Narcissistic Communities Don't Support Healthy Relationships

In communities, families, and groups where Narcissism is largely present, healthy relationships are NOT supported by the larger group.
They are more often openly sabotaged due to envy and control being so commonplace and "normalized" in the group.

A couple "in love" in such an environment is often sabotaged by others with all kinds of undermining tactics, for a few reasons that are all about control and power.

The sayings about how there's nothing more attractive than someone who's in a committed relationship shows just how common envy and control are in the human species.
Being more attracted to a person who's "taken" or "wanted" than when they're "single" is all about one's own envy and control issues: "I want what I can't have, I want what other people have got, I'm only interested in something or someone when others want them too; I like to take things and people away from others." 

One of the common behaviors found in groups where Narcissism is present shows this type of envy very clearly~ flirting with, and trying to get sexual attention from, men or women who are IN committed relationships. This is not just "Human Nature" that "everyone does", (sorry kids but no, it's not). This is a POWER display. If Sheila can get Scott to respond sexually to her, she feels like she's "WON" in her competition for "sexy woman" against Scott's wife.
It's not SCOTT she's really after, it's the feeling of "Winning".
If Scott dumps his wife for her, it's nearly guaranteed that she'll do it again with some other couple (she probably does it quite often). (And Scott will probably cheat on her like he did with his wife).
By the same token, John does the same thing as Sheila, trying to "lure" women away from other men with flirtation and the pretense of "genuine caring" and "friendship". Every time he's successful, he feels like he's WON in the competition with the other men that exists in his imagination.

Both John and Sheila are most likely addicted to the feel-good-neurochemicals they produce when they feel like they've "won out" over someone else. Possibly also to sex, which also produces many neurochemicals. Their damaged egos are fed and inflated at the expense of other people.

Other behaviors that are commonplace in groups where Narcissism is present are just as destructive to couples, and frankly even more sinister, because the people involved can easily cover up and rationalize their behavior. 

"Friends" or family members try to separate the couple or destroy the bond between them. They might try to set one of them up with another person (a "hot chick" or a "hot guy"), or encourage them to follow any attraction feelings toward someone else. They will often even try to get a person intoxicated enough so that they're more likely to lose their bearings and go through with infidelity.
So the "friend" or family member is not actually DOING the "cheating", but they're trying to make it happen.
They might try to convince one of the couple that the other one is "no good", or "not good enough for them", a "slut", "stuck-up", or even "out of their league".
They might create false rumors about one of them, hoping that the other will believe them and turn against their partner.
A common tactic is to INVITE ONLY ONE OF THEM to events and celebrations, purposely putting the person in a "double-bind".

If a person seeks support from others in such an environment for their relationship, they are much more likely to receive "advice" telling them to BREAK UP, to "DUMP" their partner, than help or advice with improving their relationship.
(And it's important to note: in environments where Narcissism is present, an abuse target or betrayed partner is often told the opposite: to STAY WITH their abusive or traitorous partner, and even that the abuse or betrayal is "their fault".)

In such Narcissistic environments, a given couple is often treated as if THEIR "couplehood" is childish, or "just sexual", or "puppy love", as if THEY aren't one of the "REAL" couples, the "IMPORTANT" couples.

Keeping control over the person who "belongs" in the group by "getting rid of" the "interloper" who might EXPOSE the CONTROL tactics.

(Scapegoats in a group are often treated this way WHENEVER they are in a relationship, or even a platonic friendship. This is about CONTROL, AND "HIERARCHY".
It doesn't matter WHO the other person is that the Scapegoat has a relationship with, or what they're like. If one pays close attention, they will notice that everything in the Scapegoat's life is treated as if it's not important, not the right decision, not a "real" job or career; not even their pets are treated as if they're "real" by others; their dog or cat is just some stray that they "really should get rid of..." So it's not surprising that their relationships are cast in the same light.)

FAMILIES and relationships between PARENTS AND CHILDREN are ALSO treated in the same way by others.
People in the surrounding group will often try to put wedges between family members, turn children against their own parent, turn cousins against one another, turn siblings against one another.
One family is treated like they're not really "real", and another will be treated like they're "pillars of the community" or of the family.
In such communities and families, one sibling in a family will be treated like "The Responsible, GOOD One", and another will be treated as "The Lazy One" or something else negative.
People are always being compared to one another, LABELED, JUDGED, and then either put on a PEDESTAL, or treated like DIRT.
~In order to keep this extreme dysfunction going, relationships MUST be CONTROLLED, because anyone with a healthy awareness would see through it all and throw a monkey wrench in the manipulation.

