Humans Judge Others, Wrongly, On ANYTHING and EVERYTHING

Those who are aware of the human tendency to make gigantic, completely baseless assumptions about others are also aware of how far-reaching the effects of it are on individuals. Here is an example of that in the following article in Business Insider, about naming your child so he or she has a better chance at success in life.
Because OTHERS will make huge, ridiculous assumptions about a person based on nothing but their name, and so will the person themselves, about themselves.
The human brain associates things together, whether it's right or wrong, in order to "keep track" of the world.
The "keeping track" is the brain's priority, not whether we are right or wrong about whatever we're keeping track of.
And that's all of us. Not just some of us.


Even five-year-olds judge their peers based on their names

Saen Dreilinger

Making decisions based strictly on names, four- and five-year-olds told Jack Daniel, a professor of communication at the University of Pittsburgh, that Sarah is smarter than Shaniqua, that they would rather play with Megan than Tanisha, and that Jamal was more likely to take a bite out of their sandwich than Adam. 

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/choosing-a-successful-name-for-your-baby-2012-1?op=1#ixzz2qPgrbkGV

My Point Of View Is The Only Correct Point Of View

"This is what I like, so you should like it too.

This is what I believe, so you should believe it too.

This is what I think, so you should think it too.

This is how I see you, so you should see yourself this way too.

This is how I see myself, so you should see me exactly the same way.

This is what I think is best, and you should follow my lead.


...if you don't, you're not smart, logical, intelligent, wise, or mature.

...if you don't agree with me, and align your thoughts and feelings with mine, then you must be rebelling against me or attacking me.

...if you don't let me be the leader at all times in all things, (unless I assign you to be the leader for something), then I will attack you.

...if you do or say anything that leads me to feel uncomfortable for any reason, I will attack or reject you.

My point of view is the only point of view, and only I get to decide who else has any intelligence, knowledge, skill, ability, strength, or wisdom.
It certainly won't ever be you; you are lower status than me, because I've decided that you are.

Anything you say or do that's not in alignment with what I think, want, and feel will be considered WRONG, and either a rebellion against me or an attack against me personally.

I will not discuss it with you, I will attack you or reject you.

And if you protest the way I "deal with you", I will simply do more of it until I feel like I've beaten you down, or until I run out of energy, or until I lose interest and focus on someone or something else.



These are not only the POV from just one type of disorder or illness, but from several. Which one(s), if any, a person may have depends on a large number of factors. A lot of personality disorder or mental illness traits (not all) are exaggerated versions of regular human tendencies, and may have been fixed in place at some point in time, or may have been exacerbated and turned around. Some of these behaviors and traits may have simply been taught to the person during their upbringing. (And not excluding the simplest explanation, a lack of learning and opportunity to mature because of one's surrounding environment, or literally because a person is still a child.)

Regardless of what disorder, illness, or maturity level the behaviors come from, the key points are more about us :

How we react to these behaviors

How they affect us

If we have or do some of them

How we are dealing with them

If we and others are safe

Healing from the effects

Dealing with them in a healthy way
 

Love Is Blind; So Is Hate

We talk all the time about how LOVE blinds us to reality about other people, and how infatuation blinds us as well. But we avoid talking about how HATE is just as blinding as LOVE.
We can't see something or someone clearly if we're infatuated with them or if we favor them.
And neither can we see something or someone clearly if we hate.

It's two sides of the same coin.

Hate does not awaken a person's senses or logic.
Anger can, but hate does not.
It acts as a veil over the eyes.

If Love is like a veil of light that makes a people and situations look brighter or colored like roses, sunshine, or blue skies, Hate is like a veil of darkness that makes people and situations look dimmer, more sinister, and blocks out detail and real information.

Both Love and Hate give a person a feeling of power;

Love can make us feel like we can accomplish our goals with ease, like we're beautiful, brilliant, strong, wanted, and supported.

Hate can make us feel like we are stronger THAN, more powerful THAN, and more righteous than another, and that we BELONG with and are accepted and supported by others who also hate for the same reasons we do.

It can be hard to let go of either Love or Hate because of the feelings of power and acceptance that each bring us.
But both are veils over one's vision.
If one seeks information, knowledge, and clear perception, then one must learn to remove the veil.

Measuring Sticks : Superiority, Inferiority

Those with superiority/inferiority issues will often take certain traits about themselves or about another person and use that as evidence and proof of OVERALL superiority or inferiority.

In other words, they'll take something like being very good at mathematics as evidence of general superiority over another. Only those who are also very good at mathematics, either at their level or above, will probably be considered "equals" or "peers", regardless of their abilities in other areas.

Many people will use physical traits as evidence of superiority or inferiority; any physical trait will do. And they'll often "trade" one for another in order to maintain their own superiority.

For example, Sheila sees herself as superior to Joyce, because she's taller than Joyce. But when Simone shows up and towers over Sheila, she is forced to either concede that Simone is superior to her because Simone is taller (using her own measuring stick), OR she will hold on to her "superiority" by TRADING or CHANGING the measuring stick. So Sheila is still superior to Joyce (in her mind) because she's taller than Joyce, but Simone's height "doesn't count" because... .... her skin and hair is lighter than Sheila's... so therefore Sheila is still superior (in her mind) to both Joyce and Simone.

