Men and boys are just as susceptible to being targeted as women and girls, by both male and female bullies and narcissists, both romantically and non-romantically.
One of the reasons the status quo used to be for women to not "interfere" with the "business of men" was, on the positive side, to protect them from some of the narcissist and whacked men that their husbands had to deal with all the time.
Narc. men don't want women "interfering in their business", but NON-NARC. men don't want those jerk-offs to insult or mess with their wives, mother, or daughters. Or sons either, but presumably sons were taught how to deal with these a******s. Basically males were taught to take the "front line" against the Narcs in the world so their wives could peacefully and productively teach and raise the children (both boys and girls), and have peace for themselves, and a safe space to study and create. It wasn't because the husbands thought the women were INCAPABLE at all. Bigotry is a narcissist thing. And on that same page, only narcissists thought men were categorically incapable of caring for children, cooking, clothes making, or anything else. (Again, innate bigotry is a narc. thing. Narcissists teach children skewed beliefs that reflect their bigotry, and so on, and so on.)
All those lines people hammered into boys like "Don't let them see you cry", or "Don't let them see you sweat", or "Don't let them hear your personal stories", "Don't let them see your emotions" "Don't let them see your fear", "Stand up tall and be a 'man'", "Protect women and children", they were INSTRUCTIONS about dealing with narcissists, and other bullies, and predators. Severe Narcissists see any emotion as a way in, they get a thrill out of attack and sabotage, and they attack women and children both because they like to, and also to hurt whoever is connected to them; we're all familiar with that crap.
"Never hit a girl or a woman" is another blanket teaching that is made into a "boy" thing ~ of COURSE you don't hit a girl, anyone with any common sense wouldn't in the first place! But guess what~ anyone with any common sense wouldn't hit a BOY either! This blanket "Boys should never hit girls" as if all girls are made of glass and all boys have superpowers was to drive it home to people with a little less in the sense department. It has a side effect that it gets taken completely out of context, and people seem to think it means "But it's OKAY to hit BOYS, because they're SO TOUGH"...
Taken out of context that advice all sounds antiquated, callous, and almost abusive, but IN context, it's very good advice. A balanced and aware parent would have explained to do these things for a specific REASON, not just in general, not just because their child happened to have male genitalia.
You DO let your WIFE see you cry! You DO show LOVE and your real gentle self to your children and wife! You DO recognize, acknowledge, and respect your wife as a REAL person, an equal partner, with actual strength, intelligence, and talent. You don't do all this "MAN" behavior at your partner and family, that's not what it's for. It was just instructions on how to deal with the narcissists in the world so you could get your goals met and collect a paycheck.
Women were not taught these things because they were being taught OTHER things, like how to be supportive of your husband after he just dealt with jerk-off narcissists all day. It makes sense in CONTEXT, but when people LOSE CONTEXT and start making it about some kind of "gender assignment" it destroys the reasons behind them, and everyone starts to believe one of two things~ either that all these things some kind of "Status Quo" and that you are shameful if you don't do them according to your gender, but have no idea WHY they were done in the first place, or that all these things had no legitimate reasons behind them (because no one ever taught them what the reasons were!).
No matter how "manly" a man learned to act in the male "business" world full of narcs, if you were emotionally and mentally healthy, you WOULD express your real self, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, joys, and silly sense of humor to your wife... you WOULD respect her intelligence tremendously, her point of view and her capability, and you WOULD NEVER treat her with disrespect or bigotry, not in a million years. Why would you, she was your PARTNER!
You would let her see you laugh AND cry, and ask her for advice on pretty much anything and everything, and the ONLY reason you wouldn't want her to go into the "working world" or have a career was because you were worried about misogynistic N's targeting her, NOT because you had any doubt that she was quite capable, or because you considered yourself "above" her.
Now, the war with bigoted control freak Narcs in business, arts, sciences, and government still rages on, more in some places than in others but still everywhere, but some of the battles are over. Now both men and women, girls and boys, need to learn those "antiquated" instructions once again, but this time, remember WHY, what they're FOR, and WHO they're ABOUT. If you internalize "TOUGH GUY" behavior because it works in one place with certain people, you're not going to be able to "turn it off" when you're with other people. CONTEXT is the key, as are healthy boundaries and awareness. When you want to close a deal with an obvious Narcopath, you put on your extra armor. When you leave that meeting, you take it off!
~M.M.Black 2013
P.S. Only a narcissist would attack this post as "nonsensical", I can already hear the anxious whining and moaning, lol.
