When a manipulator/controller is trying to deflect or project, we can become confused; the confusion is due to their tactic of getting off the actual subject and trying to make US the subject instead. It's like playing catch with someone, and they try to take control even in such a simple, fun game; they throw the ball to the side so you have to jump to get it, or they throw it very hard so it hurts to catch it, or they throw it at your face so you have to protect yourself. This is no longer a fun game between two people, but an exercise in defensive maneuvers, which is not appropriate in a game of catch. The manipulator/controller would defend their actions by saying something like "It's all part of the game! You have to learn to catch those balls when they come at you!" But~ if that were true, if that was their goal, they would have A) told you that they wanted to practice that, and only done it if you agreed, and B) would not be doing it with a competitive or authoritative slant, they would want you to do it back.
Anyway, when they verbally deflect and project, because of our confusion that they purposely cause, we often have a hard time framing and coming up with effective responses and comebacks. Here is a list of responses posted by
Anyway, when they verbally deflect and project, because of our confusion that they purposely cause, we often have a hard time framing and coming up with effective responses and comebacks. Here is a list of responses posted by
“Yes, I may have screwed up back then, but I’ve forgiven myself and moved on. Bringing this up again and again won’t help us improve the current situation.”
“I may have had some fears in the past, but I’m willing to face them now. Here’s what I plan to do, preferably with your support, but I can do it alone as well.”
“How I show respect and honor is my own business. I’m not bound by your definitions and parameters.”
“My walk with God and my spiritual path is between God and me. I let His Word correct my actions, not the judgments of others.”
“We are not talking about dinner last week, we are talking about how you belittled me just now. Keep on topic and stop trying to deflect the subject away from yourself.”
“Interesting you would think I’m emotional. Saying that is usually a put down. I’m impassioned. I’m assertive. I’m strong minded. Besides, my emotional state is an internal and private matter, and you don’t have my permission to comment or judge me about it.”
