Why Narcissists Hate

The reason the Narcissist "hates" a person is because they think the person made them feel badly.
People with Narcissism (not necessarily all sociopaths, not necessarily all psychopaths) typically live life through their egos, and don't know it. So when something happens that causes them to feel any "negative" feeling, or when they feel embarrassed because they feel caught or accused, their "negative" feelings trigger defensive rage.
Not unlike many very young children.

When they feel anything "negative", they look immediately for something external, outside of themselves, to blame. It can't be themselves, because that would mean they are not impermeable, and not perfect, and not "above" others. Even if no one knew they accepted responsibility for something "wrong", THEY would know, and they would have to pass it through their ego. Since they've made their ego into a solid shield, any responsibility they try to take for their own actions or feelings bounces off, it can't get in. It's a barrier against even themselves.

They can dismantle it from the inside, but they would need the "key", and in order for them to get the "key" they would first need to understand that they've turned their ego into a shield in the first place, and that would mean feeling like they did something "wrong". Conundrum. Irony.

Since that's been their protection for so long, they may not want to entertain the thought, at all, of dismantling it. Only they can do it, another person can't make them. It's their free will.

Their shield protects them from feeling real things, especially guilt, remorse, regret, loss, and shame, and fear.

In most cases, at some point in their lives, or several points, those feelings were associated with terrible humiliation, abandonment, terror, and/or physical abuse. Their young minds looked around for people who did not seem to receive consequences from other people, who appeared to live "above" the reproach of others, who were for some reason apparently on a higher rung among humans.

That's who they wanted to become, one of the people who didn't get humiliated or attacked, so they emulated them in every way possible, mimicked them as much as they could. They knew that if they BECAME one of those people, and then if they were ACCEPTED by those people, and especially if others FEARED them enough to believe that they were a "BOSS PERSON", they would never need to be afraid of those feelings again.

And they would get everything those people got: "Respect", admiration, positions of control and power over others, service from others, sympathy from others, praise and applause from others, "LOVE" from others (what they think is love).

Since a person with Narcissism did not learn how to make respectful, healthy, polite connections with others, how a relationship is built and what it's built WITH, they did not learn that demanding love or loyalty is a futile exercise and only serves to push people away.

Since a person with Narcissism did not learn that there is no such thing as "the better people" and "the lower people", just like there's no Easter Bunny, they cling to the fantasy that they are one of the "better people", and they constantly categorize and recategorize others to be in one group or the other, so their relationships are based on whether they've categorized a person in the "better people" group or the "lower people" group, and that can change from day to day. They don't know it's not a real thing (like the Easter Bunny).

A lot of children go through stages of what appears to be "Narcissism", but adults who end up with traits of the disorder did not mature past those stages for one reason or another. People can get "stuck" in childhood developmental stages for many reasons, most often from trauma of some kind.

Sometimes trauma doesn't look like trauma at all.

Your Point Of View

No matter how enlightened and wise one feels, or is, one can not escape the reality that all thoughts, feelings, and observations are limited and from only our own point of view. No matter how hard we try, how much we empathize, how objective, intelligent, or how psychic we are, we can not see the world through anyone else's eyes, hear with anyone else's ears, or feel with anyone else's heart. But that's fine, and a proper thing, because we have something wonderful called 'communication'. When we begin to listen to one another genuinely, we can then hear what they hear, see what they see, and feel what they feel, or at least as much as they tell us. That's the best we've got, and it's enough if it's used well.

Red Flag to Narcissistic Injury

A glaring, bright red, waving "flag" that a person has suffered a "Narcissistic Injury" is attacking another person with criticism about what they seem to be interested in or talking about.

"Is that all you ever do?"

"Is that all you ever talk about?"

"Why are you so fixated on that?"

"You seem to know way too much about that."

"Who are you trying to BE, anyway?"

"What are you trying to accomplish, anyway?"

"Don't you think you're a little obsessed?"

"It's all you ever talk about."

"You are obviously trying to work out deep-seated issues of your own or you wouldn't care so much about it."

