When we have "black and white thinking", we
can know someone who is consistently kind, a good friend, even who is
generous and giving, but the moment we have conflict with them, we see
them as "Bad". Even if they were not the initiator of the conflict or
actually did anything terrible; even if we were the ones who turned a
small friction into a large conflict, our "black and white thinking"
will turn that "Good" person into a "Bad" person, with really very little provocation.
Swinging from seeing another person as "Good" or "Bad" is a symptom of more than one disorder, and can also be a result of abuse.
The moment the other person seems more powerful than us, or if we envy them or feel jealous, we can do this as well. To a "black and white thinker", other people are either doing what pleases us, and therefore they are "Good", or they are not doing what pleases us, and therefore they are "Bad". Memory of the person's character does not factor in, nor does memory of the entire history of the person's behavior or actions. This type of thinking will simply delete any memories that don't confirm the EMOTIONAL reaction and judgment of "Good" or "Bad".
For example, a person who has been a great friend, who has stuck by us in times of trouble or tragedy, who has shown support time and time again, will be seen suddenly as a "Bad" person the moment a conflict erupts, regardless of what the conflict is about, or how small. This person may have weathered many storms caused by the black and white thinker, but all of these are simply forgotten and dismissed the moment the black and white thinker feels upset with this person. The actual facts of the conflict are often not factored in either, for example the black and white thinker may have said something to hurt the other, and the other is simply reacting with normal objection and emotion. Or the black and white thinker may even feel angry because the other is dealing with something very painful or difficult, and therefore can not be fully available. Black and white thinkers often feel accused when another is asking for information, or asking direct questions that others would not find offensive, and this may trigger them to turn on the asker.
Whatever the circumstances, black and white thinkers do not factor in real history, only bits and pieces that back up their judgment of "Good" or "Bad". Everything else is pushed aside. They do not maintain an overall respect and good will for the other person either, so any conflict changes their entire assessment of the other person. One minute the other person is "Good", acceptable, even wonderful, and the next the other person is "Bad", and unacceptable. When a person is suddenly assessed as "Bad", all evidence to the contrary is ignored and dismissed. The black and white thinker believes their own emotional reactions as objective fact, and has no interest in reviewing or rechecking their real history or evidence. (In other words, there is no way to show them anything that would help them see a larger picture, they will just shut the conversation down. They are only interested in trying to prove that the person is indeed "Bad", or "Good".)
This black and white thinking can be clearly seen in cults and politics, when people will rationalize a cult leader as "All Good And Wonderful" regardless of what he or she is really doing, or a political leader as "Good And Benevolent" or even a "savior"; no matter what this political leader does, his followers will continue to "believe in him", and simply argue with anyone who does not agree, or who talks about anything he has done wrong. These followers will also assess his political opposition as "All Bad", and often try to degrade anything they say or do.
In friendships, family, relationships, and business, schools, and communities, this kind of black and white thinking can be very destructive, and can cause real damage in people's lives. (Becoming aware of our own tendency to think in black and white is the way to thwarting it. We can learn to think more objectively, and be not so willing to put others on pedestals, or throw them under a bus.)
Swinging from seeing another person as "Good" or "Bad" is a symptom of more than one disorder, and can also be a result of abuse.
The moment the other person seems more powerful than us, or if we envy them or feel jealous, we can do this as well. To a "black and white thinker", other people are either doing what pleases us, and therefore they are "Good", or they are not doing what pleases us, and therefore they are "Bad". Memory of the person's character does not factor in, nor does memory of the entire history of the person's behavior or actions. This type of thinking will simply delete any memories that don't confirm the EMOTIONAL reaction and judgment of "Good" or "Bad".
For example, a person who has been a great friend, who has stuck by us in times of trouble or tragedy, who has shown support time and time again, will be seen suddenly as a "Bad" person the moment a conflict erupts, regardless of what the conflict is about, or how small. This person may have weathered many storms caused by the black and white thinker, but all of these are simply forgotten and dismissed the moment the black and white thinker feels upset with this person. The actual facts of the conflict are often not factored in either, for example the black and white thinker may have said something to hurt the other, and the other is simply reacting with normal objection and emotion. Or the black and white thinker may even feel angry because the other is dealing with something very painful or difficult, and therefore can not be fully available. Black and white thinkers often feel accused when another is asking for information, or asking direct questions that others would not find offensive, and this may trigger them to turn on the asker.
Whatever the circumstances, black and white thinkers do not factor in real history, only bits and pieces that back up their judgment of "Good" or "Bad". Everything else is pushed aside. They do not maintain an overall respect and good will for the other person either, so any conflict changes their entire assessment of the other person. One minute the other person is "Good", acceptable, even wonderful, and the next the other person is "Bad", and unacceptable. When a person is suddenly assessed as "Bad", all evidence to the contrary is ignored and dismissed. The black and white thinker believes their own emotional reactions as objective fact, and has no interest in reviewing or rechecking their real history or evidence. (In other words, there is no way to show them anything that would help them see a larger picture, they will just shut the conversation down. They are only interested in trying to prove that the person is indeed "Bad", or "Good".)
This black and white thinking can be clearly seen in cults and politics, when people will rationalize a cult leader as "All Good And Wonderful" regardless of what he or she is really doing, or a political leader as "Good And Benevolent" or even a "savior"; no matter what this political leader does, his followers will continue to "believe in him", and simply argue with anyone who does not agree, or who talks about anything he has done wrong. These followers will also assess his political opposition as "All Bad", and often try to degrade anything they say or do.
In friendships, family, relationships, and business, schools, and communities, this kind of black and white thinking can be very destructive, and can cause real damage in people's lives. (Becoming aware of our own tendency to think in black and white is the way to thwarting it. We can learn to think more objectively, and be not so willing to put others on pedestals, or throw them under a bus.)