Codependency/enmeshment problem especially common for women in Western Cultures, and other cultures as well:
As a consequence of the fear of assumptions and judgments from other people, many girls and women end up abandoning goals and projects that they need help with, or might be successful at.
In order to ensure that they won't get bullied, blocked, or sabotaged, they often seek approval, agreement, support, or assistance from those in their personal circle.
If they can't get a friend, family member, or their partner to help them, they would have to do their project completely alone, or get someone else outside of their personal circle to help them or work with them.
Which means the odds of social DRAMA, gossip, assumptions, and bad behavior from others, even sabotage or abuse, become high.
A jealous partner, for example, is very likely to accuse their female partner of having some sort of hidden relationship with a man who is helping her with any sort of project, just like he would about a male coworker or classmate. Then, he's likely to make things difficult or embarrassing, or both, for her, which will probably destroy the project, driving away anyone who's assisting her with it, IF she was lucky enough to actually FIND someone who was willing to assist her without trying to take over.
Since this type of controlling jealous behavior is VERY COMMON in most Western culture regions, women OFTEN find themselves between a rock and a hard place with any kind of creative endeavor, business, or even education.
If her partner won't help her with a project, she either has to find a female to help her, or a male relative, someone he won't feel jealous or resentful toward. And if she can't, then she can feel like she has no choice but to give up on her goal or project. If she can't get his agreement or support in her goal, or if he doesn't "like" the other people involved, she can feel like she CAN'T do the project, as if his approval is required, as if he's her parent, and she is his child, instead of her peer, which is what he actually is.
She can feel that either she can be in a relationship and allow her partner to pretty much direct her life, either with blatant "bossing" or with passive aggressive control, or she can deal with his control and jealousy issues while trying to get her goals met and her projects accomplished, and deal with gossip and rumors from others as well regarding any males she's working with, OR she can give up being in a relationship at all and then only have to deal with the general cultural behaviors but without a partner.
So what happens when:
~you want to start an Art Gallery, but no one in your close personal circle wants to help you, and the only people you can find to help you are men?
~your interests are in biology and physics, but you can't find any girls or women who share your interests, only boys and men in your area?
~your interests are in engineering, building trades, or craftsmanship, but the only people who share your interests in your region are men, and most of them have ego-identity issues with their masculinity?
~you are trying to get a creative project going, and you need others to help, but the only people you can find who are interested in helping are men (or boys), and most of them want to be the "leader" even though it's YOUR project, and regardless of their experience or knowledge level?
(Many boys and men are actually taught that it's okay to always try to be the "boss" in any situation with a girl or woman, instead of being taught ethical behavior and integrity, and that if the girl or woman doesn't allow them to be, that it's okay to have a temper tantrum or "retaliate". Welcome to Third-Grade-Land, btw, it's quite real.)
~you just work with men or boys only anyway, and try to deal with those who have insecurity and masculinity issues, but your male partner is very jealous, even though he refuses to be involved in your project or your interests?
~you work with men or boys anyway, but others in your region, and even some of those men, start spreading trashy rumors about you because they're intimidated, jealous, or resentful?
~What do you do? MOST girls and women actually give up their real interests and goals in male-biased cultures, because the social pressure is actually VERY severe, and is loaded with direct bullying and sabotage by both boys and girls, men and women. BOTH boys and girls are "steered" into gender roles, in nearly all human cultures, and most of those cultures give males much more freedom of movement and access to resources, and peer support, and are much more controlling and oppressive toward females. Some openly ADMIT cultural control, and others DENY IT, using very Passive Aggressive, manipulative tactics instead, which are probably much more damaging. (Compare careers and education of Western culture girls and women and Eastern culture girls and women, in general.)
It's all a direct result of humans being social primates who are much more emotional, reactive, aggressive, competitive and controlling than we seem to think we are as a species.
~
Women in a given region who exacerbate the stereotypes, gender roles and conditioning will often TARGET a woman who does not go along with the cultural agenda.
This is not JUST about controlling WOMEN, it's also very much about controlling MEN and boys.
(Boys who have been treated as outsiders are often able to see it pretty clearly, but will usually be ignored or shut down if they talk about it, just like women who talk about it get ignored and shut down by those who don't want the status quo to change because it serves them personally.)
