with control issues will more often than not defend others who display
control behaviors, because they're coming from the same place. If
Jane wants to be justified in her bullying behaviors, she is going to
defend John when he is accused of bullying, because she wants the
bullying itself to be accepted. Jane will not stand up for the
person John is bullying, even if that person is her own partner, friend,
or child. She will defend John's actions instead, because she's
actually defending her OWN, and also her own motives and intentions.
If Jane stands up for the person whom John is bullying, or concedes
that John was doing something wrong, then she's admitting that John's
actions were "wrong", which means that when SHE does those same actions,
SHE would be wrong as well.
Birds of a feather flock together; it's quite true.
Those who bully stand up for other bullies; those who judge stand up
for other judgers; haters will defend and "explain" haters: abusers will
defend and "sympathize" with other abusers; those who have control
issues will rationalize and defend the actions of others who have
control issues. Standing up for a target or victim means admitting that the actions committed against the person were wrong.
If one wants to continue to bully, condescend, judge, hate, abuse, or
control, then one is of course going to rationalize and defend why OTHER
people do these things, and join in invalidating and demeaning the