One of the reasons the status quo used to be for women to not "interfere" with the "business of men" was, on the positive side, to protect them from some of the narcissist and whacked men that their husbands had to deal with all the time.
Narc. men don't want women "interfering in their business", but NON-NARC. men don't want those jerk-offs to insult or mess with their wives, mother, or daughters. Or sons either, but presumably sons were taught how to deal with these a******s. Basically males were taught to take the "front line" against the Narcs in the world so their wives could peacefully and productively teach and raise the children (both boys and girls), and have peace for themselves, and a safe space to study and create. It wasn't because the husbands thought the women were INCAPABLE at all. Bigotry is a narcissist thing. And on that same page, only narcissists thought men were categorically incapable of caring for children, cooking, clothes making, or anything else. (Again, innate bigotry is a narc. thing. Narcissists teach children skewed beliefs that reflect their bigotry, and so on, and so on.)
All those lines people hammered into boys like "Don't let them see you cry", or "Don't let them see you sweat", or "Don't let them hear your personal stories", "Don't let them see your emotions" "Don't let them see your fear", "Stand up tall and be a 'man'", "Protect women and children", they were INSTRUCTIONS about dealing with narcissists, and other bullies, and predators. Severe Narcissists see any emotion as a way in, they get a thrill out of attack and sabotage, and they attack women and children both because they like to, and also to hurt whoever is connected to them; we're all familiar with that crap.
"Never hit a girl or a woman" is another blanket teaching that is made into a "boy" thing ~ of COURSE you don't hit a girl, anyone with any common sense wouldn't in the first place! But guess what~ anyone with any common sense wouldn't hit a BOY either! This blanket "Boys should never hit girls" as if all girls are made of glass and all boys have superpowers was to drive it home to people with a little less in the sense department. It has a side effect that it gets taken completely out of context, and people seem to think it means "But it's OKAY to hit BOYS, because they're SO TOUGH"...
Taken out of context that advice all sounds antiquated, callous, and almost abusive, but IN context, it's very good advice. A balanced and aware parent would have explained to do these things for a specific REASON, not just in general, not just because their child happened to have male genitalia.
You DO let your WIFE see you cry! You DO show LOVE and your real gentle self to your children and wife! You DO recognize, acknowledge, and respect your wife as a REAL person, an equal partner, with actual strength, intelligence, and talent. You don't do all this "MAN" behavior at your partner and family, that's not what it's for. It was just instructions on how to deal with the narcissists in the world so you could get your goals met and collect a paycheck.
Women were not taught these things because they were being taught OTHER things, like how to be supportive of your husband after he just dealt with jerk-off narcissists all day. It makes sense in CONTEXT, but when people LOSE CONTEXT and start making it about some kind of "gender assignment" it destroys the reasons behind them, and everyone starts to believe one of two things~ either that all these things some kind of "Status Quo" and that you are shameful if you don't do them according to your gender, but have no idea WHY they were done in the first place, or that all these things had no legitimate reasons behind them (because no one ever taught them what the reasons were!).
No matter how "manly" a man learned to act in the male "business" world full of narcs, if you were emotionally and mentally healthy, you WOULD express your real self, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, joys, and silly sense of humor to your wife... you WOULD respect her intelligence tremendously, her point of view and her capability, and you WOULD NEVER treat her with disrespect or bigotry, not in a million years. Why would you, she was your PARTNER!
You would let her see you laugh AND cry, and ask her for advice on pretty much anything and everything, and the ONLY reason you wouldn't want her to go into the "working world" or have a career was because you were worried about misogynistic N's targeting her, NOT because you had any doubt that she was quite capable, or because you considered yourself "above" her.
Now, the war with bigoted control freak Narcs in business, arts, sciences, and government still rages on, more in some places than in others but still everywhere, but some of the battles are over. Now both men and women, girls and boys, need to learn those "antiquated" instructions once again, but this time, remember WHY, what they're FOR, and WHO they're ABOUT. If you internalize "TOUGH GUY" behavior because it works in one place with certain people, you're not going to be able to "turn it off" when you're with other people. CONTEXT is the key, as are healthy boundaries and awareness. When you want to close a deal with an obvious Narcopath, you put on your extra armor. When you leave that meeting, you take it off!
~M.M.Black 2013
P.S. Only a narcissist would attack this post as "nonsensical", I can already hear the anxious whining and moaning, lol.
