Advice For Getting A Job From Asperger's Experts

The Simple 6 Step Blueprint To Getting A Great Job (Plus Little Known Tricks To Creating An Amazing Resume, Nailing The Interview And More)

By the Asperger's Experts!

Those who are in recovery from Trauma and abuse may find this very valuable as well.

CLICK HERE:      VIDEO 1  The Invisible System

                              VIDEO 2 The 6 Step Blueprint

Narcissists Resent Having To Give Or Help

Those with Narcissism typically resent any kind of apparently "obligatory" caregiving, or sharing with another of their time or resources, such as caring for or helping their kids, their partner, adult children, or other relatives or friends. They don't want to do anything that they're not going to get extra credit, praise, or reward for, or anything that they're not going to get immediate payback for.

A Narcissistic parent, for example, will often find it quite an arduous burden to change anything about their own routine or comfort in order to care for their own children or spouse. He or she will likely find it a huge burden to even "go out of their way" at all to make sure a child or spouse gets proper medical treatment for an illness or injury. Supporting a child or spouse in a real way toward their goals or even daily tasks can be very burdensome and even stressful for a Narcissist, because they see no direct reward for themselves in this "sacrifice".(Children of Narcissists who are not favored are often denied resources, denied emotional or other support, blamed and shamed for random things in the household, blamed and shamed for anything that happens to them, and are often rejected or kicked out of the family and home so they don't "cost" the parent any more resources, or be "in the way", or "burdensome" with their unrewarding, unexciting presence.) Narcissistic parents only "support" their kids or spouse if there's something in it for them, like image, reputation, recognition, and credit from others ("there's that Great Mom, Suzy...she's such a Great Mother... or "there's that Super Dad Glen... he's so wonderful...or "Hey there go the parents of that football player kid! or that Dancer kid! or the Class President!"), or if they see the child as a "mini me", so they're precariously living their own lives through the child. If the child's goals don't line up with their own goals for gain for themselves, they will not be supportive of that child, and may even reject, neglect, or abuse him or her.
In many cases, even a "favored/Golden Child" of a Narcissistic parent is neglected, or emotionally, verbally, or physically abused.

Narcissists ONLY do things in order to receive a reward, or only if they can't find a way out of a task or obligation, and they expect to always receive obvious rewards and positive feedback for any and everything they do that could be considered "positive", a "contribution", or for someone else. They often expect reward for NOT doing MEAN, inconsiderate, aggressive, or traitorous things as well, such as NOT cheating, NOT hitting, or NOT going out with their friends instead of coming home. ( "You should be grateful that I'm not one of those ..... who beats their spouse / gets wasted every night / beats their kids / takes their spouse's money / sleeps around... etc.")
They expect to get REWARDED for not behaving like a complete psycho, and they expect their kids, spouse, and others close to them to even put them on a pedestal for their refraining from horrible behaviors. And as if they would EVER do anything like that for their spouse or their kids.

They want all the rewards, understanding, sympathy, empathy, and praise they can get for the smallest things, but GIVING any of that, even for wonderful and great accomplishments or help from others is nearly impossible for them (unless they see a reward in it).

