One
of the results of having injured or weakened boundaries, especially if
one is not aware of it or self-aware, can be perceiving anyone who
doesn't give them what they want as a bully or a control freak.
So if a bank teller or a sales person, for example, doesn't treat the person with extreme pandering, sweetness, or over the top "respect", the person can feel DISRESPECTED. The teller or sales... person could have been COMPLETELY courteous and professional toward them, but "failed" to flirt with them or display "extra" interest in them, or even "failed" to jump to demands and rude complaints. To them, this feels similar to when someone else who has healthier boundaries is treated with ACTUAL rude behavior.
Some people with weak boundaries expect to be treated with "kid gloves", like royalty, or like a movie star, or like a GQ model, or like the CEO of a Powerful Corporation (the way they IMAGINE those people are treated). They expect others to hang on their every word, to cater to their moods and whims. They don't think they "should HAVE TO" maintain respect for others themselves, or try to understand where another person is coming from, or CONTRIBUTE to resolving a problem. They "shouldn't HAVE TO" do anything, everything is someone else's responsibility to fix. If they can find a way to blame someone else for any problem, then whoever's "fault" it is (in their mind) "deserves" to be completely alone in fixing it.
Real life example: Casino workers, especially dealers, literally run into this every single day. The dealer's job is to "deal" the game properly and "run" it, which just means communicating with customers, communicating with the supervisor, and making sure everything is done properly to procedure. That's it, dealers have literally nothing to do with whether players win or lose, and in fact make more money only when players WIN (because winning players TIP), so if a dealer is biased in any direction, it's for the players, not the "house". But every day, players lose, and blame the dealer. They will criticize anything and everything about the dealer, from the way they look to the way they talk, the way they place the cards, spin the wheel, move the dice, the way they pick up chips, how fast or slow they are, how much they talk or don't talk, what they talk about, and will even try to scam them with payouts. A HUGE number of players blame the DEALER for their losses. They actually accuse the dealer of rigging the cards, rigging the Roulette wheel, spinning too fast or too slow, shuffling "wrong", even being an "unlucky person". ANYTHING to blame the DEALER for their losses, and NOT THEMSELVES. "How can you sleep at night 'taking' my money?..." (Oh I'm sorry, Sir or Miss, I forgot you are the Special Player who wins every hand no matter what, because you deserve it for being so Special... unlike every other person who has ever played, and you are not responsible for your own money, also unlike every other person.)
Not all players do this, lots of players have normal and decent manners, who enjoy gaming like they enjoy movies, sports, concerts and good dinners, and are completely responsible for their own money and their own behavior. But there are plenty of the other kind, enough to make the dealer's job pretty stressful on a daily basis. After a while they come to expect it, and learn ways to deal with it, but as anyone who has been in a narc. relationship knows, it still has an effect no matter how much you learn about dealing with it.
So if a bank teller or a sales person, for example, doesn't treat the person with extreme pandering, sweetness, or over the top "respect", the person can feel DISRESPECTED. The teller or sales... person could have been COMPLETELY courteous and professional toward them, but "failed" to flirt with them or display "extra" interest in them, or even "failed" to jump to demands and rude complaints. To them, this feels similar to when someone else who has healthier boundaries is treated with ACTUAL rude behavior.
Some people with weak boundaries expect to be treated with "kid gloves", like royalty, or like a movie star, or like a GQ model, or like the CEO of a Powerful Corporation (the way they IMAGINE those people are treated). They expect others to hang on their every word, to cater to their moods and whims. They don't think they "should HAVE TO" maintain respect for others themselves, or try to understand where another person is coming from, or CONTRIBUTE to resolving a problem. They "shouldn't HAVE TO" do anything, everything is someone else's responsibility to fix. If they can find a way to blame someone else for any problem, then whoever's "fault" it is (in their mind) "deserves" to be completely alone in fixing it.
Real life example: Casino workers, especially dealers, literally run into this every single day. The dealer's job is to "deal" the game properly and "run" it, which just means communicating with customers, communicating with the supervisor, and making sure everything is done properly to procedure. That's it, dealers have literally nothing to do with whether players win or lose, and in fact make more money only when players WIN (because winning players TIP), so if a dealer is biased in any direction, it's for the players, not the "house". But every day, players lose, and blame the dealer. They will criticize anything and everything about the dealer, from the way they look to the way they talk, the way they place the cards, spin the wheel, move the dice, the way they pick up chips, how fast or slow they are, how much they talk or don't talk, what they talk about, and will even try to scam them with payouts. A HUGE number of players blame the DEALER for their losses. They actually accuse the dealer of rigging the cards, rigging the Roulette wheel, spinning too fast or too slow, shuffling "wrong", even being an "unlucky person". ANYTHING to blame the DEALER for their losses, and NOT THEMSELVES. "How can you sleep at night 'taking' my money?..." (Oh I'm sorry, Sir or Miss, I forgot you are the Special Player who wins every hand no matter what, because you deserve it for being so Special... unlike every other person who has ever played, and you are not responsible for your own money, also unlike every other person.)
Not all players do this, lots of players have normal and decent manners, who enjoy gaming like they enjoy movies, sports, concerts and good dinners, and are completely responsible for their own money and their own behavior. But there are plenty of the other kind, enough to make the dealer's job pretty stressful on a daily basis. After a while they come to expect it, and learn ways to deal with it, but as anyone who has been in a narc. relationship knows, it still has an effect no matter how much you learn about dealing with it.
