Self-Centered and Needy, or a Healthy Reaction?

When we're annoyed and upset that strangers, acquaintances, and not very close friends don't know "important things" about us, we may be either immature or possibly have some kind of disorder or illness (even anxiety or trauma).

But when we're annoyed and upset that those close to us don't acknowledge anything "important" about us, don't seem to know or care about what we do or say (except perhaps to criticize and gossip), and seem very indifferent and dismissive to things we've accomplished, experienced, endured, or just our knowledge base, capability, skill set and character (our real one, not the one in their imagination), we are probably reacting in a realistic way to a narcissistic dynamic.
Not being "paranoid" or "needy".

Only in dysfunctional groups does this dismissive and shunning attitude to certain individuals occur, not in healthy groups where no envy, narcissism, control fixation or ill will is present.

To gauge this in a more accurate way, to see if it's "me" or "them", one can literally observe by comparative observation how much positive attention gets paid TO WHOM, BY WHOM. One MUST include one's self in the observations, relating to all others.
What's really going on?
If one realizes that one does not support or acknowledge or respect others, then find out the underlying reason for this.
Is it just being lazy or self-centered, or is there some kind of codependency dynamic within the system, and being supportive of others actually brings consequences from someone?
Has one backed off because one's SUPPORT or contribution is also dismissed and brushed aside, as if it's unimportant or unwanted, in the same way that their accomplishments, painful experiences, or hardships are ignored?

There is always more going on in any human group, especially in unhealthy groups, than meets the eye.

Once a person has backed away from a group, any group, because they became tired of being treated like they were unwanted, incompetent, unintelligent, unstable, or untrustworthy, it may not be possible to convince them to come back. Healthy minded people can only take so much disrespect before they turn and walk away, detaching and disassociating themselves from the group. Even if the person who wants them to come back wasn't one of the "disrespecters", if the environment hasn't changed, and if no one stands up for them, or acknowledges them, the person in question will probably keep walking. And they probably should, for their own sake.

Stereotypes, Status, Hierarchy, Narcissism, and War

Controllers/Narcissists tend to feel entitled to assign "jobs", "skills" and "innate ability" to OTHER people, and they often base their assignments on specific stereotypes that they grew up with.

So, in their minds, perhaps: ... African American women make good Nannies, nursemaids, or house maids... maybe nurses ... maybe a gospel singer or choir director, maybe a cook, maybe a hairdresser (but often ONLY if she's tall enough or large enough to fit the picture, if she's small, then she's put under a different assigned assumption, maybe she could be a cashier, but certainly not any of the aforementioned things.. either way, she is assumed to live inside of the stereotype, and just wouldn't have the capability of doing anything else.)

In their minds, a Caucasian men who are built a certain way are naturally good at fixing things and building things, or are apparent 'natural heroes" who make heroic civil servants, or who are wonderful because they always help people. But they aren't really permitted to do "cerebral" things like accounting, or sensitive things like caring for very small children or infants, and they "look weird" if they have a tiny dog or love kittens, and Heaven forbid if they don't hunt or have beer and drool on themselves during football season, or if they actually LIKE and RESPECT a woman, or women in general.

In their minds, each person has an assigned stereotype LIFE and PERSONALITY according literally to the way they look.

AND, each person already has a social STATUS assigned to them, also based on the original assigned "self".

The assigned status hierarchy goes something like this:

When one person speaks, you're supposed to listen respectfully and believe them, and feel admiration for them and whatever they say. You don't argue or debate them, you just listen attentively and then perhaps say "ahh" or "ohh", or ask a question. If they make a suggestion, a statement, or give an instruction, it's taken quite seriously as if it hath cometh down from the Heavens.
Gifts and favors are showered upon this person voluntarily.

When another person speaks, you're supposed to afford them decent respect, but it doesn't have to be as much as the other person... They're not at that highest rung, but they're higher than most, so the amount of respect given to them is high but not all the way high. Whatever they say is also taken very seriously, however what they say may occasionally be double-checked with a person who is on a higher rung than they are. However there is no countering or debating permitted. This person is regarded as very intelligent and capable, and knows what he/she is doing, and is very rarely doubted or questioned, but is given lots of credit, recognition and praised. Gifts and favors are often given to this person.

When a third person speaks, everyone listens with relative respect, but does not feel consequence for questioning the person. However they don't interrupt, even after being interrupted by the person. There is hesitation in disagreeing or arguing with them, but it's not out of range to do so, however it IS forbidden to accuse them of doing something wrong, bad, or shameful, or to imply that about them. This person is given praise, credit, and recognition for being a "good person" (regardless of how they really are), and is often given small gifts and favors. This person "knows everyone" and is often invited to parties and functions.

When a fourth person speaks, everyone listens, but not in the way that one listens to one of the "important people" above. Even if the person speaking is extremely knowledgeable, even an expert in the subject, whenever they speak it's treated as a social interaction where there is no "real" information or knowledge being conveyed. The person is very rarely taken "seriously" as if they are "one of the knowledgeable" people like those above, regardless of their actual experience and knowledge. Only those who are respectful individuals will listen to them speak in a respectful manner; others simply turn everything they say and do into a social interaction.

When a fifth person speaks, people pretend to acknowledge them, but talk right over them. Even if the person had an IQ of 200,  was an expert in quantum physics, and was visited by Jesus, everyone would simply talk over them, vying for higher status. Metaphorically stepping on the person. They DO KNOW that they're doing it, because when a person from the first three examples speak, they stop talking and listen to them.

When a sixth person speaks, people don't pretend to acknowledge them, they simply treat the person with disrespect and even contempt, as if they are gracefully allowing the person to be in their company at all. Again, it doesn't matter at all about what the person's actual intelligence, experience, or abilities are. It's PURELY social primate dynamics, and based ONLY on things like appearance, size, sex, adornments, body language, vocal tone, flattery, and social GAMING skills. It has nothing to do with "merit", "intelligence", "experience", or even "Character". This sixth person could easily be the NICEST, most generous, and emotionally STRONGEST person in the room.

Finally, the seventh person... simply receives nothing but contempt. The person is either barely acknowledged that they are present, or completely ignored as if they are NOT THERE. This is one of the creepiest, most disturbing social hierarchy behavior that is seen in humans. This behavior is not done to a person because they are "psychotic" and dangerous (in fact, dangerous psychotics are often treated like one of the top three in many groups). This behavior is done because the humans in the group are lacking in manners, maturity, autonomous thinking and behavior, and literally the function in the brain know as "empathy". It rarely has anything to do with the person being shunned, but everything to do with the mental profiles of the people in the group.
Scary? It can be, yes. Safe? No. Not at all, there is a possibility that someone in the group has psychosis and the group is following along with their social signals; and that if something happens, the "seventh person" will not be protected or helped. There is also the possibility that the "seventh person" might be harmed in some way, directly or indirectly, and most likely will not be assisted by anyone. If possible, it may be good to just leave. 

Hierarchies and Statuses in humans are not real, they're made up, and they are not based on merit, experience, or capability.

If they were, we wouldn't have WAR.
We would not have gangs or organized crime.
We wouldn't have local corruption or bias in schools, government and business.
We'd have a great deal more PROGRESS in all areas of life, including science, the economy, education, mental health, PEACE, and healthcare.