Testing Boundaries, Testing Doorknobs: Controllers and Narcissists

People with Control issues and Narcissism issues like to TEST to see if they can get away with crossing the boundaries of other people, and how far they can get away with it.

Non-Controllers and Non-Narcissists don't do this, it's not an interest or a focus; they find out where a person's boundaries are, and they simply accept it, and live that way. It's no hardship to respect other people's boundaries, just like it's no hardship, or even a thought, to stay in one's lane on the Highway, or to follow basic established road rules. Non-Controllers do not feel "challenged" by every posted rule or law; they don't feel "controlled" by every person who has a position of authority, and they purposely RESPECT other people, and other people's boundaries, not with difficulty, but because it makes life in general much less DRAMATIC, better, and easier.

Controllers and Narcissists, however, are FOCUSED on crossing boundaries and breaking random rules or laws, testing to see how far they can go, seeing what they can "get away" with, and seeing how much CONTROL they can GAIN over other people. 

They will AMP UP their boundary-crossing behavior with every "successful" attempt. So if you have a "policy" of "call me before you come over", for example, they will probably just "drop in" unannounced, just to see how you react, not just because they were in the area.
If you don't say anything, they'll probably see it as a "win", as a successful domination. If you DO say something, they'll either be dismissive toward you and "blow it off", or they'll react emotionally. A *Non-Narcissist would more likely be a little apologetic, not make a big deal about it, and not "blame" you.

*(On the other hand if you were mean about it, then a Non-Narcissist might react with emotion. This is under the assumption that you were polite when you mentioned it.)

A Controller or Narcissist doesn't just try to cross boundaries with specific, already chosen Targets, although their Targets are usually their main focus, trying to get further and further, trying to gain more and more control. They also do it often in the world, trying to FIND NEW targets. It's as if the whole world is a hallway with endless doors; they're always testing and  jiggling the doorknobs to see which ones are open, which ones are locked,  which locks can be easily "picked", and which doors have solid deadbolts.
MOST Controllers will avoid the doors with deadbolts, but some  will consider it a "challenge" and try to break into them.

It's A Guy Thing

If a person has not ever been to your house, they don't know what it looks like. If they've never been inside your house, they have no idea what's inside, what the decor looks like, what kind of furniture you have or don't have, what your kitchen looks like, etc.
They haven't been there, so they can't know.

If they have not ever been to a nearby town, they don't know what it looks like, they don't know the culture, they don't know what stores and businesses are there, and they don't know the roads or the layout of the town.

If they have not spent much time with a person, they don't know the person.

When we haven't been to a town, been inside a building, or gotten to know a person, we CAN'T know what we haven't seen. The only way we could "know" is with "hearsay" and second-hand "information", which is not ever reliable. (It's SO unreliable it's not admissible in court.)
And yet, our imaginations are so fantasy-oriented that we just make things up in our head; we IMAGINE that we know all kinds of things about towns we've never been to. We IMAGINE that we know what the inside of someone's house looks like, and we IMAGINE that we know all about another person we've barely (or never) met! And then we BELIEVE our own fantastical assumptions! It's almost funny when you really think about how enormously over-confident most of us are, regarding all kinds of things and other people in our daily lives.

And so it's the same with levels of maturity. Whatever level of maturity a person is at, that's all they know. They CAN'T know more than that, because they've never BEEN there. They have no experience with the "next level" of maturity. They have not been inside of that house, or even crossed that line, and they may not even SEE that there IS another level.

You can rest assured; there is ALWAYS another level.

Humans don't live long enough to reach the "full maturity" that our intellect is capable of, or would be if we had longer lifespans. If we had longer lifespans, we would also have more mentors and elders who had a lot more time to mature, and learn "Life Lessons" that most people need some kind of DISASTER to knock them on the head to even get a glimpse.

One of the most obvious displays of a species-wide common immaturity that some people do outgrow, and fortunately teach others about so they don't have to go through all kinds of PAIN in order to figure it out, is that EVERYTHING IS NOT A "GUY" THING or a "GIRL" THING, or any other "THING".
There are a few very basic "THINGS" that are exclusively "GUY" or "GIRL" things, and those are very specific, mostly having to do with peeing and reproduction.

