Relationship With A Narcissist

You will not ever have a "real" relationship with a person who has Narcissism. They will always live inside their own life, and will not integrate with you. Your life and personhood is not "real" to them, it is not nearly as significant as theirs. Your experiences, your life, your past, your knowledge, wisdom, your aspirations, needs, desires, passion, laughter, hopes, dreams, heart, and soul are ...
no more real to them then if they had watched it on a brief TV documentary about you.

The reason they can not connect is because they don't see anything outside of their own box as being "Real". They built that fort many years ago, and they brought their favorite things in it, and that's the world to them. Their family might be built into it, sometimes even a buddy, usually from childhood or adolescence. But that's it.

If they really want or have to go somewhere, they will put wheels on it, but they won't come out. They see no need to, the real world is inside their sanctuary; you are not "real" unless you come inside; but then, you are assimilated into the rest of the things that are under the N's control.

Continue along with that metaphor for a moment. How do you think the N person would act toward a toy in their collection that came to life, and had their own ideas on how to live? What would happen if that toy wanted to redecorate even a small portion of the fort, or bring in a pet, or go out into the world on an adventure? Would the N person go along with the toy, or would they simply tell it "no", and punish it if it took the initiative anyway? How would the N person feel about the toy having other friends in a normal way, inviting them into the fort, going out to do things with them? Would the N want to go with them, or would the N feel embarrassed about being seen cavorting with a bunch of toys?

The N believes that they are in full control over others, not unlike a child who pretends with dolls. The world only exists as their own version, and anything outside their version is just "wrong".

Kim Cooper has found a way to cure Narcissism, but the task of getting a Narcissist to actually DO anything at all, especially that he or she doesn't feel rewarded for in some way (think ego) is nearly impossible. You can see what it looks like if you want:      
Narcissism Cured