Narcissism Flag: Envy

Narcissism flag:
Negative reaction to another person's noticeable level of talent, skill, intelligence, natural attractiveness, knowledge, caring/empathy, or "sunny" disposition.
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The person does not have to be MORE attractive, talented, or intelligent, etc, just enough for the Narcissist to take notice and feel threatened, like they're worried that someone ELSE is going to notice the person, and Heaven forbid, LIKE them, or recognize their ability.  

Fighting For Equality? Or Privilege?

Time and again I find it so strange that so many who champion "equality" for races and ancestries, even making careers out of their cause, making lots of money and garnering recognition and prestige, will simply shrug or slam the door shut when someone brings up sexism and gender bias.
You don't even have to indicate which bias you're talking about, they just can't stand the subject, PERIOD.
If they do start talking, it's usually defensive or hostile, which is always a clear indication that it's something personal to them, something they're attached to.
I have yet to see anyone who is always up in arms about racial equality, or human rights regarding poverty and wealth, put their energy, their mouth, their time, or their money into championing genuine equality and respect in regard to gender, and certainly not for any woman of a different RACE than their own.
Integrity, equality, and genuine respect is DEVOID of superiority, hatred, and desire to dominate or be served. Those who want REAL equality want it for every single human on the planet, and they want it FULLY for each person. They don't want MORE rights and privileges for themselves, and they don't want to TAKE AWAY rights and privileges from someone else.

If they see a black man getting treated with disrespect just because he's black, and it infuriates them, then WHY don't they feel the same fury when they see a black WOMAN getting treated with disrespect by a black man, just because she's a woman? 

Why do those who are making a good living defending the "equal rights" of one group IGNORE the rights of other groups who get stomped on? Why do they make a HUGE DEAL about smaller injustices and unfairness to certain people, but seem oblivious to huge injustices against others? Sometimes even trying to JUSTIFY blatant disrespect, horrific abuse, criminal behavior, and obvious bigotry that others have dealt with or are going through?

Because, it's not about genuine equality. It's about equal PRIVILEGE and superiority. 

"I want what he has... I don't want YOU to have it, I just want it for myself and those who are just like ME. And what he has includes being superior to YOU..."

Many will do a similar thing when it comes to anyone dealing with blatant unfairness and injustice who is from a different "race", a different ancestry, a different financial status, even a different hair color or skin tone. Equality and integrity do not change according to our personal prejudices and ego issues, or our resentment issues; they remain the SAME for ALL human beings, or they don't exist at all. We are NOT "championing" any kind of "equality" or "human rights" unless we fully include BOTH SEXES, and every human no matter what their skin, hair, eyes, face, or body looks like. You aren't championing "equal rights" as a principle when you're only fighting for people who are virtually clones of you.


 

Treating You Like You're Invisible Or Incompetent

The skewed and/or absent feedback from narcissistic friends, family members, and partners can cause serious anxiety and depression, especially when one cares deeply for the other person.
Skewed feedback can come in the form of criticism and insults; for example a person who completes a painting, and the "feedback" they receive from their so-called friend is critical and insulting.

It can come in the form of pretending, such as pretending a person is not capable of, experienced in, or knowledgeable about certain things that they actually are. For example when a family member is an obviously experienced animal caregiver, but other family members pay a kennel instead of asking them to watch their pets while they go on vacation. (Completely different from "not wanting to burden someone", especially since they often make other demands on the person, and rarely give any indication of "respecting their space" any other time.)

It can come in the form of passive-aggressive advice-giving, which is meant to purposely give the message "You don't know what you're doing or talking about, you're not that bright, you're just a novice and a beginner", such as giving basic cooking advice to an experienced cook, or giving basic photography instruction to an experienced photographer, or explaining how to change automotive oil and why it's important to a person who is in the process of changing their oil. Explaining what frets are to a person who plays guitar. Explaining 'what it's like' to be a writer to a person who is a writer. Giving detailed advice and instruction about repairing a hole in a wall to a professional contractor.

It can come in the form of "giving help", which is often used as a domination weapon, implying that the "helper" is far and away more capable, more stable, and/or physically stronger than the other person, and that the other person CAN'T do the task without assistance.

Absent feedback is when they simply act as if the person is invisible, or that nothing the person does is visible. 

