An effect of Narcissism targeting is confusion about money. The child who grows up in a family where there is one or more Narcissists is exposed to skewed money attitudes, handling, and blatant contradictions all the time. Without clear and proper modeling and guidance regarding money, earning, exchange, and cashflow, most people get confused without the Narcissist factor anyway, but WITH the Narc. factor, a child literally "learns wrong".
One day an N. parent says "I have to work so hard, all these extra hours so I can put food on the table!" and the following week, that parent is showing off their new television, their new computer, their new designer shoes, or their new CAR. The child is getting a very disjointed message; one week you're struggling, having to work as hard as you can just to survive, and then the next week you can afford to buy whatever you want... okay...
That same N. parent says "I can't afford to send you to those lessons, they're too expensive!" and three days later, they're planning a 2 week vacation to Spain with a friend (leaving the child home... too expensive to bring her/him...) buying clothes and a new camera for the trip.
The N's in the family and/or community: praising one child for Being Such A Hard Worker... "Look at how hard he/she works! What a great, wonderful kid, he/she is so responsible!" and... those same people make it very difficult for another child in the same community to GET a job in the first place (scapegoat/gossip/slander/nepotism), so they can continue to treat the first child as The Responsible One, and the second child as The Lazy, Incapable, or Irresponsible One.
The N's in the community: everything a target child does is "wrong", so if they're wearing expensive or brand name clothes and shoes, they're STUCK UP, and they get gossiped about and excluded. If they're wearing less expensive clothes or shoes, they're LOSERS, and they get gossiped about and excluded. The child often keep trying to figure out what "money class" is the "right one" or the "good one", so they can fit in and get accepted. (Children of course don't know that N's target a person FIRST and THEN find excuses to reject them).
Narcissists frequently USE their supposed "financial status" to magnify their image. They either cry POOR all the time, or they portray WEALTHINESS. Either one gives them leverage, and enhances their agenda, it just depends what image they're trying to portray to achieve a certain end. Children around them hear the words, but see the contradictions with their own eyes. They see that things don't add up, but adults deny that there's anything amiss until the child stops asking, and seems to be successfully brainwashed to LOOK AWAY.
Narc. families will often give lots of resources to certain members, no matter what they do, no matter how much trouble they get in, no matter how they behave, will keep bailing them out, making excuses for them, and paving their way; but will DENY resources to other certain members. The resources are RESERVED, in a Narc. family, for those who are IN FAVOR, so giving resources to an unfavored child or family member would mean tapping into those reserves... So Jeffrey gets to go the Baseball Camp every summer, gets a new mountain bike for his 12th birthday, a saxophone for Christmas along with new skis and scuba gear, gets tennis lessons, a new guitar, guitar lessons, a new bass, a fish tank in his room, and a car on his 16th birthday, etc... Jillian gets a clock radio for her 13th birthday, a couple of CDs, a little box of cheap perfume and a sweater for Christmas, and some candy... is denied piano lessons, dance lessons, and her parents demand that she earns the money for her school trip by doing chores for the neighbors. When she turns 16, she's not allowed to get her license because it will be "too expensive to put her on her parent's insurance". (They need the money to make Jeffrey's car payments...) Jeffrey wants to go to Brown University, they make it happen. Jillian has to get a scholarship if she wants to go anywhere other than the local community college, because they can't afford to send BOTH kids to college... and she will have to foot all of her own bills. (They'll let her live at home as long as her grades are good.)
(To be sure, a "Golden Child" is also being denied a healthy childhood and development into adulthood, and can end up in terrible shape later on, especially if they hit any snags, having limited survival, life, and relationship skills.)
Narcissistic partners and spouses of course have all kinds of money issues, from trying to control their partner's money to trying to take their partner's money, to lying about their own money, to spending it joint money without asking, to spending it all, to hiding it, to stealing it. The severity of the behavior depends on the individual. On the most benign level, most Narcissists do at least try or demand to control their partner's money, because they believe they are smarter and more capable than their partner, or they want to PROVE that they are. Also, they just tend to like to have more control over anything, period.
Narcissistic platonic friends, and relatives, also commonly will imply that they are much better with money than a given target, and will often try to convince the target to allow them to "oversee" their accounts. They will often treat the target like they have NO CLUE about money or responsibility, and will simply ignore obvious evidence to the contrary.
Targets of Narcissists often end up with serious anxiety around money and cashflow, and can develop destructive habits trying to self-soothe and heal their anxiety. It can be very difficult to keep accounts balanced, just for the reason of having to deal directly with money, which can cause major anxiety; many develop avoidance habits around bills and balancing. (Very hard to deal with something well when it's too difficult to look at.)
