Women Are Wrong?

Many male and female humans tend to jump at the chance to oppose and argue with a female human, before and without fact-checking. Both male and female humans tend to hesitate before opposing and arguing with a male human, and will often even avoid fact-checking for themselves, and simply believe them. This is an effect of a patriarchal society.
You can check it yourself by observing the way you react to this very paragraph, knowing it was written by a female human.
What is your reaction~
Are you
1) Compelled to dismiss it?
2) Oppose it?
3) Argue with it?
4) Personally attack or try to insult me, or women in general?
5) Do you take it at face value and simply believe it?
6) Go look through years of observation and research to see if there have been other studies on the subject. 7) Observe very objectively whether this holds true in yourself, and those around you.
8) Accept it as a possibility that may or may not be true, and maybe look at it more closely.
9) It's something that I have already observed.

Most will do the first three.
Those who can not separate topics about human behavior from feeling like it's about them personally will do #4.
If I were a male, and I wrote the exact same paragraph, more people would do #5.
Very few will do #6.
A small number of people who make it a habit of being objective and observant will do #7, and #8 will only be done by those who are scientifically minded.
VERY few can hold a calm and objective discussion about this subject without having a defensive emotional reaction, or an angry reaction from being on the receiving end of this treatment in the past.

My Sister Is A Slut

There are no Scarlet Letters in a healthy family. When you and other family members set up one of your family members as a Scapegoat, you are damning them to a life of struggle, and their children, and their children's children. This is not opinion, it's fact. A healthy family does not exile or scapegoat a child, or anyone else, and the fact is, most who are set up as Scapegoats are not actually ... the kind of person they are made out to be. ONLY unhealthy people do that; gossip about one of their own, turn on one of their own, make one of their own a target for a "bad reputation", Victim-blame them as if all the things they went through was their fault. (abusers always blame the victim. Healthy people want EVERYONE to be happy and healthy, and included in the Family, they don't trash and blame and ostracize.) Those who have been Scapegoated can do this as well to someone else, as an attempt to get out of being the targeted one; they pick someone else, usually a person who they think is not going to bite back, as the "new" Scapegoat, and proceed to trash them, abuse them, use them, and trying to convince others to see them as a bad person. Scapegoating is about making one's own self look innocent and good, and another person look bad. That's not what people who care do. Once your family has scapegoated one of its members (usually because someone is protecting whoever abused that person, and/or because someone is jealous of that person), they will no longer receive normal emotional support, normal respect, normal inclusion, normal anything. Family members will play "keep away" with all the regular resources and support from this person, and WATCH as that person's self-esteem crumbles, and if this person tries to get away from this abuse, they will try to cast even more shame and blame on them. They WANT this person to be close enough so they can keep them as a Scapegoat, they certainly don't want this person to escape their web and find success. Scapegoats often keep trying to gain back their membership status in the family group, to be seen and respected as a fully viable and "real" member who deserves the same respect that others are getting. However- no matter WHAT the Scapegoat EVER does, the rest of the family will STILL continue to degrade, dismiss, and belittle them. If a Scapegoat became President of the United States, they will say that he or she slept or bought their way to the top. They will never let go of the Scapegoating, they NEED to have someone to stand on TOP of in order to feel like there is someone they are "better than". They will do this to the children of the Scapegoat as well, and they will also TEACH the Scapegoat's children, directly or by behavior and example, to DISRESPECT the Scapegoat (the child's parent). This will lead to yet more lives filled with heartache, without normal resources and normal emotional support that other family members enjoy. Another foolish and common human tragedy that people just keep doing, and don't try to stop.

Why Is It So Hard?

