The person who has issues of abandonment, attachment, and sometimes paranoia may READ INTO the actions and interactions of those around them, but not be able to observe themselves, or remember past events or actions of others.
So for example, if Mary, who has abandonment and paranoia issues, sees her husband happily talking to a new neighbor who happens to be female, Mary may become incensed with jealousy. Mary then believes her jealous feelings represent actual reality. She does not cross-reference her husband's actual behavior patterns, or his history of being a great friend and loving partner. She simply DELETES and IGNORES the history of their relationship, and of her husband's behavior, because she is feeling this intense jealousy.
Mary also immediately dislikes this new woman, because she feels jealous of her. Mary does not take even a moment to find out what this woman is like, who she is, or what her basic situation is. This woman could be homosexual for all Mary knows, but she has already decided she doesn't like her and that she's a "threat", based SOLELY on her emotional reaction of jealousy.
Mary doesn't even know if her husband actually finds this woman attractive, he might just find her interesting in the same way he would if she were a little old man. He might just be behaving politely, he might not even like her. But Mary does not try to FIND OUT, she just assumes all kinds of things, and then completely INVESTS herself in these assumptions.
So now, because of Mary's own emotional issues and refusal to find out real information from either her husband or the new woman, she creates a dramatic and tense situation. Instead of welcoming a new neighbor and possibly making a friend, or at least a friendly acquaintance, she blows up the issue to huge proportions, and injects her own negativity, causing everyone to feel uncomfortable and oppressed. She makes noises and gives body language signals that she is unhappy and annoyed. She refuses to make eye contact with the woman, shakes her hand briefly and briskly in a snotty manner, and then speaks directly and loudly to her husband, on purpose, making a show of ignoring the woman's presence. Mary's behavior is like a jealous child, and she is making herself look like an unstable person, and revealing that she is a bully.
On the OTHER SIDE of this coin: Mary, this time who does NOT have paranoia issues, sees her husband talking to the new neighbor, who happens to be a female. Mary happily walks over, eager to meet this new person in their neighborhood. She notices that her husband seems to find this woman interesting, so she is even more interested in finding out about the woman, maybe they will become friends.
HOWEVER, when Mary reaches out to shake the woman's hand, the woman takes it briefly and drops it, barely glancing at her. The woman keeps talking animatedly to Mary's husband, who seems oblivious to the rude behavior toward Mary. It is then that Mary starts observing, and realizes that the woman might be considered physically attractive to some people, and her husband might be attracted to her. She tries to introduce herself again, politely, giving the woman another chance, but is obviously rebuffed. The woman avoids eye contact with Mary altogether, and keeps on talking to her husband as if there is no one else standing there. Mary's husband does nothing to change or stop it. The new neighbor has revealed herself to be a bully, and Mary finds herself worried that her husband doesn't even seem to notice or care, which is yet another red flag.
In this scenario, the person who is creating DRAMA and problems is the new neighbor woman, and Mary's husband is co-creating the DRAMA right along with her.
The person or people who behave rudely, inconsiderately, and arrogantly are the ones who create DRAMA. Those who feel upset by this behavior, and who want to TALK ABOUT whatever happened, are NOT the drama creators. They are the ones who are interested in PEACE and LESS drama.
Be careful who gets called a "Drama Queen", it's usually the other way around. Name-calling is very popular with Drama Creators.
So for example, if Mary, who has abandonment and paranoia issues, sees her husband happily talking to a new neighbor who happens to be female, Mary may become incensed with jealousy. Mary then believes her jealous feelings represent actual reality. She does not cross-reference her husband's actual behavior patterns, or his history of being a great friend and loving partner. She simply DELETES and IGNORES the history of their relationship, and of her husband's behavior, because she is feeling this intense jealousy.
Mary also immediately dislikes this new woman, because she feels jealous of her. Mary does not take even a moment to find out what this woman is like, who she is, or what her basic situation is. This woman could be homosexual for all Mary knows, but she has already decided she doesn't like her and that she's a "threat", based SOLELY on her emotional reaction of jealousy.
Mary doesn't even know if her husband actually finds this woman attractive, he might just find her interesting in the same way he would if she were a little old man. He might just be behaving politely, he might not even like her. But Mary does not try to FIND OUT, she just assumes all kinds of things, and then completely INVESTS herself in these assumptions.
So now, because of Mary's own emotional issues and refusal to find out real information from either her husband or the new woman, she creates a dramatic and tense situation. Instead of welcoming a new neighbor and possibly making a friend, or at least a friendly acquaintance, she blows up the issue to huge proportions, and injects her own negativity, causing everyone to feel uncomfortable and oppressed. She makes noises and gives body language signals that she is unhappy and annoyed. She refuses to make eye contact with the woman, shakes her hand briefly and briskly in a snotty manner, and then speaks directly and loudly to her husband, on purpose, making a show of ignoring the woman's presence. Mary's behavior is like a jealous child, and she is making herself look like an unstable person, and revealing that she is a bully.
On the OTHER SIDE of this coin: Mary, this time who does NOT have paranoia issues, sees her husband talking to the new neighbor, who happens to be a female. Mary happily walks over, eager to meet this new person in their neighborhood. She notices that her husband seems to find this woman interesting, so she is even more interested in finding out about the woman, maybe they will become friends.
HOWEVER, when Mary reaches out to shake the woman's hand, the woman takes it briefly and drops it, barely glancing at her. The woman keeps talking animatedly to Mary's husband, who seems oblivious to the rude behavior toward Mary. It is then that Mary starts observing, and realizes that the woman might be considered physically attractive to some people, and her husband might be attracted to her. She tries to introduce herself again, politely, giving the woman another chance, but is obviously rebuffed. The woman avoids eye contact with Mary altogether, and keeps on talking to her husband as if there is no one else standing there. Mary's husband does nothing to change or stop it. The new neighbor has revealed herself to be a bully, and Mary finds herself worried that her husband doesn't even seem to notice or care, which is yet another red flag.
In this scenario, the person who is creating DRAMA and problems is the new neighbor woman, and Mary's husband is co-creating the DRAMA right along with her.
The person or people who behave rudely, inconsiderately, and arrogantly are the ones who create DRAMA. Those who feel upset by this behavior, and who want to TALK ABOUT whatever happened, are NOT the drama creators. They are the ones who are interested in PEACE and LESS drama.
Be careful who gets called a "Drama Queen", it's usually the other way around. Name-calling is very popular with Drama Creators.