When a superior/inferior minded person comes across another who "beats them" in too many of their own measurements, they may either try to "take them down", or they may concede to the other person's "superiority". But it will probably not occur to them that the measuring sticks they insist on using could be wrong or unnecessary, or that they don't actually need to use them at all.

Science, Superiority, Control, Emotion, Bias

Those who are obsessed with domination, control, and/or supremacy have these things as their top priority in life. It's the filter they look at the whole world through. Since they don't know it's a filter, they tend to think they are seeing reality, and that anyone who does not see the world in the same way is either just "wrong", or is "stupid". Depending on their emotional profile, they may even feel that they are being attacked and insulted when someone's information and point of view does not align with theirs.

Those who are red-green colorblind, for example, would never know that what they see is not the full range of colors, unless someone else told them. Those who see less color than that would also not know that the world actually has more colors than they can see. So if someone pointed to a traffic light one day and described the color of each light, the colorblind person would just think they were stupid or crazy, because he or she does not SEE those colors.

The reason we even know about colorblindness is because some humans have the ability to communicate observations without ego. So instead of arguing about what colors are actually THERE, some objective humans got together and compared what they saw, and then started experimenting to find out more. Instead of countering and trying to prove who was "right", they simply communicated in humility with each other. They didn't worry or fight over who was "right", they knew they were ALL "right", and ALL "wrong" at the same time, and that not a single one of them was superior or inferior to another as whole persons.

They were not in "hierarchy" or "status" where one person is "always right" and tells the others what to think and what to see, but without that, as peers, as persons, telling what THEY EACH see, as individuals, and then comparing all of the information regardless of WHO said WHAT.

The person who sees green is not "better than" the person who doesn't see green, they're not innately superior because they can see green. They can see green, and that's all there is to that, it doesn't mean anything else about them as a person. Making their ability to see green into something bigger than it is would simply be about their DESIRE to be superior to others; it doesn't make it true.

What that does, however, is wreck their ability to remain objective, logical, humble, and scientific. Logic and objectivity can not exist under the umbrella of desiring superiority, control, and supremacy, or under the umbrella of assessing other humans as either superior or inferior. Logic has no desire, control, 'authority', power, or ego within it. It's completely objective. As soon as logic is touched by the ego, it's no longer. Logic requires humility to exist in a human, and humility is hard for humans in general, and nearly impossible for those who seek and desire control and superiority.

That's why "scientific method" was created, in order to get around "confirmation bias" and the like, although it's not foolproof; many humans still find a way to skew their own scientific results in favor of their beliefs.

(Confirmation bias is when a person sees something as proof of the beliefs they already have, instead of seeing what's actually there, or being aware that they can't see all of the information.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

Talking About Masculine And Feminine

Why is it so hard to talk about 

• men's rights
• women's rights 
• masculinity
• femininity
• gender roles
• stereotypes
• sexism
• sex differences
• objective reality 
• B.S. regarding gender that's been perpetuated for eons and still is

One simple reason why it's so difficult:

Human Ego Identity


People want things to be a certain way, THEIR way, the way that FEELS GOOD to THEM.

That's why it's so hard to have a conversation in a REALISTIC, objective manner with other humans about anything related to GENDER. 

Some people want their own sex to be a certain way, some want the OTHER sex to be a certain way...

It's all about IDENTITY 
and 
FEELING LIKE ONE HAS CONTROL OVER THE WORLD THEY LIVE IN
 and
TRYING TO MAKE SEXUAL FANTASY MATCH REALITY   


Basically it sounds something like:

"I like it when MEN do such and such, and when WOMEN do something else.... so little boys should be raised THIS WAY, and little girls should be raised THAT WAY... and anyone who disagrees with me is BAD. And dumb. And stupid. And crazy. So THERE."

It also sounds like:

"Who wants to see THAT?! I want to watch THIS sex doing that job, talking about that topic, playing that sport, not the other one! It doesn't excite me the other way."

It also sounds like:

"Everyone who is THIS sex is innocent and stable, and everyone who is the OTHER sex is yucky and crazy, and has cooties!"

It also sounds like:

"If THEY can do this thing just as easily as OUR sex, just by actually learning how to do it like we did, and with someone explaining it to us and showing us when we asked how, then they'll FIND OUT that we're not all innately, naturally superior to all of them! Acckkkk!!!"

It also sounds like:

"Hate, hate, more hate, and then something that tries to sound like logic, and then more hate, and let's throw in a big helping of ego and defensiveness, with a dash of hate on top."

 
It also sounds like:

"Nuh-uhhh! You can't say that, or wear that! Or make those noises! Or act like that! Only WE get to do that! You're not the right sex! See? Look at the TV! You're supposed to be like that other person!"






 
It also sounds like:


"Whaaaa!!! I don't LIKE people who are that sex, I only like people who are THIS sex!"

It also sounds like:

"If WE don't have power over them, then THEY will have power over US!     Fight! Fight! Fight!    WHAAAA!!! 
I don't LIKE cooperation or working together or fairness, I want to be the BOSS! Like my parent got to be!"