"Why don't you just let it go?!"

Why is this a flag? 
Because people only react this way to things that make them uncomfortable.

A person who is a physicist is not given much flak about talking about physics often. Either other people like it, admire it, or they find it confusing or boring, but it's rare that they feel much emotional reaction about it.The only people that might actually try to demean or criticize a physicist in this way are the ones who would take the physicist's interest as a "personal affront", and who would that be? Possibly a person who abhors science, or who is envious and resentful of those they see as "smart". Maybe another physicist who envies the first physicist's ability. Maybe a family member who wants to spend more personal time with the physicist, but that's not really about the interest itself, it would be about the time spent in really relating and connecting.

In the same vein, a carpenter is not given much flak about focusing on their work, or talking about their job, or talking about their trade a lot. People will often initiate conversation about carpentry with them, and in fact might do that MORE than the carpenter would like.

A medical physician might spend the better part of every day talking about health and medicine, and no one seems to have any issue at all with it, except for maybe her husband who just wants to spend more time with her away from work.

A musician (a well-liked and socially accepted musician) could practically wear his instruments as clothing, make musical references to practically everything, tell "glory stories" at every opportunity, and people would say things about him in a positive, admiring way like "He's so into music" or "He lives and breathes music" or "He's such a cool guy" or "He sees everything through music".

***Depending on the regional prejudices and cultural illness, in many areas if a musician who happened to be female behaved in exactly the same way, with no variation, no drug use or any other "deviant" behavior, she would not receive admiration or encouragement, but quite the opposite; she might be treated as if she is obsessed and unstable, even mentally ill. 

So when people are COMFORTABLE with another person's focus of interest, even if the person seems obsessive about it, they will allow it, accept it, even encourage and praise them for it.
When they are UNCOMFORTABLE with another person's focus of interest, they will frequently imply that the person is "obsessed", "fixated", "messed up", anything negative they can think of to try to discredit and demean the person, thereby demeaning their focus of interest. If they get lucky, their hostile, childish bullying and dismissiveness might even convince the person to abandon their interest.

People who feel uncomfortable about another person's focus of study, work, and interest will often even initiate a conversation with them, trying to "trap" them into talking about their focus just so they can have an excuse to say something like "That's all you ever talk about!" The term "baiting" applies to this little set-up, and it is a bully tactic designed to humiliate and demean the person.

When a person is uncomfortable with another person's focus of interest, whether it's work, study, or a hobby, it's a direct reflection of their own FEELINGS.

The fact that they feel uncomfortable says ZERO about the reality of the other person or the interest.
Being uncomfortable with the fact that someone collects weapons feels pretty much the same as discomfort that a man is a daycare worker or a woman is an auto mechanic.

Feelings are not a reflection of the outside world, but a reflection of one's own inside world. So if I'm uncomfortable about my neighbor's apparent passion for ficus trees, that reflects ME, not my neighbor; what is my issue with Ficus trees? Do I only like it when certain races of people have Ficus trees, and my neighbor doesn't fit? Do I associate an interest in trees with only one sex, and my neighbor is the other? Do I have a negative association from childhood with Ficus trees? Do I have other control issues and believe that everyone on my street should have only the same plants and trees as I have? Maybe we should call a neighborhood conference and make a committee... I'll oversee it...

So what's the deal with people who try to "call a person out" on the motive and reasons behind their interest and focus? The deal is that it's much, much more about THEM and THEIR ISSUES than about the person they're trying to criticize. They must be feeling that the person's focus is a threat to them in some way, or they wouldn't even notice it, and even if they did, they wouldn't criticize it.

I can already hear the retorts... "But if my neighbor is collecting guns and bombs and weapons of mass destruction, then I have a right to be uncomfortable and upset!"
Well, of course you do! Just as much as I have a right to be upset about my neighbor's Ficus tree fixation (which is not a fixation, I just call it that to demean them, and it gets me a laugh at their expense...)

There is a very big difference between collecting weapons and being psychotic.