Narcissists commonly attach SO MUCH STRESS, control, power, shame, and arrogance to money, having money, earning money, keeping money, and handling money, that targets can end up in near panic at the very thought of having to DEAL with money. Narc. targets, both children and adults, may benefit from healing specifically around their feelings and thoughts about money, career, earning, saving, spending, and balancing.
One day an N. parent says "I have to work so hard, all these extra hours so I can put food on the table!" and the following week, that parent is showing off their new television, their new computer, their new designer shoes, or their new CAR. The child is getting a very disjointed message; one week you're struggling, having to work as hard as you can just to survive, and then the next week you can afford to buy whatever you want... okay...
That same N. parent says "I can't afford to send you to those lessons, they're too expensive!" and three days later, they're planning a 2 week vacation to Spain with a friend (leaving the child home... too expensive to bring her/him...) buying clothes and a new camera for the trip.
The N's in the family and/or community: praising one child for Being Such A Hard Worker... "Look at how hard he/she works! What a great, wonderful kid, he/she is so responsible!" and... those same people make it very difficult for another child in the same community to GET a job in the first place (scapegoat/gossip/slander/nepotism), so they can continue to treat the first child as The Responsible One, and the second child as The Lazy, Incapable, or Irresponsible One.
The N's in the community: everything a target child does is "wrong", so if they're wearing expensive or brand name clothes and shoes, they're STUCK UP, and they get gossiped about and excluded. If they're wearing less expensive clothes or shoes, they're LOSERS, and they get gossiped about and excluded. The child often keep trying to figure out what "money class" is the "right one" or the "good one", so they can fit in and get accepted. (Children of course don't know that N's target a person FIRST and THEN find excuses to reject them).
Narcissists frequently USE their supposed "financial status" to magnify their image. They either cry POOR all the time, or they portray WEALTHINESS. Either one gives them leverage, and enhances their agenda, it just depends what image they're trying to portray to achieve a certain end. Children around them hear the words, but see the contradictions with their own eyes. They see that things don't add up, but adults deny that there's anything amiss until the child stops asking, and seems to be successfully brainwashed to LOOK AWAY.
Narc. families will often give lots of resources to certain members, no matter what they do, no matter how much trouble they get in, no matter how they behave, will keep bailing them out, making excuses for them, and paving their way; but will DENY resources to other certain members. The resources are RESERVED, in a Narc. family, for those who are IN FAVOR, so giving resources to an unfavored child or family member would mean tapping into those reserves... So Jeffrey gets to go the Baseball Camp every summer, gets a new mountain bike for his 12th birthday, a saxophone for Christmas along with new skis and scuba gear, gets tennis lessons, a new guitar, guitar lessons, a new bass, a fish tank in his room, and a car on his 16th birthday, etc... Jillian gets a clock radio for her 13th birthday, a couple of CDs, a little box of cheap perfume and a sweater for Christmas, and some candy... is denied piano lessons, dance lessons, and her parents demand that she earns the money for her school trip by doing chores for the neighbors. When she turns 16, she's not allowed to get her license because it will be "too expensive to put her on her parent's insurance". (They need the money to make Jeffrey's car payments...) Jeffrey wants to go to Brown University, they make it happen. Jillian has to get a scholarship if she wants to go anywhere other than the local community college, because they can't afford to send BOTH kids to college... and she will have to foot all of her own bills. (They'll let her live at home as long as her grades are good.)
(To be sure, a "Golden Child" is also being denied a healthy childhood and development into adulthood, and can end up in terrible shape later on, especially if they hit any snags, having limited survival, life, and relationship skills.)
Narcissistic partners and spouses of course have all kinds of money issues, from trying to control their partner's money to trying to take their partner's money, to lying about their own money, to spending it joint money without asking, to spending it all, to hiding it, to stealing it. The severity of the behavior depends on the individual. On the most benign level, most Narcissists do at least try or demand to control their partner's money, because they believe they are smarter and more capable than their partner, or they want to PROVE that they are. Also, they just tend to like to have more control over anything, period.
Narcissistic platonic friends, and relatives, also commonly will imply that they are much better with money than a given target, and will often try to convince the target to allow them to "oversee" their accounts. They will often treat the target like they have NO CLUE about money or responsibility, and will simply ignore obvious evidence to the contrary.
Targets of Narcissists often end up with serious anxiety around money and cashflow, and can develop destructive habits trying to self-soothe and heal their anxiety. It can be very difficult to keep accounts balanced, just for the reason of having to deal directly with money, which can cause major anxiety; many develop avoidance habits around bills and balancing. (Very hard to deal with something well when it's too difficult to look at.)
Narcissists commonly attach SO MUCH STRESS, control, power, shame, and arrogance to money, having money, earning money, keeping money, and handling money, that targets can end up in near panic at the very thought of having to DEAL with money. Narc. targets, both children and adults, may benefit from healing specifically around their feelings and thoughts about money, career, earning, saving, spending, and balancing.