There are some subtle brain differences between males and females, but... the "quest" to "prove" that one is SUPERIOR to the other is... guess what... a "GUY THING".

The "GUY THING" about always trying to PROVE that one person is SUPERIOR to another might have a little bit of biology to it, but sorry, kiddies, it's mostly SOCIAL, it's mostly LEARNED, and it's mostly IMMATURITY.

There are WOMEN who also do this same exact behavior, so that kind of BLOWS the whole "It's a GUY THING" thing, doesn't it?
The majority of humans who do the COMPETITION FOR WHO'S BETTER- KING OF THE HILL dance are GUYS, (boys), but since there are WOMEN who do it too, REAL, ACTUAL, BIOLOGICAL FEMALES, then that means it's NOT a "GUY THING", it's an IMMATURITY thing.

Guys don't just do it because they "can't help it" because they're male.
They do it because they haven't reached the next level of maturity.

And since no one can know what the next level of maturity is like until they GET THERE, they don't even know that the next level exists!

BRIEFLY:

There's no such thing as a TASK that's a "GUY THING" or a "GIRL THING".

So taking out the garbage, cooking dinner, fixing the sink, driving the car, making plans for the weekend, walking the dog, digging ditches, shoveling the driveway, carrying water, building a shed, building a fort, building a treehouse, mowing the lawn, making a garden, cleaning the house, folding clothes, sorting socks, and changing diapers are NOT "GIRL" or "GUY" things, they're just TASKS. The lawnmower doesn't care WHO is using it, and neither does the vacuum, and neither does the table saw. 


There's no such thing as an INTEREST that's a "GUY THING" or a "GIRL THING".

Clothing design, oil painting, knitting, sheep-raising, biological sciences, physics, spirituality, reptiles, dog training, cat-breeding, playing guitar, playing drums, playing the flute, songwriting, being in a band, being in a choir, playing poker, playing blackjack, classic cars, motorcycles, carpentry, fishing, architecture, hiking, camping, wild animals, photography, whistling, harmonica playing, flowers,  skateboarding, dancing, boxing, martial arts, meditation, interior design, landscaping, comic books; NONE OF THESE THINGS CARE WHO IS "INTO" THEM, AND WHO'S NOT.


There's no such thing as MALE-ONLY KNOWLEDGE, or FEMALE-ONLY KNOWLEDGE.
Knowledge is GENDER-FREE, and it's also ANCESTRY-FREE.
ANY HUMAN CAN LEARN ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL.


There's no such thing as MALE-ONLY SKILL, or FEMALE-ONLY SKILL.

SKILL is something a human learns by DOING, and REPEATING, and it helps when one has someone GUIDING them in a neutral or positive, respectful way. 
~If Johnny is kept out of the kitchen , either physically or with social hostility, then he's probably NOT going to learn how to COOK. But it's not because he's a BOY, it's because he was BLOCKED from learning, doing, PRACTICING, and being MENTORED.
~If Julie is kept off of the Baseball Diamond, either physically or with social hostility, then she's probably NOT going to learn how to PITCH. But it's not because she's a GIRL, it's because she was BLOCKED from learning, doing, PRACTICING, and being MENTORED.

There's no such thing as MALE-ONLY LIMITATIONS or FLAWS, or FEMALE-ONLY LIMITATIONS or FLAWS.
There are, again, only a few things that men CAN'T DO, or that women CAN'T DO, and those are about reproductive organs and the reproductive process.
This is one of those things that BOTH men and women seem to OBSESS ABOUT, to the point of comical ridiculousness. "ALL MEN" this, and "ALL WOMEN" that..
Men can't do this, that, and the other thing... and Women can't do this or that, or anything that men can do...
GET OVER IT, kids, it's a load of horsie crap.
This is just another one of those "US" vs. "THEM" things that humans LOVE to do, trying to be the "BETTER ONES" at ANY COST, about ANYTHING.
People who do this will use anything AT ALL, the lengths they go to can be utterly hilarious, utterly SILLY, and even downright disgusting.

