Designating Value, Capability, And Destiny

A typical Narcissist behavior is designating "value" and "capability" onto others in one's family and community circles, and trying to assign various DESTINIES according to a person's "value".

The N. aunt who went to Harvard encourages her niece not to go to Harvard like herself, but to a small community college near her house.

The N parent who owns a grand old Cape house with several acres keeps talking to their child about getting a cheap apartment in a run down building.

The N uncle constantly shows off his boats and cars, and says things to the young people in the family like "Bet you wish you could have something like this someday, huh?"

The N parents go on expensive vacations by themselves, but "can't afford" to take the kids to the beach, or to Theme Parks, or skiing locally, etc.

The N. music teacher puts one child up on a pedestal and makes them their "star student", mentoring them and giving them extra attention, and ignores another student who has just as much, if not more talent and potential as the "star student", because the teacher doesn't really "take a shine" to the pupil.

The young person who's goal is to become a software designer is told by N. family and community that they'd be "better off going for something simpler and less difficult".

The woman who is interested in building and developing is told by N. family and community that she "should be looking into something less overwhelming and difficult". (i.e. kindergarten teacher, homemaker)

The man who is interested in child psychology is told by N. family and community that he "should be looking into something that makes more money and has a real future". (i.e. stockbroker, racecar mechanic)

Forgiveness, Understanding And Compassion Toward An Abusive Person

Forgiveness, understanding, and compassion are part of recovery for the SELF, and if there are children involved and other family members, for their well-being and mental and emotional health.

(You don't let a vicious dog sleep in your bed or your kid's bedroom, or even in your house, even if the dog is vicious because he or she has been abused. You would only do that to yourself if you have unhealthy boundaries, or to your child if you're a Narcissist.)

WIthholding forgiveness, understanding and compassion does nothing to a narcissistic abuser, they couldn't care less, they WANT their targets to withhold those things, because it makes them feel like they're AFFECTING the target, and weakening the target.
Withholding them on purpose because one wants to use them as a weapon is just about control and retaliation, which hinder recovery.

Narcissists carry mental and emotional weapons around against other people 24/7 because they feel compelled to; they can't put them down no matter how heavy they get. 
NON-narcissists have the blessing of being able to choose NOT to carry mental and emotional weapons with them, and can put them down whenever they choose. 

I Say Jump You Say How High! Authority Image Issues

Trying to be one of the "authority people" like a parent, a teacher, a law or court officer, upper management, tough-gang-member, mafioso, etc., and wanting to be SEEN as a such an "authority person" can be seen commonly in children when the ego/self is developing.

("When I walk into a room, everyone is aware of my presence.
When I speak, everyone listens to me because they know I'm important. What I say goes, what I say is law. When I speak, animals listen, children obey, and adults who fear me obey. If they don't obey me, I want to punish them.")

When this developmental stage is not grown out of, it can look like Narcissism, and can feed an individual's Narcissistic or abusive issues.

When a person who has this authority issue does have a job that gives them some type of authority, or for example is a member of a bike club that non-members typically think of as "tough", they aren't just DOING THE JOB, or BEING IN THE CLUB. They are PLAYING A ROLE, PLAYING A CHARACTER.

When a person with this issue DOES NOT respond to the image they're trying to create of "authority", (I say jump, you say how high) they will usually react with ANGER.
(You're supposed to be afraid of me, or be in great admiration of me, and you're supposed to do what I say... you're not doing it right!)


Just a reminder: ONLY BOYS AND MEN are allowed to cuss and use the "f" word, because it indicates dominance and bad-assness.

Girls and women are NOT allowed to ever use them, or risk SOCIAL REJECTION..

But it's perfectly okay for men to use them whenever the HELL they feel like it, in any situation, in front of anyone and TO anyone, including children and elderly people, because it shows that they're TOUGH.

(Apparently one must show that they're "tough" or else no one will believe it.)

ALSO. Men are allowed to use cusswords, name-calling, and snotty language AT women and girls, however women and girls are NOT allowed to say the same words or language, or use the same tone BACK.

Who made these "rules"? I guess it was the AIR, or the SUN, or the UNIVERSE, or maybe it was the turtle in the pond at the end of the street, because no one seems to want to take responsibility for them.