There is a very big difference between really liking Ficus trees, and being perversely obsessed with them, or carving them into weapons.

There is a very big difference between being a real teacher, and being a politically affiliated "right fighter" Narcissist who feels a very unhealthy ownership toward children, and a feeling of entitlement to special privilege because of one's job. A teacher without a job is just an out of work regular human being, just like everyone else; a genuine teacher educates from a place of humility and compassion, not from a high and mighty place of supremacy, entitlement, and judgment.

There is a very big difference between a person who is concerned for another's well-being, and a person who is trying to shut another person down because of their own discomfort, fear of change, fear of losing control over others, or fear of being exposed.


Examples Of Narcissistic Injury

To talk theoretically about a topic is all good, but seeing it in action can be the line that connects the dots between theory and understanding it in real life. This page is a collection of examples of Narcissistic Injury, from other's witness and from the author's experience. This list will grow over time to include more examples as they're reported, to shed more light for all of us.

(If something seems out of place, that's okay, no names are used here, and human error is always present where humans are present (although Narcissists would disagree!) so corrections are expected and embraced. 
Not disrespectful criticism or control behavior; actual suggestions for correction
Very different things.)

"Narcissistic Injury"
It's like feeling deeply insulted, humiliated, because someone didn't acknowledge a person's greatness, superiority, perfectness, fabulous-ness, saintliness, genius-ness, guru-ness, 'natural entitlement' to special treatment or authority.

Narcissistic Injury is about feeling that their CHARACTER has been questioned,
that their AUTHORITY has been rebelled against,
that their EXPERTISE has been ignored and dismissed,
that their MANLINESS or their WOMANLINESS has been insulted or challenged,
that their DESERVED SUPERIORITY has been violated,
that their ENTITLEMENT has been attacked,

It is IMPORTANT TO NOTE that most Narcissists BELIEVE, generally, that there REALLY ARE people who are superior to others, naturally.
They believe that there is a REAL hierarchy, based on innate supremacy and innate inferiority.
They SEE OTHERS, certain others, as being SUPERIOR, so therefore when they don't get to be one of those superior people, they feel like they're being cast out from that group, where the safety, warmth, love, recognition, and resources are.

 A few examples of Narcissistic Injury I have personally witnessed (or caused), or others have personally witnessed or caused:

While in a group of friends, one was doing tricks with his bicycle; he slipped on the curb and fell down; he was scraped but not injured, I chuckled sympathetically (as did others, just as when any of us goofed~), he threw his bicycle at me.

In an office setting, a female supervisor kept getting into a foul mood every time the good-looking male Fed-Ex delivery man showed up. I finally asked why she didn't like him, if he had done something wrong; she answered: "I don't know what you're talking about." The following day it happened again, and I overheard her (talking too loudly) to the manager about how one of the clerks always flirts so much with him, and how she thinks she's "all that". (For the record, I didn't witness any flirting, the clerk could be considered an "attractive woman", but she was just the person who was supposed to take deliveries.)

At a job site with my remodeling/carpentry contracting business, the homeowner had hired a local cabinet maker who was a friend of hers. When the homeowner introduced me as the contractor and remodeler, he actually laughed in my face, I thought "wow, issues?" But during the week, someone kept doing little things to sabotage my workspace; at one point someone had carefully stuck several razor blades into the cardboard of my boxes of screws, so if someone reached for them without looking they would get seriously injured.
(Narcissistic Injury: Apparently his identity as a "man" was insulted because a small female (with blond hair) was "being" a Contractor/carpenter, so he actually felt entitled to retaliate for this perceived "insult".)

I met a very famous music producer whom I didn't recognize, and carried on a conversation with. When he realized I didn't know who he was, he said something about my "ignorance" and stalked away.

When an acquaintance of mine attended a concert, she was quite angry and offended that the performer, whom she admired and "followed", did not come out to greet her.

When another acquaintance kept changing plans and telling me at the last minute, and refused to answer his phone when I tried to call about the schedule, I finally mentioned that I didn't like the practice and if he would please be more clear with scheduling; he flew into a rage that lasted for three days.

