Something a lot of people don't like to talk about~ being Misery-Minded.
Many have the concept backwards; they will call a person who
self-reflects and self-examines, who looks analytically at human
behavior, and past and present situations and interactions, and talks
about it out loud, as "dwelling in negativity".
Actually, a
person who wants to prevent future problems is the one who is looking,
analyzing, and talking about the past and the present. The person who
desires improvement is the one who is finding out what patterns there
are in themselves and others, clarifying what really went on in the past
(what was really done or said, not what the rumors have been), and
looking objectively at what's going on in the present, with themselves
and those around them.
Those who are actually Misery-Minded
don't LIKE to talk about things objectively. They may actually be using
their "misery" to feel grounded, and to feel like they belong. Misery is
the easiest thing to use to connect with other people, everyone pays
attention if a person is complaining about their job, their health,
their money, their kids, their spouse, their parents, their other
friends, their pets, their car, etc, and when people are paying
attention to us, they aren't rejecting us.
Misery is also a
way to get attention without coming across as bragging, and most people
will suddenly start treating a person who is talking about their
"misery" with respect, even if they did not before.
Those who
are Misery Minded DO like to complain, but DON'T want any solutions to
their problems. They will have an excuse why any suggestion is not going
to work before they have tried it. They don't want to talk about the
issue, analyze it, figure out how it started or to find a solution, they
just want to complain.
Those who are not Misery Minded may
talk quite a lot about problems because they are seeking actual
solutions. They are interested in analysis, in finding out what's going
on, where the origins of a problem started; they want to know who they
can trust to be an ally, and they want to find solutions.
Those who are NOT Misery Minded are like a person who takes an engine apart to see why it's sputtering.
Those who ARE Misery Minded will complain terribly about the
sputtering, but will shake a finger at anyone who wants to look under
the hood and see what's wrong.