These rules are directly related to the rules about only boys and men being allowed to openly express their views, opinions, and emotions such as anger or frustration, or physical pain.


Using Aggression To "Get Things Done"

A habit of using aggression, hostility, threats, and dramatic displays does NOT "get things done" unless you're dealing with other people who are also drama kings and queens and control freaks with entitlement issues. Those people are disordered or mentally ill, that's why they only respond to fear of aggressive or larger people, or male voices.

If you treat a respectful, intelligent person with HISTRIONICS and MONKEY DOMINATION DISPLAYS in order to "get them to do what you need them to do", or to "make them respect you", all that's going to 'get done" is that you are going to lose their respect, they will STOP taking you seriously. Probably avoid you as much as possible. Go act like a Silverback Gorilla with the other gorillas, but you're a fool if you're a grown adult acting like a hostile 'tough" MONKEY at actual thinking human beings. It doesn't make you look tough or bad-ass, it just makes you look like you have some kind of issue.

Women Need "Extra Services"

A lot of people think of "normal regular basic simple person" as being a male, and that females have all these EXTRA things... extra maintenance, extra wants, extra needs, extra little girly issues...
The reason they think that is because they were taught that when they were little kids, and they never questioned it.
Newsflash: BOTH Females and Males are "normal human", whatever they happen to be like.

There are people who like to have a lot of things and do a lot of things, and it has ZERO to do with their gender. There are people who don't care much about stuff or image, and that has ZERO to do with gender as well. PEOPLE are not GENDERS, they are humans who happen to be either male or female.

If you don't know that, you've been brainwashed to think of all the extra toys and playthings and vacations and games and tickets and clothes and cars and gadgets and snacks and drinks and equipment and maintenance that ONE sex gets for themselves are "important" and "needed", and anything that the other sex gets or wants is "silly" or "unnecessary". (This kind of thinking is called "dysfunctional")

Ridiculous Gender Brainwashing

Stop treating daughters like they're little fragile butterflies who can't do anything, who are not SUPPOSED TO DO anything that requires any kind of strength or intelligence or fine skills, and like they're ALL AFRAID OF EVERYTHING, and like they're ALL SUPER HIGH MAINTENANCE AND ARE A PAIN IN THE A**.
It's really sad how people will treat their sweet little boys who need to grow and learn in a SAFE and NORMAL way like they're freaking adults who need to "MAN UP" every FIVE SECONDS in order tp prove their "worth" to people who SHOULD BE valuing them as PEOPLE, as the CHILDREN that they are, and guiding them in a REAL WAY, not to become some kind of TELEVISION CHARACTER.
And then turn around and do the same thing with their sweet little girls who need to grow and learn in a SAFE and NORMAL way, not get treated like they're ALWAYS doing something "WRONG", like they're WEAK, FRAGILE, STUPID, and can't POSSIBLY have the same interests, emotions, needs, or wants that a little boy would have.
Taking one child and dressing him in a Pro Wrestler or a Soldier outfit, or a President Of The Bank outfit (make sure it's BLUE) and telling him he needs to PROVE that he's a "MAN" by acting like an aggressive baboon the minute he comes out of the womb.  
Sick world.
Taking one child and dressing her in a cheap tutu or a Model and Makeup outfit, or a Betty Homemaker outfit (make sure it's PINK) and telling her she needs to PROVE that she's a "GOOD WOMAN" by cowtowing to everyone around her, never standing up to anyone else, ONLY doing the specific things she's told to do or be interested in... never "complaining" about anything that happens to her no matter how terrible, never being "funny" or doing well in school or being good at anything specific (because it might make someone else feel bad....>>>>).
Teaching them BOTH that the "other sex" is a different SPECIES, and that they're NOTHING ALIKE.
Teaching them BOTH that it's okay for one sex to treat the other one with condescension and disrespect and bullying, and boss them around, and expect to be given EXTRA respect by the other, in spite of the fact that they're not GIVING EXTRA respect, or even normal respect.
This gets internalized and normalized until all the kids buy into it, and carry it with them into adulthood, tragically.