Taking accountability for their own behavior and actions, and especially taking responsibility for a mistake or for doing something wrong does not typically result in a tangible REWARD, so Narcissists tend to RAIL AGAINST doing these things. Anything that does not result in a positive reward is avoided and protested against, and anything that might bring some kind of "negative" result, no matter how trivial the consequence would be, is often RAILED and REBELLED AGAINST with PASSION by a Narcissist.


~~~ I was witness to a problem in a small parking lot where three cars were trying to leave, but they had accidentally blocked one another in. Someone needed to move in order to untie the little knot they had created. One person said to their companion, one of the drivers, "Back your car up, then they'll be able to get out." Not with an attitude or negative tone, it was just a neutrally-toned statement. Their friend, the driver, shot back with a blistering tone "I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT!"

Taking responsibility!
Doing something that needed to be done, just because it needed to be done, regardless of who's "FAULT" something was!
Something so trivial as backing one's car up so another could get out actually caused the person to become RESENTFUL, DEFENSIVE, and ANGRY.
Things that they DEMAND from others and EXPECT from others as a matter of course are all things that Narcissists often have a hard time doing at all, never mind doing them without reward. 

Narcissists may VOLUNTARILY GIVE others or a target a gift, or a favor, but only when THEY INITIATE IT, rarely when the target ASKS for it. Their form of "giving" allows them, in their minds, to remain in control, and still get the rewards of "giving", which includes a reputation of generosity.


Typically, they react to request from others according to WHO is asking, not according to their ability or capability to help, NOR according to the person's severity of need.
In other words, Narcissists would jump at the chance to "help out" a celebrity they liked, such as Brad Pitt, or Snoop Dog, or a "favorite" person they know even if the person was very wealthy, but would most likely RECOIL at fulfilling any request from someone who is NOT famous, wealthy, a local authority or hero figure, or favored by them, such as one of their non-favored children, their partner, or a friend or coworker whom they want to be superior to. Giving help, gifts, or favors to a celebrity, authority figure, or a favored person is an opportunity for the Narcissist to get a reward. Giving help to someone who's not famous, or who they have not put on a pedestal, means the only "reward" they might get is a thank you from this "non-important" person; no worldly recognition, no immediate gratification, no associated fame or notoriety, and no instant payback.

BESIDES, they typically don't like helping others whom they don't favor become LESS insecure, or feel MORE confident, safe, hopeful or successful, (unless the person's success is in their own interest).
That might help give the person more "power" and autonomy, and therefore be less anxious, less dependent, and less powerless.   

A Narcissist will expect praise and positive reward, for instance, for giving a person a compliment about their appearance, or for praising a person for an excellent performance, or for giving them a small gift. They'll expect this reward and credit even if it's one compliment or gift in the middle of a sea of insults and criticisms, as if rewards are supposed to be given out as PAYMENT IN KIND, directly for a specific action, like money for a specific service. 
"I complimented your hair, so you should pay me a reward, regardless of the way I've been treating you all day, all week."
They DO NOT connect their behavior to the overall "bigger picture", they tend to see each of their own actions as completely unrelated, separate incidents, irrelevant to one another.

Narcissists do NOT typically see their behavior as causing "problems" for other people. They tend to see others as causing ALL of their OWN problems, regardless of what they are, and regardless of external events (including their own actions).

In a severe case of Narcissism, for example, a Narcissist could puncture another person's tire with a knife and blame the person for "causing them to do it" by "making them mad".
Or they could KNOW that someone slashed a person's tire, and feel zero empathy, sympathy, or even a bit of pity for the person, blame the person for somehow "causing it" to happen, and then typically insult and criticize the person for "being unprepared" and "irresponsible" for not having a spare, or not being able to change their own tire.
(Because, after all, we all cause the behaviors of others... oh yes and everyone should expect their tires to get slashed on any given day, and be completely prepared for it...)

THEN, that same Narcissist could come back to that person a day or a week later, and act like nothing happened; treating the person like a "friend", and on top of that, fully expect to be REWARDED for treating the person like a "friend".
(As if normal, respectful, civil treatment is something that we all get reward and special recognition for.)