For example: Shooting an automatic weapon, or a rifle, is not and never was, EVER, something that MEN are automatically, biologically "Better at" than WOMEN.

The IMMATURITY FACTOR here is about lumping ALL INDIVIDUALS INTO ONE GROUP, as if they are ALL CLONES, and then putting UNIVERSAL LIMITATIONS, weaknesses, and character flaws on ALL of the individuals in that group (because they're CLONES).

When we reach the level of maturity where we realize that people are INDIVIDUALS, not CLONES, then we stop thinking this way. We stop seeing ALL MEN as "UNABLE" to do this or understand that, and ALL WOMEN as "UNABLE" to do that or understand such-and-such.


There is no such thing as MALE-ONLY EMOTIONS, or FEMALE-ONLY EMOTIONS.

It's NOT a "GUY THING" to feel dramatically INSPIRED, like you're soaring through the Universe through layers of Quantum Physics fueling your exponentially increasing speeds, rushing straight toward the center of a Black Hole, where you dive through at Warp Speed and morph through the wormhole to the other side and explode like a SUPER NOVA.
Sorry, kiddies, but... not a "guy thing"... that's a HUMAN thing.
It's NOT a "GIRL THING" to feel so deeply toward another soul, another spirit, another life force that your whole being feels like you're intrinsically connected through the eons, surrounded and fully engulfed in beauty and the warmth and Light of the Sun, of the Moon, of the Universe, of God.
Sorry kiddies, but again, it's a HUMAN thing.

And it's not an Ancestral or Racial thing either. We're all the same species.

Nor is it a "GUY THING" to want or need attention, approval, and INCLUSION from your DAD, or the other male members of your family.
And it's not a "GIRL THING" to want or need attention, approval, and INCLUSION from your MOM, or from the other female members of your family.
That's a NORMAL HUMAN CHILD "THING".

Wanting to be liked, loved, and treated like a REAL PERSON by other people?
"HUMAN THING".

Wanting to be treated with RESPECT, and RECOGNIZED for the things one does and accomplishes?
"HUMAN THING"

Feeling DISRESPECTED and ANGRY when your romantic partner flirts with, stares at, or "lusts after" someone else?
"HUMAN THING" (It's disrespectful, sorry kids, there's no excuse for that behavior.)

Expecting to be treated LIKE AN ADULT, WITH RESPECT AND CIVILITY:
"HUMAN THING"

Feeling "emasculated" and therefore annoyed or angry when others are CONDESCENDING, or treat you like a weakling or a child?
Still a "HUMAN THING", sorry kids. Treating a WOMAN like she's a "weakling" is just as disrespectful, condescending and manipulative as treating a MAN that way.

Feeling PRIDE in one's accomplishments, abilities, and milestones?
"HUMAN THING"

Feeling FEARFUL of various wild animals, insects, unknown or dark places, possible danger?
"VERY HUMAN THING", definitely NOT either a "GUY THING" OR A "GIRL THING"

Feeling MASSIVELY FRUSTRATED when something fails or doesn't work?
"HUMAN THING"

Desiring companionship, belonging, LOVE, affection, and genuine friendship?
"HUMAN THING", again, definitely NOT a "GUY" or "GIRL THING"

Loving your children more than life itself?
"HUMAN THING"




Refusing to TEACH, APPRENTICE, GUIDE, or MENTOR a person because of their race, sex, or other physical attribute is a blatant and obvious lack of MATURITY.

BLOCKING a person from learning a skill because of these physical traits is the same immaturity.

TRYING TO HUMILIATE, BULLY, SABOTAGE, or SOCIALLY OSTRACIZE a person to make them STOP learning and practicing a skill is very obviously severe immaturity, and a huge amount of INSECURITY.

(It's also called "BIGOTRY", and "OPPRESSION", but the basis for all of that IS actually IMMATURITY.)

Just Becuz