Separating From A Narcissistic Person: Fear Of The Unknown

One of the reasons it's hard to separate from ANY type of relationship with a Narcissistic person is worry about the AFTERMATH, the fallout.

People who have Narcissism typically try to turn everyone connected to them against a person whom they realize is distancing themselves from them.
They often take ostracism, smearing, and slander to a very dramatic level, especially if they're afraid that the targeted person might tell others what really went on.

So separating from a Narcissistic person doesn't end with separation from the person, like it would with a non-narcissistic person. There will most likely be whole groups of other mutual friends, family, and associates who "shun" the person, and treat the person like they "don't belong" or are "unwanted", because they bought into the N's slander/ smearing/ drama routine.
This smear-and-shun routine directly affects the person's entire life, children, reputation and livelihood.

It might be little comfort to know that only easily-led people, and those who enjoy drama, go along with smear and slander campaigns, but that doesn't fix the actual damage it can cause to a person's life or their children's lives.

By the time a person decides to distance themselves from the N friend, family members, spouse, coworker, or acquaintance, they're at least subconsciously aware that the potential for exaggerated drama is quite high.
Most N's "retaliate" in some way when they feel challenged or rejected in any way, either directly or indirectly, and they tend to immediately devalue and despise anyone who seems to NOT adulate, enable, or follow them.

The point is, the anxiety about distancing one's self from a person with Narcissism is likely to be about MORE than just separating from the person.
It's also about losing a network, group, or community of people, and also certain individuals that one knows the N. will "take with them". And not just losing the people, but also dealing with them "turning", like flying monkeys.

It can be daunting, and the worry and anxiety about it can be hidden from one's conscious awareness, thus holding one back from doing what they need to do, because it seems like "fear of the unknown".

Why Don't They LIKE People Who Aren't Judgmental, Who Are Ethical, Fair, Calm, And Objective

People who care ten times more about their image and ego than other human beings or relationships with others, whether they're a parent, boss, "friend", partner, sibling, cousin, neighbor, coworker, the mail carrier, the president, the vet, the clerk at the drugstore, will reject others very, very quickly and easily.
They have an "eject" button with a hair-trigger.
When anyone who's not a current favorite says or does even the slightest thing that could possibly be taken as some sort of insult or accusation, they'll eject them like a bullet from a gun.

The problem is that they are so hyper-protective of what they have come to believe is their "self", that they destroy positive connections with genuinely caring people with integrity right and left.
It might be compared to the way we might react if someone comes near our very badly sunburned shoulder. "GET AWAY! GET OFF!!! GET THE H. AWAY FROM ME!"

They don't reject people who are focused on gossiping about and blaming OTHER people, because they're pointing and shaming OTHER people.

(If I'm standing next to you, pointing at the girl across the street, I'm not pointing at YOU.) 

So they bond with other gossipers and blamers based on that alone.

If they happen to have some common interest, that's what they'll say the relationship is based on, but the reality is, the bond is based on mutually pointing at, judging, and blaming OTHER people, and therefore AWAY FROM themselves.

They don't LIKE people who look at themselves and self-reflect, and who speak straightforwardly about what's really going on. They don't like it, and they don't like them.
Because people who self-reflect and self-examine, and who are objective observers and solution-oriented, don't have taboo subjects, and don't avoid looking at, talking about, or examining, well, anything.
Being objective means leaving bias, preference, and ego out of it, not taking sides, and not engaging in emotional reactivity that clouds perception, so the objective observer is able to see what they're looking at much more clearly.
In order to actually see what's really there, and what's going on, they'll  look directly at the things that an avoider is often trying to keep covered, either due to shame OR due to self-protection.

Divide And Conquer: Shame Tactics On Little Boys

Narcissist Control Culture:
One of the main brain-washing tactics aimed at little boys in a lot of cultures is shaming them for associating with female children and adults. This starts very young, probably much younger than most people realize.

This is one of the first steps of "divide and conquer".
It's much easier to establish control over boys if they are made to feel weird about identifying with their own mother, or other females in their lives.
If a boy feels this weirdness about the connection with his mother or other females, he is much less likely to believe her, follow her rules, respect her, or pick up her VALUES and ethics.

This little alienation tactic creates a premature rejection/rebellion process in the relationship between a son and a mother, and between the boy and other female role models or peers in his life. The boy ends up feeling humiliated, ashamed, or embarrassed about his bond with  his own mother, and especially his identification with his own mother, and also about any camaraderie with, or admiration for other women or girls in his life.

It is much easier to control and indoctrinate a child with one's personal agenda and skewed values when the child has been alienated from one half of the human population, AND one of his own parents, AND relatives, teachers, and people in the community.
It greatly lowers the chances that the child will be influenced much by their values, ethics, and strengths.

It essentially makes the child mentally and emotionally blind and deaf to their direct influence, because the child is being taught not to respect them, and to see them as "OTHER", that is,  NOT like himself.

The child is quite purposely taught that there are "teams" who are at odds with one another, and that HIS team is the boys and men, and that the OTHER team is the girls and women.

So the child, who will automatically seek an adult to look up to, model, and mimic, like all children do, has little choice but to look up to only men, since he's been taught that girls and women are "OTHER".

IF all of the men that the child is exposed to have integrity, are nurturing, and have good ethics, values, pleasant personalities, patience, emotional strength, good mental health and respect female people, then it wouldn't be much of an issue.

However, the only men the child will be exposed to are members of a Narcissistic community, because that's the only type of community that would humiliate a child about his connection and bonds with his own mother or other females. That means that the odds of the child being exposed to disrespectful, bullying, narcissistic men are very high.

A non-controlling culture does not shame a child for identifying with, or following the values, preferences, and personality of their parent, or of HALF the population. And especially IN ORDER to indoctrinate and "mold" them in a certain pre-conceived form so they'll be more malleable for training and for service as they grow up.