Fear Of Other Groups

Fear of "other" groups, of losing control and power to them:

"Only those who seek control and domination over others recoil when one of those 'others' stands up, speaks out loud, or does something openly visible to express their own thoughts or feelings.
Usually because they fear losing their 'position' of control that they're comfortable in.
Only those with weak or injured boundaries fear indoctrination when others speak. ~

When we get angry or annoyed at something someone has done or said, we can ask ourselves three things:

What are we REALLY upset about?

Did they cause actual harm, or are we just projecting that onto them?

How would we have reacted if one of our own cronies did or said the same thing, or something similar?

(saying "my friends wouldn't have done/said that" doesn't make the question lose credibility, sorry~ it's still valid even if we don't like it.)"

Who Do I Listen To And Believe? Who Do I Ignore And Dismiss?

Human beings are taught to accept and believe information from certain types of people, and literally reject it from other types of people. (Narcissists seem to do this in an exaggerated way).

Unfortunately for us as a species... there's a real problem with this, because...
The difference between the kinds of people they accept information FROM, and who they REJECT information from has nothing to do with who is actually smarter, wiser, or more knowledgeable, or more experienced.

Instead, it's based on childhood experiences, on the environment and people we grew up around, and on one's own identity and ego.

We grew up watching the people around us. Whoever THEY accepted information from is who WE learned to accept and believe information from.
And vice versa, whoever THEY rejected and dismissed, WE reject and dismiss.

Whoever we thought was "strong" we tended to believe was also "smart and trustworthy", and we internalized what they looked like and the PHYSICAL type of person they were. Since we were children, we had no way of knowing whether they were actually strong, smart, or trustworthy; they may have been, or they may have just projected that image on purpose in order to get attention and acceptance.
Whoever we thought was "weak" we tended to believe was also "ignorant" and "emotionally frail", and we again internalized what they looked like and the PHYSICAL type of person they were. But they might not have been "weak" or "ignorant" or "stupid" at all; we might not have known that they were being TREATED that way by immature or abusive people around us.

To children, the people who APPEAR to be "smart", "capable", and "Leaders" (because they are presenting themselves that way, or because other people who are polite and well-mannered are treating them that way) are of course who they're going to believe really ARE.
And vice versa.

In other words, if Uncle John and Uncle Joe are brothers, and little Brian and Sarah see Uncle John treat Uncle Joe with disrespect all the time, they aren't going to see what's really going on.
They're simply going to see Uncle John acting "confidently" and "strongly", and see Uncle Joe acting "unsure of himself" or "defensive". They will most likely BELIEVE THE ACT, they won't understand that Uncle John is just an arrogant jerk with entitlement and insecurity issues who's jealous of his brother Joe, and tries to belittle him every chance he gets. And they won't understand that Uncle Joe is a very strong, intelligent person who has been dealing with his brother's emotional issues for years, and has accepted his limitations.
So Brian and Sarah will mistakenly see Uncle John as the "strong, capable one" and Uncle Joe as the "less capable, kind of weak" one, although he's kinder to them.
But it's Uncle John that they'll "Look up to" as a "Leader-type", not Uncle Joe, who's ACTUALLY a "Leader-type".
So people who look and act like Uncle John will be assumed to be "strong", "capable", and "knowledgeable" by Sarah and Brian, and people who look and act like Uncle Joe will be assumed to be a "weaker, shyer type" who is not very knowledgeable, capable or intelligent.

When we apply this same scenario to other people, such as couple and parents, clergy people we grew up around, teachers, coaches, public service employees, politicians, and people on television and in movies, we can see how this works on a rather large scale.

We don't even ASK certain kinds of people for information, instruction, or guidance, we think that we know that they're limited, ignorant or incapable just by their body, by the way they look, what sex they are, how tall they are, and what race they are. What clothes they have on.

That's ALL visual, superficial stuff that does NOT show what's inside of a person's brain or how their brain works, or what they're physically capable of.

No, we do NOT know how strong or how weak a person is by looking at them, no matter how much we want that to be true.

Accepting information from one person and rejecting it from another is all about US, not THEM. Assuming a person is capable of something, or incapable of something, is about US, not THEM.

For example, we will believe the completely WRONG directions when we're lost because one person told us those directions, and we won't even ASK another person who DOES know the right directions, just because of the way each of them looks.

We won't "let" one person perform or assist us with a certain task because we ASSUME they "can't do it", which is extremely presumptuous and insulting toward the person, it's very bad manners and very disrespectful.

However we'll actually go seek out someone ELSE who we ASSUME is capable of the task, EVEN WHEN someone nearby has already offered to help.

Again, that's about US, not the other people.

It's all about making sweeping, huge, fantastical assumptions about other people, based on our own egos and imaginations. We "assign" capability, wisdom, strength and knowledge to those whom we WANT to have it, and we "take it away" (in our imaginations) from those whom we DO NOT WANT to have it.

This behavior is usually modeled while we're growing up by certain older people around us, and we are often not shown that there's anything wrong with it, that it's not reality-based.

Even worse, we do this to OURSELVES, and to our own children, partners, and other loved ones.

Those with control and narcissism issues are often very invested in this behavior, and may play it out to a ridiculous degree. They are the ones who will adamantly perpetuate and play out the most far-fetched, extreme stereotypes, gender expectations, sexist assumptions, bullying and attempts to control anyone smaller than themselves, and racial biases.
People are like cartoons to them; whatever they "look like" to the N. is what they ARE in the fantasy world of the person with Narcissism.

Free Will

Recovery from Narcissistic control, trauma, and codependency includes remembering one's own sacred gift of Free Will.

I invite you to speak these sentences out loud.

I invite you to repeat them out loud, as many times as you like, for as long as you like. 

If you are not yet of adult age, then you are not yet entitled to make all of your own choices and decisions, however you are responsible for the ones that you are allowed to make on your own, which would be most of them, every day. When you reach adult age, then you will be fully responsible for all of your choices and decisions.   

"My name is  _____ _____ _____."

I am capable of making my own choices.

I am entitled to make my own choices.

I am capable of the responsibility of my own choices.

I am entitled to the rewards of my own choices."

Sometimes our choices seem to turn out great, and other times they turn out to be mistakes. That's everyone, not just some people.  The gift of Free Will means we are each responsible for learning to think before we act and speak, because we are the ones who either reap the consequences or the rewards, and we are entitled to BOTH. Those consequences are ours to own, and to learn from, as are the rewards we receive from the choices we make. 

Free Will is the sacred gift that each human being is born with. Raising children includes teaching them how to think before they make choices, and respecting their own Free Will as well as that of others. It is our entitlement, our privilege, and our responsibility.