The real friend or partner who cares about you
also cares about your other friends and your family members. A friend
or partner who avoids interaction with you and your friends, but
interacts with their other friends and family with normal enthusiasm
without you, (as if you do not belong to that group), does not simply
have social anxiety.
They may only interact with your friends when they are ...
They may only interact with your friends when they are ...
motivated by anger, jealousy, or when they find one of them attractive.
They are doing what they want to do, what they choose to do. Take it at face value.
If they are worried about what you are doing and who you are talking to, but react defensively when you ask them the same thing, they are showing that you are not a full "person" to them. Do they treat their other friends that way?
Possessiveness is when a person wants to own another person, but does not really want to be their true friend. When we own something, we do not feel the need to empathize with it, it is a thing. We want it to stay and do what we want. Of course many people who are possessive will flatly deny it, and become very upset if accused of it, but it's not hard to see.
A possessive person will not call you, but will be miffed if you don't call them. They will monitor who you talk to, but will not participate in the discussion. They want to know where you are and what you're doing, but they don't want to come along. They want to do things without you, and with other people, and they don't really want you to join them, or be a part of their discussions. They want you to care about them and for them, understand, empathize, and listen, but do not do the same for you past their comfort zone. (For example, if they need to be taken to the hospital, and you have to drive an hour, they would expect you to take them, even if they say the opposite. Saying that they don't expect it is simply a cover for the fact that they have no intention of being there for you, even if they were in the next town.)
If you ask them to do something that's important to you, they may or may not do it; but probably not. If they do, it has to be convenient for them, and not uncomfortable. However they expect you to be fully understanding of all things important to them. (They will even forget why you could not do something for them, like if you had to take your father to the hospital and could not help them that day, they will only remember that you weren't there, not why.)
They will not include you in quite a lot, including information or activities that affect you directly, but they want you to keep them fully informed of yours, and they usually want veto power over your activities and who you do them with. In other words, you love to go to the beach: they will not go with you, but they will be uncomfortable about you going without them. At the same time, they will go do something that you would like to do, but will not invite you, and will often meet up with other people. It's all about them having a real, full, and autonomous life, mostly without you, and without your approval, but they will deny this; and you having to report and receive approval from them, even though they are not going to participate in very much at all with you, or with you and your friends.
Why were they wanting to be your friend or partner in the first place? Possibly because they saw you as something to be acquired. If they thought you were well-liked, then that makes you attractive; if they thought you are seen as beautiful by the world, that makes you attractive to them as well. You will notice that when you talk, they don't really listen, they mostly try to either argue, or dismiss you. What are the things you DO together, like buddies do? Anything? How often? When is the last time you wanted to do something and they said "Yeah! That sounds like fun!" and they just WENT ALONG? When is the last time you tried to express your pain from the relationship, and they said "I'm sorry, what can we do to fix it?" and they actually followed through? When is the last time they participated in a discussion with you and other people, say, on your Facebook posts? They don't do this because they don't want to be seen talking to you in a "real" way, and they also may be enjoying watching others insult you.
Take things at face value when it comes to relationships, friendship or romantic, and don't let your mind trick you into believing it is what it's not.
They are doing what they want to do, what they choose to do. Take it at face value.
If they are worried about what you are doing and who you are talking to, but react defensively when you ask them the same thing, they are showing that you are not a full "person" to them. Do they treat their other friends that way?
Possessiveness is when a person wants to own another person, but does not really want to be their true friend. When we own something, we do not feel the need to empathize with it, it is a thing. We want it to stay and do what we want. Of course many people who are possessive will flatly deny it, and become very upset if accused of it, but it's not hard to see.
A possessive person will not call you, but will be miffed if you don't call them. They will monitor who you talk to, but will not participate in the discussion. They want to know where you are and what you're doing, but they don't want to come along. They want to do things without you, and with other people, and they don't really want you to join them, or be a part of their discussions. They want you to care about them and for them, understand, empathize, and listen, but do not do the same for you past their comfort zone. (For example, if they need to be taken to the hospital, and you have to drive an hour, they would expect you to take them, even if they say the opposite. Saying that they don't expect it is simply a cover for the fact that they have no intention of being there for you, even if they were in the next town.)
If you ask them to do something that's important to you, they may or may not do it; but probably not. If they do, it has to be convenient for them, and not uncomfortable. However they expect you to be fully understanding of all things important to them. (They will even forget why you could not do something for them, like if you had to take your father to the hospital and could not help them that day, they will only remember that you weren't there, not why.)
They will not include you in quite a lot, including information or activities that affect you directly, but they want you to keep them fully informed of yours, and they usually want veto power over your activities and who you do them with. In other words, you love to go to the beach: they will not go with you, but they will be uncomfortable about you going without them. At the same time, they will go do something that you would like to do, but will not invite you, and will often meet up with other people. It's all about them having a real, full, and autonomous life, mostly without you, and without your approval, but they will deny this; and you having to report and receive approval from them, even though they are not going to participate in very much at all with you, or with you and your friends.
Why were they wanting to be your friend or partner in the first place? Possibly because they saw you as something to be acquired. If they thought you were well-liked, then that makes you attractive; if they thought you are seen as beautiful by the world, that makes you attractive to them as well. You will notice that when you talk, they don't really listen, they mostly try to either argue, or dismiss you. What are the things you DO together, like buddies do? Anything? How often? When is the last time you wanted to do something and they said "Yeah! That sounds like fun!" and they just WENT ALONG? When is the last time you tried to express your pain from the relationship, and they said "I'm sorry, what can we do to fix it?" and they actually followed through? When is the last time they participated in a discussion with you and other people, say, on your Facebook posts? They don't do this because they don't want to be seen talking to you in a "real" way, and they also may be enjoying watching others insult you.
Take things at face value when it comes to relationships, friendship or romantic, and don't let your mind trick you into believing it is what it's not.
