Authority On What Is Right

Controllers do this fascinating thing where they talk about what THEY do and don't do, and their opinions, in a way that makes it sound like they are THE authority on "right and wrong". They seem to involve gender in everything, perhaps because it's easier to get away with control that way. They apply this "right and wrong" judgment to so many things it's impossible to keep track, so just say pretty much anything.

For example if THEY don't swim in the ocean, then it's "WRONG" to swim in the ocean. If they are a woman, and you are a woman, then you should AGREE that it's "wrong" to swim in the ocean, and any woman who does swim in the ocean is ignorant or stupid, or even a bad person.

Anything THEY do is what OTHER women are "supposed to do" (if they're a woman).
Anything THEY do is what OTHER MEN are "supposed to do" (if they're a man.)

They will also apply this "Supposed To" to the opposite sex as well.

It doesn't matter what it is they do, if THEY do it, it's "GOOD AND RIGHT" or "OKAY".
It doesn't matter what it is, even if it's illegal, harmful, or puts others (including children) at risk. So to them, going to church is good and right and okay, and so is drinking and driving, with a baby in the car... because these are things THEY DO, and they are INNOCENT and have GOOD INTENTIONS all the time... therefore ALL of their actions are excusable...

So if THEY speed on the highway and weave in and out of other cars, follow other cars closely, text and drive, drink and drive, whatever and drive, then it's OKAY... because nothing THEY do could possibly be wrong, and it's NOT dangerous... because nothing THEY do could possibly be wrong... and it doesn't put children or other people's lives at risk... because nothing THEY do could possibly be wrong... And people who don't agree with them are just dumb, or scared, or weak, or not good at driving like THEY are...

If they use illegal drugs, it's OKAY, and only people who "don't get it" or are "prudish" or are "stupid" don't use them too. But anyone who takes Ibuprofen, or drinks water out of plastic bottles, or plays cards at the casino is BAD and stupid and crazy...

If they are a man and have long hair, then it's "manly" to have long hair, but ONLY the kind of long hair THEY HAVE. And they are also the authority on how ALL WOMEN should and should not wear their hair...

If they are a man and have a crew cut, then it's likely that they have decreed that all males who have hair that touches their collar is BAD, STUPID, and WEAK. And they will often, interestingly, have the exact same presumptuous "parameters" that the controller with the long hair had about WOMEN'S hair.

If they are a woman, they will also KNOW EXACTLY how other women "SHOULD" wear their hair, and if they don't they're STUPID and a BAD or CRAZY person. And likewise, same as male controllers, will decree exactly how MEN SHOULD WEAR THEIR HAIR. Especially regarding men they know personally.

Whatever CHURCH they belong to is the RIGHT church... or whatever RELIGION, or spiritual group, or movement. If they belong to an ANTI-RELIGIOUS group, then THAT'S the "right" group.

Whichever Political Party they belong to is the RIGHT one, the righteous one, the smart one; NO ONE in THEIR Political Party is EVER WRONG.

Whatever job THEY have is a "man's job" (if they're a man), whatever job THEY have is a "woman's job" (if they're a woman).
They also actually seem to BELIEVE that "only males can do such and such job" and "only females can do such and such job". Apparently it's fun and feels powerful to make up fantastical presumptions about what OTHER people are capable of and not capable of.
They also apply many of these gender roles to themselves as well, especially the ones that make them feel MORE POWERFUL or MORE INTELLIGENT, or sometimes they assign them to the opposite sex so they can GET OUT OF DOING CERTAIN THINGS.

Controllers are fascinating to watch, not much fun to deal with personally, however, unless you don't actually need to get anything accomplished, or want to do something fun or interesting.

Real Relationship, Or Role Playing?

If you get the feeling you're a surrogate place-holder for someone else in your relationship/friendship (someone's parent, an ex, a sibling) you're probably right. Do they treat you like you're YOU, or do they keep treating you as if you're a completely different person than who you are? Do they treat you with respect and reciprocal friendship and companionship, or do they seem to keep trying to get you to do certain things or be a certain way that may or may not have anything to do with who YOU are? Did they take any time or make any effort to get to know you, to KNOW YOU, or did they seem to assume they already knew all about you, who you are, what you are, what and where you've been, what you think, what your motives are, what your emotions are? Do they show any interest in SHOWING YOU that they care, or do they just keep expecting YOU to show THEM? Do they keep accusing YOU of doing all kinds of things "wrong" that don't even cross your mind, that aren't even a part of your personality? Do they say and do things that are mean or inconsiderate, or dismissive or judgmental, and then accuse YOU of doing those things? Or accuse you of being uncaring because you backed away from them due to their behavior? (Like it's a set up? Like they're TRYING to make you back off JUST SO they can accuse you of abandonment?)
When this seems to be a pattern, it's often because you ARE a place-holder for someone else, someone who they have been carrying around resentment for for a long time, sometimes all the way back to early childhood.