There are a lot of human beings who habitually try to control others. A LOT of them. The reasons vary, but often come back to trying to make others fulfill their needs and desires, including simply a feeling of being in control. These people are all around us, in all walks of life, in all socio-economic and political groups, in every neighborhood, in nearly all families. Some try to control a lot, some a little, but it is all a means to an end, their end.
People who seek a lot of control and who have anger and resentment issues, and also want to remain being seen as "innocent", "laid back", "cool", often use Passive Aggressive behavior. Taking a jab at another person in a sideways kind of way, with the intent of getting away with it. Of appearing guilt free, or as the real victim. These were the kids who walk by the neighbor's dog too close, in order to get its attention and make him bark, but look straight ahead whistling while doing it. They are the wife who "forgets" that she made plans with her girlfriend on Friday night, and the husband who "forgets" that he said he was going to be around all day on Saturday. The mother who makes her son's least favorite sandwich for school lunch, and the father who fixes the car while his daughter isn't home, after she asked him to teach her how. The "friend" who never notices anything you accomplish, or acts indifferent toward anything creative you do.
One of the hardest things to believe about Controllers is how they go about gaining control over another; they LEARN. Step by step, inch by inch, through observation, trial and error, exactly what makes another person tick. That is why they are so effective, and so damaging. The mother who invalidates her daughter when she begins to show enthusiasm about astronomy, but practically applauds when her daughter expresses an interest in healthcare. They are very specific, and very sly. If this mother catches the tiniest twinkle in the eye of her daughter when there is anything about astronomy within 5 miles, she will shut her down, and do it so covertly that all the daughter thinks is happening is that she simply can't get her astronomy interest off the ground, to create anything practical out of it. Anyone can do this to anyone else; children frequently master the art of control over their own parents.
If you would like to learn more about Passive Aggressive behavior, I recommend clicking here:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/pa_anger.htm
People who seek a lot of control and who have anger and resentment issues, and also want to remain being seen as "innocent", "laid back", "cool", often use Passive Aggressive behavior. Taking a jab at another person in a sideways kind of way, with the intent of getting away with it. Of appearing guilt free, or as the real victim. These were the kids who walk by the neighbor's dog too close, in order to get its attention and make him bark, but look straight ahead whistling while doing it. They are the wife who "forgets" that she made plans with her girlfriend on Friday night, and the husband who "forgets" that he said he was going to be around all day on Saturday. The mother who makes her son's least favorite sandwich for school lunch, and the father who fixes the car while his daughter isn't home, after she asked him to teach her how. The "friend" who never notices anything you accomplish, or acts indifferent toward anything creative you do.
One of the hardest things to believe about Controllers is how they go about gaining control over another; they LEARN. Step by step, inch by inch, through observation, trial and error, exactly what makes another person tick. That is why they are so effective, and so damaging. The mother who invalidates her daughter when she begins to show enthusiasm about astronomy, but practically applauds when her daughter expresses an interest in healthcare. They are very specific, and very sly. If this mother catches the tiniest twinkle in the eye of her daughter when there is anything about astronomy within 5 miles, she will shut her down, and do it so covertly that all the daughter thinks is happening is that she simply can't get her astronomy interest off the ground, to create anything practical out of it. Anyone can do this to anyone else; children frequently master the art of control over their own parents.
If you would like to learn more about Passive Aggressive behavior, I recommend clicking here:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/pa_anger.htm
