Answer from author, support counselor and site administrator of
After Narcissistic Abuse There Is Light And Love
"Im going to answer from personal experience.
1. When I was first good narc bait 5 years ago to the narcissist that abused me, I was NOT AWARE that what he was doing to me was manipulation. Why? I had blind spots. At the time, I was vulnerable to the ways he worked me, probably because I needed / wanted to hear that I was beautiful, smart, funny and lovable. I had my own "ego issues" that allowed me to be stroked and exploited.
Now that I have plugged my "worth holes" and died to my own ego - Im not vulnerable to being puffed up. When you don't need it, you aren't manipulated by it.
Generalizing, I see others who have the same issues to be manipulatable without being aware that it's happening. I see women and men who feel bad about themselves, or doubt their self worth or have ego problems (thinking they're all that) who ARE manipulated by others without realizing it.
2. I dealt with this experience first hand - Men NOT being able to SEE when a woman is is sabotaging another woman. Here's why I believe this is difficult. The woman I knew that did this to me, is a narcissistic individual. She is overly flirtacious, inappropriately sexual and constantly pandering to men's egos with her sexuality. We worked together. She felt jealous whenever I'd get any attention. Once when a man she was interested in told me I looked like a dark haired Cameron Diaz, she not only ran me down to him - trying to make it look like there was some reason not to find me attractive, but then she came to me and gave me a rant about how she couldnt trust women, how I wasn't a good friend to her if I didnt text him immediately and tell him what a piece of s*it he was for "hitting on me".
Ultimately - he apologized to her profusely for ever finding me attractive as he was worried that she'd not sleep with him if he didnt do so. (that was my thought anyway)
A second instance was at a New Years Eve party last year. She and I went to my friend's party. I had a date there. I had another friend, a male, who was also friends with the host of the party who I was trying to get to stop by so that we could all share in a New Years toast together. The narc girl knew that I went to the bathroom to have a conversation with my guy friend where it was a little quieter. While in the bathroom, I overheard my date go up to the narc girl and inquire where I was. I heard her say, "Ohhh she's primping in the bathroom." He said, "Boy she's been in there a long time." To which she replied..."I know! She does this ALL THE TIME". Trying to portray me as someone who's so worried about my looks that I was in the bathroom for an inordinate amount of time- when that wasn't even the case and she knew it.
Bottom line, in both cases - an awkward social encounter involved men manipulated by her "baby talking voice" and over exposed fake breasts and sex talk that they had ZERO clue they were being drawn into. I would have ended up looking like the one with the problem had I addressed it - so I cut her off socially. I stopped being her friend. It just wasn't worth any enjoyment I got from having a "fun girlfriend" to pal around with.
3. Regarding men edging out other men with manipulation - I have witnessed the narcissist in my case- cutting other men down, telling me that the other man only wanted me for sex, emasculating him or putting down his education, upbringing, intelligence etc. undermining friendships, etc. The way he did it was effective in the sense that he was able to make me doubt others and then isolate myself from them. He did this out of his own insecurity but because I was afraid of his reactions and didnt want to hurt his feelings, I responded to his words by moving away from those men.