(In the case of a sociopathic Narcissist, however, they might be fully aware of the "bigger picture", of their own behavior, and the effects of their behavior. They may be doing it all on purpose. Not all Narcissistic people are sociopaths, not all abusive people are "Narcissists" or sociopaths, and not all sociopaths are "Narcissists". But sociopathic Narcissists can be quite dangerous.)

Message To Counselors, Social Workers, Lawyers, Teachers, Parents And Others

When a patient, client, child, friend, or other is showing signs of emotional distress, is your first reaction to assume that they have caused the majority of their own problems, or that they are in some way deficient, weak, or defective as a human being?

Counselors, doctors, legal professionals, teachers and instructors (especially health and legal workers) should EXPECT a person who is coming in to speak with them to be feeling some sort of elevated emotional state. To judge a person negatively for elevated emotions when they're in a health worker's office, or a legal worker's office, shows a serious lack of awareness.
Assuming that a client, patient, or student is representing the "way they always are" OUTSIDE of a health or legal office, or classroom, is again a serious misjudgment.
People are anxious (most normal people, anyway) who are speaking to a lawyer or legal worker, mental health worker, physician, or social worker. That's not some kind of display of ignorance or weakness, it's a display of NORMALCY.
Only sociopaths are always cool as a cucumber, and if you didn't know that, look it up, it's important.

Patients in a therapist's or doctor's office are OF COURSE going to display some kind of emotions, they think they can TRUST health professionals to be professional, and to remain objective and non-judgmental. People tend to believe that healthcare workers are ON THEIR SIDE, and are trying to help them find solutions, not JUDGE them like anyone "outside" would, so they tend to "bare their souls" because they think they CAN, and even that they're SUPPOSED TO. Healthcare workers who are judgmental and arrogant toward patients and clients who are trusting them with their exposed heart and soul are massively unethical and unprofessional.

Students, both children and young adults especially, tend to believe that Teachers and Instructors are ALSO "on their side", that they're going to be OBJECTIVE toward all students, alert, aware, and caring, like a mentor should be, especially a mentor of youths. Playing favorites, targeting kids who are "annoying", over-disciplining some kids and letting others get away with anything, gossiping about students, giving some extra help and care, and ignoring or picking on others, creating little Hierarchies in one's classroom or SCHOOL, gender and ancestry bias, allowing students to bully others; NONE of that should even be happening. And yet, all of it can be found in nearly any school in many Western cultures, and in other cultures as well. Teachers and instructors who participate in this will often claim a neutral position, or completely deny that it exists. But it's very, very easy to see, and pretty much impossible to hide. The "proof" is the behavior of the students in the school. Difficult homes or not. When the entire school or university faculty, administration, staff, and local governmental and community ties to the school are functioning in a healthy way, it's easy to tell which kids have terrible home lives, trauma issues, or disorders from the kids who don't; they stand out, and they are given as much extra help and care as possible.
But when it's not, it's nearly impossible to tell them apart, and few care to try.


Assumptions lay groundwork for more assumptions. When we make judgments about other people, including children, it's not reality based. It's coming from our own imagination.

When a person shows up at a therapist's or lawyer's office showing apparent signs of anxiety, depression, or signs of some or other emotional or mental illness, if we see that person as that disorder incarnate, we don't see them as a valid human being.
Then, we don't actually try to find out more information, or new information. We only accept and hear that which lines up with our mental PICTURE we have created about who and what the person is. 
And then we treat them accordingly.
Those who don't think they do this may be more susceptible than others to doing this, because they are in denial. Assumption and judgment about other people is a human brain function, everyone does it automatically. (Yes, yes, you know all this already...but knowing it and applying it to one's SELF are two different things.)  Our brains "size up" and summarize other people based on superficial information, so we can get through our OWN life and our day to day activities efficiently. Our brains want to determine QUICKLY who is a threat and who is not a threat. The problem lies in the errors of that process, especially when one's occupation is about directly dealing with other people.

The reason there are so many successful con-artists is because human beings tend to be very over-confident in their ability to judge other people. We often make errors in judgement, such as mistaking a kind, very intelligent person as "incompetent" or "weak", and an arrogant bully as "competent" and "knowledgeable".
Many people are more likely to trust a con-artist or a bully than a person who is actually trustworthy or competent, because our judgment processing is really more for immediate danger rather than judging a person's entire character.