When I walked in on another person  trashing me to someone else, even though I said nothing at all (I wasn't surprised, I knew she did that) she flew into a rage that lasted for two days. She also revved up the trashing to anyone who would listen.

When I displayed surprise, anger, and hurt about a really outlandish, awful rumor about me that had been circulating apparently for over 20 years, not in person but in an email message; the person who told me about the rumor was offended and upset that I was upset...

When I stood up to a condescending, disrespectful manager at a local supply store where I was a regular Contractor customer. He tried to "retaliate" by demeaning me in the front of the store, loudly. (I called the main office, he was reprimanded, never condescended to me again, but I stopped buying from that store.)

One of the very worst experiences I've personally had with Narcissistic Injury was in the hospital, on the day that the Oncologist told my father that there were was no more time, that he was going to die from his illness and that was that.
First of all, the manner that my father was spoken to for months, not only by this oncologist but by other "health professionals" as well was astoundingly rude, vague, and demeaning; one general practitioner directly insulted his "fitness" when he went in with a hernia after a long round of "chemotherapy", telling him he should do crunches, and that his other patients were in much better shape. Another one made fun of his use of the word "Palpate", and then tweaked his cheek like he would a small child, put his arm around him and said in a shockingly condescending voice "Now, you just enjoy the time you have left."
But the most obvious, horrific Narcissistic Injury RAGE attack display occurred on that day when the Oncologist, with his team (posse) told my father that he was going to die. I had been encouraging my Dad to seek out alternatives, at least explore them, but he was not comfortable with that, so I didn't try to force it, I respected his decisions, of course. There were HIS decisions, HIS life, not mine. After the doctor informed him of the dire news, I asked him if he might want to speak to a certain research and care team in another state, and he agreed, saying it couldn't hurt at this point, and let's try. So, naively, I asked one of the interns on the Oncologist's team (posse) if he had any knowledge of this other place, thinking I was speaking to a fellow science person. His response was dismissive and rude, and he was obviously trying to get away from me. I persisted for just a moment, and he started DEFENDING his posse leader, the Oncologist... as if my inquiry about this other place was a direct and mean INSULT, and of course that was MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than my father's LIFE....  I walked away, obviously angry, and went back into my father's room; the intern followed me and started defending himself IN MY FATHER'S ROOM. After a few minutes, he must have caught himself, and slowed down, even apologized a little. Then he saw his posse leader in the hallway with the rest of the posse, and offered to go ask him if he'd ever heard of the place and if he knows anything... so, again, naively... I followed him into the hallway, expecting for some reason the Oncologist to behave like an adult, especially in light of the death sentence he just issued my father. But instead what I received was a RANT, insulting me and defending his expertise, in the middle of the hallway, in front of the nurse's station.
Tragically the very next day, this brilliant Oncologist administered very heavy chemotherapy to my father's weakened body, he refused to even speak about it. I did not have power of attorney so I couldn't stop it, and I think my father had given up, he didn't say anything. Immediately, his arm swelled up like a balloon, and he lost lucidity; they kept giving it to him for three days, in spite of that; he never returned to his healthy mental state and died two weeks later.

A woman decided to replace the back door on her house. She mentioned it to her husband the way anyone would mention a project to a friend; he immediately went to the store without her to buy a new door, and spent the next day putting it in (without her). (She didn't say anything, she was used to his compulsive and disrespectful behaviors.) When she went to paint it, he stood behind her, criticizing every move she made; how she prepared the door, how she opened the can, how she mixed the paint, what kind of brushes she was using, and how she applied the paint. 

The singer from a local band (A) was working at a job with another local singer (B). Every time a new person would come around, singer A would tell them all about her band and her wonderful voice, and would never mention singer B at all. One day singer A was in another room, and someone mentioned to singer B that she had a wonderful voice; singer A ran into the room and physically stepped between them, and started telling the person about her own band, her vast experience, and her singing voice.

