may act out, puffing themselves up, retaliating, "acting tough", making a show of behavioral displays such as noises, facial expressions, body language, slamming things (doors, footsteps, equipment), vocal tones, words, and loudness, gestures, whatever they've seen and heard others use, or whatever seems to "work" on others (or has in the past).
If a display doesn't seem to work on someone, they may even become resentful or angry about THAT.
~~If they weren't using "Tough" as an identity, they would not be focused on whether others are "tough" or not, or who's "tougher" than whom. It wouldn't be in their normal thought process, just like a person who was raised in the Amazon doesn't think about SNOW when the sky turns grey.
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A person who wants to be seen as "Good Looking" is also usually trying to "put on" an identity for similar reasons as the "Tough One". To protect themselves from humiliation and attack, and to receive positive treatment from others. So if someone else is around who might be seen by others as equally or MORE "Good Looking", then they feel immediately threatened, because they fear the positive attention they're getting might go to the OTHER person instead. Of course this would only happen if the others around them were narcissistic and non-trustworthy anyway, however that IS the very environment that usually compels a person to develop such identity issues as survival mechanisms.
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A person who wants to be identified as "Feminine" or "Masculine" will feel resentful and threatened by anyone who appears to be more feminine or masculine than them; a person who wants to be seen as the "Best Dog Trainer" will feel threatened by someone who dogs seem to respond to; a person who wants to be seen as "Very Responsible" will be threatened by a person who appears very responsible; a person who wants to be seen as "Naturally Very Gifted" in something will feel threatened by someone who appears to be naturally gifted in similar things, etc., etc. Again, this is usually CAUSED by an atmosphere where the person was not valued as a person, and not given accurate or positive feedback about their own true natural abilities or accomplishments.
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Adults who pit children and others against each other for their own insecurity, agenda and ego purposes often create such atmospheres very quickly. For example when a young girl realizes that the men in her family or at school are paying much more positive attention to females whom they find physically attractive can easily develop appearance-identity issues, as will the young boy in a similar environment.
When people, especially adults, frequently give positive attention to certain children and adults because of SUPERFICIAL, petty, and favoritism reasons, and dismiss and IGNORE children and adults who don't seem to "measure up" to these petty requirements (such as looks, gender, popularity, body size, ancestry, etc.), it is NOTICED and felt by nearly all of the youth in the area, and identity coping mechanisms are often quickly developed. So for a concrete example: the teachers all treat Jeffrey the basketball star like they very much like and respect him, even though his behavior toward other kids is arrogant and mean, his grades suffer, and he "parties"; but they treat Joseph the boy who gets decent grades and is an excellent artist, who treats others very well, and who takes care of his autistic cousin like he's invisible. They treat Sharon the girl who's been on the Honor Roll since first grade, who rescues animals, and who volunteers at the Nursing Home like she's less worthy than both Jeffery AND Joseph.
All three of them are witness to the disparity in the way the adults are treating them, and all three of them are affected negatively, because the feedback from the adults is NOT accurate; it's NOT about WHO THE KIDS ARE and what they DO, it's about the egos and comfort of the adults. Hence, the atmosphere is ripe for all three of them to develop identity issues.
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Adding more volatility to that same atmosphere such as adults displaying histrionic behaviors such as shaming, rage, jealousy, envy, adults gossiping, adults acting abusively, adults using substances, adults displaying domination behavior, adults doing criminal behaviors, adults displaying overt sexism and/or racism, adults displaying baseless "rebellion" to "be cool", and the cauldron fills and churns, creating a swamp that threatens to drown a young person's real, original "Self", so they desperately seek some kind of "SHELL" to wear to protect themselves and emotionally (or literally) survive.

Judging Me, Judging You

Many humans attach meaning to anything about others, and the less mature a person is, the more they believe that they're CORRECT. So each person thinks that your hair means a certain thing about you. your clothing means a certain thing about you, your car, your height, your sex, your face, your makeup or lack thereof, your facial expression, etc. Even more importantly, they judge YOU on how your speech and manner makes THEM FEEL, and tend to attribute ALL of the way you "make them feel" on YOU, not themselves. (In other words, if they find you attractive and you acknowledge them or are nice to them, they'll say you're a "great guy!" If they find you attractive and you don't give them enough positive attention because you didn't hear them or you were working, they might say you're "stuck up", or perhaps that you're a "very hard worker", depending on the individual. If you're smaller than they are, they will assess everything you do and say in a different way than if you're bigger than they are. If they find you attractive and you're a woman, they tend to crank up the volume on their "judgment" dial to "High", so they attribute much more meaning, negative or positive, to anything you say and do. If they see you as very unattractive (to them), they tend to do the same.)
If and when a person learns a little bit about you personally, then they tend to believe their own assessments about you based on your interests, job, financial status, your apparent ancestry, your Facebook posts, the people you are Facebook friends with, your partner, and your political affiliation or lack thereof.
Then, they will attribute even more meaning to the way your actions "make them feel", so if you bring them cookies or send a card, they tend to see you as a wonderful person, no matter what you're really like. If you don't go out of your way to "make them feel special" or give them extra attention, depending on the maturity level of the individual, they may tend to judge you as "self-centered" and "uncaring", regardless of anything real about you, your life, or your real actions, experiences, and personality.
The less mature the person is, the more they will treat you according to the way they have assessed you in their imagination.
(Very few will bother to spend any time or effort actually finding out real information about you, your life, your past, or your real personality, and even those who do can't make an accurate picture; it's not possible for them to gather all of the data about you that exists, or process it accurately, nor you them. There will always be huge missing chunks of data no matter who is doing the information gathering, and there is no objectively reliable source to gather it FROM in the first place, so the exercise of gathering information about a human being cannot result in hard scientific data.)