They may keep talking and behaving normally, as if nothing is happening when a person is in obvious distress.  

They may behave as if nothing at all happened, directly after the person just suffered a tragedy, a serious violation against them, an injury, a serious illness, or some kind of major difficulty. They may completely ignore a person's presence.
They may totally refrain from acknowledging a person's accomplishments and milestones.
They may ignore invitations from this person.
They will often not invite this person to celebrations or gatherings, as if the person is not a "real" member of their group/family, or a "real" person.
They often behave the same way toward the person's children.
They may simply ignore communications from the other person.

They will usually completely deny and mentally "delete" their own behavior toward the person, and use the person's reactions as "justification" for continued disrespectful treatment, such as:

Because they have left the person out of normal family or friend events and celebrations, the person no longer tries to keep in contact with them, and has stopped trying. So they will say that the "reason" they don't invite the person to anything is because the person doesn't seem to "care about them", because they don't keep in contact or show up to any events. They simply delete the reality that they have been treating the person like a non-member of the family and THAT'S why the person stopped trying to keep contact with them. As far as they're concerned, they have accomplished their goal of ostracizing the person they had been targeting all along.

This is all literally an attempt to either make the person "smaller" in their life, or themselves "bigger"/"more important" than the other person. It's often motivated by either envy, fear (either of the person, or fear of someone who doesn't like the person), or a serious supremacy complex.

Why We Listen To One Person But Not Another

During childhood, we develop a "feeling" of who is who, and this feeling stays with us. We choose early which kind of people are leaders, and which kind of people are care-givers. Some of us also think of certain kinds of people as smarter, as dumber, as "expert" and more capable, and as "ignorant" and less capable. What we decide in our youths, we internalize and believe as the "way the world re...ally is".

We don't remember anything about the process, because we were kids.

So we don't remember the teachers letting certain girls make fun of the boys in first grade, and that our young minds decided that "girls are mean and don't get in trouble for it".
We don't remember that certain boys bullied the girls every day in second grade, and our young minds decided that "boys are bullies and don't get in trouble for it".
We don't connect that time in third grade when three brothers ambushed us and beat us up to the way we give "extra respect" to men who act "tough". (We think it's respect, but it's really fear from a suppressed memory.)
We don't remember that some adults around us were always making racial slurs, or putting those of a different color down, and that's the reason we see those of a different race in a negative light.
We don't remember adults separating children by gender, and we don't connect the adults making insulting remarks about one sex or the other with our own prejudices.
We don't remember that everyone listened whenever one person spoke, but ignored, argued, or rudely interrupted whenever another person spoke, which shaped our perception of "who to listen to" and "who to ignore".
We forgot about how when one person made jokes, everyone giggled and laughed, even if it wasn't funny or they didn't get it, just to fit in and be accepted as one of the gang. We don't connect that this imprinted in our subconscious "Who Is Allowed To Be Funny".
We don't remember that adults PURPOSELY taught certain kids how to do certain things, and didn't ALLOW other kids to participate in learning, doing, or practicing those things. We end up believing that some people are NATURALLY capable of this or that, and NATURALLY INCAPABLE of this or that, instead of remembering that it was all ORCHESTRATED.

We even think we ourselves are incapable of many things because of our childhood experiences and "training".
This is how conditioning works. Some of it is done on purpose, some of it is done inadvertently because of the conditioning that older people already went through. All of it could be healed if people wanted to heal it, but many want to stay in their illusion because they're used to it, or because they see it as giving them power. What it really does is cripples the human spirit, halting true progress and peace.

Rejection

Most people are ten times more likely to reject another person because of "personality conflict" than because of actual wrong-doing. Humans will single out another person who simply doesn't "rub them the right way", but who is actually trustworthy, honest, straightforward and kind. However they will keep connections with another person who compliments their ego and is "easy to get along with" (for them), regardless of what they actually DO. Basically, most humans will keep their connections with backstabbers, liars, criminals, manipulators, abusers, and control freaks, as long as they don't do anything that feels like it pokes at their OWN ego, or as long as they do all those things to someone ELSE (even in their own family or friendship circle). But they'll reject (and often even slander) an honest person with strong values in a heartbeat the moment they don't go along with them.
WHY? Because of their perceived threat to their ego and agenda. An honest person with strong values might see through all the smoke and mirrors.