The most obvious trait of a Narcissist is that they believe they are above self-examination.
All their problems are because of another person, usually the person who helps them the most, not who abused them.
They live in a fictional world where they have cast other people as characters who suit their ego and agenda. They do not SEE other people for who they really are, and they deny and delete anything about other people that messes up the fictional character they wrote for them.
The Narcissist is very unhappy unless he or she is the Rock Star or Movie Star in their family or group, and other people have to be "just audience members". They have to be THE star in the family or group, they can't share the stage, or the mic stand, or the voter polls, or the pulpit, or even the "Nice Person Award".
They don't help promote their other family or group members because they don't want them to get noticed or supported or recognized by the world outside. They might drop a little pat on the back or the head now and then, but that's just to keep the facade going of their own "good guy" character. They will however promote and boast about family members IF they believe they will get credit for that person's accomplishments, or if they will get something directly out of it (like money or fame by proxy). (Altruistic support is a foreign concept, and they often believe that "altruism" does not exist, OR that they are the only ones capable of it.)
They CAN'T STAND helping others, listening to others, being there for others. Their usual reaction to someone's sadness, pain, or anger is "Oh stop with the Poor Me" or "Get away from me" "Stop bothering me" "You're a loser" "All you have to do is..." "You need to get a thicker skin" "You are weak" "You deserved it".
Their exception to this is when they will receive "hero credit" for giving counsel or help, or if the person has something they want and that's the only way they'll get it, or if they are infatuated with the person and want their approval.
On the flip side of that, when a Narcissist feel sadness, pain, or anger, they feel entitled to all the sympathy in the world, regardless of how they have treated the person listening to them. No help is enough, once someone gives help to a Narcissist, they become a target of supply, and they will always "fall short" of the Narcissist's needs, no matter how much they give them. Just because a person gave help or sympathy to a Narcissist does not mean they will get any back, and in fact they will probably be treated worse than before.
They truly believe the world is a big hierarchy, and they are one of the "Top Echelon" of the humans.
They delete people as if they don't even exist.
They have no remorse or guilt for anything they do to others, and feel completely justified and entitled for anything and everything they do. Anything, and everything.
They honestly believe there are people who are "below" them, right in their own families.
If they're not judging a target for being "too lazy", they're judging that same target for being "too driven". They'll say they're "too soft", and then call the "too bitchy" in the next breath. The target is "too smart for his own good", and then "not too bright" in the next sentence. Narcissists do not use actual facts or reality when "assessing" other people.
Being considerate and caring for others is a HUGE BURDEN for them, and they become agitated, frustrated, annoyed, even enraged if someone they consider "below" them needs anything, expresses any emotion, or needs assistance or medical help.
No protest against anything they have done will go unpunished, whether that thing was huge or very small.
They do a thing called "baiting", where they will ask their target a fake question in order to get them to engage in an argument. "Are you okay" really means "I'm going to tell you that you're being a whiny baby as soon as you answer me." "What did I do wrong?" really means "I didn't do anything wrong to you! I am innocent and you are a bad, whiny bitch!" They have already made up their minds, the questions aren't real. They aren't seeking information.
They don't like whoever helps them, because that means they needed help. And if that person is supposed to be "below" them in their fantasy world, it destroys their fictional character script of that person being utterly useless, stupid, self-centered, and incapable. (Those "BELOW" them certainly wouldn't have anything the Narcissist would need).
They try constantly to convince their targets that they are, in fact, incapable, stupid, and useless. Some will actually say these things, and some will simply keep treating their target as if it was true. And they try very hard to convince anyone they can that their target is incapable, stupid, and useless as well, and a "bad person" to boot.
Targets often have to spend so much time, energy and resources dealing with the behavior, backlash, and consequences on their lives and emotional health that they can end up losing large parts of their regular lives that people normally take for granted.
All their problems are because of another person, usually the person who helps them the most, not who abused them.
They live in a fictional world where they have cast other people as characters who suit their ego and agenda. They do not SEE other people for who they really are, and they deny and delete anything about other people that messes up the fictional character they wrote for them.
The Narcissist is very unhappy unless he or she is the Rock Star or Movie Star in their family or group, and other people have to be "just audience members". They have to be THE star in the family or group, they can't share the stage, or the mic stand, or the voter polls, or the pulpit, or even the "Nice Person Award".
They don't help promote their other family or group members because they don't want them to get noticed or supported or recognized by the world outside. They might drop a little pat on the back or the head now and then, but that's just to keep the facade going of their own "good guy" character. They will however promote and boast about family members IF they believe they will get credit for that person's accomplishments, or if they will get something directly out of it (like money or fame by proxy). (Altruistic support is a foreign concept, and they often believe that "altruism" does not exist, OR that they are the only ones capable of it.)
They CAN'T STAND helping others, listening to others, being there for others. Their usual reaction to someone's sadness, pain, or anger is "Oh stop with the Poor Me" or "Get away from me" "Stop bothering me" "You're a loser" "All you have to do is..." "You need to get a thicker skin" "You are weak" "You deserved it".
Their exception to this is when they will receive "hero credit" for giving counsel or help, or if the person has something they want and that's the only way they'll get it, or if they are infatuated with the person and want their approval.
On the flip side of that, when a Narcissist feel sadness, pain, or anger, they feel entitled to all the sympathy in the world, regardless of how they have treated the person listening to them. No help is enough, once someone gives help to a Narcissist, they become a target of supply, and they will always "fall short" of the Narcissist's needs, no matter how much they give them. Just because a person gave help or sympathy to a Narcissist does not mean they will get any back, and in fact they will probably be treated worse than before.
They truly believe the world is a big hierarchy, and they are one of the "Top Echelon" of the humans.
They delete people as if they don't even exist.
They have no remorse or guilt for anything they do to others, and feel completely justified and entitled for anything and everything they do. Anything, and everything.
They honestly believe there are people who are "below" them, right in their own families.
If they're not judging a target for being "too lazy", they're judging that same target for being "too driven". They'll say they're "too soft", and then call the "too bitchy" in the next breath. The target is "too smart for his own good", and then "not too bright" in the next sentence. Narcissists do not use actual facts or reality when "assessing" other people.
Being considerate and caring for others is a HUGE BURDEN for them, and they become agitated, frustrated, annoyed, even enraged if someone they consider "below" them needs anything, expresses any emotion, or needs assistance or medical help.
No protest against anything they have done will go unpunished, whether that thing was huge or very small.
They do a thing called "baiting", where they will ask their target a fake question in order to get them to engage in an argument. "Are you okay" really means "I'm going to tell you that you're being a whiny baby as soon as you answer me." "What did I do wrong?" really means "I didn't do anything wrong to you! I am innocent and you are a bad, whiny bitch!" They have already made up their minds, the questions aren't real. They aren't seeking information.
They don't like whoever helps them, because that means they needed help. And if that person is supposed to be "below" them in their fantasy world, it destroys their fictional character script of that person being utterly useless, stupid, self-centered, and incapable. (Those "BELOW" them certainly wouldn't have anything the Narcissist would need).
They try constantly to convince their targets that they are, in fact, incapable, stupid, and useless. Some will actually say these things, and some will simply keep treating their target as if it was true. And they try very hard to convince anyone they can that their target is incapable, stupid, and useless as well, and a "bad person" to boot.
Targets often have to spend so much time, energy and resources dealing with the behavior, backlash, and consequences on their lives and emotional health that they can end up losing large parts of their regular lives that people normally take for granted.
