Misery Loves Company

Something a lot of people don't like to talk about~ being Misery-Minded.

Many have the concept backwards; they will call a person who self-reflects and self-examines, who looks analytically at human behavior, and past and present situations and interactions, and talks about it out loud, as "dwelling in negativity".

Actually, a person who wants to prevent future problems is the one who is looking, analyzing, and talking about the past and the present. The person who desires improvement is the one who is finding out what patterns there are in themselves and others, clarifying what really went on in the past (what was really done or said, not what the rumors have been), and looking objectively at what's going on in the present, with themselves and those around them.

Those who are actually Misery-Minded don't LIKE to talk about things objectively. They may actually be using their "misery" to feel grounded, and to feel like they belong. Misery is the easiest thing to use to connect with other people, everyone pays attention if a person is complaining about their job, their health, their money, their kids, their spouse, their parents, their other friends, their pets, their car, etc, and when people are paying attention to us, they aren't rejecting us.

Misery is also a way to get attention without coming across as bragging, and most people will suddenly start treating a person who is talking about their "misery" with respect, even if they did not before.

Those who are Misery Minded DO like to complain, but DON'T want any solutions to their problems. They will have an excuse why any suggestion is not going to work before they have tried it. They don't want to talk about the issue, analyze it, figure out how it started or to find a solution, they just want to complain.

Those who are not Misery Minded may talk quite a lot about problems because they are seeking actual solutions. They are interested in analysis, in finding out what's going on, where the origins of a problem started; they want to know who they can trust to be an ally, and they want to find solutions.

Those who are NOT Misery Minded are like a person who takes an engine apart to see why it's sputtering.
Those who ARE Misery Minded will complain terribly about the sputtering, but will shake a finger at anyone who wants to look under the hood and see what's wrong.