This is why the current divorce rate is SO HIGH, why there is so much INFIDELITY, and why there is so much domestic violence and emotional and mental illness.
ALL societies throughout history that saw a serious increase in Narcissism have come apart at the seams in the same way.
The only groups and societies that remain healthy are the ones that have more humility than arrogance, more genuine humor than power and control-mongering, more equality than superiority-seeking, and more supportiveness FROM and TOWARD all members of the group than self-centeredness.

Most Nonsensical Things Ever Heard

#1, Top of the list:   "He earned the right to be arrogant"

So one can "earn the right" to be an over-confident, myopic, un-thinking, self-centered, self- adulating, boorish, control-freak dweeb?! And what exactly is the criteria that must be met? Proficiency in a skill? I can't think of one person I've met over the course of my decades on Earth who doesn't qualify, then; everyone has at least one skill that they're super-proficient at, and often more than one. So let's ALL be ARROGANT, and we can all feel justified in treating every other person we meet like they're some kind of inferior creature, woo hoo! Fun... wonder how long it will take for the whole world to simply EXPLODE.

2. "Love is... never having to say you're sorry."

Do I seriously need to explain this one? If you love someone, and you hurt them, you would be COMPELLED to say you're sorry! If you DON'T actually love them, then you might be more inclined to defend your hurtful actions and behavior, and NOT apologize.
"LOVE" requires empathy, respect toward the other person, the desire for the other person's well-being and happiness, and humility. If one does not care about the protecting another person from harm, including harm, pain, sadness, or humiliation done by one's SELF, then there is no "love".

3. "They brought it on themselves."

When referring to trauma, disaster, or abuse that another person has suffered.
Wow, talk about "victim-blame".
Talk about trying to shirk accountability, trying to avoid blame, shame, and guilt.
Talk about SMUGNESS.
So when terrible things happen to ONE PERSON, it was out of their control, they were a victim.
But when terrible things happen to ANOTHER PERSON, it was "all their fault". 
Even if they're a child who was abused by an older person.
Okay... nice try, it might work in La-La Land, but not in Reality.

"He's Such A Great Guy"... "She's Such A Peach"

Classic "Narcissists" are often the one in the group who everyone talks about being so energetic, so wonderful, so helpful, so 'brilliant', or so responsible.
These kinds of personalities DO exist, but look around the person; how are the people close to them doing? Partner, family, friends.

In person, when they are with their partner, "close friend", or older child, do they seem like "Peas and Carrots", or do they seem more like a Charismatic celebrity and an "Assistant" who is expected to stand back in the shadows?
(Do you go along with it and ignore the supposedly "shy one", or are you equally polite and courteous to BOTH of them?)

How are all of their kids doing? Not just the one who everyone praises, but all of them?
Do they include their kids in their plans, in their activities, or do they consistently leave them out? How much do they actually support their kids emotionally and in their endeavors? Is only one of them doing well?
How do they talk about their kids, or their siblings, or other relatives; do they sound neutral or positive? Or do they seem to be painting a picture of their own child or other relatives as "Losers"? (It's not the same thing as speaking in confidence about abuse, or seeking support for difficult relationships or situations; not even close.)
When they "brag" about their adult kids, are they bragging about their actual child, or are they bragging about their child's SPOUSE?
How is their own spouse? Does he or she seem exuberant, confident, and loved? Do they include their partner in their activities? Or does the "partner" get left on the "sidelines", like an audience member, a servant, or an "outsider"?
If they both have a "Facebook" or other social media, can you tell by the posts on BOTH of their pages that they support one another, or does only one of them seem to be supportive of the other?
Does one of them look very young, and the other seems to be rapidly aging, old for their years? (Especially in the case of parents and adult children.)
Do they frequently brag about themselves, their endeavors, people they know, what they had for breakfast?
Do they often imply that others in their personal lives are failures, or that others in their family are just not "responsible enough", and that's why they have hardship?

