"Be a good boy, do your chores, don't talk back, get your homework done, do your best at your sport, or your music, or your science project."
Unfortunately, this common mantra of instruction for "being a good boy" does not include how to interact with others, how to think critically, or why either one is important. Nor does it include how to deal with others who have no idea how to interact with others.
Without being taught the hows and whys of interaction, respect, courtesy, and healthy boundaries, children can easily get stuck in a belief that says "I am good if I get all my work done, and if I don't talk back to whoever I perceive as an authority figure" and that's the end of it. Without learning how and why to interact with others in a truly respectful manner, a child will go straight to adulthood without ever passing through to maturation.
This simplistic belief "system" often results in broken and tumultuous relationships, chaotic lifestyles, and even habitual criminal behavior. The chaos is exponential when the person is surrounded by others who have this limited belief issue; everyone in their life is always trying to prove their innocence and worth by "being a good man" or "being a good woman", based on the very small template they learned as children. And they often do this by comparison against others, using these same limited "rules", which results in a judgmental, hostile environment.
If a child is lucky enough to have a role model who teaches them critical thinking by example, then the child may help themselves mature further than these limited instructions, even if there were no role models otherwise. But without the ability to teach one's self through objective observation and strength to truly learn from failure, the child will likely remain at the age where he or she felt that they "arrived" at an understanding of what it means to be a "good person." There may be no more learning for that person, barring catastrophe that turns their world upside down, giving them cause to stop and look around. And even then, many simply bounce back like an elastic band to their childhood belief system.
Being a "good man" or "good woman" extends far beyond one's own achievements, and one's ability to avoid consequence. It extends far beyond getting approval from certain people, far beyond being accepted into a community or group. It is a learning process that, if taken seriously, can fill one's entire day every day of their lives, and still go on.
Unfortunately, this common mantra of instruction for "being a good boy" does not include how to interact with others, how to think critically, or why either one is important. Nor does it include how to deal with others who have no idea how to interact with others.
Without being taught the hows and whys of interaction, respect, courtesy, and healthy boundaries, children can easily get stuck in a belief that says "I am good if I get all my work done, and if I don't talk back to whoever I perceive as an authority figure" and that's the end of it. Without learning how and why to interact with others in a truly respectful manner, a child will go straight to adulthood without ever passing through to maturation.
This simplistic belief "system" often results in broken and tumultuous relationships, chaotic lifestyles, and even habitual criminal behavior. The chaos is exponential when the person is surrounded by others who have this limited belief issue; everyone in their life is always trying to prove their innocence and worth by "being a good man" or "being a good woman", based on the very small template they learned as children. And they often do this by comparison against others, using these same limited "rules", which results in a judgmental, hostile environment.
If a child is lucky enough to have a role model who teaches them critical thinking by example, then the child may help themselves mature further than these limited instructions, even if there were no role models otherwise. But without the ability to teach one's self through objective observation and strength to truly learn from failure, the child will likely remain at the age where he or she felt that they "arrived" at an understanding of what it means to be a "good person." There may be no more learning for that person, barring catastrophe that turns their world upside down, giving them cause to stop and look around. And even then, many simply bounce back like an elastic band to their childhood belief system.
Being a "good man" or "good woman" extends far beyond one's own achievements, and one's ability to avoid consequence. It extends far beyond getting approval from certain people, far beyond being accepted into a community or group. It is a learning process that, if taken seriously, can fill one's entire day every day of their lives, and still go on.