In other words, if we don't find a person intimidating, we tend to START ADDING our own made-up negative judgments about their "weakness of character".
When we add these negative judgments, it's about ourselves, not the other person. We're basically trying to find ways to feel like the person is inferior to us, so we can feel justified in feeling dominant and superior over them.
When we do feel intimidated by another person, like they're some kind of authority figure or expert, we tend to START ADDING our own made-up POSITIVE judgments about the person's character.
After we've made these judgments about a person, we then only accept "information" about them into our brains that corroborates, lines up with, our judgments.

If we see or hear the person doing or saying something that doesn't line up with our judgment of them, we reject the information. If someone else says things about the person that don't line up, we'll probably reject the information. We only want to hear and see "bad stuff" about people who we've judged as bad or weak, and we only want to hear and see "good stuff" about people who we've judged as good or strong.

We tend to cast others in certain "light", and then filter everything they say and do, and everything about them through this light.

What we RARELY do is SUSPEND judgment and assumption about others. We usually judge and assess them upon meeting them, and believe ourselves, clueless about our own ignorance about them.
The more "expert" we perceive ourselves to be, the more we tend to believe our own assumptions, assessments, and judgments.

A signal for ourselves that we are judging a person negatively is when we find ourselves casting shame on them, especially when our occupation or position is in a legal, mentoring, or caretaker role. Shaming others or seeing others in a "shameful" light (people often shake their heads or smirk to express this) is extremely inappropriate in any caregiving, mentoring/teaching, or legal role. One's perception needs to be as objective as possible, and allowing JUDGMENT such as this destroys objectivity, and therefore severely compromises one's ability to perform their REAL job, or be a proper Parent. 

Further, many who have been abuse targets are "hyper-aware" of others judging them.
When a patient, client, (or child) picks up on someone's negative judgment toward them, they will immediately sense this and stop trusting (an accurate reaction). They have learned from experience that those who judge another in a negative light will not remain objective, or be seriously thinking or working in their best interest. 

True professionalism in any field requires objectivity. When a person's occupation deals directly with human beings, then objectivity, civility, respect, and a measure of empathy are required, as does good parenting.

A confusion of "respect" and "civility" with elitism and fear is actually common in this current cultural climate, unfortunately, and speaks to a serious cultural problem with ego-identity and boundary issues. Treating other people with respect and civility is not about the other person, it's about one's OWN values and integrity. Having a habit of assessing others to decide whether they "deserve" one's respect and courtesy is a symptom of boundary, self-acceptance, and identity issues.

Respect and civility have nothing to do with submission, nor do they indicate adulation of another person. Those with healthy boundaries and self-confidence keep their values and integrity intact no matter who they're speaking to or dealing with. They don't have a need to "assess" others as "inferior", for any reason, because they aren't compelled or have a desire to assess anyone as innately SUPERIOR.

~Positions of authority are positions, not innate qualities of a human being.
Expertise is about something that is learned and practiced, it does not indicate anything about a person's character.
Academic degrees are accomplishments, but they are not an indication of superior intelligence in comparison to another who does not have the same degree, or equivalent education.
Even having formal education in a certain subject does not mean that one is categorically and automatically more knowledgeable than a person who did not complete a formal education in that subject.
A poor or working class background does not indicate anything at all about a person's intelligence, character, or ability.
A middle-class or wealthy background does not indicate anything at all about a person's intelligence, character, or ability.
A person's hair color, height, weight, ancestry, muscle tone, or facial features also do not indicate anything at all about their intelligence, character, or ability.

These are all assumptions and assessments that many humans project onto others.
Ironically, those who project negative judgments onto other people are usually highly offended when someone does the same thing to THEM. But without objectivity, one cannot see the hypocrisy or silliness.

Everyone wants to be seen in a POSITIVE LIGHT by others, and RESPECTED for all the positive things about their character, their intentions, their motivations, and their accomplishments, and they DO NOT want to be judged in a negative way.
And yet, many, many people do the opposite to OTHERS. 

