Self-righteousness. Most Narcissists not only live their lives through it, but are also addicted to it. They don't feel worthy unless they feel superior to someone else. In order to feel superior, they need to justify their actions and motivations, and condemn others.
A Narcissist will justify and elevate behaviors and actions for themselves, and condemn someone for doing or saying the exact same things.
They will also project their OWN negative behaviors and motivations onto others who DO NOT do those behaviors, or have those motivations. Projection is related to the addiction to self-righteousness.
So for example when a Narcissist spends $200.00 at a Salon, they NEEDED to that, it was important for their life. But when someone else spends money at a Salon, even a little, they're WASTING money and acting like a "diva". So... the same behavior is GOOD and NECESSARY for the Narcissist, even when it's exorbitant, but "BAD" when another person does it.
(When we speak of "Narcissism", we're talking about adults, not young people who have not had enough time or experience to learn and grow out of the usual human youthful immaturity and arrogance, learn to separate themselves from the influence of others, feel responsible and confident for themselves, learn more about adulthood and the effects of decisions, or figure out what they've been taught "wrong", what they've been taught "right", and what they've misinterpreted while growing up.)
People who have Narcissism can do this justification and self-righteousness with anything at all. They'll justify all of their OWN spending money, time, and attention on clothes, shoes, fine dining, work, vacations, jewelry, furniture, pets, relaxation, electronics, cars, toys, games, alcohol, even illegal drugs (depending on the individual's habits), and condemn others for any or all of the same exact behaviors and actions, projecting "bad" motives and intentions on the person, but putting all "good" motives and intentions on themselves.
They will justify any of their behaviors, actions, and speech in the same way. They might say that they "HAD TO" do whatever it was, that they "had no choice". Or that they were PUSHED to do or say whatever it was. Or that they COULDN'T HELP IT, or that whatever they did or said was NECESSARY.
However, when someone else does or says the exact same thing, they can quickly and easily condemn the person, apparently with no memory of JUSTIFYING it when THEY said or did it.
Infidelity is a very common behavior that Narcissists will JUSTIFY for themselves, but CONDEMN others for (because it's another "supply", like a drug). Narcissists will do this even when the other person is NOT guilty of it. (Projection).
They'll twist their own behavior into "innocent" ("I did not have sex with that woman!" ~ Bill Clinton) and make whatever they DID DO into being about what they DIDN'T DO... "Well, I look at porn every day, but I don't actually cheat with real people" ... or...
"Well, we did have an internet affair, but we never had sex in person"... or "We made out, but we didn't have intercourse"... or "So what if I do video sex chat, that's not in real life, so it's not cheating".
They'll JUSTIFY infidelity by blaming OTHER PEOPLE for it, either their own partner, or the person's partner whom they're cheating with. "My wife/girlfriend is cold and 'frigid', so I needed affection and comfort." OR "His wife/girlfriend is crazy, you can't blame him." OR "Her husband/boyfriend is a jerk, she needed comfort." But let their OWN partner cheat, (or NOT cheat, even just speak to someone of the opposite sex in a normal, friendly way, or maybe not even do THAT), and the Narcissist will CONDEMN THEM to HIGH HEAVEN, often SMEARING THEM to anyone and everyone. (A Narcissist can literally project an entire fictional scenario onto a person who is completely innocent of it. Sometimes these projected scenarios are from the Narcissist's own behavior, sometimes from the past, someone else the Narcissist knew, sometimes it's from a fictional STORY, not from real life, like a TV show or film, and sometimes it's ENTIRELY fictional, from their own imaginations.)
This is again about Self-righteousness and superiority, and also an addiction to projecting blame onto others for anything and everything.
A Narcissist will not say "I did that, I feel bad about it, I'm sorry for what I did, I wish I could change the decision I made, I wish I could go back and undo or re-do that." Because they CAN NOT ADMIT that they did ANYTHING WRONG.
Everything is always someone else's fault, including ALL of their own behaviors and actions, LITERALLY someone else's fault.
As in "She made me cheat on her." or "He made me punch him." or "She made me hit her" or "He made me get road rage" or "They made me steal that money." or "She made me talk to her/treat her that way."
They can not, can not, can not take real responsibility for their actions, behaviors, or words, or admit that something they said or are doing is wrong. Taking responsibility would mean admitting frailty, flaws, and just being a regular human, not some kind of Royal God or Goddess, or some kind of Saint, or some kind of Martyr, or Hero, or Guru, or SuperMan, Wonderwoman, Cowboy, Superstar, Savior, Supergenius, etc.
ANYTHING THEY DO and say that could be construed as bad, as a flaw, or even as a MISTAKE, was "FOR A SPECIFIC REASON", or is someone else's fault, or because they "had no choice".
Even further, they will PROJECT their OWN "perfectionism/blame avoidance" onto others, especially targets, and then CONDEMN THEM for it.
When we get to the level of psychotic Narcissists, we see them justifying and rationalizing acts of conning, serious vandalism, destruction of both human and natural environments, oppression, physical violence, abuse, sabotage, extortion, kidnapping, organized crime, drug cartels, sex trafficking, weapons dealing, cult and gang creation, sexual abuse, torture, animal abuse, murder, and all of these things in the name of "government", "religion", "civic groups", "business", and even supposedly "freedom" (which translates to POWER for their OWN selves, group, and faction, not "freedom" for anyone else).
Those who are NOT NARCISSISTS who hold government office or who are religious leaders do not try to make those who aren't in complete agreement with them look or sound like "bad people", and they certainly don't try to CONDEMN others, or spread hatred, racism, sexism, anti-religious hatred, religious hatred, or violence.
NON-NARCISSISTS DO NOT JUSTIFY VIOLENCE OR ABUSE, either from themselves or from others.
Non-Narcissists seek many different points of view, and as much information as they can gather, in order to form neutral solutions and compromises that are in the best interest of the whole group, not just in the interest of certain people who agree with their own beliefs, opinions, and agendas.
(That's a very childish control and power tactic that apparently works on a lot of people.)
