One of the very large differences in the way most boys and girls are raised in many current cultures revolves around being taught to care for others or NOT being taught to care for others, and being allowed to ignore the needs of others in order to accomplish one's own personal goals.
There are degrees of this disparity, of course, and exceptions. In general, however, girls are directly taught that caregiving is one's "duty", and are often shamed for focusing on one's own goals and not making themselves always available to care for someone else. Boys, on the other hand (in general), are directly taught the OPPOSITE; that caregiving is NOT their priority, neither to others nor to themselves (or even children), and that it's perfectly fine to ignore the needs of others when focusing on one's own goals. Some are even taught that this is a "masculine" way to be, unfortunately.
To think of this in action, one might easily picture in their mind a brother and a sister of about 9 and 10 years old. When their Aunt takes ill and is confined to bed rest for a time, the other adults are predictable in their actions and guidance toward each child. Instead of caring for the Aunt and sending both children off to do their homework or play with their friends, or both being directed to help care for her, the children are usually separated in such a situation. Sister is actively and directly guided to help care for the Aunt: fetch a glass of water, fetch a cool cloth, bring medicine, sit by her and talk with her, speak in hushed tones, feel her forehead to see if it's warm. Help serve her soup and tea. Fluff her pillow. Straighten her blankets. Sister is getting positive attention and approval (in some families it's the only time she receives it), and she feels like she is being allowed to join in the adult's responsibilities.
The other thing that's happening is that Sister is being interrupted from her personal interests, from playing with her friends, and getting taken away from completing some of her other chores and also her school work. She's being given the message that caregiving for another is the number one priority, and she can and should eschew everything else in order to do this, no matter how important the task is that she was working on. Friendships are made trivial and unimportant, and so is her own self-care.
Brother, however, is dismissed from this situation. He is allowed to scurry away from the "sick room" where his Aunt lays ill, even though his sister was made to stay in spite of her discomfort. He is not guided or taught to help with any caregiving except perhaps fetching a glass of water or an occasional tray of tea, from which he is allowed to quickly retreat, regardless of the blatant rudeness. He is even encouraged to go play with his friends, and is commanded to finish his homework (and left to it) just like any other day.
While Sister is being taught to prioritize caregiving for another above her own tasks and goals, and how to actually do it, Brother is being allowed and encouraged to reject the very idea of giving care to another, and is being discouraged from thinking of himself as a person who is capable of caregiving. He is not being taught any knowledge or skills regarding it either.
Both Sister and Brother are being directly conditioned to believe that girls are "supposed to" be caregivers for others, and should put that above everything else in their life, and that boys are "supposed to" not know how to do it, and are allowed and expected to put everything else in their life ahead of caring for others.
Eventually they will both come to forget that they were TAUGHT these things purposely and directly, and will buy into the conditioned belief that "girls are naturally good at it" and have to do it INSTEAD OF anything else or they are "bad women", and "boys are not naturally good at it" and CAN'T do it, and SHOULDN'T because they have "more important things to do" (everything else is "more important").
(So if caregiving is the number one priority for one person, because it's so important, then how is it the lowest priority in another person's life, and very unimportant... ahh the human mind, rationalizing and creating excuses is it's number one talent.)
Both of these extremes block progress and create unhealthy paradigms. Women who are not naturally "good at" caregiving often end up as caregivers anyway, even getting jobs and making careers of something they're not well-suited for, to the detriment of those they are "caring" for. Men who ARE naturally "good at" caregiving are often discouraged from it and directed toward some other work that they may or may not be suited for, and are often shamed for being "too caring" toward children, partners, and others, again to the detriment of themselves and everyone around them.
Women and men are BOTH "directed" and shamed into someone else's prefabricated gender roles instead of developing their own talents and goals, often passed down over several generations, so we end up with large numbers of people who are doing jobs they're not really that good at, that someone else would be BETTER AT because it's an actual INTEREST of theirs; and people who are NOT doing the jobs they WOULD HAVE THRIVED IN, because they're the "wrong sex".
We as a species destroy our own progress, peace, safety, health and happiness in this way every day.
