That feeling that's referred to as "remorse" and the one called "guilt"< they are integral to staying human, you are blessed if you still feel them.
Shame put upon us by others to control us is not the same as remorse and guilt. If I yelled at my son in anger and said something hurtful, I will feel remorseful if my "heart" is intact and healthy. It will help me be aware of my actions and my mistake, and will help compel me to make amends and apologize. If I stood up a friend in order to go do something else, if my "heart" is healthy I'll feel guilty because I did something purposely that hurt and inconvenienced my friend. It will help me to realize that my actions caused my friend pain or sadness, or a scheduling problem, and I will learn from it, and hopefully my friend will forgive me, but I probably won't do it again.
Getting abused and attacked can effectively inhibit or shut down our natural guilt and remorse response because we are in fight or flight too much of the time, or frustrated, or angry at something that has been done to us. We can become numb inside, and only feel the very sharpest and loudest emotions; we might seek conflict, adrenaline rushes, or pain in order to feel something. We might begin to lose our ability to empathize, or even care much about others, their lives, happiness, and well-being. We can become contemptuous, hard, and even arrogant.
It is the blessing of the healed, the healing, and the safe and secure (even if that means being in a warzone but knowing someone has your back) to feel guilt and remorse, and have the freedom to make amends.
Shame put upon us by others to control us is not the same as remorse and guilt. If I yelled at my son in anger and said something hurtful, I will feel remorseful if my "heart" is intact and healthy. It will help me be aware of my actions and my mistake, and will help compel me to make amends and apologize. If I stood up a friend in order to go do something else, if my "heart" is healthy I'll feel guilty because I did something purposely that hurt and inconvenienced my friend. It will help me to realize that my actions caused my friend pain or sadness, or a scheduling problem, and I will learn from it, and hopefully my friend will forgive me, but I probably won't do it again.
Getting abused and attacked can effectively inhibit or shut down our natural guilt and remorse response because we are in fight or flight too much of the time, or frustrated, or angry at something that has been done to us. We can become numb inside, and only feel the very sharpest and loudest emotions; we might seek conflict, adrenaline rushes, or pain in order to feel something. We might begin to lose our ability to empathize, or even care much about others, their lives, happiness, and well-being. We can become contemptuous, hard, and even arrogant.
It is the blessing of the healed, the healing, and the safe and secure (even if that means being in a warzone but knowing someone has your back) to feel guilt and remorse, and have the freedom to make amends.