Three couples at a restaurant for a social luncheon. Every time one of the women spoke, one of the other women would talk over her. It happened so much that she stopped talking. When she asked her husband what time it was, the woman next to him again immediately spoke to him, getting his attention away from his wife. When he realized what was going on, he turned toward his wife and away from the others, at which point the two women began throwing him compliments. They did it so much that their husbands couldn't help but notice; they started talking only to each other and whining about their wives. The only two people at the table not participating in the childish social games was the targeted couple, they got up and left, and the other two couples gossiped about them when they were gone. (When the two couples called them for another outing, they politely declined.)

An artist had a roommate (long time acquaintance) who liked to do crafts but was not serious with "fine art". The artist didn't know that the roommate envied him, so he did not think of protecting his artwork or his work space from the roommate. At the end of one particularly difficult project, the artist set up the work so that it would dry and "set", and left a note for the roommate so they would know why it was left out. When the artist got home from work, the artwork had been stacked together and put into a corner, completely ruined; the roommate told the artist "I had to clean up the mess".
On a later occasion, the artist had a sculpture in progress on a desk in a private room; when the artist came home one night, the roommate had laid clothing over the sculpture and destroyed it.

A man wanted to get his girlfriend a keepsake gift to show her he loved her, he picked out a charm bracelet that he thought was beautiful, and more importantly seemed to be something she would like. When he gave her the box, she shook it and laughed, "What the heck is this?" and then opened it and exclaimed "Seriously, what IS this?! Am I supposed to wear this in public?"

A woman was sitting on work break, eating her lunch; a coworker who found her attractive got around to asking her to get coffee. She didn't know it was supposed to be a "date", especially since the invitation was so informal. When the day came, she had to cancel because she had to give someone a ride to an appointment. At work the next day, the coworker refused to speak to her, and even behaved in a hostile way; she had no idea why.

A pair of parents gave their child advice about everything, all the time, about everything she did, from how she should wear her hair to what kind of pants look good on her, to which friends she should have, to what kind of car she should drive, what she should take in college, how to cut her food, how to tie her shoes better, what color nail polish she should wear, how she is sitting in her chair, how long she should sleep and what time she should get up in the morning, well into adulthood. They gave her advice, constantly, and criticism disguised as advice, but not actual assistance, and no recognition or credit for anything she did on her own.
Any advice she refused to follow was seen as outright rebellion, laziness, and ingratitude, and the parents told all of their family and friends about what a burden she was. 

Every time a wife tried to talk to her husband about their relationship, he would shut down, shut her out, yell at her, criticize her, leave, break up with her, or fly into a rage. He literally could not emotionally handle the implication that he was not perfect, and that he was responsible for half of the relationship, or that she was a "real person" who could walk away at any moment for any reason.

Popularity: Good, Bad, or Indifferent?

The less "popular" you are, the less you have to deal with others trying to suck you into their dynamics. In order to be successful in business, a person does not need to be popular socially, and in fact, social popularity can slow a person's business success down, unless the person's "business" is politics or corrupt practices, then social popularity is intrinsic to their "success". But that kind of social popularity is fake anyway, politicians and corrupt business people (cons) need to create a facade that people "like" so that they can get voter support and/or hide what they're doing, respectively. (Not implying that all politicians are corrupt, some are and some aren't, but they all need voter support to keep their jobs, either way.)

As far as musicians, actors, and artists go, having "social popularity" is what it looks like when they have a following, but it's not actually what it is. Liking a person's music, artwork, or sports performance is not the same thing as liking the PERSON, although many confuse the two. "Popularity" is essential to the career of an artist or musician because of how humans follow one another. When a band gets played on the radio, or promoted with posters in a store, or featured on a national talk show, the impression that others get is that lots of people ALREADY LIKE them, lots of people ALREADY KNOW about them. So then it's not only "okay" to like them too, but it's also en vogue. The current trend. I get to be one of the cool kids if I like that band too.