Professionalism requires objectivity, and keeping one's mind on the job at hand, not on passing judgment on clients, patients, students, children and others.

Addendum:

When a client, patient, student, or child's parent is speculating about or analyzing his or her own situation, behavior, past, or health, or that of their child's, it's not something that they don't have a "right" to do, or are CLUELESS about just because they don't have the same academic background or position as you do. If that's what you think, then either someone told you wrong, or you are trapped in your own identity issues.
When they are trying to figure out the dynamics of a situation or an event, that's not the same thing as BLAMING OTHERS for their own mistakes and behaviors, or as avoiding blame and responsibility. They are PROBABLY EXPECTING YOU to HELP them analyze and figure out the details, because that's part of your JOB.
Your job is not to judge them and diminish them as human beings, making yourself feel like you're above them. Your job needs to be done WITHOUT inserting your own personal, emotional, and ego issues.

We all fall short of objectivity and professionalism from time to time in whatever our job is, but our human frailty is no excuse for not trying to reach this goal every day. 

One's motivations for choosing a career path show up in their job performance.
How a person treats the PEOPLE who they're working with and for shows what they're really about.

Targets Displaying Confidence Can Trigger Rage In A Controller

Controllers are often triggered to rage when a target shows signs of apparent autonomy or confidence, or even calmness, joy, or hope.
Feeling like they have control over a target is tantamount to their feelings of having control of their own life, so a target behaving as if they are not afraid of the controller, as if they see the controller as a peer instead of an authority, or as if they are not living their daily lives according to the controller's wishes, can cause the controller to panic. Standing up for one's self to their disrespect or unfair, unkind treatment will almost certainly trigger anger or panic-rage in a person with Control and domination issues. Especially if one is already seen by the Controller as a "target". Nevertheless, not standing up to them, or remaining within their reach of control, often causes serious depression and anxiety issues, and can lead to serious problems for the targeted person. Finding one or more genuine allies (who don't condescend, manipulate or bully) can help tremendously with the process of healing one's boundaries so one is more able to stand up effectively or leave the situation. (If the only genuine ally one can find is a paid therapist, or someone on a recovery forum, then so be it.)

Provoking, Invoking, and Poking Emotional Reactions In Others: Crazy Making

Those who have certain types of Control issues and Boundary problems may habitually try to provoke emotional responses in other people.
Trying to provoke emotions in others is a common sociopath behavior; of course it's also found in others who have maladaptive social behaviors as well.

Frequently provoking emotions/feelings in a target (such as fear, shame, guilt, self-doubt, worry, anger, sadness, loneliness, humiliation, hope, camaraderie, trust) allows the Controller to predict, manipulate and control the target's behaviors and actions. They'll often provoke one feeling in a target, and then switch to provoking an opposite feeling.

For example "Let's go to the movies and have a nice dinner out tonight!" can provoke hope, trust, camaraderie and joy. Then right before it's time to go, they might start an argument or suddenly have to leave, or they don't feel well so they don't want to or can't go. This takes AWAY the target's good feelings, and replaces them with uncomfortable feelings, such as disappointment, sadness, loneliness, or anger, betrayal and abandonment, especially if this kind of bait and switch happens frequently. So the Controller successfully provoked emotions and feelings in the target with both the suggestion of dinner and a movie, and with taking away dinner and a movie. If the target reacts at all, expressing any 'negative' emotion, the Controller will likely accuse them of being hostile, demanding, whiny, or crazy. Controllers SEEK emotional reactions in targets for various reasons, both for supply and for manipulation.

When a person is in defense mode, they are much more apt to be reactive instead of intentional and confident.

If you scare your cat, for instance, you know what he's going to do, pretty much. If he's relaxed and calm, he's confident and operating of his own volition, making decisions and purposeful actions autonomously. Getting HIS OWN goals and needs met. When he's frightened, he's doing one thing: reacting to his fear. His behavior is predictable, and once he's in fear mode, he's even easier to scare and manipulate further.
A Controller would call a cat that's reacting in fear "crazy" or "psycho".

(Actually you can witness this, literally, on episodes of the show My Cat From Hell, with Jackson Galaxy Saturdays at 8 p.m. on Animal Planet. Many cat owners who ask Jackson to "fix their cat" frequently blame their cat for "erratic" behavior, even when it's extremely obvious that the owners are causing it.)