We don't REALLY know the people around us; we humans tend to make a lot of assumptions based on very little information, and based on our own feelings.
This person makes ME FEEL GOOD, so therefore I will agree that they're a "good person".
This other person makes me FEEL a little bit uncomfortable for whatever reason, so I will go along with the others treating them with less respect, or even with disrespect.

This human tendency to assume, and to go along with others, is one of the main reasons Narcissists GET control of both small and large groups, and KEEP control.

Narcissists literally USE the energy of others to keep their motors clean and shiny, so they are often the most "charged up" members of any group that they're in. They also stand on the backs of others to get a higher position, and to stay ABOVE everyone else. 

Provoking Emotional Reactions

Those with control issues, whatever their possible "diagnosis", often try to incite emotions in those around them for various reasons.

Most people are aware of the "Charismatic Leader" who tries to get people to follow them by provoking emotional reactions. This is commonly seen in Political Activists, Career Politicians, and Religious leaders, and always has been. It can also be seen in modern Television "personalities" and other media, including music.

When a person has control over another person's emotional reactions, they have control of the PERSON. Politicians know this, and so do Advertising professionals. The only way to keep people voting for you, interested in watching you or listening to you, and buying your product is to get them to be EMOTIONALLY reactive, emotionally invested.

Politicians know that an EASY way to get people to FOLLOW THEM is to get them to DISLIKE their opponent.

Humans in general seek to BELONG to a "Team", and many will do pretty much anything to feel like they belong to a "Team", including HATING and trying to destroy someone else. Politicians have been well aware of this for centuries, and have been USING it to convince people that they "deserve power".

People tend to NOT LOOK at what "their guy" is really doing when they're pointing the finger at the "other guy".

This is easier to understand when we're talking about Politicians, because most of them are people we don't know personally, on a larger stage.

However, people who have Control issues use these same Political maneuvers in their PERSONAL lives, in business, in school, in the community, in their Religion, and even in their own families.

We tend to DENY that this is going on when we're in the middle of it, whether we're the Controller or whether we're being controlled, or both. Admitting that it's happening can be frightening, so most people just deny and come up with ways to cover it up. We humans don't want to admit that we are being manipulated anymore than we want to admit we are doing the manipulation.

If and when we admitted that manipulation was going on, it would mean exposing that everything is not "perfect", everything is not "as it seems", everyone is not "innocent", and that can be very difficult to bear for many, especially those who have built their lives around the belief that they themselves are "perfectly innocent", and that the other people in their lives are "perfectly innocent".

However, true Humility gives us clearer vision; it reveals that there ARE NO "perfect" people; that's just Reality. So creating factions and covering up manipulation and ego is kind of silly; there aren't any groups of people who are "The Innocent Ones", free from Sin or Pride.
When we can come to terms, and to Peace with these facts, it's much easier to look at our OWN "flaws" and faults, and then it's much easier to see when someone else is manipulating, without becoming emotionally reactive and judgmental, and without jumping to "condemnation".

Get Back In The Game

Only a fool for a Coach, Doctor, or Parent would make a child or an adult player "get back in the game" with an injury, before they've healed and gone through rehabilitation.
It would be ridiculous to expect a person to be able to perform with an injury in the same way as they would without an injury.

Everyone knows that. Well, almost everyone.

So, why does it seem so difficult for so many people, including so-called "professionals", to apply this to people who have suffered any kind of mental or emotional injury?
The brain is a BODY PART... it needs to be healed and rehabilitated properly in order to function in a healthy way after injury, just like any other body part. The BRAIN happens to be the organ that governs and performs mental processing, intellect, memory, and emotional processing, AS WELL AS motor control and the involuntary nervous system. All of these things are interconnected, which is really pretty obvious.

Judging a person negatively for not being able to function "up to par" when they've been through emotional or mental trauma is just, frankly, silly. (That would include family abuse, death of a loved one, divorce, displacement, disaster, school and neighborhood bullying, any kind of sexual assault, and any other kind of assault OR trauma.)
ALL humans are susceptible to mental and emotional trauma that needs to be healed in order for the person to function to their own ability, no different from the rest of their body parts.

The brain is the most complex and the most delicate organ in the body, and the one that absolutely has to be functioning in order for the rest of the body to function; why on Earth do people so often behave as if it's the LEAST important?!?