There are many people who don't pay attention to music at all (or go to a movie, or go to an art show, or follow sports) unless they see others doing it, listening to it, and liking it, so that zeitgeist of "popularity" is essential to getting people to want to pay for your song, your movie, your art show, or see you play live.
"If others don't seem to like you, then why should I take you seriously, plus I don't want to be the only one who likes you and risk getting seen as "weird". I want to be part of the "in crowd"
(which includes the "in crowd" who calls themselves freaks and outcasts. If they have a "crowd" at all, they're not outcasts, they just have their own clique that the other clique doesn't accept, and so on. Notice that they reject people who don't fit in with them just as quickly.).

Many popular musicians and artists, actors and writers, and sports stars as well, even politicians and CEO's avoid much genuine social contact with their "fans" (or employees), because of one very poignant reason: MANY humans will stop being a "fan" when they make a personal connection with the star they follow, because the "star" suddenly becomes "JUST" a regular human being to them, and that's not what they want; they want to follow a "higher" kind of person, not just some old dumb every day "Joe" or "Jane". (The awareness that there's no such thing as a "higher human" is often absent.)
Meet and Greets are not real social connections, they're Meet and Greets; the person is on their best behavior, and they almost always have a manager or friend nearby to help them out. When we "meet" someone at a a "Meet and Greet", we're not "getting to know them" as a person, and they aren't "getting to know" us. To expect or demand them to remember us, or like us, is unrealistic and dramatic on our part.

Having a clique following for an artist or musician is important for career survival in a dysfunctional environment; the more dysfunctional, the more important the clique thing is, because so many people are trying to find somewhere they fit in, where they can have the power to reject those who don't. And they will often use following musicians or artists for that purpose.
"WE" all get it, "WE" are of like minds, "THEY" don't get it, "THEY" aren't like "US".
(Works until someone says or does something that bruises someone's ego, then a new sub-clique gets formed; "WE" REALLY get it, "THEY" are poseurs. or "WE" are in touch with reality, "THEY" are in la-la land.)   ~ The ironic thing about fandom is that a very

If we actually have a large number of "friends", they had better be very healthy emotionally and mentally, because if they're not, then we are subjecting ourselves to direct connection with unhealthy behaviors and motives, which usually include some form of manipulation. (Human beings tend to go right to manipulation, domination, and/or hostility when we're emotionally or mentally compromised, not unlike other animals.)

The fewer actual "friends" we have who we're closely tied to, the less risk we are putting ourselves in. Humans tend to reject those who don't fit in with their own emotional wants and needs, who don't "rub them the right way", so the more people we are tied closely to, the more we might find ourselves trying to fit in with their social expectations and points of view, in order to avoid rejection. We can become internally focused, without being aware of it, on making sure we fit in with our social group, whether it's family or platonic, in order to avoid rejection. THEREFORE, we will do and NOT DO certain things that we would have done otherwise to build our career, or to follow our interests.

It is very common for people to sacrifice, hide, and bury large parts of themselves that are quite healthy and positive in order to fit in with one's social group or family, in order to avoid rejection or other consequences.

So the fewer people we are intimately connected with, the less we put ourselves at risk for falling prey to our own human tendencies. We don't have to shut out the world, not at all; we just need to be aware of who we are connecting closely with, and aware of their  emotions, reactions, and behaviors, and doubly aware of our own. Are we doing what we want and need to do to, or are we doing more things that are really about making sure others like us and accept us in our social group?

"Real" friends (or family or partners) who are emotionally and mentally healthy would WANT us to meet our personal goals in life and career, whether it's getting a minimum wage job, attending community college, learning to play guitar, writing a book, going to Oxford, becoming a doctor, publishing a hit song, buying another car, or going sailing. They would be supportive of us, not trying to delay us, or trying to make us feel bad, shameful, or guilty, not trying to make us feel like we're doing something beyond our ability, or just to get attention. These kind of social connections are generally hard to come by. So, it is in our own best interest, and the best interest of our children, that we choose our close social connections carefully.

