Making connections with people when one has PTSD from abuse or trauma can be very difficult, because of some basic reasons:
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Difficulty in finding those who can relate, who have similar experiences.
Difficulty in finding those who have similar experiences who are emotionally and mentally healthy enough to build and maintain a mutually respectful, beneficial connection.
Difficulty in being emotionally healthy enough to maintain or build a mutually respectful, beneficial connection with a person whom one can relate to, because of coping behavior habits, distrust, effects from trauma, social anxiety, etc.
Difficulty in trusting one's own judgment regarding other people and their motives, and therefore avoiding connections and interactions.
Still having connections with those who have Narcissism issues, who do various blatant or SUBTLE things to isolate a person, or to block or sabotage other relationships.
Still having connections with those who have Narcissism issues, who do or say things to trigger one's own isolation behaviors, or to negatively influence one's self-image and self-confidence.
Sometimes being in a dissociative state where one forgets one thing because they're trying to remember or work on another. So for example when concentrating on the new job, simply not staying in contact with others, forgetting to maintain the connections.
Not being compelled to reach out, interact with, and connect with others, in the way that those who don't have PTSD from trauma or abuse often are.
Being very aware of how manipulative or aggressive so many humans can be, and therefore not blindly trusting people like most non-abuse-targets or non-trauma survivors tend to do.
Because of awareness and lack of trust, NOT giving "I trust you" and "come on in" social signals; many people, especially the less mature, will interpret this as unfriendliness; Narcissists will often interpret it as arrogance, "coldness", or rejection (they take it as a personal affront, of course).
Because of awareness and lack of trust or just having a polite or mature demeanor, NOT acting overtly friendly, attention-seeking, loud, or flirtatious. The immature often interpret this as "shyness", "low self-esteem", and Narcissists often interpret it as the previous two but also as being intimidated by their greatness or their physical strength, and as a lack of intelligence or capability.
Being aware that one may still be a target for con artists, or a target for other Narcissists for various reasons such as envy, ego threat, physical attractiveness, success, wealth, appearance, race, or an appearance of being an easy mark. One may find one's self in connection with yet another one, or in a dysfunctional group, and so again having to extricate one's self, and then heal and recover from it; it can become an exhausting process when it keeps repeating. (The upside of this is that the more it happens, the more practice one can get in dealing with others, and the more confident and efficient one will become with it.)
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Not having many (or any) positive or even neutral connections that are solid and safe with other people is NOT UNCOMMON for those who are recovering from Narcissistic abuse or other trauma, nor for those who are still connected to or living with someone who is controlling, abusive, or has Narcissism.
One DOES NEED TO be careful about who one connects with, and at the same time one may have trouble dealing with normal human behaviors and speech from trustworthy people.
Recovery can and will help a person to heal their boundaries and remember or relearn how to make healthy connections, and how to discern when it's actually appropriate (and not solely reactive) to distance one's self from a person.
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Difficulty in finding those who can relate, who have similar experiences.
Difficulty in finding those who have similar experiences who are emotionally and mentally healthy enough to build and maintain a mutually respectful, beneficial connection.
Difficulty in being emotionally healthy enough to maintain or build a mutually respectful, beneficial connection with a person whom one can relate to, because of coping behavior habits, distrust, effects from trauma, social anxiety, etc.
Difficulty in trusting one's own judgment regarding other people and their motives, and therefore avoiding connections and interactions.
Still having connections with those who have Narcissism issues, who do various blatant or SUBTLE things to isolate a person, or to block or sabotage other relationships.
Still having connections with those who have Narcissism issues, who do or say things to trigger one's own isolation behaviors, or to negatively influence one's self-image and self-confidence.
Sometimes being in a dissociative state where one forgets one thing because they're trying to remember or work on another. So for example when concentrating on the new job, simply not staying in contact with others, forgetting to maintain the connections.
Not being compelled to reach out, interact with, and connect with others, in the way that those who don't have PTSD from trauma or abuse often are.
Being very aware of how manipulative or aggressive so many humans can be, and therefore not blindly trusting people like most non-abuse-targets or non-trauma survivors tend to do.
Because of awareness and lack of trust, NOT giving "I trust you" and "come on in" social signals; many people, especially the less mature, will interpret this as unfriendliness; Narcissists will often interpret it as arrogance, "coldness", or rejection (they take it as a personal affront, of course).
Because of awareness and lack of trust or just having a polite or mature demeanor, NOT acting overtly friendly, attention-seeking, loud, or flirtatious. The immature often interpret this as "shyness", "low self-esteem", and Narcissists often interpret it as the previous two but also as being intimidated by their greatness or their physical strength, and as a lack of intelligence or capability.
Being aware that one may still be a target for con artists, or a target for other Narcissists for various reasons such as envy, ego threat, physical attractiveness, success, wealth, appearance, race, or an appearance of being an easy mark. One may find one's self in connection with yet another one, or in a dysfunctional group, and so again having to extricate one's self, and then heal and recover from it; it can become an exhausting process when it keeps repeating. (The upside of this is that the more it happens, the more practice one can get in dealing with others, and the more confident and efficient one will become with it.)
~~~
Not having many (or any) positive or even neutral connections that are solid and safe with other people is NOT UNCOMMON for those who are recovering from Narcissistic abuse or other trauma, nor for those who are still connected to or living with someone who is controlling, abusive, or has Narcissism.
One DOES NEED TO be careful about who one connects with, and at the same time one may have trouble dealing with normal human behaviors and speech from trustworthy people.
Recovery can and will help a person to heal their boundaries and remember or relearn how to make healthy connections, and how to discern when it's actually appropriate (and not solely reactive) to distance one's self from a person.