One of the reasons it's so devastating to deal with a romantic relationship, or a friend, that turns out to be a Narcissist, is because many of us actually were bonding with someone we thought was our ALLY and stand up with us, and for us, against the N abuse we had already gone through in our family lives. We thought we had finally found someone to be our True Ally. For them to be the opposite of this is mind-blowing, it would be for anyone. Picture a King or Queen going into battle, defending their benevolent realm against a long time enemy who keeps trying to tear down the walls and take over the land. At their side as they ride into battle is their most trusted Knight. Suddenly when the battle starts to get scary, the Knight rides away, leaving the Queen or King to fight on their own, no one at their back against the evil enemy. The Queen or King looks up, and there, across the field, among the ranks of the enemy, walking their horse calmly and peacefully, talking with the enemy's ranks, is their MOST TRUSTED, Number One Ally, their number one Knight. The N parent or family member already did this years ago. To find yet another person who would betray us in the same way, who is not even a family member who is already in that dysfunctional web, who has zero personal issues in common with us, is devastating. NOW what do we do? We have to A) Win this fight, and with them on the side against us instead of with us, our entire battle has changed, and we find ourselves outnumbered, and with more enemies than we knew, and now we have no idea who is against us on the INSIDE B) Turn tail and run; intellectually we know we had better do this because we have been tricked, and don't know how deep that goes. But we also know that running away will add to the damage that our reputation has already suffered; but we have no choice; it's either turn back, or die. C) When we get back, we must rebuild our kingdom from the ground up. People will talk about us incessantly, many who have N and control issues will blame US for the Knight leaving our side, even say we DROVE them away. D) We have to guard against allies that the Knight has within the kingdom. We have no idea who to trust, or who is plotting against us. E) We KNOW that the Knight has brought our secrets to the enemy, because we believed we could trust them with our secrets a long time ago. F) Our anxiety level, based on REAL events and situations, has gone through the roof; now it is much harder to sleep, eat, and figure out what to do. G) The Knight is threatening that if we don't let him/her back into the kingdom, he will wreak havoc. He tells everyone that we are crazy, and a tyrant, and he tells everyone that the gold that is missing (that he stole) was actually lost by YOU in a gambling ring, or in irresponsible spending. (People believe him because they like to hear about others doing something wrong) H) We realize that the easiest way out, safely, is to leave everything we loved and that was familiar, behind. All we built, all we accomplished. I) We are scared. We fear that wherever we turn, whatever we do, there will be someone watching us, judging us, trashing us, blocking us, punishing us, undermining us. J) We are OVERWHELMED. This makes it very difficult to see the LIGHT that still shines, the hope that still lies ahead, and the goodness that is still in our future.

Control Issues

People who like to stay in control will often change the subject of the conversations frequently. Whether they bring up a topic or not, they will change it the moment they feel that they are not in control of the direction of the discussion. Them: "The lady across the street has a cocker spaniel. Those dogs are yappy and can be vicious." You: "Oh yes, I've seen it. It's a nice dog, she came up to... me and let me pet her head~" Them: "I need to clean the refrigerator. You'll be here to help me, won't you~" (Regaining control of the conversation by diverting the subject, because their opinion was being shown not to prove true~ and regaining control of YOU by volunteering you to help with their work. A controlling person does not ask for help, they demand it from whomever they want to keep control over, regardless of the other person's schedule.) <<(Just to be clear, that is not the same as a parent requiring a child to do chores. Children being assigned tasks in the home is a normal and healthy part of family raising, especially when it is done in a scheduled preplanned, and pleasant way, or when it is used as a punishment for actual misbehavior.)

Codependency and Judgment

Codependency uses judgment as a way to feel good about one's self. This is learned from someone else at some point in childhood.
"She is always late, she's a bad person."
"His car is rusty, he's a bad person."
"Her car is dirty, she's not as good as us."
"She's pretty, therefore she is stuck up."
"He's clean cut, therefore he is not masculine enough."
"He likes different music, he's not as cool...
as us."
"She talks to that person, she must be having sex with him."
"She talks to them, she must be doing drugs with them."
"They play rock music, they must be drug users."
"She doesn't smoke pot, therefore she is 'high and mighty'"
etc etc etc
"He doesn't have a college degree, he must be stupid, lazy, or shiftless."
"She's nice, she must be weak, naive, dumb"
"She's nice AND pretty, she must be weak, naive, dumb, and promiscuous"
"He's single and not a jerk, he must be gay"
"She likes to build and fix things, she must be gay"
"I don't like her dress, she is a bad person"
"She is friendly to both my husband and I, she must be after him"
"She smiled at me, she must want "it", and she's "easy""
"He has nice clothes, he must be rich"
"He seems smart, he must be a good person, and succesful"
It goes on and on and on.