More About Narcissistic Injury

A main reason people act unsupportive and dismissive toward others is because of "Narcissistic Injury". One does not have to be diagnosed with NPD, one just needs to have a human ego that's inflated, immature, or weakened, and is attached directly to how one wants to be seen by others.
~"I'm going to purposely not acknowledge you because I'm envious of something you did, or something about you, in order to "punish" you, make you smaller in my mind, try to make you smaller in other people's minds, and make myself feel bigger.

"I'm not going to acknowledge that what I feel is envy or a challenge to my ego identity, because that would mean I'm doing something "wrong" and I don't know how to deal with that; so instead I'm going to blame you, and make it out to be that you're bad.

"Perhaps I'll find flaws about you or what you did or said and inflate them, embellish them, and then tell others, in an attempt to diminish you and make myself feel bigger and better.

"Perhaps I'll try to criticize what you did or said, and point out "flaws in your logic", not for reasons of information exchange and learning, but to try and put you down or humiliate you, or make myself seem smarter or more logical than you.

"If I can't find real flaws, perhaps I'll make some up, or turn normal things about you into flaws, and then tell others.

"Maybe I'll treat you with disrespect or hostility to your face as well. Even better if it's in front of others so they might believe that you deserve to be treated that way.

"Maybe I'll purposely exclude you from social gatherings.

"Maybe I'll tell others that you don't care about them, or don't like them, or are too stuck-up, and that's why you didn't attend the social gathering (but I won't tell them that I secretly excluded you.)

"Maybe I'll even sabotage you by telling someone not to hire you, by putting something negative in your work record, by blocking you from opportunity, work, and resources any way I can.

"I can easily create a "hostile environment" by getting others to go along with me about "disliking" you so that you feel so unwelcome, uncomfortable, frustrated, anxious, hated, or even scared that you will stop coming around or quit your job. Then without you around, I can make sure everyone thinks of you in a bad way with a few choice words and implications.

Superior Humans

Keep in mind that those who feel "superior" or "inferior" have to believe first that there is such a thing.

What criteria, exactly, are they using to judge this?
So if I am taller than you, I'm superior to you, which means you are inferior to me.
If that is a truth, then it is also a truth that anyone who is taller than me is superior to me, and I am inferior to them.

If it's true that you are superior to me because your shoulders are wider and the muscles in your arms are stronger than mine, then it's also an absolute that every person who's shoulders are wider than yours, or who's arms are stronger than yours, is superior to you, and you are inferior to them.

Perhaps it's my ancestry that makes me superior to you and yours. My father's father, his mother, her father, my great great great grandparents, but I went back too far, because I find out that those ancestors crossed another ocean far away from another land altogether. Before that, their grandparents were from another tribe from another place. If I keep going, we will find that we are of the same tribe, from the same place, from the same family.

We have similar skin color, so you can't use that to be superior to me, so what's left? My hair color is different than yours, therefore one of us must be superior, and one inferior. Which one of us gets to decide? Don't we both? Or does only the superior one get to decide?

Perhaps it's my sex, my gender that makes me superior to you; in fact, all of the members of my sex are superior to all of the members of yours. So since we are superior, and you are all inferior, we treat you very, very well, and make sure you feel very good about yourselves at all times. We know it must be difficult for you being so inferior, so we are very careful not to ever hurt your feelings or imply that you're lesser than we are. We live our lives being extremely kind, very respectful, and caring for your every need and want. We include you in every activity, teach you everything we know. We never insult or demean you; why would we? Superiors have no reason to oppress or diminish inferiors, because they're no threat.
We include you in every decision because we want you to feel wise. We take everything on our strong shoulders and wise minds, willingly and happily. You are like children and we are wise, strong elders, so we are very, very careful about making sure you are happy, secure, safe, and feel very respected and loved. Since we include you in all things, you don't even know that you're actually inferior, we would never want you to feel that way.

Perhaps it's the money in my pocket. I have less than you do, so that must mean I'm inferior, or does it mean I'm superior? I can't remember which is which...

Who is the judge, who makes up these rules, and are they the same everywhere, in every country, every tribe, every time period, every family?

If one of them is not believed to be true in one place, then why is another believed?

Who is perpetuating them if no one believes them?