As a consequence of the fear of assumptions and judgments from other people, many girls and women end up abandoning goals and projects that they need help with, or might be successful at.
In order to ensure that they won't get bullied, blocked, or sabotaged, they often seek approval, agreement, support, or assistance from those in their personal circle.
If they can't get a friend, family member, or their partner to help them, they would have to do their project completely alone, or get someone else outside of their personal circle to help them or work with them.
Which means the odds of social DRAMA, gossip, assumptions, and bad behavior from others, even sabotage or abuse, become high.
A jealous partner, for example, is very likely to accuse their female partner of having some sort of hidden relationship with a man who is helping her with any sort of project, just like he would about a male coworker or classmate. Then, he's likely to make things difficult or embarrassing, or both, for her, which will probably destroy the project, driving away anyone who's assisting her with it, IF she was lucky enough to actually FIND someone who was willing to assist her without trying to take over.
Since this type of controlling jealous behavior is VERY COMMON in most Western culture regions, women OFTEN find themselves between a rock and a hard place with any kind of creative endeavor, business, or even education.
If her partner won't help her with a project, she either has to find a female to help her, or a male relative, someone he won't feel jealous or resentful toward. And if she can't, then she can feel like she has no choice but to give up on her goal or project. If she can't get his agreement or support in her goal, or if he doesn't "like" the other people involved, she can feel like she CAN'T do the project, as if his approval is required, as if he's her parent, and she is his child, instead of her peer, which is what he actually is.
She can feel that either she can be in a relationship and allow her partner to pretty much direct her life, either with blatant "bossing" or with passive aggressive control, or she can deal with his control and jealousy issues while trying to get her goals met and her projects accomplished, and deal with gossip and rumors from others as well regarding any males she's working with, OR she can give up being in a relationship at all and then only have to deal with the general cultural behaviors but without a partner.
So what happens when:
~you want to start an Art Gallery, but no one in your close personal circle wants to help you, and the only people you can find to help you are men?
~your interests are in biology and physics, but you can't find any girls or women who share your interests, only boys and men in your area?
~your interests are in engineering, building trades, or craftsmanship, but the only people who share your interests in your region are men, and most of them have ego-identity issues with their masculinity?
~you are trying to get a creative project going, and you need others to help, but the only people you can find who are interested in helping are men (or boys), and most of them want to be the "leader" even though it's YOUR project, and regardless of their experience or knowledge level?
(Many boys and men are actually taught that it's okay to always try to be the "boss" in any situation with a girl or woman, instead of being taught ethical behavior and integrity, and that if the girl or woman doesn't allow them to be, that it's okay to have a temper tantrum or "retaliate". Welcome to Third-Grade-Land, btw, it's quite real.)
~you just work with men or boys only anyway, and try to deal with those who have insecurity and masculinity issues, but your male partner is very jealous, even though he refuses to be involved in your project or your interests?
~you work with men or boys anyway, but others in your region, and even some of those men, start spreading trashy rumors about you because they're intimidated, jealous, or resentful?
~What do you do? MOST girls and women actually give up their real interests and goals in male-biased cultures, because the social pressure is actually VERY severe, and is loaded with direct bullying and sabotage by both boys and girls, men and women. BOTH boys and girls are "steered" into gender roles, in nearly all human cultures, and most of those cultures give males much more freedom of movement and access to resources, and peer support, and are much more controlling and oppressive toward females. Some openly ADMIT cultural control, and others DENY IT, using very Passive Aggressive, manipulative tactics instead, which are probably much more damaging. (Compare careers and education of Western culture girls and women and Eastern culture girls and women, in general.)
It's all a direct result of humans being social primates who are much more emotional, reactive, aggressive, competitive and controlling than we seem to think we are as a species.
~
Women in a given region who exacerbate the stereotypes, gender roles and conditioning will often TARGET a woman who does not go along with the cultural agenda.
This is not JUST about controlling WOMEN, it's also very much about controlling MEN and boys.
(Boys who have been treated as outsiders are often able to see it pretty clearly, but will usually be ignored or shut down if they talk about it, just like women who talk about it get ignored and shut down by those who don't want the status quo to change because it serves them personally.)
