Putting Others Ahead Of Yourself

That feeling of self-imposed limbo, where you stop yourself from doing all kinds of things that you want or need to do, and feel a rubber-band-like feeling of tension and anxiety?

That's conditioning.

Don't do anything you want or need to do, because you will be interrupted, stopped, criticized, controlled, "advised", invaded, sabotaged, or called for a request or service for someone else.

Sit still and wait for the next request, command, or crisis.

Your subconscious has learned that there are FEWER consequences in waiting for the other shoe to drop than in doing things that you initiated yourself, things you need or want to do.

Your unconscious may also have bought into believing that it's morally correct and good to SERVE others, especially certain others, INSTEAD OF taking care of your own business. Which includes your bills, your career, your schooling, your living situation, your car, and any goals. It includes your self-care, for your body, mind, and spirit. It also includes your positive relationships, your kids, your partnership, and social connections.
Basically anything that YOU would do because you need to, want to, or like to.

Serving and caring for others is a good thing. Serving others INSTEAD OF taking care of your own business and yourself is NOT, and the purpose of this conditioning is so that you will become a voluntary slave, making yourself and your resources fully available to another, with no restrictions, and no self-protection.

It also renders a person weak and vulnerable, which means they do NOT have personal 'power".

They not only can be controlled by others, but they also have rendered themselves (inadvertently) INCAPABLE of being a confident person who makes anything happen or change, or who has any influence or voice in their group, family, or community. 

  

Scanners: Narcissists Scan Others Constantly

Social Signals.
You give them whether you mean to or not, and those who have Narcissism issues ~ especially N's who are 'predators', or who are consumed with envy, control, or resentment ~ LOOK for them, watching and listening much, much more for social signals than other people do, ~ looking for a way in, for leverage, or for a chink in the armor.

If you pull up to a gas station and a Narcissist pulls up to the other pump, they ARE looking at you, doing an automatic quick-scan, even if they're not looking for any particular reason. Are you a potential mark, or a potential threat? Can they get your attention? Can they get away with giving you "advice"? Do you look anxious, hostile, calm, kind, or naive? Do they approve of you, or disapprove of you? Do you look like you'll respond favorably if they approach you (or do you look like you'll punch them in the face?) Do they find you attractive, too thin, too heavy, too tall, too short, too well-dressed, not well-dressed enough, weird, intimidating, friendly looking... etc... etc...

A non-narcissist would be exhausted by the amount of scanning and assessing a narcissist does on a regular basis.

They'll even look at you in your car from their car while driving on the highway.

Making Her Feel Like She Doesn't Belong

Trying to make a person feel like they don't belong, are incapable, less worthy, unwanted, unstable, or a "loser" is ONLY done by those with bully and narcissism issues. Make no mistake. This is a bully tactic used for domination and control.

Bullies will often do this back and forth to each other within the group that they're a part of (community, workplace, church, family) because each one is trying to secure their own feeling of belonging in the group.

If they can get the others in the group to go along with calling that person a "loser", they've succeeded in their goal. If they can get the person themselves to buy into self-loathing, they've succeeded in their goal. If they can get the person themselves to BELIEVE that they don't "belong" in their own group, they've succeeded in their goal.

It's actually quite easy for a bully/manipulator to turn people against a person, especially when the group already has prejudice against the type of person who's being targeted. There are more people, apparently, who get a charge out of joining in with slandering or shunning a person than there are people who will refuse to go along with it, behave supportively, or even simply remain neutral.  

Those who try to get groups of others to turn on an individual are usually doing it in order to discredit the person, and trying get others to join with them in dominating and crushing the person (just like schoolyard bullying, when other kids are excited about the watching this "fight" and encourage it, instead of stopping it or standing up for the bully's target). Not because the person has actually done something terrible. 

It takes a measure of maturity not to join in group shunning, scapegoating, gossip, or bashing of an individual, and it takes even more to stand up for the target, or to be supportive of both the basher and the target.