It also sounds like:

"Everyone who is MY sex absolutely sucks! I am the ONLY ONE who is GREAT like the other sex. That means I FIT IN with the other sex, they all accept me as one of their own... even the ones who usually HATE people who are my sex... and yes, I actually believe that they all accept me as one of them..for real... NO WAY do they ever talk about me behind my back..."

It also sounds like:


"I am the owner of all members of the other sex.. they all bow down to my greatness... they all want me... they all obey me...they all fear me... they all crave my sexiness...I can lure anyone's partner away from them just with a look..." 



So there are real reasons....  ...(ahem, cough).... ....
why so many people have a hard time talking about conditioning, rights, stereotypes, gender roles, assumptions, projection, ego, imbalances, raising children, prejudice, competition, desire for superiority, power, control, cultural myth, sexual fantasy, and 

objective reality. 

Targets Of Narcissists

(Might be triggering for some people~ read at your own discretion)

"Why did he ask her out if she's 'such a bitch?' "
"Dude, because she's hot! Everybody else thinks so, what's wrong with you? Plus she's got some high level job, so she's got cash. What's not to like?"
"Umm, because he says she's a pain in the ass...?"
"Dude, so what, all chicks are a pain in the ass, especially the smart ones. It's the price you pay."

"Why does she go out with him if he's so boring?"
"Duh, because look at him, stupid! Didn't you see his eyes, and that ass? Plus he's an executive VP at a huge company. He's got like a Master's degree or something."
"So what, why doesn't she find someone she actually LIKES?"
"What do you mean?!?"

Targets that are attractive to those with Narcissism often include:

~A person whom they find physically attractive, especially if they find them VERY physically attractive.

~A person whom they think OTHER PEOPLE find physically attractive

~A person who seems to be POPULAR, well liked, accepted by a larger group

~A person who appears to be a member of a group of wealthy, famous, or powerful people (family, career, or otherwise)

~A person who seems to be wealthy

~A person who seems to have wealth and success in their future

~A person who seems to possess ability, skill, and/or talent above and beyond others

~A person whom they assume that they can control and dominate

~A person who appears to have control and power over others

~A person who possesses things that they want

~A person who has qualities that they envy

~A person who appears to be generous

~A person who gives them praise and positive attention only

~A person who appears to have access to things, places, people and opportunity that they want for themselves.

~A person who appears to have several of the above factors

People with Narcissism, especially "NPD", don't really make connections with other people just because they LIKE them, and because they have common interests. They make connections instead with people who they think will enhance their own image and their own lives.

If a person they were attracted to and were pursuing romantically or otherwise turns out NOT to have whatever it was they thought they had, or loses whatever it was (like popularity, wealth, success, very good looks), they will drop the person and go looking for a "new one".

If they were pursuing a romantic interest, for example, because they thought he or she was POPULAR, and well-liked or well-known, then if the person's popularity dropped off, or if their certain FRIENDS didn't like the person or made fun of the person, or if it turned out they were wrong about the person's level of 'fame' and popularity.... they would stop wanting to be with the person, and even 'despise' the person... as if it was the person's "fault" somehow.

They were not interested in the actual PERSON, they were interested in what they thought the person HAD, which in this case was popularity and/or fame.
They were seeking the effects of being the partner of a person who is popular, well-known, or famous.
They didn't care about the relationship BETWEEN themselves and the other person, or about the person.

The Narcissist who discards another person because they no longer find them attractive or useful will often try to blame the other person for the discard/break-up somehow, so they can avoid their motives being exposed to others.

They might be unaware that this is what they're doing; some people with Narcissism actually delude themselves, and hide their own motives from themselves by twisting the reasons for their changed feelings into something else completely, usually something about how 'awful' or 'crazy' the other person is.

However many others are completely aware, and twist the real reasons into something very exaggerated or completely fictional in order to convince OTHER people that it was entirely the other person's "fault". Smear campaigns designed to destroy a person's reputation are usually loaded with name-calling, accusations, and generally aggressive, hostile language, and are usually all about what a "nutjob" or "bitch" the targeted person is, instead of consistent accounts of events. Such as: "I just couldn't stand her bitching, whining, and complaining anymore! Whaa, whaa, whaa... when are we gonna get married... why won't you talk to me... when are you gonna pay me back...I know everything... whaa whaa whaa...and then she had the nerve to tell me I couldn't smoke in my own house" 
(Sociopaths, however, with a certain level of intelligence can be skilled at telling real-sounding stories, but without actual evidence and proof, one can not tell for sure if they're lying or not. So it's best to suspend belief and judgment, and don't buy into rumors, they're usually false, twisted, or embellished anyway if they reach a third party's ear. If it wouldn't be admissible in court, don't believe or disbelieve; suspend judgment.)
 

Narcissists often seem to believe that their motivations and actions are normal, healthy, and indicative of being a stable, robust, intelligent human being, and that those who connect with others for reasons of the heart, reasons of kinship, and reasons of genuine friendship are either "weak", "ignorant", or "faking it".